NicoleM Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It has been a week and I am still having a hard time coping:confused: One minute I think I have totally moved on and the next I am sad and depressed thinking was there something I could of done to change things or maybe I wasn't pretty enough. I have really,really low self-esteem ( I know I should work on it) but the way he didn't have the courtesy to break it off with me or he didn't have the decency to write back when I wrote him a Dear John letter it made matters 10 times worse and really damaged my ego. I keep looking at his profile ( incognito of course) and seeing when he is online ( which hasn't been much) and thinking is he really seeing someone?? It says Av on his profile when it used to be single. I keep thinking is she pretty?? I wish I could hack into his account and see or hack into his e-mail and see what is going on. Why am I having such a hard time coping??
stumbleine Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It has been a week and I am still having a hard time coping:confused: One minute I think I have totally moved on and the next I am sad and depressed thinking was there something I could of done to change things or maybe I wasn't pretty enough. I have really,really low self-esteem ( I know I should work on it) but the way he didn't have the courtesy to break it off with me or he didn't have the decency to write back when I wrote him a Dear John letter it made matters 10 times worse and really damaged my ego. I keep looking at his profile ( incognito of course) and seeing when he is online ( which hasn't been much) and thinking is he really seeing someone?? It says Av on his profile when it used to be single. I keep thinking is she pretty?? I wish I could hack into his account and see or hack into his e-mail and see what is going on. Why am I having such a hard time coping?? I know this may be hard to do, but you have got to stop looking at his profile. I had a girlfriend break up with me once, but I kept on and on and on looking at her profile..then I deleted her, and that's when I started feeling better. It may be hard at first. It's like getting thrown into the deep end when trying to learn how to swim, but you've got to learn how to swim again. The human mind can convince you that things are horrible and will stay bad now, but this is not the case. Things are very bound to get better. And the more you focus on your looks, the more you'll ruin your self esteem I think. I'm sure you're fine You'll pull through this!
Pikachu Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It has been a week and I am still having a hard time coping:confused: One minute I think I have totally moved on and the next I am sad and depressed thinking was there something I could of done to change things or maybe I wasn't pretty enough. I have really,really low self-esteem ( I know I should work on it) but the way he didn't have the courtesy to break it off with me or he didn't have the decency to write back when I wrote him a Dear John letter it made matters 10 times worse and really damaged my ego. I keep looking at his profile ( incognito of course) and seeing when he is online ( which hasn't been much) and thinking is he really seeing someone?? It says Av on his profile when it used to be single. I keep thinking is she pretty?? I wish I could hack into his account and see or hack into his e-mail and see what is going on. Why am I having such a hard time coping?? First of all you have to stop looking at his profile. I know its hard but if you continue to do it youll continue to reopen the wound over and over again.I didnt take my friends and families advice and hacked into my exes accounts and even though It was good to find out things I didnt know, the memories of what I found haunt me to this day. If I could take it back I would have never snooped. It took 2 months for me to have the courage to completely purge my house of my exe and promise myself not to check their status online but it has helped alot. Nothing good can come from checking up on him at this time. Your not alone, my self esteem was probably the lowest it has ever been right after my breakup but over time you begin to regain it little by little. I promise you that as long as you stay away from your exe time will heal you. Im not gonna lie, I still cry my eyes out from time to time but im in a way better place then I was 2 and a half months ago.
The Great Gazoo Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Every time you look at his profile it's liking making another new connection/tie to him. This is the time to cut the ties, not make new ones.
Author NicoleM Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Very true.... I just keep analyzing and analyzing and thinking what went wrong?? He told me I was beautiful and how I was the most beautiful person he has ever dated how could he just move on so quickly and throw me away like I was nothing.
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Very true.... I just keep analyzing and analyzing and thinking what went wrong?? He told me I was beautiful and how I was the most beautiful person he has ever dated how could he just move on so quickly and throw me away like I was nothing. As everyone says, you need to stop looking at his profile. Block it, so that you won't feel the urge to go and look him up. Have you deleted all of his photos from your profiles? Don't hold onto any old memories. I made a thread that says to mention 5 great things about you (self section), you should go and visit it and do the exercise. It will help your self esteem a bit, and show that you really do have things that you can offer to a relationship/ to the world in general. Work on yourself, as soon as you love yourself and realize you have so much to offer, you will move on much easier.
Sassygirl2 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It's going to take another week or two for you to get over this devastating feeling you are feeling. I was there a month ago. Do yourself a favor and buy yourself these 2 books, "10 Days to Self Esteem" by David Burns M.D. and the "Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. I ordered them on amazon last week (by suggestion of a fellow LSer) and they have really helped me feel better about myself. I now see that I need to change my way of thinking. It sounds like you have distorted thinking which is what I do as well. We have to change the way we think about the reality of our break ups. You have to change the way you think of yourself and not worry if you are "pretty enough". Surely there are many wonderful things about you. Some day a man is going to walk in and think you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and he will do anything to be with you. I know you don't believe it now but it will happen. Hang in there - you can do this!
Author NicoleM Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Do you think he said Nicole you are the most beautiful person I have ever dated as a line?? He used that line when we first made out and never said it again. I guess he was a player ( even though he claimed he wasn't) and since I fell for him I never looked at all of the red flags and blew off his hot/cold behavior and never really looked at who he was. I am going to hide his username online so I never get tempted to look at him again. Time to move on and slowly heal my heart:bunny:
Recommended Posts