So I'm thinking about breaking up with her because she has feelings for another guy

[vegasmistake]

Ok so here goes the whole stupid mess. I married a girl I have known off and on for the last 2 years (Stupid move, I know). We never had dated up until about 3 months ago, the other times I had known her I didn't want to get in a relationship with her because she was a self proclaimed "Bar Whore". I wasn't having any of that. But 3 months ago she seemed like she had grown up some, and she threw out the idea of getting a quickie marriage in Vegas while I was out there. Sounded fun and impulsive so I went with it. Everything went without a hitch, until about an hour after the wedding. I suddenly realized it was all this weird dare and suddenly we were on the back of the bus, ala The Graduate. Things soon went downhill from here.

 

I would consider myself more of a traditionalist on my views toward relationships. I enjoy the idea of monogamy, one woman type of guy. I cherish the thought of family and would love to have children and be a nice wholesome family unit. Nothing would make me more happier. She however still enjoys going out to the bar and getting drunk every weekend. In fact she spends most of her days as a bar regular, which doesn't seem too appealing to me. It's fine every now and again, but I feel like I've outgrown that stage in my life. And this is where most of the problems stem.

 

First issue: About a month back she got really drunk (I live in another state at the moment) and slept with with another guy in his bed. This was a huge problem for me as you might have guessed. But she said that she didn't have sex with him and she didn't understand why I was mad. She feels like she did a good thing by not having sex with him. I was completely floored. Bar whore mentality I guess. Well the guy ends up sending her a bunch of love stories he wrote himself over the next few days hoping to woo her over. This was also very aggravating, but she said she understood what she did wrong and she was cutting off contact with him. But the result was she felt I was being too controlling.

 

Second Issue: She goes to her local bar often and hangs out constantly with people she has ****ed in the past. Guys who still text and hit on her, even though they know she's married now. Guys who are in relationships themselves. Guys who she has had abortions with in the past. Real classy bunch. I get to find this out after the fact, but I gotta take it in stride I guess so I suck it up.

 

Third issue: We have been in and out of the relationship ever since getting married. It's always been me doing the breaking up and then she tells me she's sorry and will change and wants me back. Me being a person who believes that all people are inherently good, I take her back provided she stops drinking and starts treating me and this relationship and mostly herself, with some respect. She stopped drinking for 2 days. I figured this would be a hard road for her and I knew there would be lapses in judgement. But she decided that she would just control the intake of her alcohol and not get smashed anymore. But the drinks would still flow and she eventually broke that promise too.

 

Fourth issue: She met a new group of friends these past few weeks and one of them is a single guy who she talks to everyday. I have no problem with her having friends and going out with them, but admittedly my guard is up now. So she goes out with this guy and gets really drunk, so drunk that she doesn't want to talk to me after she goes home because she is now in one of her Bipolar fussy moods. Well this got me very nervous and I don't know whats happening, so I have to go to bed unsure and angry. I wake up after a series of nightmares and realize I can't take this anymore. So I timidly break it off. I feel pretty broken up about it because I genuinely loved this girl. I opened up my heart to her. So I talk to her a few days later and she is already going on her second date with another fella. Blows my mind.

 

So now here we are. She tells me she loves me but now she has feelings for this other guy (who she still talks to). She is coming out for a week to see me (this was already planned weeks in advance) and I am debating on if I should just enjoy the sex and break up with her at the end of the week. Now I still care about the girl, the love is still there. But I don't trust her anymore, I feel she is a horrible immature selfish human being. And I feel I can't live like this. She has some really great qualities apart from all that I have written and it sucks that I can't stick around for those.

 

I have already just about made up my mind on what to do. But I just wanted some clarity on the situation. I haven't been able to tell anyone about this for fear of the ridicule I would endure from my friends and family. So I leave it up to you, give me your thoughts. And thank you for reading my story.

[CrestfallenNoMore]

Your friends and family will get over it.

 

If you want what you say you want, you'll never get it from or with this woman.

 

Be more thoughtful about your major life decisions in the future and excise yourself from this bad one asap.

[vegasmistake]

Ugh it hurts so much to realize how bad I screwed up, but i appreciate the reply. Thank you.

[Chi townD]

First, this isn't a marriage. This girl is and has been living the single life. You stand a good chance to have the marriage annulled not just a divorce. Oh and if you believe that nothing happened when she slept with that guy, then I have some property to sell you that has a great view of the ocean in the middle of the mojeve desert.

Call a spade a spade......she not into the marriage. I would suggest cutting your losses and move on.

[Dust]

You do realize a drunk mess like this is the exact type of girl to suggest “lets get married” while in Vegas? (If you realized this why did you do it?)

 

Yes, get a divorce or annulment or what ever is best. Don’t have sex with her anymore just break up. She probably already sexually cheated on you guaranteed almost. You might end up getting her pregnant and she might decide to have it this time. (as opposed to the abortions you say she got with other men)

 

It doesn’t say much about you that you would be with some one you feel so negatively about. Can you say lowered expectations?