A question for all women married to a (much) older guy

May 17, 2011

I'm interested to know from all you girls who are married/commited to an older guy (10yrs+ difference), what made you/keeps you interested in him?

I'm 43, and cannot possibly see why a girl in her 20's/early 30's could possibly be interested in a guy my age. Surely you have different interests in practically everything. Music, activities, holidays, how you spend your free time/weekends, what time you go to sleep even. And as to why an attractive young girl would like to be intimate with a wrinkly, possibly slightly flabby 40 something guy... I cant understand.

May 17, 2011

Three reasons:

1. Money

2. Money

3. Money

May 17, 2011

Three reasons:

1. Money
2. Money
3. Money

You missed the fourth and fifth reasons...which are Money and Money respectively.

May 18, 2011

I'm interested to know from all you girls who are married/commited to an older guy (10yrs+ difference), what made you/keeps you interested in him?

I'm 43, and cannot possibly see why a girl in her 20's/early 30's could possibly be interested in a guy my age. Surely you have different interests in practically everything. Music, activities, holidays, how you spend your free time/weekends, what time you go to sleep even. And as to why an attractive young girl would like to be intimate with a wrinkly, possibly slightly flabby 40 something guy... I cant understand.

Some women just find older men more attractive..Sexually and emotionally. Don't assume it's all based on money like the other poster! WTF.

Older guys are more mature, don't play games, they know what they want and are experienced.

Why are you putting yourself down? If a younger woman is interested in you, go for it! She finds you hot, whatever body type you have isn't going to change how she feels about you, in and out of bed!

May 18, 2011

I'm interested to know from all you girls who are married/commited to an older guy (10yrs+ difference), what made you/keeps you interested in him?

I'm 43, and cannot possibly see why a girl in her 20's/early 30's could possibly be interested in a guy my age. Surely you have different interests in practically everything. Music, activities, holidays, how you spend your free time/weekends, what time you go to sleep even. And as to why an attractive young girl would like to be intimate with a wrinkly, possibly slightly flabby 40 something guy... I cant understand.

Personally, I find myself interested in older men because they're more stable. I prefer to be with a man who is self-aware and is able to teach me things. Guys my age are generally not as interested in relationships. Also, sex is better with older men because they have more experience with women.

May 18, 2011

My ex bf (who, actually, I am still seeing, but trying to take things slow) is 37 and I'm 26. He is actually sexier and better looking NOW than he was in his 20s! He doesn't have wrinkles and he works out harder than I do (although we both completed p90x ). Talk about a late bloomer!

He comes with heavier baggage than me, but he also comes with experience and understanding about life.

We have a lot in common with music, going out (we both like to get drinks, go out to eat, and dance), beliefs/opinions. I get along with his friends and he gets along with most of mine (I still have some immature friends, but most of them can act like adults now). I also hang out with some people who are in their early 30s anyway.

We just have chemistry. I can't say exactly why, but we are both extemely attracted to one another-- and were from day one when we caught eyes at a local bar 2 years ago.

I love him to death and he has no money. Will we make it in the long haul? Well, that remains to be seen.

May 18, 2011

Are you talking about a fling or a long term relationship?

May 18, 2011

It was really just a general question. I don't have any young girls throwing themselves at me - yet , I was just interested to hear what the girls thought about being with older guys.

I have some friends who are about 15yrs younger than me (say late 20's), and when I've seen them out with their friends all looking lovely in their short skirts showing everything off, your initial reaction is wow, what would it be like... Then I think what my lifestyle is actually like, and what I like to do in my spare time, and I think there would be no way a girl that age would be content with that.

Also, they are in their ideal age for having kids, and girls my age (early 40's) are towards the end of theirs. So if I were with someone younger potentially I could be looking at starting a family, rather than figuring out how to survive pre-menopause!

May 18, 2011

I'm interested to know from all you girls who are married/commited to an older guy (10yrs+ difference), what made you/keeps you interested in him?

I'm 43, and cannot possibly see why a girl in her 20's/early 30's could possibly be interested in a guy my age. Surely you have different interests in practically everything. Music, activities, holidays, how you spend your free time/weekends, what time you go to sleep even. And as to why an attractive young girl would like to be intimate with a wrinkly, possibly slightly flabby 40 something guy... I cant understand.

The reason you can't understand is because you are trying to apply "male logic" to the situation instead of "female relationship logic." An example of "female relationship logic" in one of your responders is here:

My ex bf (who, actually, I am still seeing, but trying to take things slow) is 37 and I'm 26.

