Alfie Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'm faily new to LS, but noticed that many of the threads started are regarding couple and the seemingly very common cycle of love and marriage......dating, becoming inseperabe, falling in love, getting married, having children, experiencing some stressful financial/marital circumstances, falling out of love and divorcing. Not only do I see this as a backwards way of love and life, but it is aslo begining to really scare/worry me about my own reality. Does every couple experience a fluctuation of feelings like this, where it starts off with a crush, than an infatuation, than you have real feelings for them then you fall in love...than maybe you lose interest and then fall out of love. I know I lose those butterflies for a guy as soon as we get comfortable, but it doesn't mean I leave, if the guy is great and treats me well, we have common interest/goals than i keep the relationship rolling, bc often times I see that love is really not enough. And how about the old school notion of love after marriage. Am I going about this completely wrong. I've never been married, have had 2 serious relationships, never lived with a man before, so maybe I'm not grasping the real issues that come with marriage. Do you love your spouse more now, after being married for a few years and having children? Do you feel like you can fall in love even more after marriage? Or is it harder to maintain those feelings after? I'm not insecure about my relationship in that way, but reading all the "my wife no longer loves me" and "how do I fall in love with her again"s are begining to make me think "well, it could happen to any couple, really." Is it the society that we live in that makes it too easy to find new love after a love lost. Is it too easy to move on nowadays? What happened to "its always better in two's". Are too quick to forget the true meaning of love and life, and family, and prosperity? "
crazycatlady Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I'm faily new to LS, but noticed that many of the threads started are regarding couple and the seemingly very common cycle of love and marriage......dating, becoming inseperabe, falling in love, getting married, having children, experiencing some stressful financial/marital circumstances, falling out of love and divorcing. Not only do I see this as a backwards way of love and life, but it is aslo begining to really scare/worry me about my own reality. Does every couple experience a fluctuation of feelings like this, where it starts off with a crush, than an infatuation, than you have real feelings for them then you fall in love...than maybe you lose interest and then fall out of love. I know I lose those butterflies for a guy as soon as we get comfortable, but it doesn't mean I leave, if the guy is great and treats me well, we have common interest/goals than i keep the relationship rolling, bc often times I see that love is really not enough. And how about the old school notion of love after marriage. Am I going about this completely wrong. I've never been married, have had 2 serious relationships, never lived with a man before, so maybe I'm not grasping the real issues that come with marriage. Do you love your spouse more now, after being married for a few years and having children? Do you feel like you can fall in love even more after marriage? Or is it harder to maintain those feelings after? I'm not insecure about my relationship in that way, but reading all the "my wife no longer loves me" and "how do I fall in love with her again"s are begining to make me think "well, it could happen to any couple, really." Is it the society that we live in that makes it too easy to find new love after a love lost. Is it too easy to move on nowadays? What happened to "its always better in two's". Are too quick to forget the true meaning of love and life, and family, and prosperity? " All marriages I feel are tested in fire. Some people fold, some do not. That testing in fire could happen many times. I have never not loved my husband. The passionfilled tear off the clothing can come and go....having frequent sex and keeping that sex interesting does help there though. 13 years married (closing in on 14) 2 kids, multiple moves (which are stressful) 1 affair (his) 1 issue of complete lack of proper communication/resentment/ other issues No, it has not been easy. the last issue was harder then any of the other issues. Yes omg yes it has been worth it. Even with the pain, the arguments, the tearing the hair out frustration. Because the passion and the pleasure and dang it that man just flat out makes me laugh and feel good. Not just about myself. But about the kids. And the mess, and the struggles. We laugh. We laughed during our wedding vows (not a giggle, I mean flat out laughed our whole way through). We laugh about the affair (now lol). We laugh about our earlier arguement that truly almost broke up. We take each others hand and face the future. I loved him when we got married. But man it was such an immature love. I had no idea what we would face. I had no idea how badly he would need me at times and at times that I would need him back. I never ever imagined the passion we could share and that it gets better as we grow together even more. We aren't the same people who started this journey together. And a time or two, one of us got a head of the other, or wandered briefly down another path. But we are here. And we are now having the time of our lives. I don't know if this answers your question. I think the love you marry with changes....and if you can grow and change with it, the marriage can be amazing. But if you stop trying, or you take the easy way out or do both....nope, won't last.
xxoo Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I'm faily new to LS, but noticed that many of the threads started are regarding couple and the seemingly very common cycle of love and marriage......dating, becoming inseperabe, falling in love, getting married, having children, experiencing some stressful financial/marital circumstances, falling out of love and divorcing. The turning point seems to be stressful challenges, and how the couple handles them together. Some couples handle them well--communicating, working together, and feeling like they have a teammate helping them get through it. Personally, I feel more in love as the years go by, and we face more struggles together. Some couples handle these challenges very poorly, often because the individuals (one or both) have poor coping skills. Enter overdrinking, overspending, controlling, cold shoulder, shutting out, cheating, etc. So now, in addition to the original stress (new baby, job loss, etc), you now have to deal with your PARTNER's issues. And, very often, both partners are contributing in some destructive way. This is an oversimplification, of course, but it is a pattern I've seen again and again. It is no surprise that the feelings of love fade. I loved him when we got married. But man it was such an immature love. So true! I thought I loved H when I married him. I DID love him then. But that is nothing compared to how I love him now.
Author Alfie Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Both of your replies put a smile on my face, made me a bit emotional (o I hate being a girl lol) and gave me hope; gave me hope that love will get tested but love can conquer and that things WILL get tough, but they WILL also get better if you hang on tight and never lose faith and trust in each other.
Recommended Posts