NC or time for the next move?

[KrisT]

Hey I'm a newbie to this site. I stumbled across it today as I have been obsessively Googling breaks,break ups, and second chances for 17 days. My friends and family have offered all the insight and advice they know to give. Now I thought I'd try public forums. I'm sure there are many of you out here who have a similar experience and can offer insight, which would be appreciated.

 

Met a beautiful man 3 months ago. I knew since the first date he was it for me. Though I knew from day one, I kept it cool, allowing him to initiate the progression. Concentrated on school, family, and friends while getting to know him. Two weeks into it, he said he was not interested in juggling multiple woman. Mentioning if I wanted to juggle multiple men he would not mind, but he had to ask if I would consider being exclusive. Of course I answered yes! A week later we were snuggling each others naked bodies after having another incredible love making session. We talked one another to sleep again that night. He opened up more about his kids and his family that night, telling me about his father having cancer. He cried in my arms that night, saying he has never felt such an amazing connection with any other woman before now. He said he never thought he was ever going to find that "one" made only for him, a "soul mate". Now he has and he loves me. I tried not to cry, could not believe this was finally happening. He also asked that night again, when I would be ready to be introduced to his children.

 

In the months that followed, despite the intimidation a woman like me who always answered the question about wanting kids..."uhh maybe with the right guy" and a woman who as a teenager did not except babysitting jobs. We hung out with his children. It was nice. Though he was aware of my intimidation of the "instant family" he was supportive and gave me time. Ultimately he even said how natural my relationship was developing with them especially his daughter. We took romantic trips to the ocean. Talked about marriage.

 

Now 17 days ago tension was in the air. I tried twice that day to talk to ask whats up. He first said "nothing". Then he said "I don't want to talk about it". I knew he was mad about something, he was ragging all that day. Not at me just in general cussing throwing stuff around. A side I had not seen of him yet. I told him he was kind of scaring me. He yelled "oohh really", so I grabbed the clothes I had at his house left for class early just wanted to get away from our 1st fight since he was not interested in talking about it. An hour later he emailed me saying he had no business being in a serous relationship. I went right away after getting that email to see him face to face. I said really I've tried to talk to you all day, and now your saying all this and at least we figured it out now instead of 20 years down the road. He said yep sorry. Still saying I don't want to talk about this anymore, and he just feels confused, overwhelmed, and like he is being pulled in to many different directions. Then he started to leave. He hesitated to take his house keys back from me when I offered them up. He left I left

 

Three days later, he logs on FB post about Bin Laden being dead. The day before I changed my relationship status to being in a relationship to its complicated, and my photo. He did not change his relationship status or change his profile picture that shows both of us at one of the romantic ocean trips.

 

Two days later I IM saying I would like him to bag up the rest of my stuff and leave it on his patio for me to pick up on Thursday, and told him he was right about the break up. Just like all the google searches told me to do. Hours after that IM he kicks me off FB and changes his picture. Now here we are 17 days no contact.

 

Sorry about the novel. So far in my browsing on here I have seen broken up couples that have not had similar circumstances, so I had to get out our history. I appreciate all those who have taken the few minutes to read, and reply. Now the insight I'm looking for is your take on this. Am I still just naive? Now that we are approaching 3 weeks, and his birthday. I want to reach out. Send him a card. Yes, my intentions with this birthday card is to feel out whats going on in his head now at almost a month of a break up. Especially because I feel I've received mixed messages since the beginning of this 17 days ago. The hesitation with the key which I offered up when he did not ask for it back. The whole Facebook status drama and the timing of said FB drama playing out once I told him he was right about the break up which was not what I was saying 5 days earlier to him. No contact or time for the next move the birthday card?

[ShatteredReality]

You certainly have nothing to lose by asking him why he broke up with you in the first place - for closure. But when you IMed him and told him he was right and it was over...well it sort of gave him the impression you're ready to move on...so even if he wasn't and was just being emotional he's probably begun to close the door on the relationship and concentrate on anything negative he can in order to try to get over you. I would probably try to find out what the real reason was for the break up - seems to me like something happened...but ultimately he may not be willing to speak to you about it, in which case NC all the way and try to move forward.

[KrisT]

Thanks shatteredreality. I have been hopping someone would take a minute to give some insight. No one has mentioned that the FB drama might be him realizing I'm over it and a strategical:confused: move on his part. Clearly I'm not but he broke up with me so I have to get over it. Well I don't think I want to use the birthday card as an opportunity to get closure. I just wanted to get back on his radar. Say hey I'm thinking about you. See if once I pass the ball to his court if he passes it back or not. HMMM

[Kari]

I agree with ShatteredReality. It would be a good idea to find out the reason of the break up.

 

If he avoids you or avoids answering, it would be best to go NC and move on.

[KrisT]

I appreciate the insight Kari. I have been leading towards the continued NC and not sending the card. But thanks to the reply posts I'm feeling I should extend the opportunity to him try to establish a dialogue with him again. Anyone else want to chime in?

