IceIceBaby Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 My boyfriends family is going on vacation in September and invited me along. They're going on a cruise and staying in FL for a week. I'm not sure of the room situation in FL, but on the cruise (which is 5 days/4 nights) they have two rooms. One for his parents and his sister and one for me, my boyfriend and his brother. I wasn't technically asked to go by my boyfriend...and then his parents bought the flights and booked the rooms, and booked for me as well. Apparently it was assumed I would go. Now I would love to go. But I have some concerns. His brother snores like it's nobody's business. Like you can hear him from the second floor when he's sleeping behind a closed door in his bedroom on the first floor. I do not do well with snoring...it's absolutely my #1 pet peeve and it makes me crazy. And if I can't sleep for days at a time, I'm not going to be a very fun person. Now his brother wants to bring a friend...a male friend. This is a 30 year old man bringing a friend on a family vacation...very weird to me but beside the point. So that means I'll be sharing a room with three guys. One of whom I don't know at all. I've spoken to my boyfriend about getting our own room but it might not be possible and I think he's getting frustrated with me. So I'd like to hear peoples opinions on this situation. Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Do I need to just suck it up and go? Or am I being pretty reasonable?
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 As the hosts, you have been invited under their parameters and budget. It's not appropriate to ask them alter their vacation plans to suit your individual needs. You've been invited to go, this is what they are willing to provide, and you get to choose whether you accept their offer, or not. The best you can do here is to offer to pay for your own room, the two of you. If your boyfriend is not amenable to that, then you need to decide if you can (or cannot) put up with the snoring. I do empathize - I personally wouldn't even go in that situation if my bf and I couldn't afford our own room.
Author IceIceBaby Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 His parents aren't paying...we're all paying our own way, so my boyfriend and I can afford to get our own room. But at this point, I think the cruise is sold out. I wish I had been properly invited when the cruise was first booked because I would have brought up getting our own room then.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Four nights on a boat with the "in-laws", sharing a room with two men in addition to your boyfriend, and getting hardly any privacy doesn't sound like a very fun or relaxing vacation to me. You could wear earplugs to deal with the snoring, but there's still the matter of essentially no privacy. If it were me, I'd probably skip the cruise, reserve a private room at the destination hotel, and fly to meet them there for the stationary time. This way you don't have to endure the no-privacy part, but you still get to participate in part of the vacation.
TouchedByViolet Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Sounds like if you go on this vacation you will need another one just to recover
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 His parents aren't paying...we're all paying our own way, so my boyfriend and I can afford to get our own room. But at this point, I think the cruise is sold out. I wish I had been properly invited when the cruise was first booked because I would have brought up getting our own room then. Ah, I misunderstood. Well, if there are no other rooms, then you need to decide if you're going to accept the circumstances as they are, or if you're going to kiss him goodbye as he heads out and wish him well. RS has a good idea.
NoMagicBullet Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'll bet the cost per person is a lot less with 4 people in one room than with 2. It might not be an issue monetarily for you or you boyfriend, but how about the friend? Would a cruise normally be affordable for this friend? If not, then it was nice of your boyfriend to invite his friend to share the vacation at a more affordable cost. Besides, you're not a member of their family (yet), and they invited you. Since it was planned by his family, it's not meant to be a romantic vacation for the two of you. Yes, it sucks that the two of you won't have your own room, but neither will his parents, who have the sister in their room. This vacation is obviously meant to include everyone, so compromises will have to be made by everyone, including you, if you go. Snoring is another matter, but I suggest you sleep with earplugs and the brother sleep wearing those breathe-right strips or whatever he has to do keep it to a minimum. You can both meet each other halfway on that, and hopefully it will work. I don't know how long you've been dating, but it sounds like your relationship is serious enough that his parents are including you in the vacation. If you are serious about this guy, then this is exactly the opportunity for you to step up, compromise on some things (sharing a room) while making your needs known (like a good night's sleep), and working things out with the others involved -- to demonstrate you're LTR &/or marriage material. On the other hand, you may find out more about your boyfriend and his family on this trip that may change your mind about the relationship. If you do go, try to look at the good points of going and the fun you can have instead of all the reasons why it's less than perfect. Sure, there will be frustrations, but unless you're being treated badly, the only one who will make you miserable is you.
sanskrit Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Let's get a little perspective here and play some devil's advocate. This is a cruise, not the type of vacation where you will be spending much time in your room/cabin at all. You basically go there to change and sleep, that's it. Moreover, you will likely be dog tired when you turn in due to activities and getting your sea legs, and if you drink alcohol, quite amenable to sleep. If your BFs bro and his friend are going to be doing what I imagine they are planning to do (party all night and chase women), they might not be around at all at night, and may sleep during the day, giving you and your BF privacy and alleviating the snoring at the same time. If they do happen to sleep while you are sleeping, earplugs and some benadryl should take care of the snoring issue. Look into the cruise demographics, and if it has any "partying" aspect at all, it's highly likely your BFs bro and friend will be a nonissue. Maybe even ask your BF about it. Sounds like a fun adventure.
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