Lilmisus Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 For the past few weeks I've been the happiest I've been in a long, long time. Everyone around me can tell. I've been laughing a lot more, looking forward to the future, moving on with my life by getting a new job and place, focusing on my goals, and I feel absolutely great! But sometimes, like now, I feel like I just want to cry. For no real reason. I just feel an ache and a tear coming on. Sometimes, I just let the depression come over me, even though I know I shouldn't. When I get depressed, I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't get motivated to do anything. Because of it, I lost 10 pounds (that I didn't want to lose, and have been trying to gain back) in a few weeks, recently, and failed one of my classes due to lack of motivation and concentration. I refuse to let it come over me again though. For the few weeks I was depressed, though I tried to be strong, most everyone in my life was absolutely worried about me, and I just can't put them through that again. So right now, I'm trying to fight it off best I can I'm just tired of feeling like I'm on cloud 9 all day, and then later on, I feel like I just want to crawl under a rock and not be bothered by anybody. I know I'm not bipolar, but I'm tired of having my emotions going up and down like a roller-coaster. It's exhausting I love happiness. I want happiness. I'm willing to do anything for it. That means...no more sadness..and it just doesn't seem to want to go away sometimes. Anyone else in my boat?
Kodo Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I'll tell you something I wouldn't tell anyone in person. yes I'm in your boat. Friday night I came home and just snapped. All these thoughts of what I'd lost, who I'd lost, why it was my fault, why can't they se it's their fault just all exploded in my mind and left me sitting there on the floor on my knees. I just broke. And yet when I saw a counselor I was told I had reactive depression. everything that is happening is a "normal response to an abnormal situation". And here I am now listening to motivating music, having a good day and feeling on top of my emotions. People here often say to experience that grief, don't avoid it. I think that episode is exactly what they mean.
Desensitized Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 For the past few weeks I've been the happiest I've been in a long, long time. Everyone around me can tell. I've been laughing a lot more, looking forward to the future, moving on with my life by getting a new job and place, focusing on my goals, and I feel absolutely great! But sometimes, like now, I feel like I just want to cry. For no real reason. I just feel an ache and a tear coming on. Sometimes, I just let the depression come over me, even though I know I shouldn't. When I get depressed, I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't get motivated to do anything. Because of it, I lost 10 pounds (that I didn't want to lose, and have been trying to gain back) in a few weeks, recently, and failed one of my classes due to lack of motivation and concentration. I refuse to let it come over me again though. For the few weeks I was depressed, though I tried to be strong, most everyone in my life was absolutely worried about me, and I just can't put them through that again. So right now, I'm trying to fight it off best I can I'm just tired of feeling like I'm on cloud 9 all day, and then later on, I feel like I just want to crawl under a rock and not be bothered by anybody. I know I'm not bipolar, but I'm tired of having my emotions going up and down like a roller-coaster. It's exhausting I love happiness. I want happiness. I'm willing to do anything for it. That means...no more sadness..and it just doesn't seem to want to go away sometimes. Anyone else in my boat? Hey Lilmisus, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this - I will try to help you as best as I can (sorry in advance if I come off as harsh at times, but I am a firm believer of tough-love ). Before I begin, let me congratulate you on your new place and job - that's very exciting ! Depression derives from many things, and in your case, it sounds like perhaps you've been thinking a lot lately (sometimes that's the case when you have some spare time on your hands hehe). Like you, I also become unmotivated when I become depressed, but this is the time where you have to fight harder than you ever have! You have to tell yourself that you will not let yourself be overcome by it. If that doesn't help, perhaps take a nap for a bit. That always seems to help me whenever I feel like there's nothing I can do to shake off the depression. You sound like a very optimistic and enthusiastic person, which is something that I really like about all your posts ! But just know that everyone has their good and bad days, and being happy all the time won't happen (unless you have become enlightened, which is extremely difficult to achieve). Sometimes, you just need to take the time to cry. Don't try and suppress your feelings because it'll just eat away at you until you can no longer hold those feelings in - very counterproductive because it will just make your healing process take longer :/. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and I am sorry that you're going through this - I wish I could be more of help to you, but I hope you can find some comfort in what I'm saying. Chin up, Lilmisus
smudge21 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I seem to get my bad days on a Monday - like its the start of another week without her. I'll be okay from tomorrow and onwards, just with the occasional memory, but today is just a down day. The important thing to remember is that you're not the only one feeling this way. I think everyone does who goes through a breakup. Luckily the down days become less and less overtime and soon those feelings for the ex vanish and you'll look back and be unable to remember how or why you felt so down. You may even have some regret that you felt so low for so long. For me, what makes me feel down is that I can tell I'm losing those feelings for her. She's slowly becoming a distant memory, even to the point of thinking did it really all happen. It's strange but also sad as I know I never wanted to give up on this one - we really were so good together. Sadly, it was out of my hands. Try to stay positive and just accept that sometimes you'll feel bad, but mostly you'll feel good. You're not alone.
