raising self esteem

[z00m25]

hi all, been a while since ive posted. me and my ex broke up jan 11th and recently got back together i think around april 3rd. She had cheated on me blah blah blah and i was an emotional wreck. We hadent said a word to each other since it happened but when we hung out the first time and actually talked about everything she broke down and said how much of a mistake she had made and how much she still loved me and wanted to get back together. and wed had several talks about how she knows she messed up and what not and decided the past is the past we cant do anything about it now.

 

Anyways my dilemma, everything went back to normal and it feels like we never even broke up but ill never be able to forgive her for what she did to me and i told her that. Not always but sometimes i think about her being with that other dude, and i know she was with 2 other guys for the 2 months we were broken up. I dont even know if i truely want to be with her all i know is im happier than i was when i wasnt, and now i dont have as much trouble sleeping at night. I know i have some self esteem issues and am looking for ways to make myself feel better about myself. I will probably end up staying with her but im just so unhappy all the time anymore i def dont feel the same way i did about her the last time around. She was the first and only girl ive ever loved... and deep down i want it to work out, i just dont want history to repeat itself. ive been going to the gym and trying to maintain my looks a little bit more instead of sitting around playing video games but what else can i do to feel better about myself? my friends are not much help at all and it feels like shes all i have yet again and i def do not want to talk about any of this to her. And dont get me wrong i do love her and am happy with her its just hard when im alone by myself at work or away from her..i just dont want her to be the only person i have to depend on, im def not ok when im by myself and never have been i guess =\ any advice is appriciated.

[PrettyLady1]

Sorry about your gf cheating. Everyone has there reasons, just sucks when you dont know exactly why. I've done to guys what your gf has done to you. My reasons for cheating was that my bf at the time was a jerk and gave me reasons to believe he wasn't being faithful, even found out that he did actually cheat. So i did the dirty deed back. Other times i was caught up in the moment and just cheated. As long as you've done it once its not hard to do again. When ppl go out with other ppl during a break thats not a good sign. I did that to and it was because i didnt take the relationship that i was in seriously. I wanted to see if i could find something better in the mean time. When i didnt i went back to my bf. Now is definitely the time to focus on yourself. Go to the gym, take a class in something, find a really good hobbie, change your wardrobe, get a new haircut, continue exercising. Start doing things that make you look and feel good. Go out with your friends once in a while, show them you can have fun. Get closer to them so you can talk to someone when you feel down. Its not a good feeling when you feel like you have no one to talk to. Ive been through that too and it sucks. You need to take control of your life. Make sure shes worth it if you continue your relationship with her. I wasted 2 in half years with one bf and then 1 in a half years with another. I dont talk to either anymore and i wasted so much time and energy on ppl who didnt deserve me.