So, there are women who can have a relationship with a guy yet simultaneously consider them an "ex." Hmmmm. (Isn't an "ex" someone you no longer go out with/have sex with?) Quite typical of the sort of reasoning many women apply to relationships.

Why would a woman 10-20 years younger, go out with a man in his 40's? Here are some possible reasons:

1. "Daddy" issues

2. He may be economically far more set than men of her age. Men in their mid-20's often don't have two nickles to rub together. Men in their 40's are more likely to have disposable cash and be willing to spend it on a young hottie.

3. Physical/sexual: The dude may just have a big package and know how to use it.

4. She may be the type of woman who is really afraid to be in a viable long term committed relationship with any future, and going out with an older guy might be a way of preventing her from meeting someone that she could get married and have kids with. It's just a way of wasting time, really.

5. Maturity level: Women in their 20's and even into their 30's aren't thinking in terms of a life plan when they get into these relationships. (Look at the full post of the responder who I quoted to get a feel for this.) They are not really looking to get married because they think they will be young forever. They have the maturity level of a 16 year old, not a 26 or 36 year old.

C'mon now--"we like the same music," "we hang out,"....does that sound like it's a person who's ready for any kind of a mature one to one relationship? No it's the attitude of a teenager for all intents and purposes.

So age doesn't matter because it's not an immediate issue that impacts their idea of what a relationship is, which is pretty much go out, hang out with friends, drink, party, listen to music, have sex perhaps, you know--relationships are all about having fun with each other, not: getting married, buying a house, raising children, getting old together, supporting each other through career changes, being there for each other in the difficult times...

You see things different perhaps because you are in your forties so you are looking at a relationship like a person in their forties would: Is this viable long term? Etc.

To an immature woman in her mid 20's, or even 30's, five years down the road is "forever." They're just not thinking that far ahead. You'd be lucky if they're thinking further than next Saturday night.

May 18, 2011

It was really just a general question. I don't have any young girls throwing themselves at me - yet , I was just interested to hear what the girls thought about being with older guys.

I have some friends who are about 15yrs younger than me (say late 20's), and when I've seen them out with their friends all looking lovely in their short skirts showing everything off, your initial reaction is wow, what would it be like... Then I think what my lifestyle is actually like, and what I like to do in my spare time, and I think there would be no way a girl that age would be content with that.

Also, they are in their ideal age for having kids, and girls my age (early 40's) are towards the end of theirs. So if I were with someone younger potentially I could be looking at starting a family, rather than figuring out how to survive pre-menopause!

Andy:

This is what I meant in my prior post. You're talking about a relationship with a younger woman as possibly leading into "starting a family." In general, these young ladies are NOT looking at it that way. If you are willing to spend money on them, are good-looking and energetic enough, and do fun activities with them, and are good in bed, at least a few of these young hotties will most likely be more than willing to go out with you, and even have sex with you, perhaps in some sort of non-exclusive f buddy or fwb type of relationship...you know, like when a woman has a "ex bf" that she is still seeing???

If you look at the 26 year old's response to you, I don't believe you'll see anywhere that she talks about the issues that might be involved if she were to have a serious relationship with a 15-20 year older man that involved contemplating actually getting married, having children, etc. It's a completely different wavelength.

May 18, 2011

If you look at the 26 year old's response to you, I don't believe you'll see anywhere that she talks about the issues that might be involved if she were to have a serious relationship with a 15-20 year older man that involved contemplating actually getting married, having children, etc. It's a completely different wavelength.

It would be interesting to hear what starryeyed12 has to add to that...

May 18, 2011

Met hubby when I was 26 and he was 37. For me, due to having children young I have a more mature mindset and so a mature man suited me. I have always said that men don't mature properly until they hit about 37 anyway, lol! I am about 10 - 15 years ahead of my chronological age due to life experiences etc.

Anyhow, roll on nearly 13 years later and here we are still..

It has been good for the kids to have each other as they are all nearly the same age. So, the 11 year age difference has been used well there. Neither of us have actually really physically changed very much too. I am glad that we gave things a good go!

Main things to watch out for I would say for anyone contemplating such a dynamic would be having children with an older man (I opted not to have any further children as we both have two each) and ones sex life. The last two years I know I have become more sexual (as part of the natural life cycle) methinks. Hubby and I don't have any problems with this but I can imagine this probably would be the point that many women would stray if things were not equal - like if he became a selfish blob. I suppose he could try and get someone even younger than me but well, we have married for love and so those scenarios don't apply to us.

