abbeylouwho Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 OK, so I went out with a guy for the first time. We both seemed to have a great time, laughing and having plenty to talk about and all that. We stayed out late and only left because the bar closed, then he said "now what?" Was he expecting me to invite him back to my place? That's another question. Is it possible to invite a guy to your house without him expecting it's for sex? I would have wanted him to come over, I mean I didn't want the night to end either, but I wasn't ready to have sex with him. And I understand after a date that's probably what's going through his head, right? Is it even possible to invite a guy over in general without him expecting it? Like, if we just hung out and watched a movie or something? I want to hang out with him and I want to kiss and make out and that kind of stuff but I don't want him expecting more right away. I think I need to pick some guy brains on this one... lol Thanks!
Nexus One Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Was he expecting me to invite him back to my place? Maybe not expecting it, but if he's an average guy it's quite possible he was hoping for it. Is it possible to invite a guy to your house without him expecting it's for sex? Totally depends on the guy. Some guys have good self control, many do not.
MistaDynamic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 OK, so I went out with a guy for the first time. We both seemed to have a great time, laughing and having plenty to talk about and all that. We stayed out late and only left because the bar closed, then he said "now what?" Was he expecting me to invite him back to my place? Yes or was hoping you would show some sign you wanted him to take you to his place (for sex). Is it possible to invite a guy to your house without him expecting it's for sex? No. Why would guy go to women's house that he is interested and not expect sex. I would have wanted him to come over, I mean I didn't want the night to end either, but I wasn't ready to have sex with him. And I understand after a date that's probably what's going through his head, right? Yep Is it even possible to invite a guy over in general without him expecting it? Like, if we just hung out and watched a movie or something? Nope. I want to hang out with him and I want to kiss and make out and that kind of stuff but I don't want him expecting more right away. I think I need to pick some guy brains on this one... lol Thanks! huh? why would you want to "make out" but not have sex with the guy that makes no sense. It's selfish. So you want him to make you feel wanted and desired (your needs) but you don't want fulfill his needs. He wants to feel wanted and desired too. Having sex,not making out,not watching movies does a man get his needs fulfilled.
TheyCallMeBruce Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It depends on the guy, and you might have to be a little blunt about it, but a lot of guys would be happy to make out and cuddle without having sex, particularly after a first date. The only problem is that you don't know how well he's going to handle you cutting him off, physically. So while it's entirely possible to invite a guy back to your place for some making out, it's not entirely safe, if you don't know him well.
Jynxx Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Is it possible to invite a guy to your house without him expecting it's for sex? Totally depends on the guy. Some guys have good self control, many do not. In what way is expecting sex related to self control? A guy pushing for sex may imply he has no self control, depending on how hard he tries, but a guy expecting something is unrelated to that guys ability to control his urges.
Nexus One Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 In what way is expecting sex related to self control? A guy pushing for sex may imply he has no self control, depending on how hard he tries, but a guy expecting something is unrelated to that guys ability to control his urges. I actually meant that as a response in the context of that she just wanted to watch a movie with him at home without having sex. Suppose she would make clear to him that that is what she wanted, then many guys would still try something, those are the guys with poor self control.
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It happened to me when I went out with my girlfriend and her friends on her birthday. My girlfriend set the boundaries and rules before I even showed up at her house to pick her up. As much as I wanted to get into my gf's pants I respected her rules and did try other stuff. The other stuff being I lightly brushed and stroked my fingers down her arm until we held hands. Then we looked into each others eyes and the chemistry formed but we had the boundaries which I respected. Women just need to set the rules and boundaries before going to their house. If they don't then they better expect some sort of sexual advances towards them. It's your house so better set the ground rules or we're going to take it as an open invitation that you want to have sex.
Author abbeylouwho Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 huh? why would you want to "make out" but not have sex with the guy that makes no sense. It's selfish. So you want him to make you feel wanted and desired (your needs) but you don't want fulfill his needs. He wants to feel wanted and desired too. Having sex,not making out,not watching movies does a man get his needs fulfilled. Selfish? Because I don't want to **** on the first date? I disagree completely. It's not that I don't want to "fulfill" his needs, but just not on the first date. That's what I mean, it seems like things always jump right to sex. Isn't it possible to work up to that anymore? It depends on the guy, and you might have to be a little blunt about it, but a lot of guys would be happy to make out and cuddle without having sex, particularly after a first date. The only problem is that you don't know how well he's going to handle you cutting him off, physically. So while it's entirely possible to invite a guy back to your place for some making out, it's not entirely safe, if you don't know him well. It's it completely rude to say I want him to come over and watch a movie, meaning literally watch a movie not have sex? I mean, what if he wasn't thinking that and he's kinda insulted? And he was a perfect gentleman the whole date, so I don't think anything like that would happen. But I know what you mean, which is another reason why I didn't invite him back to my place. Maybe it wasn't in his mind at all and he was just thinking we could find somewhere else to go that's still open? I actually meant that as a response in the context of that she just wanted to watch a movie with him at home without having sex. Suppose she would make clear to him that that is what she wanted, then many guys would still try something, those are the guys with poor self control. I just don't want to lead a guy on. I'm just trying to figure out if in guy mind a girl inviting you to her house to watch a movie equals sex. I doubt he would have tried something if he knew I wasn't for it. He's a nice guy (I think, so far haha) Thanks for your responses though!
musemaj11 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Women want to be paid for on a date and men want to get sex after a date. But that doesnt mean they will always get what they want.
