My breakup story and vent

[Pikachu]

After scanning the forums for a few weeks I decided to write my story in order to get out my feelings about my recent breakup. My exe and I had been together since we were 15 and were each others first and only anything. I know that relationships that start so early are usually doomed to fail at one point but we remained together and happy for 12 years until it recently began to unravel. We never married due to money issues but we always considered ourselves married and both our friends and families always treated us as such. We lived together and had 2 dogs which we treated like children. We were a family.

 

Around a year and a half ago the trouble started. She lost her job and became really depressed. I was the only one bringing in any income besides unemployment and the house we owned became more of a burden than anything. Around this time her interest in the gym and bodybuilding became her only sense of joy. She has been suffering from a eating disorder since she was younger and working out seemed to help her get by. She began to make new friends and talk about nothing but eating properly and working out. Me being the loving boyfriend was only worried about her happiness and was just thrilled that she found something to make her smile.

Then came the day when I stumbled across a valentines card from another man and my life fell apart. She had cheated on me with someone from the gym. When I confronted her about it she broke down telling me she was sorry and that it was like it was someone else, that she didn't feel like herself when she did the things she did. But the real surprise came when she told me that this was a sign that we were over. She told me that we had grown apart and that in the last year she isn't the same person anymore. She told me she loved me but she wanted to be alone and date the man she cheated on me with. Btw the man is married with 2 children. In the matter of a day I lost my whole life. I lost my home because it was technically in her name, the dogs cause I didnt wanna split them up and wanted them to stay at their home. I lost my job cause I worked with her father and I couldnt handle being around him anymore. And most importantly I lost the love of my life, the only woman I ever had eyes for and grew up with.

 

Since then I have moved out of our home back to my parents and gone into a horrible depression. Around 2 and a half months have passed since ive left and im doing somewhat better but i cant seem to stop missing my old life. After an embarrassing display of begging and pleading ive been in NC for 2 months but still struggle daily not to call her. My family and friends have been really supportive. The sad thing is the thing that gets me through the day is the idea if I get better and heal then ill be able to see my dogs again cause I cant stand being away from them. Also I cant seem to give up on my exe. Ive realized staying away is the best but in my heart I hope she comes to her senses and comes back to me. She is acting completely out of character and it really scares the hell out of me.

 

Well sorry for the long post, im not really sure what I expected from anyone when I wrote it. Ive gone through alot of LS and I know my story isnt anything strange or amazing but I had to get it out somewhere. All I know is she is going through something that I cant help her with. Dont know if its GIGS or something to do with her eating disorder. Or maybe she just thinks she found the love of her life in a man with a wife and 2 kids....Im lost. Thank you for reading

[Pikachu]

Bumping for some advice or thoughts about my breakup. I hate how I cant help but analyze how she changed because its stopping me from moving forward. But I have spent half my life with this woman.

[Chi townD]

Ouch dude...sorry to hear you got shafted hard. However, I think you dodged a bullet on this one. If she values going to the gym and having affairs with a married man and possibly destroying a family for her own selfish needs, then she just showed you the kind of person she is. To be honest with you, one day she's gonna wake up and realize this guy isn't going to leave his family for her and then it wouldn't surprise me if she tries to contact you. But, I pray you would have moved on by that time.

 

Okay, so you've lost everything. You've hit rock bottom which sucks. But, there's only one direction to go from here and that's up. Stay NC with this girl and work on yourself. Get a good paying job and get your finance together. Move out of the folks place and get a place of your own. If you've never been to college, then go! Work on improving yourself! The best revenge you can have is living a good life. Find that motivation.

[Pikachu]

Ouch dude...sorry to hear you got shafted hard. However, I think you dodged a bullet on this one. If she values going to the gym and having affairs with a married man and possibly destroying a family for her own selfish needs, then she just showed you the kind of person she is. To be honest with you, one day she's gonna wake up and realize this guy isn't going to leave his family for her and then it wouldn't surprise me if she tries to contact you. But, I pray you would have moved on by that time.

