Daaanz Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 So whenever me and my ex meet, we get along great! Which is really good, but at the end of the time we always end up kissing and him telling me that we will be together again after he focuses on his exams, due to them determining whether or not he gets into uni... However, whenever we text or anything he's SO cold with me and if I even bring up what he says about getting back together he says that he just wants to let things flow between us and that he's sorry but he says things in the moment. Its messing with my head and I don't want to be treated like this. Yeah I love him and want to be with him, but I can't deal with this. Do I carry on meeting up but just stay strong and keep a distance ie, no physical contact or what? Adviceplease...
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You don't continue meeting him at all. He is using you, he doesn't want a relationship. I'm sorry He is hot and cold, and one moment wants a relationship, another blows you off. What you need to do is go NC. Cut all contact with him. No texts, emails, messages, calls. You cannot be available to him. The reason why he is using you, is because you are so available to him. You are worth more! The good thing about NC is that during this time you will be able to move on.
Maxish Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 If you want too meet with him then do it going nc is hard and not always the answer just try and not be there for him in the way you were when you were with him leave him wanting more just know he is using you and keep that in your mind. It will make it easier too fight the feelings for him and don't wait around for him and make him your priority cause your not his.
Author Daaanz Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 I wanna be his friend, I feel okay with that. I just don't want him to use me. I really thought I meant more to him than that. We were together for 3 years and in that time he was just so lovely but then things got bad, and I felt like he just took me for granted... He broke up with me, and now he's saying all these things, why would he say them? So I don't find someone else so I'm like a fall back? Or so he can have sex with me or what? I don't understand, and itreally hurts
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 If you want too meet with him then do it going nc is hard and not always the answer just try and not be there for him in the way you were when you were with him leave him wanting more just know he is using you and keep that in your mind. It will make it easier too fight the feelings for him and don't wait around for him and make him your priority cause your not his. NC is the answer in this case. You are basically telling the OP to run into her exes arms and get hurt. If she doesn't go NC she will not be able to control her feelings for him. You cannot expect her to "just be friends" with someone she cares for. OP, in all honesty, it is best for you to move on. I know that it kills you to think that things are over, but you need to do what is best for you. Focus on you. Go out with friends, but do not let him back into your life UNLESS he wants full commitment without being hot and cold.
Author Daaanz Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) Well, I'm seeing him tomorrow and I don't really want to back out. I'll go but I wont let him do any of the things he previously has been doing, I'll show him I'm prepared to be strong and I'm not going to let him use me. After that I'll go NC. Do I tell him that's what I'm going to do? Or just do it? Also, I have a holiday booked with him at the end of June, and I really have to go... hopefully I'll feel better by then but how do I stop him pulling me back in? I'll only go back if he's prepared to be actually commited to me. I won't let him mess me around. While I'm on NC, will this help him to realise what he lost. Because I KNOW he does love me, I can tell when I'm around, but I think because he knows I'm always going to be there he takes me for granted and takes advantage of it... I accept the fact he doesn't want to be with me right now and I'm NOT going to beg and I will begin to move on because thats what I want to do, but how can I show him what he's missing? And I feel like now, if he does come back then I'll feel like its only because he couldn't find anything better... Edited May 17, 2011 by Daaanz
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You hand him any of his belongings and then tell him that it's the last contact that you will be having. Id honestly advise against the trip as its a more intimate situation, but all I can do is give advice. In the end its your call. Hope all goes well.
Author Daaanz Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 You hand him any of his belongings and then tell him that it's the last contact that you will be having. Id honestly advise against the trip as its a more intimate situation, but all I can do is give advice. In the end its your call. Hope all goes well. Thankyou for your advice!
phillyfan Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) Dude LISTEN UP. Drop him NOW n get ur life back. Hes playin u - he wants fun, some action, some attention, nothin more. Hes a user n hes treatin u bad - he has no interest in somethin serious wit u - he dont deserve ur attention. FORGET HIM and WALK AWAY now. Thats a dudes advice. Please dont waste ur time. Oh yea...and dont go on the vacation, and u guys cant be friends rite now - give it sum time, then u can be, but not now. Edited May 17, 2011 by phillyfan
rebeccajones Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Realize that he is not the same as before. He is not in love with you. If he was making you happy would be a priority to him. So decide if you want to wait to see if he changes or realize how he has changed and that he is now not what you want. Ask him what he wants right now so you know. Best wishes!! I'm in a similar situation.
Yellowbug Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Actions speak louder than words . . . I was in a similar situation, but my ex (who has a girlfriend) wrote me a very detailed love letter saying that he was still in love with me . . . We met to discuss it and he wanted to hug me and go out to have a good time . . . He really did NOT want to discuss the details of the letter. . . He wanted to have a good time and forget the past and forget talking about the future . . . Doesn't make him a bad person . . . Only human. Also, don't get me wrong . . . I love him very much, but that evening I told him goodbye because he obviously is confused and does not want to make a decision between 2 people . . . I made it my responsibility to make the decision for both of us, otherwise he would have been very happy to have me around to answer his calls, texts, and dinner invitations . . . All that with no commitment???? What a fantasy and dream for someone!!! I told him that I was coming from a good place, but that I would no longer respond to his messages . . . I said that if I'm meant to be in his life, then he'll find me . . . done . . . You need to do the same.
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