nana841121 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Life is characterized with up and down. and this nature works on your mood too. especially when you have been through an emotional trauma recently. Don't take it too seriously. just flow with it.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Hey Lilmisus, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this - I will try to help you as best as I can (sorry in advance if I come off as harsh at times, but I am a firm believer of tough-love ). Before I begin, let me congratulate you on your new place and job - that's very exciting ! Depression derives from many things, and in your case, it sounds like perhaps you've been thinking a lot lately (sometimes that's the case when you have some spare time on your hands hehe). Like you, I also become unmotivated when I become depressed, but this is the time where you have to fight harder than you ever have! You have to tell yourself that you will not let yourself be overcome by it. If that doesn't help, perhaps take a nap for a bit. That always seems to help me whenever I feel like there's nothing I can do to shake off the depression. You sound like a very optimistic and enthusiastic person, which is something that I really like about all your posts ! But just know that everyone has their good and bad days, and being happy all the time won't happen (unless you have become enlightened, which is extremely difficult to achieve). Sometimes, you just need to take the time to cry. Don't try and suppress your feelings because it'll just eat away at you until you can no longer hold those feelings in - very counterproductive because it will just make your healing process take longer :/. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and I am sorry that you're going through this - I wish I could be more of help to you, but I hope you can find some comfort in what I'm saying. Chin up, Lilmisus Thank you! Kind, encouraging words always help! Last night I was a bit thoughtful about things, but in a brighter light more than anything. I think my problem is the way that I've been trying to push all the sadness away, to not face my true emotions and just put on a mask. During my depression only a few weeks ago, apparently if you just looked at me, it looked like I was a girl who was in control, who had everything together, and that I was perfectly okay - no sign of heartache or trouble. My father told me that when I went to visit him, and quite a few others also said something along those lines. He also said that it wasn't until I told him about my lack of appetite and sleep that he realize that I was actually in a lot of pain, and he had me tell him the truth about the breakup. He ended up giving me a sleeping pill to knock me out for the night Sometimes it just feels like I'm still wearing that mask that I could have sworn I took off already. That even though I'm through with the depression, that I'm only barely hanging on even though I can easily describe myself as being "truly happy". When I sit down and don't have to worry about impressing others, that sadness comes back like a long lost friend that never really went away. Usually with the thoughts, but not always. Those are the times when I do take the naps like you suggested or just try to read a good book to steer my mind away from everything. Right now, I'm working on one of five new books just to keep my mind busy But I think you're absolutely right when you say that I shouldn't suppress my feelings. I should just let it out. The only way to truly move forward is to embrace and accept the past and tackle your feelings from it head on. I've only been shooing my feelings away since being depressed, but I guess there's nothing wrong with acknowledging the sadness while being "truly happy" Let's see if it'll work!
Desensitized Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Thank you! Kind, encouraging words always help! Last night I was a bit thoughtful about things, but in a brighter light more than anything. I think my problem is the way that I've been trying to push all the sadness away, to not face my true emotions and just put on a mask. During my depression only a few weeks ago, apparently if you just looked at me, it looked like I was a girl who was in control, who had everything together, and that I was perfectly okay - no sign of heartache or trouble. My father told me that when I went to visit him, and quite a few others also said something along those lines. He also said that it wasn't until I told him about my lack of appetite and sleep that he realize that I was actually in a lot of pain, and he had me tell him the truth about the breakup. He ended up giving me a sleeping pill to knock me out for the night Sometimes it just feels like I'm still wearing that mask that I could have sworn I took off already. That even though I'm through with the depression, that I'm only barely hanging on even though I can easily describe myself as being "truly happy". When I sit down and don't have to worry about impressing others, that sadness comes back like a long lost friend that never really went away. Usually with the thoughts, but not always. Those are the times when I do take the naps like you suggested or just try to read a good book to steer my mind away from everything. Right now, I'm working on one of five new books just to keep my mind busy But I think you're absolutely right when you say that I shouldn't suppress my feelings. I should just let it out. The only way to truly move forward is to embrace and accept the past and tackle your feelings from it head on. I've only been shooing my feelings away since being depressed, but I guess there's nothing wrong with acknowledging the sadness while being "truly happy" Let's see if it'll work! Trying to push your sadness aside doesn't work, and I'm sure you've found this out now . Never put on a mask, the only time that "mask" should be worn is when you see your ex. Ah, good ol' help from the parents I'm glad you told him what was really on your mind, good for you. Maybe you are still wearing that mask. It seems to me that you care about what people think of you in regards to your feelings. True friends will care about you whether you're happy or sad, so don't be afraid to show how you really feel - if they're true friends, they'll understand and be willing to talk to you. The sadness you mention comes back because you never really addressed the sadness to begin with. You just pretended like everything was okay and that you were in control. Once you face your sadness, you will feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders, and you won't have to put on a "mask" anymore - you will be genuinely happy again. Trust me, it will work. Have faith in yourself, and have faith that you will find someone again that will make you smile the same amount the ex did or even more than he did
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