 

Okay, so you've lost everything. You've hit rock bottom which sucks. But, there's only one direction to go from here and that's up. Stay NC with this girl and work on yourself. Get a good paying job and get your finance together. Move out of the folks place and get a place of your own. If you've never been to college, then go! Work on improving yourself! The best revenge you can have is living a good life. Find that motivation.

 

Thanks for the support. I am focused on working on myself like you mentioned but to be honest its been probably the hardest thing ive ever done in my life. I really dont know who I am without my exe because its really all I know. I put all my eggs in one basket as the saying goes. Add a case of severe social anxiety and depression since the breakup and I have an upward battle ahead of me. But im committed to staying NC because really I know having anything to due with her at this point will lead to nothing but pain. The hardest part is the loss of my other half, she was my bestfriend and its gonna take awhile before it really sinks in not only what she did to me but that she is no longer a part of my life. Being so dissapointed in someone you loved so much is a hard concept for me and as much as I try to except, the pain still feels so fresh.

[timchambo]

wow.. thats a tough one. Similar situation, only we were together nearly 8. It's been 4 months for me. First thing I did was hit the gym. Started hanging out with my single friends and hitting the bar a bit. It never really was my scene, and still isn't. I do enjoy the female attention it has helped me cope a bit.

 

My ex left me out of the blue too. Similar excuses. She wasn't the same person anymore, needed to know she can take care of herself, etc. All would be valid excuses I suppose if we were not engaged and she didn't immediately jump into a new relationship.

 

4 1/2 months out I still go through depression at various times. I know its a combination of losing my "best friend", and not being where I want to be in my life. Its not so easy to just pick up the pieces when everything you worked so hard for was taken away so selfishly over night. I makes you wonder who that person was you just spent all those years with.

 

I don't really have a point in all this except you are not alone. There are a lot of us out there. I don't frequent this place as much as I used to, and I am sure there are others who will be back to share some advice.

 

In your situation I do feel your ex will be back when her new RL eventually blows up...cause it will. Look at the foundation of that RL, built on all the wrong things. Whatever you do don't take her back. You will never be able to forget what she did. Take this time to heal and eventually you will. Just keep on moving forward, no looking back.

[Pikachu]

wow.. thats a tough one. Similar situation, only we were together nearly 8. It's been 4 months for me. First thing I did was hit the gym. Started hanging out with my single friends and hitting the bar a bit. It never really was my scene, and still isn't. I do enjoy the female attention it has helped me cope a bit.

 

My ex left me out of the blue too. Similar excuses. She wasn't the same person anymore, needed to know she can take care of herself, etc. All would be valid excuses I suppose if we were not engaged and she didn't immediately jump into a new relationship.

 

4 1/2 months out I still go through depression at various times. I know its a combination of losing my "best friend", and not being where I want to be in my life. Its not so easy to just pick up the pieces when everything you worked so hard for was taken away so selfishly over night. I makes you wonder who that person was you just spent all those years with.

 

I don't really have a point in all this except you are not alone. There are a lot of us out there. I don't frequent this place as much as I used to, and I am sure there are others who will be back to share some advice.

 

In your situation I do feel your ex will be back when her new RL eventually blows up...cause it will. Look at the foundation of that RL, built on all the wrong things. Whatever you do don't take her back. You will never be able to forget what she did. Take this time to heal and eventually you will. Just keep on moving forward, no looking back.

 

Im trying to take this time to become the person Ive always wanted to be. Over the years ive dealt with social anxiety disorder and leaned on my exe alot to get by. I did alot of denying my problem to others and really to myself but after the breakup all the defenses and walls I built to keep others out fell apart. The other problem is I began (like most people) to blame myself and my problems as the reason she did what she did. Over time I have come to realize that nothing justifies her actions, no one deserves the betrayal ive felt. Im taking little steps to not only heal but become a better more adjusted person but to be honest it feels like its hard to do when im in such a fragile state.

I agree that I think she will contact me someday when her life falls apart around her but im doing my best to put it out of my head. I cant lie, atm if she came crying back to me, begging for forgiveness I would probably take her back or at least try to make it work. But really who knows the future, if or when that will ever happen and im hoping to be a better person by then. Really I just wanna believe even if we are never together again that the person I loved is still in their somewhere. I know in my brain that we can never go back to the way things were before but in my heart im having a hard time letting go.

