lawlz_xD Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 (edited) Background info: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t277574/ Just wanted to give an update! It's been a week since we broke up and I'm doing MUCH better! Everyday, it gets a little easier. NC is pretty difficult since we have 2 classes together (3 hours a day) but I am graduating TOMORROW so it should be much easier after that as my Summer vacation starts! However...I did something that I regret. After a week of NC, I was at the gym (she goes to the same gym). I saw her in the corner of my eye and held onto my reigns and just ignored her. However, I could tell that she was looking at me (I noticed this at school as well when she was with her friends, she'd keep looking at me!). There was an awkward moment where I was walking towards the water fountain for a drink and she just happened to be walking towards it as well but I pretended that I did not even see her and did not make eye contact. After getting a drink, I went back to where I was and sat down to continue my break in-between sets and guess who comes walking up to me? She does. She comes up about 3 ft away from me and it was an awkward 5 seconds of silence before I finally said "Hi". She said Hi back and the conversation was very one-sided, with me asking all the questions and her simply just returning the question. She began to tell me about her day and how it was crappy because her phone got stolen, than we got on the subject of her Grandpa starting to forget things, than to her Uncle who has terminal cancer. I than asked her about what was going to happen after this week (after I graduate from school and begin summer, than go to college), "are we never going to talk again?". All she said was, "it seems like it..." than started tearing up and said that she's been emotional, probably because she's on her period. I told her that she's always going to be my best friend at heart and I still love her and gave her a hug. She returned the hug while in tears and I told her that I think about her everyday. She responded, "I think about you at random moments, when I need someone there for me." I told her, "That someone will always be there for you, right here". I put my hand on my heart. When I asked her how she was (regarding all this), she just said she's alright and I said (with a bit of pain), I'm glad you've moved on, and she said, "I haven't moved on yet." Her mom than came and they left together. Why do I feel like this is a mistake? I feel like I lost my dignity...I made myself look weak, desperate,frail. Although I do miss her and a little part of me wants her back, I do not want to make it seem like I am in massive pain and look weak in front of her. I did not cry during the conversation, I just looked into her eyes and smiled the entire time! However, I regret even talking to her in the first place. What does this mean, her breaking NC after a week, in this fashion? I asked her why she decided to come and talk to me and she said she just didn't want it to be awkward. Her tone during the conversation was very...grim. She said she was "alright" and "fine" but her face did not appear that way. She smiled but her eyes did not. I know her and she was not FINE. I invited her to my graduation party in a couple weeks because she does care about me still (she said this during the conversation) and she has never met my family (which she has always wanted to do) and said no with the reason that she doesn't think it would be a good idea (she thinks my parents hate her because of everything she's put me through. Edited May 18, 2011 by lawlz_xD
hunk Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I don't want to come off like a dick, but you basically threw all your previous work down the drain with this conversation. She saw that you were seemingly unaffected by her, got curious, couldn't let this happen so decided to approach you to see if you were genuinely over her, and you let all that down. She now knows you're still interested/caring and she'll be able to move on easier with this comfort. You need to establish that you don't need her and stick with this. You shouldn't have given her the time of day, maybe a brief "hey how you going?" and that's it. You were the one asking all the questions, she would've seen right through your whole ignoring her facade. She's feeling good about things now that you basically revealed your feelings towards her. Again, i'm not trying to be an ass i'm just making observations. You know what to do from now on. Stay strong and you need to genuinely forget about her. She isn't anything special anymore, she's another girl and another pleasant memory. Pleasant, but a memory nonetheless. She needs to be treated as such and nothing more.
Author lawlz_xD Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 No offense taken Hunk, I come here on the boards to get 110% honest feedback and that's what you gave and I appreciate it. Again, I do regret this and I know I was in the wrong for the hug and all the dialogue I should NOT have given. And I am not trying to defend my actions but she was crying and I suppose the nice guy inside of me just couldn't stand seeing his best friend at heart stand there and cry. Again, I do regret this...
hunk Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 That's good that you expect complete honesty man. Refreshing to see someone who actually heeds and understands critical feedback/advice. I understand how hard it would've been to see her crying, and it's almost impossible to come off indifferent in this situation. But the way to think about it is, her issues are no longer yours. You have no connection to her anymore whatsoever. She made the decision to let you go, you owe her nothing. You don't owe her any emotional connection. Any ties between you guys have been severed, as in you're no longer her friend, someone to confide in etc, you are you. You're her ex, and you will only stand to be her romantic interest and nothing else. When she's upset, you should be at the point where you can be laughing. You're not her girlfriend, you won't be there for her in her weak times and talk through her problems, you will only be her boyfriend or nothing. Keep this mindset. Your lives are completely separate and you need to be independent of her and anything to do with her. Hell, you shouldn't give two ****s even if she was bawling at your feet unless it involved her apologizing and asking for you back.
hunk Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 All that said, she DID say "i haven't moved on yet", and while that might've just been some spur of the moment/whimsical sentiment, now is the time more than ever to re evaluate how you see her. Take control. Be that man she gets nervous around and for god's sake avoid becoming anything close to resembling a friend.
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