Golfwithme Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Im 40, she is 27. I have been seperated for 6 months or so. We started hanging out thru other friends. It was all of us hanging to begin with then just her and I. It just seemed like we were always on the same page, i would txt her and she was in the process of txting me, etc etc. She knew i was looking to try and get back w/ my wife. But after not much success or answers of any sort from my wife and hangin w/ her I began to get feelings for her. We crossed the line one night and kissed which led to serious making out. She would always come to house, sit in my lap, cuddle, etc. It just felt "right". She told me everytime she was getting ready to leave that she didnt want to go and one night when i left her place she felt really "alone", not wanting me to go. Anyhow, she still was thinking of me and my wife's situation and I knew she was enjoying the single life, going out w/ all her friends, etc on the weekend. I also knew she was probably doing dinner, etc with other guys. She went to dinner one evening w/ "someone" and then was at my house by 8. The next day I found out it was someone that i knew, not someone I hangout with, but yes i knew him and it didnt seem right for us to be making out and then her going out w/ him so I told her that and she said, I dont even know why i went out w/ him, im not interested, etc. So that all started the downward spiral to our "make out sessions". But we talked and she said that if she was interested in a steady dating relationship she would give us a shot because of the connection that we do have. I jsut found it hard to step back and reel in my feelings in the situation. She admits the connection, obvioulsy is attracted in some way, told me her feelings about us leaving one another after the make out sessions and she just not wanting to move forward. So we take a break, she calls and txts randomly asking how i am, etc. After a few weeks i send her a txt telling her that I have truly missed her in every aspect and 2 days later she is back hanging at my house. So of course i think she may be thinking a little more than just friends now, so after us hanging out for couple weeks I ask her and once again, she says I just want us to be friends right now. She missed being able to talk to me about anything, the good times we had hanging out, etc is what she said. So I decide to tell her one night that we can not hangout anymore. That it is just to hard for me to step back and just be her buddy. I give her a card that tells her how much I enjoy her company and that I think she is the best. She sends me txt and tells me she is speechless at what just happened but respects my decision, etc. Next day sends another txt thanking me for card again and tells me she had read it several times and keeps it with her in her day planner. We txt here and there for a few days and I find out she is having issues with her car. So of course I help her out with that and meet her to drop off car and take her back to work one day. That evening she txt me asking if I want to come to her place and go get ice cream or something. So of course I do, afterwards we are watching tv and this show was on about a guy really into this girl and they really click, and i made comment that dont worry dude, in a month you two will just be friends and she rolls away from me off the sofa and gives me that look. She is a really emotional lady and tries to please everyone. Something that day thru email happened between her and her ex from 9 months ago and she felt he was putting blame on her about something not related to their relationship and she was upset about that. Then she proceeds to mention our situation bothers her because she cant please me right now because I would like a lil more than just friends and she isnt willing to give that so she feels she is disappointing me. So we talk about us again and the same thing, maybe needing to step back, etc. And I tell her that truly care for her and would never want to hurt her in anyway, so if our situation really bothers her like that, then I would do everything I could not to bring it up anymore. The day before I heard a new song on radio that made me think of her and I. I sent her a txt and included that song title and said I hate the radio and LOL. The day after I left her place from the talk once again I was riding down road and heard the song, right after song was over she sent txt saying just heard. I replied me too, was just thinking about you, hmmmm. She replies Craaazzzzyyy, hmmmm. Stuff like that is what I was referring to the crazy connection we have in the way things happen on a day to day basis. Anyhow, if just wanting to be friends, etc why in the world would she even send me that txt. I absolutely love spending time w/ her and obvioulsy care deeply for her but with her saying I can only offer friendship, but with some of the other things she does, etc... what am I to do???
thatone Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 she is manipulating you, and you are letting her do it. you made three critical errors that i see... a) she basically offered you sex and you didn't take it. you never got random emails from an ex who you've been split up with for almost a year that 'upset' you, did you? yeah, she doesn't either. that ex isn't 9 months away. he's probably with her right now. b) the bit with helping her with her car. when she brought that up you should have put her in her place right there on the spot. "wait a minute, i'm not your boyfriend, you told me no. your car isn't my problem". don't beat around the bush, just say you paid for her car repairs (which was a mistake on your part). c) she gave you that look after you made that comment about what you were watching on TV because you accidentally called her on her BS, and it caught her off guard. she wants you to be the more mature, stable, free spending older guy that does everything for her that the younger guy she's sleeping with doesn't do. you can chase forever but you're never gonna catch her. i would bet that the only thing that interested her to start with was the fact that she got a kick out of stealing some guy from his wife. she's manipulative, that's what she does, after all. do yourself a favor and be the one to tell her to stop calling/texting you. you'll sleep better that way.
NoMagicBullet Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You've only been separated for 6 months, so really, you're still married and unavailable to her. Even if she wanted to be more than friends with you, why should she stop seeing other guys when you still have your own past to take care of? If anything, she's smart for keeping it "just friends" with a man who is still married. Words are cheap, and for all she knows, you could go back to your wife. What you need to do is spend less time analyzing her and more time getting yourself out of separation limbo.
Author Golfwithme Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Neal, she didnt offer me sex that I refused. Her ex is dating someone, they are still friends and he was in town and they ran into one another downtown one night and she just said hey and walked off, so he was giving her a hard time about that. I did not pay for her car repairs either. But, maybe your "c" could be on point. Anyhow, just in the past she has said one thing and her actions say something else. I guess I should just back off and be her friend, do my thing and if she calls or txts be nice but dont offer out any invites, etc. Only time will tell and my divorce will be final if that is her hold up. she is manipulating you, and you are letting her do it. you made three critical errors that i see... a) she basically offered you sex and you didn't take it. you never got random emails from an ex who you've been split up with for almost a year that 'upset' you, did you? yeah, she doesn't either. that ex isn't 9 months away. he's probably with her right now. b) the bit with helping her with her car. when she brought that up you should have put her in her place right there on the spot. "wait a minute, i'm not your boyfriend, you told me no. your car isn't my problem". don't beat around the bush, just say you paid for her car repairs (which was a mistake on your part). c) she gave you that look after you made that comment about what you were watching on TV because you accidentally called her on her BS, and it caught her off guard. she wants you to be the more mature, stable, free spending older guy that does everything for her that the younger guy she's sleeping with doesn't do. you can chase forever but you're never gonna catch her. i would bet that the only thing that interested her to start with was the fact that she got a kick out of stealing some guy from his wife. she's manipulative, that's what she does, after all. do yourself a favor and be the one to tell her to stop calling/texting you. you'll sleep better that way.
thatone Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) you said it yourself, her actions say one thing, her words another. how do you start a relationship with someone who has lied to you in such a short period of time? i've been in the exact same shoes, she was 10 years younger than me, not too far off from where you two are. i asked her before i ever saw her outside of where we met "is there a boyfriend or not?" she lied. then it was "we broke up so i can go out with you now", then it was "he keeps calling me". then it was "i don't want a relationship right now, lets just be friends". i had the nice house, nice car, time to spend, money to spend, and made my intentions very clear. she decided to try and manipulate me and have both, but as soon as she said "just be friends" the answer has to be no. that's what it boils down to, someone is gonna lose because you're not gonna get her. if you keep chasing her, you're the loser. she's trying to keep two men at the same time, if you tell her no, she loses. there is no common ground. Edited May 17, 2011 by thatone
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