[Sugarkane]

I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I've also been dumped out of the blue before. Its better if you stick to NC and improve yourself. It seems really foolish of her to be involved with a married man. They very rarely ever leave their wife for the other woman. It is possible that she might contact you at some stage, but don't bet on it. Whatever you do don't take her back though. They never seem to change and if they do its too late anyway. You shouldn't blame yourself, you've done nothing wrong.

[Pikachu]

Since I was with my exe since I was at such a young age I never experienced anything when it came to heartbreak until now. One of the strangest things that I have had a hard time dealing with was how fast my exe seemed to change after I caught her cheating. She went from a caring woman to a cold bitter woman over night. We were a team for 12 years and in the matter of a few hours she was sticking up for another man, trying to convince me he was a good person. Cheating on his wife and 2 kids....a real gem. It was no longer about "us" but her trying to protect "him". The strange thing is she has always been so against cheating, actually stopping multiple friendships over the years because of such things. Such a smart woman who would scream at anyone for doing what she is doing now (Ive actually seen it over the years). Now shes using such lines as "He makes me feel so different" and the clique "He is so carefree and hes opened me up to a whole new life" I know I have to walk away and stop thinking about it so much but its hard. Ive been told im looking for answers where their are none. I watched the woman I love turn into the thing she hated the most.

[Chi townD]

Here's what is going to be the hard part. One of these days she's going to realize that she wronged you pretty badly and the guilt will start to get to her. She will contact you again. I can't stress this enough, IGNORE IT!

[Pikachu]

Here's what is going to be the hard part. One of these days she's going to realize that she wronged you pretty badly and the guilt will start to get to her. She will contact you again. I can't stress this enough, IGNORE IT!

 

Wanna hear the poetic part of the whole thing. This is exactly what happened to my parents. My mom cheated on my dad with a married man with 2 kids and it split my family in 2. Around the same age as my exe and I. My parents were high school sweethearts just like my exe and I. The ironic part of the whole thing is my mom has been probably the best person for me to lean on since she gives me insight into the mind of my exe. Its helped me realize that good people make stupid decisions in their life but it may take them along time to figure them out. It took my mom over 15 years until she couldnt handle the guilt anymore and asked for forgiveness from the family. Ive seen first hand the kind of life my exe is leading herself into and tbh I feel sorry for her (of course cause I still love her). Because of my parents I know that what she is going through isnt gonna change anytime soon and even if she tried to come back to me I wouldnt let it happen. Or at least I hope I was strong enough not to. Shes looking for happiness in other people because shes not happy with herself. I cant help her with this, she needs to learn it on her own.

[The Great Gazoo]

Also I cant seem to give up on my exe. Ive realized staying away is the best but in my heart I hope she comes to her senses and comes back to me. She is acting completely out of character and it really scares the hell out of me.

 

 

 

 

I'm going through the same pain as you. It's horrible I know. What is the hardest to accept is that maybe this IS her character now and what she's done is a part of who she is -- no matter how hard it is to accept. I am just starting to accept that about my wife of 9 yrs that cheated and left. It's the first step to cutting the ties and moving on to having a good life.

 

My 16 year old son said to me. "Sometimes you can't tell about a book by it's cover and sometimes not even after reading the first 7 chapters" (smart boy)

[The Great Gazoo]

Since I was with my exe since I was at such a young age I never experienced anything when it came to heartbreak until now. One of the strangest things that I have had a hard time dealing with was how fast my exe seemed to change after I caught her cheating. She went from a caring woman to a cold bitter woman over night. We were a team for 12 years and in the matter of a few hours she was sticking up for another man, trying to convince me he was a good person. Cheating on his wife and 2 kids....a real gem. It was no longer about "us" but her trying to protect "him". The strange thing is she has always been so against cheating, actually stopping multiple friendships over the years because of such things. Such a smart woman who would scream at anyone for doing what she is doing now (Ive actually seen it over the years). Now shes using such lines as "He makes me feel so different" and the clique "He is so carefree and hes opened me up to a whole new life" I know I have to walk away and stop thinking about it so much but its hard. Ive been told im looking for answers where their are none. I watched the woman I love turn into the thing she hated the most.

