Rerhelba Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Ive posted on here before but basically me and my boyfriend of 2 and a half years are taking a break. It was my decision. I basically just felt that I wasn't getting out there and doing enough things with my life and he never likes doing anything other than staying in. We are both 21 and live in a flat together for the last 9 months. He has gone home for at least 2 weeks while I have some time to myself to think about whether or not this is going somewhere. I am finding it SO hard to be in this flat without him. I have stayed at a friends all weekend but she has work and i have revision so have come back. Mostly all of his things are still here and every single thing in this flat reminds me of him. This is the first day i have been on my own without him and I just feel like i want him back already. I don't know if it's genuinely what i want or that i actually just can't face to be in this flat without him. I know i need to give it time but i just can't think straight at all :/
smudge21 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 You've got used to him being around, and now it's hard to be without him. You can get this way with many things in life, a job, a car, a house and especially a person. The thing you have to try and work it is what you really want and that's not going to happen over night. A break is probably best for both of you as the last thing you want is to get tied down when you're not sure and then only look back years later with so much regret on what could've been. Give it a bit longer, do some stuff for yourself and with other people. Maybe in time your love for him will grow and you'll realise he is the one, but maybe you'll realise he isn't and have to move on totally. Time really is the only way forward I'm afraid.
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 smudge21 is spot on on this one. It's only been a day, take sometime to focus on yourself. Remind yourself why you took this break in the first place. You are having time apart to figure out what you want. Use it to your benefit. You may realize that it's best to be together, or you may decide to part ways. In the end it's you choice. You can't make that choice if you aren't giving yourself time to reevaluate and process your emotions.
Author Rerhelba Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 It is so hard. I just keep sitting here waiting for someone or something to make me feel better but it feels like he's the only one that could do that right now. As i said ive been at my friends all weekend and she has been helping me take my mind of the whole thing. Now she's gone back to work and i am on my own i can't concentrate on anything else. He just sent me a message saying that he hopes i am ok and that to let him know what it going on because if we DO break up then he has a lot of things to sort out at home. It just ripped me apart to think that this could be the end. I'm trying to give it time but i just feel like i can't do this. I'm not strong enough to sit in this flat on my own and get on with anything else. Part of me feels like i didn't try hard enough to work this through and that i want him to come back so we can try and sort things out but another part of me is so terrified to do it incase things don't work and i have to go through this again.
smudge21 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Try to focus on why you're doing this - what were the reasons. Write them down and keep them with you. What happened in the past that made you want to take this step. Plus, you've got to think positive - you're doing this not because you want to break up, nor because you want to test your love. You doing this because you want to know for sure what it is you truly want. So many people in life will settle for what they think makes them happiest, but often that's not the case. But they just accept it, don't try to fix any problems, and carry on. It's only much later in life when they have all those regrets and wish they'd have made a change a long time ago. As I said, no one's to know how you'll feel in a few weeks time - you may feel the need to move on and realise it's for the best, or you may realise just how much you love him and want him back. It takes time and you need to stay strong. If you fall now and just get back together, what will have honestly changed. You will more than likely be exactly where you were before you came here.
Author Rerhelba Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Thanks, you have definitely told me what i need to hear. I know i need to give myself time. I have got myself a list of reasons why i did this and keep reading it to remind myself. It is just hard after speaking and being with him everyday over the last 9 months or so and now he's not here. It's also hard because it is so easy for me to get hold of him, call him, text him whatever and I know i need to restrain myself or I'll just work myself into a state and miss him more which will more than likely blind me from the reasons we're on this break in the first place. Thanks for the advice, I will try and stick this out!
smudge21 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 It's tough but remember you're doing this not because you're breaking up, but because you're confused. It's not an ending (as many of us are facing, myself included) but more a possibility of a new beginning. It could very easily bring you two closer, but in the same sense, it could mean you have to seperate. Just give it time and see where your heart lays after a few weeks. Consider this like a holiday. You're just having a few weeks for yourself. Go make the most of it.
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