indija Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Why would a guy, in the middle of a seemingly perfectly nice date, suddenly pull a Cinderella and say he has to go? There was no phone call, no text, nothing, just out of the blue “I have to go now.”
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 The date wasn't so great in his eyes. He didn't feel chemistry or attraction.
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 The date wasn't so great in his eyes. He didn't feel chemistry or attraction. Actually, lol, the date was going great and it was very, um, evident that he was feeling a very large attraction...
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Diarrhoea? Hmmm, that's actually possible...we DID have ice cream for dessert
Survivor12 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 "Actually, lol, the date was going great and it was very, um, evident that he was feeling a very large attraction..." Perhaps more than you knew:eek:;)
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 "Actually, lol, the date was going great and it was very, um, evident that he was feeling a very large attraction..." Perhaps more than you knew:eek:;) Well, now that you mention that, I’m not sure, but I’m getting this feeling that maybe he’s trying to be sure it’s not just about the sex/attraction for me. We had been talking a lot about personal stuff and I could tell he was thinking I was pulling away emotionally...in fact, before he left I did say it wasn’t just about that and he said he knew that. And yet...lol, I’m such a dork—all I know is I miss him and I don’t know why!
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) Trust me he's sure it was the sex/attraction for you. You did pull away emotionally rightly so because that's not what you were only going to give him which is actually what he wanted. Long story short... You were going to play "hard to get" and not let him bang you like he thought might happen given your conversation was "personal." He's not into chasing you or playing games with you to get into your pants so the hot sexual chemistry faded fast. If you don't want this to happen to you in the future then don't play games with guys minds especially about sex. We're guys we love sex and if you play with our minds that way then we're going to start building anticipation. But then you come along and start showing a sign of resistance all of a sudden and that anticipation is popped like a balloon. It's game playing and we don't like it to be honest. Don't send mixed signals. If you want sex than so be it. Don't discuss sex on a first date or anything that's really silly if you aren't going to follow through and is only playing games which a lot of guys aren't into doing. By you discussing sexual things with a guy when you've first met him is only setting yourself up for a one night stand or casual sex partners. Edited May 17, 2011 by FrostFire
orion1010 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I suddenly bolted once. I knew the guy for years and after going 6 years without seeing each other, we were suddenly in the same place at the same time every week. One night I accepted an invite to his house and somehow he got me into his bed. Not sex but just kissing. after a few moments of kissing, I just bolted. I sat up and said I have to go. It was too much too soon. Maybe that's what he was thinking? Maybe he needs time to process?
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Trust me he's sure it was the sex/attraction for you. You did pull away emotionally rightly so because that's not what you were only going to give him which is actually what he wanted. Long story short... You were going to play "hard to get" and not let him bang you like he thought might happen given your conversation was "personal." He's not into chasing you or playing games with you to get into your pants so the hot sexual chemistry faded fast. If you don't want this to happen to you in the future then don't play games with guys minds especially about sex. We're guys we love sex and if you play with our minds that way then we're going to start building anticipation. But then you come along and start showing a sign of resistance all of a sudden and that anticipation is popped like a balloon. It's game playing and we don't like it to be honest. Don't send mixed signals. If you want sex than so be it. Don't discuss sex on a first date or anything that's really silly if you aren't going to follow through and is only playing games which a lot of guys aren't into doing. By you discussing sexual things with a guy when you've first met him is only setting yourself up for a one night stand or casual sex partners. Lol, I guess you can't win in these things...if you're into sex and he wants something more, or vice versa. Heck, I don't know! I just know I miss him and somehow want to let him know that. (and, btw, it wasn't a first date...that precedent has already been established) He's been really cool in a lot of ways and maybe I haven't known how to respond to that.
MistaDynamic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It was too much too soon. Maybe that's what he was thinking? Maybe he needs time to process? Guys just don't think that way. Sex is never too much or too soon for guy who attracted to a woman. The guy left simply because he knew he wasn't going get any so why bother to continue with the date. I do the same thing too. Except I don't do dates! I do, however, allow women I'm attracted to hang out with me and if there's no possibility of sex later I'll definitely send her on her way. No point in wasting time and money on somebody who's not into you when there are plenty of other women who are.