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'm just trying to figure out if in guy mind a girl inviting you to her house to watch a movie equals sex. I doubt he would have tried something if he knew I wasn't for it. He's a nice guy (I think, so far haha) In a guys mind if you invite us over to your house to watch a movie it does = sex. The moment you say, "My Place" is an open invitation for (if the guys play their cards right) to having sex by the end of the night. Any other guy that tells you otherwise is not being honest with their sexual libido. Guys you can't sit here and honestly tell me that sexual thoughts do not run through your head when a girl asks you to go over to her place. Now, if you set some ground rules before they come over then you will have to trust their self control. However, this is an awfully tempting situation for a guy and really only asking for unwanted attention at this time if you're feeling uncomfortable. It's best to not invite a guy over to your house so soon and instead do all the other necking and petting stuff in public areas where you can only do so much. Then when you are comfortable to take it to that next level invite them over but be expecting in that guys mind that it means sex if it's their first time over. It's just the way our brains our wired I guess.
Jazzari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It happened to me when I went out with my girlfriend and her friends on her birthday. My girlfriend set the boundaries and rules before I even showed up at her house to pick her up. As much as I wanted to get into my gf's pants I respected her rules and did try other stuff. The other stuff being I lightly brushed and stroked my fingers down her arm until we held hands. Then we looked into each others eyes and the chemistry formed but we had the boundaries which I respected. Women just need to set the rules and boundaries before going to their house. If they don't then they better expect some sort of sexual advances towards them. It's your house so better set the ground rules or we're going to take it as an open invitation that you want to have sex.I agree with this 100%. I sometimes feel a little odd stating my position so bluntly, but I figure if I don't know the guy well enough to be plain, then I shouldn't be inviting him to my house to start with.
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 See when guys meet a girl for the first time we are getting to know you. Really we all want to get into your pants at some point in time. Because there is no denying that we are sexual beings and that sex is on our mind women have to be careful. When a woman so willingly invites a guy whom she does not know to well too soon we really only can assume that means she wants to some hot crazy action. WE'RE GETTING SOME!! A lot of times it doesn't work out this way for the guys and the guys get frustrated and well you see all these threads in here as a result of that. Why? Because you're sending out... are you ready for it?? MIXED messages. Ladies just be honest with the guys and any guy that respects you will respect your rules and if he doesn't well than you know how to classify that type of guy.
Author abbeylouwho Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 How do you set the boundaries then without coming off rude then? Just say you should come over to watch a movie meaning watch a movie? lol I think I'm just not going to bother... haha
OliveOyl Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Check the youtube link - "Costanza" in this post. It addresses the issue of what "inviting for coffee" means. It's hilarious.
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 How do you set the boundaries then without coming off rude then? Just say you should come over to watch a movie meaning watch a movie? lol I think I'm just not going to bother... haha You establish what you want in a relationship with a guy. What you're looking for and that you're not interested in a 1 night stand and that it will take a little while and you're taking things slowly. You're not a woman that just sleeps with any man whom she first meets. You have boundaries and have things that make you feel uncomfortable when you first meet a guy. You're not a light switch that can be turned on and off. No it takes you awhile and tell him how you'd love to explore him some more. But you do not want to be pushed into doing anything. I think it would be cool if we watched a movie together. However, this does not mean we are going to get carried away and I don't want you to be bummed out over that. I'm not ready yet though and it will take some time. I hope you can understand. If he doesn't then screw him. (not literally but yeah you know what i mean )
nordic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Selfish? Because I don't want to **** on the first date? I disagree completely. It's not that I don't want to "fulfill" his needs, but just not on the first date. That's what I mean, it seems like things always jump right to sex. Isn't it possible to work up to that anymore? It's it completely rude to say I want him to come over and watch a movie, meaning literally watch a movie not have sex? I mean, what if he wasn't thinking that and he's kinda insulted? And he was a perfect gentleman the whole date, so I don't think anything like that would happen. But I know what you mean, which is another reason why I didn't invite him back to my place. Maybe it wasn't in his mind at all and he was just thinking we could find somewhere else to go that's still open? I just don't want to lead a guy on. I'm just trying to figure out if in guy mind a girl inviting you to her house to watch a movie equals sex. I doubt he would have tried something if he knew I wasn't for it. He's a nice guy (I think, so far haha) Thanks for your responses though! good but here is the big big question that we and he want an answer to. he especially is very interested:-) when are you gonna sleep with him? see that determines everything else. ihe doesnt want to go home with you after a night out and then lie with a hard-on next to you for hours. at i dont.
