phineas Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Totally depends on the guy. Some guys have good self control, many do not. But in my experience, If I was put in the situation where I wound up at the womans house & practiced self control when she wanted me to make a move i'd be friendzoned. I tend avoid those situations until the 3rd date.
Fondue Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 If you invite a guy over, most likely he's thinking: "maybe she wants to do it." Hell, he might even try to see where he can get with that. But as soon as you reject him the sex, he might feel like you've deceived him completely. You're sending mixed signals when you invite someone over. He will LIKELY believe that you're rejecting him and he no longer has a chance with you. OR, even if you DO still like him but just don't want to do it, he might still think he made a fool out of himself and will not pursue you any longer just because it would seem like he already failed. I wouldn't invite someone over after a date that seemed to go well to your place just to continue the date. All this does is imply you want to have sex. That's just the way I read it-- which would probably be most guys, too. You're playing with fire when you invite someone over like that. Now here's a question: I know we're discussing boundaries here and all, but what if you said something like "wanna come over for a movie? We're not gonna have sex though, I'm telling you now;" and the guy decided to say "no, no thank you." Would you take that as rejection? I'm only curious because that's something I would say. Not because I was expecting sex, but because I don't want to put myself in that situation. I wonder what a typical woman would feel after they heard that.
Kaplan Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I think I have a unique perspective because I'm a guy who doesn't really believe in one night stands. So I've been in the reverse of this situation. I think I have more-or-less the perspective you're hoping your date has. By itself, the words, "want to come over to my place" is innuendo language for, "do you want to have sex with me?" I mean most of the time, if a girl says that to you she'll be expecting you to make a move. I've had girls say that kind of thing to me and it's irritating to me that the people who want to have one night stands can't just say, "let's have sex." The way it is, when someone says, "want to come to over to my place" you have to assume that they mean, "let's have sex." It makes it so that people who actually just want you to come over have to come up with something different to say. It's especially bad if you happen to be outside of her place at the time of the suggestion and she says, "want to come inside?" I'm forced to think, "is that a double entendre?" It may seem unreasonable that I think people like me should get exclusive rights to the phrase, "want to come over to my place," since I'm clearly the minority. But think of it this way: if a guy who was looking for sex heard the girl say, "want to have sex?" would he say "no"? Anyway, it may be possible to invite a guy over without him interpreting it wrong, but it will be difficult. And many guys, perhaps most, will hear you say, "but we're not going to have sex," and nod, but think to themselves, "yeah, we totally are. She said so in innuendo language." So communicating that you might like to hang out at your place without sending mixed signals is difficult.
orion1010 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 It happened to me when I went out with my girlfriend and her friends on her birthday. My girlfriend set the boundaries and rules before I even showed up at her house to pick her up. As much as I wanted to get into my gf's pants I respected her rules and did try other stuff. The other stuff being I lightly brushed and stroked my fingers down her arm until we held hands. Then we looked into each others eyes and the chemistry formed but we had the boundaries which I respected. Women just need to set the rules and boundaries before going to their house. If they don't then they better expect some sort of sexual advances towards them. It's your house so better set the ground rules or we're going to take it as an open invitation that you want to have sex. I agree.. If you just tell a guy "yes, come over, but we are not having sex tonight.. it's too soon" and he still agrees to come over, it's not like you are leading him on. If a guy really likes you, he'll respect that and go to you're place and continue the fun with a little sassy kissing and touching on the side. Can't be avoided if you really like him too. Nothing wrong with that. But, if he gets too pushy and does not respect the boundries you've laid out before him when he had the chance to just go home, he's a dog.
USCGAviator Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I heard that "we are not having sex tonight" line last year and I agreed of course. I'm not pushy at all. But I think she said it to try and convince herself not too. Because later that night.....BLAM! she was naked
Author abbeylouwho Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Now here's a question: I know we're discussing boundaries here and all, but what if you said something like "wanna come over for a movie? We're not gonna have sex though, I'm telling you now;" and the guy decided to say "no, no thank you." Would you take that as rejection? I'm only curious because that's something I would say. Not because I was expecting sex, but because I don't want to put myself in that situation. I wonder what a typical woman would feel after they heard that. Yes, I would probably feel rejected if he just said no without giving a reason. If he was honest about the reason then it could be kinda sweet, but if he just said no I think I'd definitely take that as rejection. If a guy really likes you, he'll respect that and go to you're place and continue the fun with a little sassy kissing and touching on the side. Can't be avoided if you really like him too. Nothing wrong with that. But, if he gets too pushy and does not respect the boundries you've laid out before him when he had the chance to just go home, he's a dog. Yeah, I really don't think he'd be too pushy, he was the perfect gentleman. Which kinda made me think that wasn't even what he was suggesting but who knows, I've heard the whole 'guys are always thinking about it' thing so many times I don't want to chance it haha Thanks for all your advice guys. I don't think I'll be inviting him over to hang out until I'm ready for more.
Jazzari Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 It's especially bad if you happen to be outside of her place at the time of the suggestion and she says, "want to come inside?" I'm forced to think, "is that a double entendre?" Ahahahahaha! Too funny!
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