Space cowgirl Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Dear LS I recently broke up with a guy I was seeing who's in his early 40's. I'm in my early 30's and we have only been dating since the beginning of this year. It was a very intense beginning to the relationship. He admitted that he was tired of dating and had wanted to find "the one" this year to settle down. The feeling was mutual and we discussed certain topics as de-facto or marriage and kids, both brought up by him. He wanted to plan a trip overseas together later this year and spoke about going to his home town, where his family live as I've never been there and he thought I'd love the area. Admittedly I am a more emotionally open person than he is and he knew I was falling for him. He was opening up and then would shut back down. This occurred quite frequently. He had a habit, so he told me, of pushing girls away that he dated for the last few years. His relationships would last anywhere from one month to three months before he called it off. He confessed that every relationship he has had in his life where he has fallen in love with the girl, the girl ends up leaving him. The further the "wall" he had built around his heart came down the more doubt I started to feel from him to the point where he admitted that he is afraid. His main reason for calling it off was that he felt like it was going too fast, that he wanted to get to know me. I was fine with this, I had no rush to get married etc but I found it a little odd since he was the one who brought up defacto etc, as previously mentioned. I know there is a lot of fear and doubt in his mind due to his past, or so it appears to me. We hadn't spoken for several weeks since just after the breakup (when he mentioned lets catch up for coffee some time) but I crossed paths with him yesterday and he said he hadn't called because he thought I never wanted to speak to him again and that I thought he was a bastard... At which point I told him no I don't think at all. I will be working with him tomorrow and am unsure if there really is a chance of building some form of friendship with him or if I should just leave it. Your thoughts will be greatly appreciated!!
St.Dogmael Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 How did you guys leave things when he "called it off"? It sounds like maybe he really just did want to slow things down. Maybe he was even getting scared like he said, due to his feelings for you (I've been in that situation before with girls that I really liked). If he's open to "getting to know you" as he said, then why not have a casual relationship with him for a while (coffee or something once a week or every other week). It sounds like he was keen on you, so he may step it up if he sees that you're flexible. Just my 2 cents :-)
Author Space cowgirl Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Thanks for ur reply St. D. He was hesitant when he broke it off. His response was he thought we were too different (he's in the creative visual area of productions travels the world where as I am in alternative health). He admitted he'd been feeling a little uneasy the previous week before breaking up and said he was afraid (afraid of being hurt). A few days later I called him to return items that belonged to him, inexpensive & nothing important, but they are his and out of coutesy I wanted to return them. Everything was civil on the phone and he seemed keen to meet up the following day in the arvo for coffee, his suggestion. When the time came the next day to arrange a place and more accurate time (I texted him) He responded back via text that he was sorry but he was not able to make it as he had friends from interstate. I spoke briefly on phone shortly after and said all good, no drama, these things happen. What would you like me to do with ur things, his reply... Just throw them out, but we can still catch up for coffee. That all happened a few weeks ago and there had been no contact. It was only until a few days ago that our paths crossed and that is when he said he thought I never wanted to speak to him again (my history with my ex's is I generally cut all ties - he knows that). I told him that was not the case and he asked why and I replied because u r a nice guy. The last conversation ended quite positively but who's to say when I'm thinking there's so much fear and doubt from the other end that it wouldn't matter what I said or did! I hope that is wrong!
llostboy Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Sounds like there is still hope. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants or is still burning from his last relationship.
Author Space cowgirl Posted May 21, 2011 Author Posted May 21, 2011 Thanks llostboy... Your positive response has given me hope.
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