Doesn't suit everyone but we are happy and compliment each other really well.

I cannot comment on the financial aspect being a primary motivator to go out with an older man as Hubby was relatively poor when I met him and everything we have has been gained together within our marriage.

Take care,

Eve x

May 18, 2011

Met hubby when I was 26 and he was 37. For me, due to having children young I have a more mature mindset and so a mature man suited me. I have always said that men don't mature properly until they hit about 37 anyway, lol! I am about 10 - 15 years ahead of my chronological age due to life experiences etc.

Anyhow, roll on nearly 13 years later and here we are still..

It has been good for the kids to have each other as they are all nearly the same age. So, the 11 year age difference has been used well there. Neither of us have actually really physically changed very much too. I am glad that we gave things a good go!

Main things to watch out for I would say for anyone contemplating such a dynamic would be having children with an older man (I opted not to have any further children as we both have two each) and ones sex life. The last two years I know I have become more sexual (as part of the natural life cycle) methinks. Hubby and I don't have any problems with this but I can imagine this probably would be the point that many women would stray if things were not equal - like if he became a selfish blob. I suppose he could try and get someone even younger than me but well, we have married for love and so those scenarios don't apply to us.

Doesn't suit everyone but we are happy and compliment each other really well.

I cannot comment on the financial aspect being a primary motivator to go out with an older man as Hubby was relatively poor when I met him and everything we have has been gained together within our marriage.

Take care,
Eve x

Sounds like you have a good partnership going there Eve, and I'm sure your hubby is very pleased that you're becoming more sexual as the time goes on. I understand that alot of women go completely the other way as the get towards their 40's.

May 19, 2011

Hi Norm, keepin' busy I see!

Sockpuppets are an alternative account used as another online identity for the purpose of deceiving the members and or the Administration of an Internet Community. As a false identity, some offenders have more than one fake name as well. Complete with profile, and among other activities, when voting or polling they have an extra voice, these puppets, although aggressive behind a false screen name persona are most likely weasel wimp nerds in reality. Sockpuppets may even have more than one username as well, this sometimes devours their life and becomes, sadly their only social life.

Internet Sockpuppets & Trolls68

By paulie walnuts

Starryeyed12 and anyone else familiar with Mr. Misogynist (musemanj), it's just him talking to himself again. I don't know if you/anyone can PM me or not (if not let me know and I'll post a temp email) but I can link you to a bunch of his identities and trolling on other sites so you can see for yourself. AND see that when I say "misogynist" I am not using the term lightly.

Norm, here's a link you might get some use out of:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-cheaters-guide-to-winning-online-arguments/

I didn't read more than a few lines of your crap on this thread, and none of your BS on the other after the last time I posted, but I am contacting the admin's and giving them your names and links. You are scary. I seriously suggest you get counseling, especially if you love and respect your mother as much as you say you do (well, you OBVIOUSLY don't respect her, but you MIGHT love her) I can't imagine how horrible she must feel raising a son with such obsessive hate towards half the planet - her half. It must torment her trying to figure out what she did wrong, even if it wasn't her fault at all.

The Origins & Causes of Misogyny

By Charles Moffat - March 2007.

Misogyny is the result of years of embarrassing rejections combined with sexual frustration.

Men and women don't cause misogyny on purpose. It just happens as the result of life being the way it is.

This doesn't mean we can't work to solve or prevent misogyny however. We need to be teaching young boys that being rejected by a girl is okay. Its not something to be embarrassed about because it happens to many people. Men need to learn that women must still be respected even if they reject the man in question. When a woman rejects a man she is really just rejecting his sexual advances. This doesn't mean she doesn't like him, simply that she's not interested in him as a sexual partner. Look elsewhere.

However at the same time women need to learn that men are not insensitive jerks. Rather, they are HIGHLY sensitive jerks and need to be treated more gently and fairly. It may take more time and effort on the part of women, but if more women took the time to reject men in such a way it doesn't feel like a rejection then we'd have a lot less bitter men walking around.

Norm, people (notice the word, Normy, PEOPLE, not MEN, not WOMEN, PEOPLE) are nicer than you think. Why not try being honest? Just say (this) happened, and now I feel like all women are (that), and it's really causing me (problems).

You'd be surprised at how supportive total strangers can be, and how much it can help - as opposed to getting off on insulting women who are on here for advice and sympathy (like 99.9% of the men are). You aren't being clever, you aren't being subtle, you're obvious as hell and I think almost everyone just feels bad for you once they realize what you're up to. I noticed the majority of regular users just ignore you and your aliases.

