Timmeh Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 It's amazing what it does.... I've been doing this to my girlfriend and now the roles are reversed. Before she seemed a little aloof in the relationship. I had to always initiate dates, and whenever I texted her she didn't respond to some of my text that I considered important. The amount of text was at least 3:1. Basically I was doing most of the work. 4 days in she seems to be freaking out a little. I'm getting far more text, and she's wondering why we haven't been hanging out. She's also getting a little mad it seems she's getting a little frusterated with me (I was getting frusterated with her too.) at least from what I can tell in the text. I can't help but feel very immature for doing this though..... It's yeilding some results already but is it really good for the relationship?
Dust Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I believe in treating others how you would want to be treated. If I had a girlfriend who I didn’t feel respected me I would talk about specifically what is bothering me. I believe in treating the person you are with as an equal instead of playing mind games. Some times you just have to be willing to ask for the things you need. If you don’t feel you are getting the respect you are giving its better to leave then sink to their level.
Author Timmeh Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 I believe in treating others how you would want to be treated. If I had a girlfriend who I didn’t feel respected me I would talk about specifically what is bothering me. I believe in treating the person you are with as an equal instead of playing mind games. Some times you just have to be willing to ask for the things you need. If you don’t feel you are getting the respect you are giving its better to leave then sink to their level. I'm going to tell her that I feel this way I don't feel good playing mind games. I'm just going to show her that it doesn't feel good to be treated this way.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I think that expression is more about kindness than cruelty.
Dust Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I think that expression is more about kindness than cruelty. Treat others the way they treat you isn’t even a saying. It was just him playing games and getting revenge which never ends well. Treat others the way you’d like to be treated is the way I try to live my life. I respect myself there for I respect others. In being honest and taking action he will resolve the situation one way or another. The OP has now stated he will resolve the situation which will give him peace of mind no matter the outcome.
St.Dogmael Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Great thread. I'm in a similar situation where I feel the girl I'm dating isn't giving as much to the relationship as I am. I'm really tempted to play mind games, but I think Lao Tzu had it right: "He is good to people who are good. He is also good to people who aren't good. This is true goodness. He trusts people who are trustworthy. He also trusts people who aren't trustworthy. This is true trust." As Dust says, behaving consistently according to your own principles gives you peace of mind- whatever the outcome.
Sanman Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I am going to disagree from the crowd slightly. I believe on treating others (strangers) the way I want to be treated. However, I treat those that I know the way they treat me. I find that it brings better things to my life. OP, your gf may be freaking out and I would talk to her, but I would not change your behavior back either. Have a spine and let the gf know that while you are kind, you are not to be taken for granted. While I do not suggest keeping a perfect tally as people are all fallible, I find treating others the way they treat me and being upfront about this (but not mean) allows people to respect you.
Author Timmeh Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 I am going to disagree from the crowd slightly. I believe on treating others (strangers) the way I want to be treated. However, I treat those that I know the way they treat me. I find that it brings better things to my life. OP, your gf may be freaking out and I would talk to her, but I would not change your behavior back either. Have a spine and let the gf know that while you are kind, you are not to be taken for granted. While I do not suggest keeping a perfect tally as people are all fallible, I find treating others the way they treat me and being upfront about this (but not mean) allows people to respect you. Exactly what I was thinking. I already got what I wanted out of her because of this method. Although it seems very manipulative... I don't know if constantly playing this game with your SO is a good idea. I just wanted to show her what it was like when the roles were reversed. Today I started texting her like a normally did in the second part of the day and she was far more responsive, and she even invited me out.
Dust Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Exactly what I was thinking. I already got what I wanted out of her because of this method. Although it seems very manipulative... I don't know if constantly playing this game with your SO is a good idea. I just wanted to show her what it was like when the roles were reversed. Today I started texting her like a normally did in the second part of the day and she was far more responsive, and she even invited me out. You enjoy txting and acting like you normally would. The only reason you should stop if its disrespectful. The gauge you should use for that is “treat others as you yourself would want be treated.” This doesn’t mean let people walk all over you, quite the opposite. By treating others how they treat you it means you are easily manipulated. By playing her game you are the one actually being manipulated and drawn into her drama. By playing by your rules and treating others the way you want to be treated you make the rules. Take back the power and be yourself. Realize that its fear that holds you back from truly pushing the issue in an upfront way. People respect those who create their own happiness instead of looking for affirmation in others. By playing her games you look for her affirmation and lose respect. It’s an illusion if you think its working, its clear you see past that illusion though.
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