CorruptedOne Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 OK this is going to be fairly long, I apologise. My bf (He's 38 and I'm 24) of the past 6 months is refusing to tell certain people we are together. Actually, I'm not sure who knows and who doesn't since I have yet to meet any of his friends. The only people that I am aware of that know are people that don't live in the city. He lived with me for 2 months when we first started to date while waiting for his apt to become available. We grew very attached during the time we lived together and when he moved out to go live with a guy friend (pre arranged setup before I entered the equation) I was heart broken. We continued to see eachother very regularly (4 times a week or so) He always stays at my place and even has a key. I have been in his apt. twice for about 5 minutes. I have not even met the guy he lives with. I have pretty big trust issues but I really have fallen quite hard for this guy and surprising myself do trust him, but am starting to wonder how wise that is. 6 months and I haven't even met his roomate. We had been out playing a game of pool when a friend of his showed up, they talked for a few minutes and he didn't introduce me. I felt like crap, but didn't want to make an issue of it. Another time a guy called his cell and asked if he wanted to go out for the night and he said he had plans, buddy asked what he was up to, I'm guessing a couple of times, and he wouldn't say he was with his gf. I don't get it. Everyone on my end knows about him. Am I being insane? Overreacting? I'm getting really upset. I have told him it bothers me, but that was a while ago. I have let everything go up until now. I figured I'd give hi some time, but I think 6 months is plenty, or am I wrong?
USCGAviator Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 He might care too much what his friends think of him dating such a young woman. And/or feel you won't mix well socially with his friends. I assume your going to talk about this with him at some point. Hopefully you can get some closure to this.
utterer of lies Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Am I being insane? Overreacting? I'm getting really upset. I have told him it bothers me, but that was a while ago. I have let everything go up until now. I figured I'd give hi some time, but I think 6 months is plenty, or am I wrong? How sure are you he's actually living together with another guy and not with his (other) girlfriend?
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 How sure are you he's actually living together with another guy and not with his (other) girlfriend? This came to my mind as well. ^ I would be upset if I were left in the dark too. Have you communicated with him about it?
Eclypse Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I hate to say this but a friend's story almost exactly parallels this one. She is 20 though and he 38. She got suspicious as to why he never invited her over, or would accept her on facebook, or would never hold hands etc. She never met any of his friends either. Well he came to her place to dump her on valentines day this year. That's when she noticed the ring on his hand and he revealed he had a fiance who he was marrying the next day. I don't think I need to tell you she was a bit upset. They were "together" for a year and a half. I'm not saying this is the case with your man, but maybe you should insist to meet some of his friends. If he refuses it means there's something fishy going on.
Cee Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I think this is going to take a long conversation with him. With a long talk, you can get a sense of the coherence of what he is saying. There might be a plausible explanation, but frankly I can't think of one. I dated a 38 year old when I was 23 and I didn't meet his friends because he had moved to the city recently. But over time, I met his mom and his brother. And I stayed at his place, but initially he wouldn't let me. The truth came out that he was embarrassed that it was so small. His place, I mean. This sounds suspicious. Perhaps you can ease the truth out of him.
oldguy Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 How sure are you he's actually living together with another guy and not with his (other) girlfriend? This came to my mind as well. ^ I would be upset if I were left in the dark too. Have you communicated with him about it? Are you sure his the other guy isn't the other girlfriend for that matter. Cmon, it crossed your mind too.
Author CorruptedOne Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 I'm not sure how to quote, so I apologise. I do know for a fact that it is a guy living with him, but yes it has crossed my mind, but at least that much I know just by overhearing him talking to his friends on the phone and the general layout of his apt. He's a real guys guy, I've explained a lot of what was bothering me away on that, but I'm starting to feel like a bit of an idiot now. He's currently in Vegas and I have received 3 text messages (no phonecalls) from him since he left (Which was Friday). I don't know what hotel he is in, who he's sharing his room with, or who he's there with at all. He's there playing in the national championships with his billiards club. (60 of them all told, mixed men and women) I didn't ask for any of this information not wanting to make him think I was being controlling, and same went for phonecalls, though I figured he'd give me his room number so I could give him a call at some point. After reading your responses I'm leaning towards nicely pulling out of the races. I don't really want to play this game, I will still talk to him about it, but I shouldn't have to work this hard, he can find someone he feels comfortable introducing people to, and I can certainly find the same. Thanks for the replies. I needed to hear I wasn't crazy. Not so bright perhaps, but not crazy...
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