nordic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You establish what you want in a relationship with a guy. What you're looking for and that you're not interested in a 1 night stand and that it will take a little while and you're taking things slowly. You're not a woman that just sleeps with any man whom she first meets. You have boundaries and have things that make you feel uncomfortable when you first meet a guy. You're not a light switch that can be turned on and off. No it takes you awhile and tell him how you'd love to explore him some more. But you do not want to be pushed into doing anything. I think it would be cool if we watched a movie together. However, this does not mean we are going to get carried away and I don't want you to be bummed out over that. I'm not ready yet though and it will take some time. I hope you can understand. If he doesn't then screw him. (not literally but yeah you know what i mean ) lets hope she never had a ons then. coz if she did. and she is now making this guy jump through hoops to get into her pants, and then wants a relationship with her, thats not gonna work well. if a girl would make me date her, and i found out that she would give it up easy for some guy who just wanted sex, i would just go cold after that.
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 good but here is the big big question that we and he want an answer to. he especially is very interested:-) when are you gonna sleep with him? see that determines everything else. ihe doesnt want to go home with you after a night out and then lie with a hard-on next to you for hours. at i dont. You know what Nordic? That's none of our business. She will be ready when she is ready. There is no time frame that can be set on that. I was with my woman for 4 months before we first had sex. That doesn't mean we didn't dry hump or do other really naughty things. We just didn't have the full naked physical contact until 4 months. Every woman has boundaries and it is not our right to question to when. Women don't like being pressured. The more you pressure them the more they pull away.
Author abbeylouwho Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 good but here is the big big question that we and he want an answer to. he especially is very interested:-) when are you gonna sleep with him? see that determines everything else. ihe doesnt want to go home with you after a night out and then lie with a hard-on next to you for hours. at i dont. I don't know when lol in like a year or so? that was a joke... No but really, I do want to sleep with him. i mean, if things go as well as the first date went that I want to and I will. But not right away. I I wouldn't expect him to lay next to me with a hard on for hours, either lol
Author abbeylouwho Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 lets hope she never had a ons then. coz if she did. and she is now making this guy jump through hoops to get into her pants, and then wants a relationship with her, thats not gonna work well. if a girl would make me date her, and i found out that she would give it up easy for some guy who just wanted sex, i would just go cold after that. And yeah, no one night stands.
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 see that determines everything else. ihe doesnt want to go home with you after a night out and then lie with a hard-on next to you for hours. at i dont. This doesn't determine everything else except if all's that guy was interested in was sex. If this is the way one thinks then clearly sex is a higher priority for them then actually enjoying the woman for whom they are. Why can't guys understand that sex means so much more to a woman than what we men de-value it to be? Most woman will not just have sex with any man. Obviously men can't seem to understand this because of ... society and culture?
nordic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You know what Nordic? That's none of our business. She will be ready when she is ready. There is no time frame that can be set on that. I was with my woman for 4 months before we first had sex. That doesn't mean we didn't dry hump or do other really naughty things. We just didn't have the full naked physical contact until 4 months. Every woman has boundaries and it is not our right to question to when. Women don't like being pressured. The more you pressure them the more they pull away. yada yada, all women are queens... no, thats not how it works, i most likely slept with more women than you have, and your innocent wife, might also have screwed more partners than you have. if you are clear with you want, women have something to relate to, and then if they want sex, its easy for them to say yes to that, or not say no...:-) i would never wait for months for anybody. would eb bored after one date.
nordic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 This doesn't determine everything else except if all's that guy was interested in was sex. If this is the way one thinks then clearly sex is a higher priority for them then actually enjoying the woman for whom they are. Why can't guys understand that sex means so much more to a woman than what we men de-value it to be? Most woman will not just have sex with any man. Obviously men can't seem to understand this because of ... society and culture? what the hell are you on about man? men want sex from women coz we are genetically programmed that way emotionally. are you gonna disregard your own emotions and they way your fundamentally are? how attractive does that make you do you think? thats why you struggle with women. they are on to you. you hide yourself. you must be joking if you think that this is cultural. then mention a culture on the planet, historical or current, where heterosexual men dont pursue women for sex. and while you are at it. mention one, where women dont like this, secretly or openly:-)
nordic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 And yeah, no one night stands. ok. no ons gives you room to manouver. best is to decide before when you want it to happen, and try to send subtle signals. they generally need to be subtle though. stand closer to him, and the question "are you interested", generally gets the job done:-)
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Nordic, I don't partake into playing hijacking posts so I am done taking your bait. Abbeylouwho, has boundaries and she values sex as something special rather than casual. Nothing wrong with that and who really cares what anyone thinks.
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