 

 

The coldness is all about her justifying her selfish and cruel decision. She is hardening her heart to deal with the guilt and denying any residual emotions/feelings she has left for you. It's her survival strategy to stay the course with her new life. Sad but true.

 

I know how much that hurts to have someone literally turn on a dime emotionally. IMO anyone that can compartmentalize her feelings like that is a very emotionally immature person.

[plasma]

After scanning the forums for a few weeks I decided to write my story in order to get out my feelings about my recent breakup. My exe and I had been together since we were 15 and were each others first and only anything. I know that relationships that start so early are usually doomed to fail at one point but we remained together and happy for 12 years until it recently began to unravel. We never married due to money issues but we always considered ourselves married and both our friends and families always treated us as such. We lived together and had 2 dogs which we treated like children. We were a family.

 

 

 

Around a year and a half ago the trouble started. She lost her job and became really depressed. I was the only one bringing in any income besides unemployment and the house we owned became more of a burden than anything. Around this time her interest in the gym and bodybuilding became her only sense of joy. She has been suffering from a eating disorder since she was younger and working out seemed to help her get by. She began to make new friends and talk about nothing but eating properly and working out. Me being the loving boyfriend was only worried about her happiness and was just thrilled that she found something to make her smile.

Then came the day when I stumbled across a valentines card from another man and my life fell apart. She had cheated on me with someone from the gym. When I confronted her about it she broke down telling me she was sorry and that it was like it was someone else, that she didn't feel like herself when she did the things she did. But the real surprise came when she told me that this was a sign that we were over. She told me that we had grown apart and that in the last year she isn't the same person anymore. She told me she loved me but she wanted to be alone and date the man she cheated on me with. Btw the man is married with 2 children. In the matter of a day I lost my whole life. I lost my home because it was technically in her name, the dogs cause I didnt wanna split them up and wanted them to stay at their home. I lost my job cause I worked with her father and I couldnt handle being around him anymore. And most importantly I lost the love of my life, the only woman I ever had eyes for and grew up with.

 

Since then I have moved out of our home back to my parents and gone into a horrible depression. Around 2 and a half months have passed since ive left and im doing somewhat better but i cant seem to stop missing my old life. After an embarrassing display of begging and pleading ive been in NC for 2 months but still struggle daily not to call her. My family and friends have been really supportive. The sad thing is the thing that gets me through the day is the idea if I get better and heal then ill be able to see my dogs again cause I cant stand being away from them. Also I cant seem to give up on my exe. Ive realized staying away is the best but in my heart I hope she comes to her senses and comes back to me. She is acting completely out of character and it really scares the hell out of me.

 

Well sorry for the long post, im not really sure what I expected from anyone when I wrote it. Ive gone through alot of LS and I know my story isnt anything strange or amazing but I had to get it out somewhere. All I know is she is going through something that I cant help her with. Dont know if its GIGS or something to do with her eating disorder. Or maybe she just thinks she found the love of her life in a man with a wife and 2 kids....Im lost. Thank you for reading

 

be happy this bag of bones is out of your life, you must like to torture yourself? cmon man today your feeling turmoil, 2 weeks you will be just fine....STOP giving this scenario so much of your energy

[Pikachu]

be happy this bag of bones is out of your life, you must like to torture yourself? cmon man today your feeling turmoil, 2 weeks you will be just fine....STOP giving this scenario so much of your energy

 

In most cases I would agree with you but come on. I have spent 12 years with the woman. She was with me during pretty much every important thing that has happened to me for half my life. If I was better in 2 weeks I wouldnt be on LS.