Edited May 17, 2011 by KrisT
keeping the thread on page 1

[KrisT]

Hey I'm a newbie to this site. I stumbled across it today as I have been obsessively Googling breaks,break ups, and second chances for 17 days. My friends and family have offered all the insight and advice they know to give. Now I thought I'd try public forums. I'm sure there are many of you out here who have a similar experience and can offer insight, which would be appreciated.

 

Met a beautiful man 3 months ago. I knew since the first date he was it for me. Though I knew from day one, I kept it cool, allowing him to initiate the progression. Concentrated on school, family, and friends while getting to know him. Two weeks into it, he said he was not interested in juggling multiple woman. Mentioning if I wanted to juggle multiple men he would not mind, but he had to ask if I would consider being exclusive. Of course I answered yes! A week later we were snuggling each others naked bodies after having another incredible love making session. We talked one another to sleep again that night. He opened up more about his kids and his family that night, telling me about his father having cancer. He cried in my arms that night, saying he has never felt such an amazing connection with any other woman before now. He said he never thought he was ever going to find that "one" made only for him, a "soul mate". Now he has and he loves me. I tried not to cry, could not believe this was finally happening. He also asked that night again, when I would be ready to be introduced to his children.

 

In the months that followed, despite the intimidation a woman like me who always answered the question about wanting kids..."uhh maybe with the right guy" and a woman who as a teenager did not except babysitting jobs. We hung out with his children. It was nice. Though he was aware of my intimidation of the "instant family" he was supportive and gave me time. Ultimately he even said how natural my relationship was developing with them especially his daughter. We took romantic trips to the ocean. Talked about marriage.

 

Now 17 days ago tension was in the air. I tried twice that day to talk to ask whats up. He first said "nothing". Then he said "I don't want to talk about it". I knew he was mad about something, he was ragging all that day. Not at me just in general cussing throwing stuff around. A side I had not seen of him yet. I told him he was kind of scaring me. He yelled "oohh really", so I grabbed the clothes I had at his house left for class early just wanted to get away from our 1st fight since he was not interested in talking about it. An hour later he emailed me saying he had no business being in a serous relationship. I went right away after getting that email to see him face to face. I said really I've tried to talk to you all day, and now your saying all this and at least we figured it out now instead of 20 years down the road. He said yep sorry. Still saying I don't want to talk about this anymore, and he just feels confused, overwhelmed, and like he is being pulled in to many different directions. Then he started to leave. He hesitated to take his house keys back from me when I offered them up. He left I left

 

Three days later, he logs on FB post about Bin Laden being dead. The day before I changed my relationship status to being in a relationship to its complicated, and my photo. He did not change his relationship status or change his profile picture that shows both of us at one of the romantic ocean trips.

 

Two days later I IM saying I would like him to bag up the rest of my stuff and leave it on his patio for me to pick up on Thursday, and told him he was right about the break up. Just like all the google searches told me to do. Hours after that IM he kicks me off FB and changes his picture. Now here we are 17 days no contact.

 

Sorry about the novel. So far in my browsing on here I have seen broken up couples that have not had similar circumstances, so I had to get out our history. I appreciate all those who have taken the few minutes to read, and reply. Now the insight I'm looking for is your take on this. Am I still just naive? Now that we are approaching 3 weeks, and his birthday. I want to reach out. Send him a card. Yes, my intentions with this birthday card is to feel out whats going on in his head now at almost a month of a break up. Especially because I feel I've received mixed messages since the beginning of this 17 days ago. The hesitation with the key which I offered up when he did not ask for it back. The whole Facebook status drama and the timing of said FB drama playing out once I told him he was right about the break up which was not what I was saying 5 days earlier to him. No contact or time for the next move the birthday card?

Please advice his Bday is a week away, thinking about sending the card tomorrow!!!

[ShatteredReality]

Please advice his Bday is a week away, thinking about sending the card tomorrow!!!

 

If you randomly send him a birthday card he will most likely discard it after scratching his head for a minute asking himself why you bothered...he also probably won't contact you so you won't get the answers you're looking for...

[1437]

maybe call him and wish him happy birthday and at the same time ask bout the break up? you honestly deserve to know why, tell me how it goes lol. i broke up with my ex and his birthday is tomorrow =( kinda hesitating whether i wanna call him or not?

[KrisT]

Hey 1437 how long has it been since you two broke up? I don't know about calling. If I heard his voice I'm not sure I could hold back emotions which might me seem silly, desperate. I feel hesitant to bring up the break up at this point. I'm determined to keep it casual.

[1437]

ummm...about 10 months? lol, but he kept calling and calling until i changed my number. but yeah, when i broke up with him he really really drilled me as to why i broke up with him and i think he never quite understood =( but yeah, you really deserve to know lol. good luck =)

[KrisT]

Thanks 1437 for the help, and maybe since you needed to change your number to keep your ex from blowing up your phone you should maybe email a Happy Bday like an ecard its the nice thing to do. Just as long as you keep it casual so not to get the exs hopes up.