I may be new, but personally, I don't think you should be allowed to troll using a half dozen accounts to spout such blatant misogyny on a relationship site. Bitter is one thing. So is venting and an occasional rant. You however,(belonging to that, hmmm, what should we call it Norm? "hate group" sound good to you?) have a consistent agenda that goes against ANY healthy or happy male/female relationship, and I don't think they should allow it.

Bye Norm, don't bother responding to this; I don't read your crap anymore. ...should you ever grow a spine and come on here with honesty, (and a fresh name I'm sure), I'll talk to you then.

Sorry that you've been so hurt by someone, but so have these other people. Get help.

May 19, 2011

Some women just find older men more attractive..Sexually and emotionally. Don't assume it's all based on money like the other poster! WTF.

Older guys are more mature, don't play games, they know what they want and are experienced.

Why are you putting yourself down? If a younger woman is interested in you, go for it! She finds you hot, whatever body type you have isn't going to change how she feels about you, in and out of bed!

Lol, a broke older man is less attractive than a broke young man.

Women want older men for 'stability' that means financially because an older man is generally wealthier and emotionally because an older man is more appreciative of having a young woman.

May 20, 2011

Being forty or even fifty doesn't necessarily mean flabby and wrinkly. Some men do work out and take care of themselves. And wrinkles, I guess that is genetic and based on environment.

I see my H as very attractive and we have plenty of things in common. We like to work out, we do things with our family, love sports, like the same music so on and so forth...

What keeps me interested in him is HIM!

Your post makes it sound like 40 is 80!!!

Different bedtimes? LOL! I don't think so!

Ahhhh, thank you!

A breath of fresh air.

I feel exactly the same way. My "man" (and yes, we have hit some very hard spots in the past and are trying to take it slow. So, I won't call him bf and I wont call him ex bf, but simply "man" so as not to give certain posters a moot point to misconstrue) have many of the same things in common.

He is just a man. I am just a woman. We love each other and have a lot in common. Age does not stop us from be attracted, nor having things in common.

I know, it's like What???? How is it so?? Those lucky bastards having hot sex with a 20 something AND she loves him AND he loves her AND they have things in common AND they genuinely enjoy living, laughing, and learning together!

It is enough to make the dumpy, old ones seething with jealousy.

Kristi, I appreciate your efforts to stand up for us. It can be downright exhausting with some people! It's tempting to just say eff it, let them be ignorant. But silence is sometimes as bad as agreeing.

May 20, 2011

Kristi, I appreciate your efforts to stand up for us. It can be downright exhausting with some people! It's tempting to just say eff it, let them be ignorant. But silence is sometimes as bad as agreeing.

Hi starryeyed12, thanks, that was nice of you. I know it's not appropriate because I'm new, but there were some posts made by women who were obviously upset & hurt, and I was SHOCKED at his viciousness towards one in particular (the one where the woman only posted once or twice and didn't come back - after he told her to get a cat & she'd die alone because no man would ever want a woman over 30) Her husband had left (brutal thing to go through) and I kept picturing some poor woman feeling crushed & looking for someone to tell her things would be okay only to read THAT..

So I DO apologize to everyone if I over stepped my bounds as he implied earlier - well, everyone but him. No apologies there.

Being forty or even fifty doesn't necessarily mean flabby and wrinkly. Some men do work out and take care of themselves. And wrinkles, I guess that is genetic and based on environment.

Yeah, wrinkles? At 40? Even for a phony post, I'm surprised he'd describe 40-year-old men as wrinkly.

May 20, 2011

Yeah, wrinkles? At 40? Even for a phony post, I'm surprised he'd describe 40-year-old men as wrinkly.

Hey Kristi, I made that "phony" post (I started the thread), not that other wacko! I'm 43 and I have a few wrinkles - so there! Only few though, probably as a result of all my punishing workouts... :-)

And yes starryeyed12, I am seething with jealousy at your other half for having sex with a 20 something with both of you obviously enjoying it - or having sex at all come to think of it, but thats another story.

May 20, 2011

I don't think I'm a fan of these relationships. My grandfather was 18 year older than my grandmother. They met when he did something at her high school. Did I mention he was filthy rich? Like unbelievably rich. Of course they divorced a few years later. He found a new wife quickly who was 17 years younger. They were peers for a while, then he began preferring to do things like nap all day, slowed down generally and it was expected as he was older while she still had energy. And of course she was his primary caregiver for the last 5-6 years of his life as dementia took over. So my question is can you deal with that? There is a BIG difference between 60 and 77. So are you prepared to devote a decade of your life to being a caretaker and then find yourself a (relatively) young widow?