[Pikachu]

I recently found out that the married man that she was cheating on me with must have left his wife. I have mixed feelings about it of course. As time goes by after every breakup you start to analyze things that have bothered you and your reactions to them. So Ive decided to ask the community cause im wondering not only how they would feel but if im being irrational? First...... 3 days after I moved out of the our house I found out she was flaunting going out with the man on facebook and about much of a great time she was having. Now I understand at this point we are no longer together but dont you think its a little trashy to be talking about being with someone else on facebook days after ive left. We were together close to 13 years. Not only that but my family was still on her friends list and she had to know that i would get back to me. I know that if I have broken someones heart I would do my best to shelter them from more unnecessary pain.

Second...... A month after we split she brings the man to Easter dinner at her parents house. Again I understand that we are no longer together,......but come on. I grew up with these people, they were my family for half of my life. She went far enough to make a picture of them together at Easter her facebook picture. I was shocked and tbh its what finally made me stop looking online for her. Something I should have done weeks before. Now again I know she owes me nothing and she wants to live her life but its one of the trashiest moves ive ever encountered in my life. Of course her family contacted me and sent me their love but needless to say it ruined my holiday. Ive cooled down about it over the last few weeks and it no longer upsets me so much but I was wondering if you guys think I have any real right to be angry? Again we were pretty much married for almost 13 years so take that into consideration. I just think even if I took myself out of the equation I would look down on her.

Edited May 18, 2011 by Pikachu

[ganbare]

This story makes me numb. Especially the part about turning on a dime emotionally. I really feel for you and I know how earth shattering this must be. You really did put all of your eggs into one basket which is never a healthy thing to do. At least you are young and you can establish a new identity. The immediate road ahead of you is going to be steep and hard but if you chip away at it bit by bit you will come out stronger and wiser on the other side. My heart goes out to you. I'll know you will get through this.

[Pikachu]

Well today is the day ive been dreading for along time. Today would have been 13 years. I know its just another Sunday and many have passed since the breakup but I always saw this one looming over my shoulder. I caught her cheating on me 3 months ago and havent had any contact with her for over 2 months now. Things have gotten a bit easier but my life is still in a funk. I still miss her through out the day and at times go through the anger phase that most tell me will come but it never lasts long. I know that what im missing is gone. I miss the old "N", not the person she has become. I miss my old life and our family we created. I still wonder if she misses me, which im sure she does (we did spend 13 years by each others side). But in end I know it doesnt matter if she does cause ill never know it. Funny how hard it is to shut someone out of your thoughts even if they have done it to you. Im thankful that we didnt make any plans for this weekend months ago cause all it would do is drive me crazy. Im not gonna lie, even though 3 months have passed im still in denial about the whole situation. I still not only find it hard to believe but wake up some mornings thinking it was just a nightmare. I havent even looked at a picture of the woman I spent half my life with in over 2 months but tbh I know her face so well i could draw it with my eyes closed.

My next step is to make myself the center of my world. This whole experience has taken all my power away. Its really the first time in my life that someone else has made a choice that impacted my whole existence. Everyone around me tells me I have to let my old life go. Give up on her family. Let go of the idea of ever seeing my dogs again. Well I plan to put myself in the position again where I choose what I give and dont give up. Make myself into the man that decides if I wanna have these things in my life and not let anyone take them away from me again. That is my dream. To get the power back in my life that someone tore away from me. It may seem silly to some but I think its a better dream then getting my exe back. And it doesnt rely on someone and how they feel about it. So today I will be sad and hope for an email that I know will never come. But tomorrow I stop hoping and begin to move forward. Make myself the man Ive always wanted to be but was to scared to become. Sorry for the long post, but I really needed to get that out. Happy Anniversary "N"

Edited May 29, 2011 by Pikachu

[Pikachu]

Well I got through the day without contacting my exe and even though I feel horrible atm I know in the coming days I will be proud of myself. Im not gonna lie I hoped in the back of my mind that "she" would send me something (either a text or email) today but knew it would never come. I almost cracked a few times but I stuck to my NC. I guess today will help me move on. I am probably the most loyal and loving man she will ever meet and if she doesnt want me in her life its her loss. Now I have to try to keep looking forward and stop looking back.

[EgoJoe]

Bro, I'm here for you man. If you want to PM me I have MSN and Skype etc.