confused2134 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of backlash for saying this but I know LS is very therapeautic for some people. It was for me at first. But don't come here looking for answers. The only good advice that ever came out of this site was to go NC. Just saying, in life not everything is as black and white as people make it seem. So when you get people telling you oh they're using you oh this, they don't know your situation only you do and you have to trust your best judgement. If I took every bit of advice I got from LS it would have made me realize that love just fades after a day, that the dumper contacting the ex in anyway is feeding their ego (when in fact you were such a big part of their life they may have a hard time letting go even though they dumped you), and that dumpers are the worst people in the world. LS is great for some things, but what I originally came here for and I'm sure what the majority of you guys came here for it is not good for and will just make you even more bitter towards a person that was once a huge part of your life.
gaius Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of backlash for saying this but I know LS is very therapeautic for some people. It was for me at first. But don't come here looking for answers. The only good advice that ever came out of this site was to go NC. Just saying, in life not everything is as black and white as people make it seem. So when you get people telling you oh they're using you oh this, they don't know your situation only you do and you have to trust your best judgement. If I took every bit of advice I got from LS it would have made me realize that love just fades after a day, that the dumper contacting the ex in anyway is feeding their ego (when in fact you were such a big part of their life they may have a hard time letting go even though they dumped you), and that dumpers are the worst people in the world. LS is great for some things, but what I originally came here for and I'm sure what the majority of you guys came here for it is not good for and will just make you even more bitter towards a person that was once a huge part of your life. Everyone has their own agenda when it comes to giving advice, loveshack isn't much different from real life. If you took advice from every single one of your relatives or people you know it would leave you just as screwed as if you took advice from everyone here. Up to you to sort the people who would take pleasure in dragging you down into their reality from the ones who are just trying to share some life experience and help.
VJohnson32 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Well, duh! Who are you again? The desperate high school youngster with the prom night?
EgoJoe Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You do have a point. I will say that in the advice I get from family and friends there is mixed information. If you really truly love someone their happiness is above yours. However your own ego is the one lamblasting you as a result of your feelings. I just posted myself because I kind of want to be lectured about lashing out with all of the stuff I held in that makes me look like a wuss that I know I'm not. Compassion and understanding are difficult concepts to not only comprehend but practice. Everytime I bawled my eyes out my older brother would say, "Haven't you shed enough tears over this bitch?" to which I'd reply, "She's not a bitch." Right now I can honestly say she was acting like one. This is the double-edged sword of emotional attachment.
Author confused2134 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Well, duh! Who are you again? The desperate high school youngster with the prom night? That wasn't me. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago because of distance. That was it. Although everybody on here tried ot make me think she doesn't care about me and all that and that she's moved on and probably has somebody else, that wasn't the fact. I almost started to despise her untill I came to this realization. It's just you get so bombarded with people thinking they're experts ont his topic with the same advice and responses that it almost makes you believe it. The world isn't black and white, women and men aren't all the same, just sometimes breaks ups need to happen and while it hurts what's meant to be will happen but why start despising the person that dumped you if they're doing what makes them happy. (unless they did something messed up.)
loverboy1984 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 so what happened? how did it play out in your case?
PelicanPete Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 If you don't mind me asking, what questions of yours weren't answered? I agree with you to an extent. Not all situations are as black and white as some people portray. NC isn't always the answer, not all dumpers are contacting you to spite you, and a lot of times the dumpers aren't satan, they are just as hurt as the dumpee in some way. Following advice isn't so black and white either. It is a mixture of a persons personal experience and opinion meant to help you. Use what people say as a guide to your problem, not a set of instructions. People on LS aren't giving you orders, they are giving you suggestions. In the end it is entirely up to you and what you feel is best for your problem. Everyone preaches NC because it works for most people, and in a lot of the stories on here, the dumpers are in fact jerks. Bitterness towards a person is entirely a choice. I know a lot of people including myself believe you should forgive your ex and move on. You are CHOOSING to hold onto bitterness towards that person, but what good is it if the person you're bitter towards isn't feeling it like you are? Some stories could influence other people to be bitter towards their ex, but there's a large difference between an influence and a command. The people giving advice are just trying to help those in need the best way they can through their own experience. My experience is different from your experience, we both live two different lives and are following two different paths. My ex is a different person than your ex, therefore if I were to give you advice you should use it as a reference, and not a rule.
Author confused2134 Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 In my situation it was clear my ex still cared about me. She contacted me 3 different times during the no contact and asked me stuff like have you wanted to text me cause I have absolutely wanted to. if I came here asking about that they'd say that I was feeding her ego and she was using me on the backburner. However, from a very good friend of hers I heard she said that while we were great together the distance was too hard and it was a case of bad timing. How she still loves and cares about me and how she doesn't want to be friends but can't do the relationship so she doesn't know what to do. I'm starting to understand her, and I'm not just saying this like most people. I actually agree with the break up. I was her first boyfriend and I don't want to hold her back while we're away at school. If it's meant to be it'll be. But I don't think she's a bad person and do not think she would keep me on the backburner in case things by her don't pan out.
Fedor Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I would be bitter if my gf broke up with me.. For a time anyway
Lilmisus Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 That's kind of a no brainer, honestly. I come to LS to vent about things, and to give advice when I think I can maybe help out or if I feel like I have something beneficial to say. But you have to remember, many people on here are just heartbroken or lovestruck fools who have a little too much time on their hands. If you want great advice, see a counselor or someone who knows your predicament inside and out. Don't ever take what 1 or 10 people say as a rule to follow by. There are some people who give the same advice to just about every single person...they just change it up a little bit each time. If you hang around for a little while, you'll notice exactly those who I'm talking about. They are the ones who I thank for taking two seconds for looking over my thread, but who's advice I don't take to heart unless they have a clear reason for giving me the advice they have given me. When you give lots of back story to your stories though, there is more of a chance that people can give you a good, solid, helpful, piece of advice that can really help you out. If though all you post is "Boyfriend hasn't called in a week, should I move on?" or something along those lines, of course you're going to get the same piece of advice from everyone, when in fact..there may be a lot more to the story that you have let out and that could change the entire situation. That's why if you look at my posts, I give lots of detail. Not only is it more of a way to vent and to let it all out, it's also a way to ensure to get better responses from the few who may respond. All in all, don't expect a lot from here, especially if you don't give a lot of information in the post people are responding to. Just come here with an open enough mind to the advice complete strangers are giving to you, but with a good enough head on your shoulders to know that hey...they may not be right, and that in the end, you're the only person who can make a decision about your "situation."
ilovedhim Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Well this is an anonymous public forum. What's good about that is you get different opinions and then make your own judgement. Its a great place for moral support.
Sugarkane Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I found this site very helpful. In my case I had to go NC straight away. I had to have somewhere I could vent and get advice. Family and friends either didn't understand or had enough of listening to me talk about the breakup. In my case my ex really is that spiteful and enjoys hurting me as much as possible, he gets off on it. I needed to talk to otehrs who actually understood what its like to be in love with someone and that person does a 180 and completely screws you over. Its difficult not to be bitter in my case.
Sugarkane Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I needed someone as my ex poisoned everyone against me.
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