lovefiction Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I have been with my boyfriend for five months but things have gotten a bit volatile because of personal problems he is dealing with. In the last month he has lost his custody battle for his kids and they will probably be moving away. I know he is going through a lot of stress and I do not want to add to it, but I feel like every time a problem arises he becomes guarded and retracts. On Thursday something terrible happened and he said he did not want to talk about it... I said ok and tried to be supportive. He hinted that he wanted to see me but when I tried to confirm that he pulled back and said forget it... Since then he has not called. I texted him a few times that night and then left him alone all weekend. Then I sent him an email and a couple of texts on Monday asking him to call but he has not... I am confused and troubled. I do not know what to say or do... Do I leave him alone and let him come around on his own? Do I keep texting or call to make sure he is ok? Am I making things worse?
Datura Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Have you mentioned anything else in the emails/texts aside from requesting him to call? If not, tell him you understand he is having some difficulty, and that you will be there for him, whenever he needs to talk. Since you are unsure of what to do, ask him when he decides to contact you if he needs anything in particular. He might need nothing more than an open ear. If you're good in the kitchen, consider dropping off a home cooked meal, or something he enjoys - a magazine, etc.
Author lovefiction Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Thanks for the idea... Yes, I have told him in the text and email that I am sorry that things are really bad right now and that I am here when he wants to talk. Although he said he did not want to talk, it seemed that he wanted company and then out of the blue he shut down and said to forget it... And then nothing... I am not sure if I am mixing my needs (i.e. him calling) with my wish to be supportive... I think I probably am... Perhaps some food or a good book would be a more considerate gesture than whining about calling... Thanks!!!
Author lovefiction Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Hmmm... I just called an left a message, trying to be more supportive and less burdensome but since he didn't answer I am wondering if dropping something off at his house would be a bit too much... I have never shown up at his house without a clear invitation (despite his mention that I am always welcome)... So I guess I need to just wait it out... right???
Datura Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Sorry for being unclear. Such a suggestion was made with the intent of not being seen. If you are unable to determine whether or not he's home, maybe a meal wouldn't be the best choice.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'd just leave him alone. By pursuing him, you'll only irritate him. When and if he works through whatever is bothering him, you can tell him how frustrating it was for you to be pushed aside while he dealt with things and suggest a dialog that encourages a more satisfactory compromise. If he continues to act this way when he's going through problems, then I'd re-evaluate this relationship's future if that's how you feel.
Recommended Posts