Fedor Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I'm conflicted as I want to take a break from my gf because I feel very unhappy. On the other hand, I feel like our relationship is weak if we have to take a break. We have taken 2 before but I was against that when it happend. I dont want to keep taking breaks when the going gets tough. Would you guys say that a break is unhealthy for a relationship?
oldguy Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 No they usually take hold and last. NC is a way for one to either leave a relationship or make sure it's over. In any case; No, once the communication is over, the effort stops. But by then the relationship is usually done or in deep trouble anyway. Sorry And all I wanted to say was "no" but I had to type at least 10 characters.
secondhand_heart Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Fedor, I don't think breaks are unhealthy. I believe that sometimes we all need space. However, I will say that I am not a fan of the "break" only because from my experience, it is just a long, drawn-out break up. Breaks are definitely ok until it becomes a drawn out break up. If you want a break, the specifics definitely need to be clear. Will you be seeing other people? Will you be talking/being around each other as much? Make sure there is no grey area. If this is a break meant to mend things, it should be obvious that no one is trying to hurt the other in the end. Good luck, and just be honest and make sure to TALK about it. The majority of problems aren't discussed enough, making things worse. If you love/care about the relationship, give it your respect and talk through things.
Kodo Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 It depends. By break do you mean spend some genuine time a part and just calm down and compose yourself? Or do you mean a a "free weekend pass" until you "feel" like talking to them again? The first CAN be helpful, infact I believe it would have saved my relationship had both of us not been so angry and not consider it. The second is pathetic.
Author Fedor Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 @Secondhand heart I feel the same way. A break is just a inevitable break up. But, we have been through 2 before but our problems seem to be escalating. I feel a lack of emotional connection and maybe a break could rekindle that? But at the same time, I want to be able to work through it hands on together. @Kodo The first lol. Shes at a stage right now where shes wanting to enjoy new things. The past few weeks, I have felt shoved to the side. I feel like a break could possibly benefit us both. But, like I said before, I dont want to take a break everytime the going gets tough.
secondhand_heart Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Fedor, When it comes to breaks/breaking up, you never know what the outcome will be afterwards. Only time will tell. Do you love her? Because it sounds to me like you aren't even a big fan of this whole "break" thing. Sit down, lay it all out...and decide together what should happen. If you feel a lack of emotional connection, be honest about it. If you haven't spoken together about this, there is a chance that she doesn't know you are having this problem. Maybe try some space. Don't do anything official, and as strange as this may sound...do NOT make a decision based on an emotional feeling quite yet. Our emotions are ever changing, but our reasoning should be rock solid. Try to think logically through this. When you break/break up on a whim, like what happened to me, you will be even more confused. My long-term boyfriend ended things in the middle of an argument. Nothing feels right about it, and I feel like it's because of an emotional decision. So just think hard, and weigh your options. List the pros and cons to a break.
Author Fedor Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 @Secondhand heart I love her very much. But I feel like she lacks the love that I want. We have been together for about 2.5 years and things are changing. She's going through changes such as graduating highschool. Maybe I should understand this since I'm in college already but I didnt throw her to the side when I had to graduate and such. When I try to talk to her about it, it either leads to a fight or to her saying she doesnt mean to do anything to make me feel like that. I just want to be able to work through this. We took a break a month ago but I feel like that is why were in this position now.
plasma Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I'm conflicted as I want to take a break from my gf because I feel very unhappy. On the other hand, I feel like our relationship is weak if we have to take a break. We have taken 2 before but I was against that when it happend. I dont want to keep taking breaks when the going gets tough. Would you guys say that a break is unhealthy for a relationship? 1. do you live together? 2. how old are you guys ? 3. if u take a break and she jumps on another guys magic stick within a week you have your answer. 4. do you have hobbies? gym? frieinds outside of her ? if your set on a break be ready for worst case scenario
Chi townD Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Taking a break is just another way of saying, breaking up. Don't kid yourself.
Author Fedor Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 1. do you live together? 2. how old are you guys ? 3. if u take a break and she jumps on another guys magic stick within a week you have your answer. 4. do you have hobbies? gym? frieinds outside of her ? if your set on a break be ready for worst case scenario I am 20 and she is 18. We plan on moving in together in a year or so. And of course we have our own hobbies like I go to the gym, movies and read about history. She also has her own things. I just feel like a lack of emotional connection when we talk to eachother sometimes. The sex is still amazing though.
1437 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 how long were your breaks before? what type of emotional connection are you looking for? maybe you need someone new/
plasma Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I am 20 and she is 18. We plan on moving in together in a year or so. And of course we have our own hobbies like I go to the gym, movies and read about history. She also has her own things. I just feel like a lack of emotional connection when we talk to eachother sometimes. The sex is still amazing though. shes got issues, id advise u jump ship now if shes not " available" now that means she will never be! wait until those dormant feelings she has surface! hold on for the ride my friend
Author Fedor Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 @1437 Our first break was a little over a month while the second was only about a week. The second happend recently but I begged her back and it worked. To some extent, I feel like the begging I did ruined the relationship because it is now enabling her to go against me in certain situations which wouldnt normally happen. I just want to feel the previous emotion connection we used to have. Basically just having a level of sweetness to our relationship that I feel is missing now. I dont know how to describe it. @plasma Maybe you are right. She told me last night that she does need to change some things she does when I confronted her. I feel like this is a good step. But at the same time, I kind of feel like **** buddies now that I think about it.
plasma Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 @1437 Our first break was a little over a month while the second was only about a week. The second happend recently but I begged her back and it worked. To some extent, I feel like the begging I did ruined the relationship because it is now enabling her to go against me in certain situations which wouldnt normally happen. I just want to feel the previous emotion connection we used to have. Basically just having a level of sweetness to our relationship that I feel is missing now. I dont know how to describe it. @plasma Maybe you are right. She told me last night that she does need to change some things she does when I confronted her. I feel like this is a good step. But at the same time, I kind of feel like **** buddies now that I think about it. only way she communicates is THROUGH sex, she has childhood trauma thats laying dormant. I bet if things are going well sex is good, if things are going bad she fixes it with crazxy good sex... sounds about right ?
Author Fedor Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 only way she communicates is THROUGH sex, she has childhood trauma thats laying dormant. I bet if things are going well sex is good, if things are going bad she fixes it with crazxy good sex... sounds about right ? It does but it only recently started! It wasnt like that in the beggining of the relationship.
plasma Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It does but it only recently started! It wasnt like that in the beggining of the relationship. dont be a blind fool! pay attention to these small details because they mean everything ! When she becomes undone at the seems and comes out of her cacoon your going to be her first victim i mean target:confused: ill pray for you!
Author Fedor Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 I hope you are not right Plasma. But I do feel like she wants to grow outside of me but she continues to deny it! Luckily, we had a good day today but I can still feel the rift increasing
Author Fedor Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Has anyone around here had luck with breaks?
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