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 I hear what you’re saying, but, nope, it hasn’t been like that. I was the one wondering why we weren’t going to have sex that night if we were both obviously (!) into it. I’m sure as consenting adults we’ve all been on one side of the coin or the other, but this feels more like there’s something else going on, something more like the processing time needed that Orion mentioned. So, sigh, I guess I’ll have to wait and see if he lets me know what’s going on...but dammit, I actually miss the guy, aaaarrrgghhh. If this is just some game to get me to ‘fess up that I like him, I’m gonna be so hacked off...
Trimmer Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 How about a little more info as to where you were, what you were doing at that moment, and what you had done leading up to his departure... It's a big difference if he bolted from the Italian restaurant during a discussion about the latest novel you read because maybe the tablecloth could no longer sufficiently hide his crotch, vs. you were making out on the sofa in your living room with your tops off and he bolted just as you were reaching for his belt... Details... we need details... Help us help you!!!!
Author indija Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Well, it was kind of more like the second scenario...we had gone to dinner, had a really nice time, then went and got dessert and then we were at my house snuggling, watching a movie. He was stroking my hair and holding me really close really sweet and he had been saying how much he liked me and I was watching the movie and laughing at the stupid jokes and he asked me what was I thinking and I said I wasn’t really thinking, just enjoying this really nice moment and he smiled. I thought it was cute and I kissed him and he kissed me back like passionately and I thought, ok, cool, let’s do this but then he held me even closer like he didn’t want to miss holding any part of me and then a little bit later (no calls, no texts came in) he kind of sat up and said he had to go, he had to be at work early (he had already told me this week was super busy) and that he just had to go. He was very obviously “into” the moment, so it’s not like we weren’t “feeling” it, it was something else and I don’t know what it is. He did text me that he’d gotten home ok and we texted back and forth a couple of times and then I texted that I hoped he had a great day tomorrow and that I promised I would tell him what I was thinking. He didn’t reply then, so I just texted goodnight and after a while he texted back goodnight. If he were any number of other guys, I’d be like, whatever, he prob’ly wanted to go party or whatever and he’s playing me, or whatever other paranoid thoughts you have when you’re first hanging out with someone you like, but this feels (I know, lame) different. It feels like, important or something. And I feel like I missed something somewhere in the translation. I obviously need to get over myself, but I think this guy is really worth at least wondering about and I don’t want to miss out on a chance to experience something real with him. Omg, how dorky am I???? (Thanks for the posts, btw, everyone)
FrostFire Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) He asked what you were thinking and thought you felt the sexual chemistry going on between them. You said you felt nothing? Are you freaking serious that you think that wouldn't have an effect on a guy? If you aren't feeling anything than don't waste this guy's time. He was ready and you politely declined his advances by saying this. That's why he bolted. MIXED messages... He desired you but you didn't necessarily desire him with the "nothing" the moment you said you weren't feeling nothing showed him you weren't desiring him as much as he desired you. It was uncomfortable for him to be in that situation and he didn't want to hurt nor make you feel that way so left. Don't want this situation then don't be inviting guys over to your house and not expecting to not make sexual advances toward you. It's how most guys brains are wired. If we are invited over to your house to watch a movie then you have GOT to set boundaries before he gets to your house otherwise it's just sending him mixed messages. Edited May 17, 2011 by FrostFire
SmileFace Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Are you still talking to the guy? If so, why does it matter if he left? Reasons he may have left - May have felt it too but didn't want to rush into anything. - He was turned off about the fact that you said you wasn't thinking. - The voices in his head told him to leave. - He forget his car running. - HE HAD TO WAKE UP EARLY. Wait, it can't be the last one... nevermind. I am only messing but are you still in contact with him?
irc333 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I suddenly bolted once. I knew the guy for years and after going 6 years without seeing each other, we were suddenly in the same place at the same time every week. One night I accepted an invite to his house and somehow he got me into his bed. Not sex but just kissing. after a few moments of kissing, I just bolted. I sat up and said I have to go. It was too much too soon. Maybe that's what he was thinking? Maybe he needs time to process? You were the one that bolted, so you are the one needing the time to process.
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