He didn't technically initiate the break up, will no contact work for my situation?

[inwonderland]

My boyfriend and I split up a couple of months ago for a couple of reasons but afterwards both wanted to get back together as the feelings were still there it was just hectic schedules not giving us enough time together so we thought a break was the best thing to do. We decided to start seeing eachother again to see how it went because things had calmed down and everything was great but then it got to such a rubbish stage and he was acting as though he had no feelings for me and as if he never wanted to spend time with me. I didn't act needy or anything when he did this I just carried on as if everything was fine but after a while it got really annoying so I calmly asked him about it and said if he didn't want to be with me that's fine but I'd rather him just say that instead of acting cold, he said everything was fine and he did want to be with me and spend time with me and he'd make more of an effort.

 

 

 

After we spoke nothing changed and it carried on like that for a couple of weeks so in a moment of upset/anger I sent a message saying 'you know how i feel about you and i know you don't feel the same. if you don't feel the same about me i'd rather you just didn't speak to me because i'm fed up of not feeling good enough for you.'

 

 

I totally regret sending it, I know it wasn't the right way to handle it but I was drunk at the time and so upset. He didn't reply :/ I know things can be amazing between us so I want to give it another try but texting him makes me look desperate and needy because he didn't respond. I don't want to look as if I'm begging for him to want me..

 

 

 

It was last Saturday that I sent the message to him and we didn't speak since, until Saturday night just gone when I got a message on facebook saying 'I still have feelings for you xxx' from him. I messaged to ask about it but he told me it was his friend that sent it (they were out together and I saw some status' of them both messing around posting while on eachothers phones when they weren't looking) and he's sorry and it won't happen again he won't be so negligent next time.

 

 

 

I feel as if I am not ready to let it go and want to give it a proper try before giving up on us. I have read a lot about no contact on the internet, will no contact still work even though it was sort of me that initiated us not speaking?

[LovelyMiss]

I don't know so much about that, but the fact he said he didn't write the message but a friend did... sounds like games to me.

[WTRanger]

If you want to stay in your current situation, the do nothing. If you want to start the healing process, then break up with him officially, then start NC.

 

Yes, you need to break up with him if you feel that your needs aren't being met. He's not going to do it. He's getting everything. Sex, female companionship, and all without any commitment to you. It's a win-win for him. You start to nag, he just ignores you until you cave. He's absolutely not accountable for anything.

 

He's also not going to come back around and commit back to you. If he felt that way, he'd have already done it. The work, schedules, etc, that's just excuses. Anyone and everyone will tell you that if you really care about someone, nothing stands in your way.

[Trovador]

He is fine throwing bread crumbs to you, you clearly are not satisfied with that... guess who has to do something drastic so things can change?

 

If you just complain about the situation they get mad and pull away, if you keep quiet, they think everything's OK and keep doing it... sadly, they don't understand until you show some backbone and disappear from their lives and even then they couldn't care less... but at least you are leaving with dignity...

 

Stop being around him, maybe he'll see his mistake, maybe not, in any case, you will be better and free...

[Jorc12]

well... in this case I will give you an advice, that may or may not work, it basically depends on how he feels for you, simple as that, you need to end it, NOW, sometimes, well men, we can be a little over confident about a girl and we take it for granted, what you need to do, is to break that ilussion by simply breaking up, but not by sms or some facebook message you need to do it the right way, and you need to look calmed,sure about what you are doing, once you're done with it, then you just need to start worrying about other things, date people with time, go out with friends, stuff like that you know the way it goes, make up your mind not to think too much about him, make a schedule, stick to it, avoid being totally alone, basic things, this is were the tricky part is... he obviously will get curious about you, and if he see's and is truly interested in you, once you're gone, hes gonna miss you, simple flat as that, thing is, if he's not, he is just gonna move on... that's why you need to act, feel, behave, and eventually convince yourself, ITS OVER, cus it might...on the other hand,if he contacts you try to be a bit cold, dont break on the first call or he will regain confidence, you need, to show him, what he is missing here.. a couple days, and a cold treatment, (this might even include not answering occasionally, not being rude, just, indiferent) you will start feeling when he cracks, wait a couple days after this, then... then you can start talking

[inwonderland]

Yeah what you've all said totally makes sense.

 

When I told friends about it they said that the way I said it will make him not contact me because he will think I want him to leave me alone, but I didn't see it like that and you're all right that if he does care he would have contacted and if he doesn't I'm better off without him. I wish it was as easy as thinking about it like that and being over it! ha but it's a start thank you