A lot of girls my age rejected me because they wanted someone older and 'stable'

Then they come crying to me when they get screwed over. I just laugh and block them. Am I bitter? Yes, but its definitely justified for a lot of men. For most of us we're looking forward to when we're 45 and seeing where those game playing women are then.

May 20, 2011

I can't help but laugh at all these generalizations as to why younger women like older men. The reasons are widespread, you can't paint everyone with the same brush!

My man is over 10 years older than me (I'm in my early 30's, he is in his mid fourties). He is an incredible man with a very high IQ and exceptionally high EQ. He's amazing in bed and he understands women and what we want/need. He has kids, I don't want any of my own, so that works out perfectly. We both make 6 figures in executive level roles, so money has NOTHING to do with it. We both enjoy many of the same things in life: dance, music, travel, golf, good red wine, shopping, and intelligent conversation. I have yet to meet ANY guy even close to my age who could compare to him. He actually matches me on multiple levels - no other man has been able to do that, especially not one my age!

As I said to a friend last year: "Sure, I could go out and find a younger man, but I will never find a man who has all the amazing qualities he has"

At least that's my take...

May 20, 2011

Can I ask why it seems you read my whole post but only commented on the income part?

It wouldn't matter if he made 6 figures or much less, as long as he has a job he's happy with and inspired by. It's nice that he makes good money, but really only so he feels there is equal financial contribution.

I've always liked older men (10-15 years older), and I've often made more than them. However, because I am a financially secure self-made woman, money has never been important to me (as long as he isn't looking for a sugar mamma!)

May 20, 2011

I
As I said to a friend last year: "Sure, I could go out and find a younger man, but I will never find a man who has all the amazing qualities he has"

At least that's my take...

Sounds like you've founf the perfect match Ruby. I'm (seriously) very happy for you. :-)

May 20, 2011

Can I ask why it seems you read my whole post but only commented on the income part?

It wouldn't matter if he made 6 figures or much less, as long as he has a job he's happy with and inspired by. It's nice that he makes good money, but really only so he feels there is equal financial contribution.

I've always liked older men (10-15 years older), and I've often made more than them. However, because I am a financially secure self-made woman, money has never been important to me (as long as he isn't looking for a sugar mamma!)

Because he has deep insecurities and jealousy for the happy men his age. He's not a well wisher.

May 20, 2011

Hey Kristi, I made that "phony" post (I started the thread), not that other wacko! I'm 43 and I have a few wrinkles - so there! Only few though, probably as a result of all my punishing workouts... :-)

And yes starryeyed12, I am seething with jealousy at your other half for having sex with a 20 something with both of you obviously enjoying it - or having sex at all come to think of it, but thats another story.

Lol

You should not be jealous though. You come across as a sweet man. That means more to a good woman than you would think. I say, just start taking care of you, so that you either a.) get the woman you feel you deserve or b.) get to the point that you're happy enough not to care!

May 20, 2011

I'm interested to know from all you girls who are married/commited to an older guy (10yrs+ difference), what made you/keeps you interested in him?

I'm 43, and cannot possibly see why a girl in her 20's/early 30's could possibly be interested in a guy my age. Surely you have different interests in practically everything. Music, activities, holidays, how you spend your free time/weekends, what time you go to sleep even. And as to why an attractive young girl would like to be intimate with a wrinkly, possibly slightly flabby 40 something guy... I cant understand.

I can't understand this, either. I like younger guys because they're usually more attractive. I only go a few years older than me. But, I think it has to do with the fact that older guys are willing to commit. Younger guys are out for sex and no girl wants to be a sex object. Older guys are also ready for marriage. And that's all I'm looking for. The only problem is I can't make myself interested in someone I'm not, even for the sake of getting married. I won't settle.

Sign In

A question for all women married to a (much) older guy

Recommended Posts

andy625uk

musemaj11

Tony T

whichwayisup

Michelle92

starryeyed12

luvbun80

andy625uk

DufenSchmertz

DufenSchmertz

andy625uk

Eve

andy625uk

Kristi can't sleep

musemaj11

starryeyed12

Kristi can't sleep

andy625uk

Eclypse

Rubys

Rubys

andy625uk

starryeyed12

starryeyed12

DreamerGirl27

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...