AnneBlack Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I have been married for 5 months now... We dated for 4 years, and known each other for 1 year before getting in a relationship... We never been living together before the marriage... our relationship was old fashion... i'm in my late 20's, and he's starting his 30's... We have a kid together (not so old fashion in that way!), and until we got married, the three of us finally starting to live like a family, all together! So that sounds pretty nice... It all stops here, when I have to realized that my husband (an only child, with no father in sight), is a mamma's boy... after work, he goes straight to visit his mom EVERY SINGLE DAY... thank god during the weekend he stays with us... our daughter asks for him every night "where's daddy? is he comming?"... I have talked to him, stating that our kid needs him too... he says that he can't leave his mom all day long by herself, that she is sick (she has diabetes, but is in very good shape)... he goes out of work, and 4 hours later he's back at home... my mother in law does not want him to visit her everyday, that he must stay with us, but he insists on visiting her every day... today, we got into a fight, just because his pants were wrinkled... his reaction? he took all his clothes i was going to iron (i do iron every tuesday), to his mom, so she'll do the ironing instead of me... i never get to cook him lunch, since he gets food at his work... never get to cook him diner, since he goes to his mom... i work also, but i wish to be a good wife, like "normally" wives work yeah, i should have known better before the marriage, but now i'm in this mess... i'm desperate... i say to him "i want a husband, not a mommy's boy"... nor i would treat him like his mom does (she serves him, clean for him, do every house job for him, while all he does is watch tv while he in his mom's house... with me, i ask him to help me out, to serve drinks while i serve the food, for example...) don't know what to sey... is it a cry for help? or do i need a question to ask: "how do i live with a man that is a boy with his mom?"... how can i get this boy to grow up? please help!
DaisyLeigh Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I would give him ONE chance to change his ways. Then, I would get my legal ducks in a row and put his ass out. Let him live with his mother and sleep in HER bed. He is no husband and no father.
Author AnneBlack Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 it's hard to hear it, but i think i needed to hear what i knew all along... thankx!
DaisyLeigh Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 it's hard to hear it, but i think i needed to hear what i knew all along... thankx! I don't mean to be harsh, but these types of babyish "men" rarely change. He has a child and still chooses to be with MOMMY. That is really disgusting. Just make sure he doesn't get out of his legal obligations to his child before he goes off to live in bliss with Mommy.
whichwayisup Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 my mother in law does not want him to visit her everyday, that he must stay with us, but he insists on visiting her every day... Go with him sometimes when he goes to see his mom. Bring your child too! Why is he ignoring his mother's requests? Why does he feel the need to go spend the evening with her Mon-Fri when he should be at home with you and his child? Put your foot down, let him know that it's TOO much and you're fed up, that he isn't being a good husband or a father. Your kid needs his father at night, to bath, to cuddle, to read a book and bond.. He's missing out on that, as well as spending alone time with you, after your kid goes to sleep.. Husband and wife alone time is so important..
nordic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 yeah, dump him. then you are a single mother free to date the likes of me. depending on if i like you or not, i will go for as dirty stuff i can with you as soon humanly possible, and you will end up being screwed over and over trying to find somebody to support you and you child. might make you long for your husband, whose big fault is that he likes his mother cooking more than yours. really, he doesnt sound that bad to me, there is worse men in the world, and whichever you get, there will always be somehting, always...
Lecturer Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'm pretty disgusted by that behaviour. To neglect his OWN parental responsibilities in order to be babied by his mother? Grow the **** up, dude. I'd suggest having a talk with his mother (when he's not around), and trying to form a united front. Then, together (with her by your side), have an intervention. Make it so he has no CHOICE about where he goes after work. Make it so he can't run to his mommy when things don't go his way. We do need a modicum of understanding here, though - clearly something is DEEPLY ingrained into his being, and it will take a LOT of effort to get him to fix it. It won't be an easy job for him, and it can't be done overnight.
nordic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'm pretty disgusted by that behaviour. To neglect his OWN parental responsibilities in order to be babied by his mother? Grow the **** up, dude. I'd suggest having a talk with his mother (when he's not around), and trying to form a united front. Then, together (with her by your side), have an intervention. Make it so he has no CHOICE about where he goes after work. Make it so he can't run to his mommy when things don't go his way. We do need a modicum of understanding here, though - clearly something is DEEPLY ingrained into his being, and it will take a LOT of effort to get him to fix it. It won't be an easy job for him, and it can't be done overnight. yeah, thats gonna work:-) changing men is a favourite female pass time. always equally successful.
allina Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 This is just bizarre, especially since it isn't his mom that is pushing for this behavior. Other than getting angry do you discuss what is going on with him? Did he not want marriage and children? Does he feel trapped at home?
musemaj11 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Why not just move his mom to your home? She doesnt sound like a bad in law after all. She will take care of the house and your child while you and your husband can work and enjoy the rest of the day. This is how things have worked in most parts of the world for ages.
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