1437 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 k, its his birthday in 3 days. i dumped him and he became very clingy so i started the no contact rule. he began it a couple months later as well cause he was really hurt and we haven't contacted each other for 6 months since. he did not contact me on my birthday, so im not sure if i should wish him happy birthday. please help me? im not sure if he's moved on yet or not, like, i see him everyday at school and he's still single, but im not sure if he still wants to talk to me? help!!!
loverboy1984 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 if you want him back and want to open lines of communication then do it. If not then dont. If he was clingy it means he had feelings for you so dont lead him on now. He is recovering and you dont want to send mixed signals. If you want to be friends you can start by doing this. As a guy I can tell you that I would never want to be friends with my ex gf. I love my ex gf and she was my best friend and I want her back but cant be friends. As a guy any communication short of the girl wanting to come work it out, is unacceptable. If he didnt wish you happy bday then dont wish him. When its over its over. remember it was your call. dont play with peoples feelings.
Author 1437 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 well, i still want to be friends with him but he sent all these bitches to scream at me and at the time, i was so out of it. i think i still like him but i know that we'll never be anything more than just friends. he wished me a merry christmas but i did not reply and pretended that i changed my number. do you think i shoudl say happy birthday? even though he didnt for me?
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I would just leave it be. You haven't broke NC. If he was the dumpee it's best to leave him be, he may still healing. He may take your contact as interest.
Author 1437 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 oh! im the dumpee and i was the one who started the NC rule but i still miss him but know that it's never going to work? he thinks ihate him. do you think the happy birthday can clear some things up?
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Your posts says you dumped him? Making you the dumper? Anyway, if you both are still healing it's best to stay NC. You can tell him happy birthday but then resume NC.
Author 1437 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 yeah sorry, i mixed up dumper and dumpee lol, my bad! do you think i should leave him be? like, if happy birthday will be a lead on? because i dont want him back but i still wanna remain friends and it really hurts seeing him everyday and him thinking that i hate him. do you think he's still healing? like, we havne't talked for 6 months or so
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Depends how long your relationship was, he can still be healing. Often people mistake a brief message as fishing. He could think you want more. In the end it's your decision. If you feel it won't hurt go ahead.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I personally don't think the dumpee should ever contact the dumper unless and until you have no feelings for them. That means unless and until you can be perfectly fine with whatever response he gives or does not give you, whether it be responding angrily or not at all. So let's say you send him a happy bday text and he ignores it. Will you be back here in three days to make a post about how disappointed you are? If you can answer "yes" to that question and honestly acknowledge you will assign some sort of unspoken expectation of a response from him, then don't do it.
Author 1437 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 well, im the dumper but i dont want to remain enemies with him if you know what i mean? i just want to see how he's doing, but i dont want to get back with him? is that leading him on? or is it just common courtesy to call him on his birthday?
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 well, im the dumper but i dont want to remain enemies with him if you know what i mean? i just want to see how he's doing, but i dont want to get back with him? is that leading him on? or is it just common courtesy to call him on his birthday? Ok, so you are the one who kicked him to the curb? Do I have this straight now? I wouldn't necessarily assume he views you as an enemy. And yeah, it's common courtesy to text someone on their birthday...if they are a part of your life. You're not a part of his life. If you don't want to get back together with him, then don't text him. If you are the one who dumped him, then leave him alone. That's the courtesy that should be common here.
Shatter3d Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Errr I'm confused , are u the dumper or dumpee ? :/ Either way, leave him alone and move on.
AmericanHoney Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It is my ex birthday Friday and even though he cut off all contact with me and moved on quickly with another girl I still think about him and part of me wants to say too bad you blew me off I had a birthday present for you and everything ( even though I don't) just to see what he would say but knowing him he wouldn't even blink. I bet he wouldn't even remember my phone number anymore and deleted it out of his contacts in his phone.
Good Arms Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Errr I'm confused , are u the dumper or dumpee ? :/ Either way, leave him alone and move on. She is the dumper. But I agree, leave him alone. As the dumper, sending a message will only give him mixed signals that you still care. It might give him false hope which will only lead to more pain. One thing I've learned is that - other than maybe the case of a totally mutual break up - it's best to maintain NC on both sides.
Author 1437 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 @american honey: aww....i feel your pain. but i think that once you've liked someone once, you never quite forget them. so im sure he hasn't forgotten you yet @everyone else: you think so? do you think its common courtesy to wish your ex a happy birthday?
Author 1437 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 yeah, im the dumper =(, breaking up with someone totally wasnt easy!
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You stated that he's still single; therefore, it sounds like you're not. If that's the case, a simple Happy Birthday would seem like you're rubbing his nose in it. Having him wondering why you're contacting him? What are you doing? Making think of everything BUT the sole reason you contacted him which was to wish him a happy birthday. I know it sounds stupid, but when you're hurting you think up stupid stuff.
Author 1437 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 well, we're actually both single still lol, would it still be rubbing it in if that info is considered? we both completely stopped after the breakup i think.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Having read your other post, the problem here is really that you don't much care that it's his birthday. Your reason for contacting him isn't some altruistic attempt to wish him well on the day of his birth. It's a fishing expedition - the birthday is just a lame excuse. You want to see if he's still into you. I advised you in your other thread to BE SURE about your feelings before contacting him. If you are sure you want a second chance, then you have to ovary up and tell him that. You broke up with him, so now YOU put yourself out there and risk rejection. Don't use a birthday as an excuse to "poke around."
vegasmistake Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It took me over 2 years to talk to my ex without hating her guts. She would send me emails and texts sporadically, spaced out a few months. I would either erase them or reply with short sentences. But now I am in a position where I have had a few relationships and I feel like everything is in the past. Early after the breakup I would start to build back my self esteem over time. But it would come crashing down when she tried to communicate with me. So my advice is to give it more time. Let him heal more. But if you do wanna wish him happy birthday, then do it in an indirect way, like a quick email. But I would still advise against it for now.
NYBlue Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Leave him the f.u.c.k alone...he's in pain and the last thing he needs is a relapse. Even if your intent is to be nice, he's not going to see it like that. If you're not contacting him to get back with him...deal with your decision.
AmericanHoney Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I think my ex has clearly moved on and even if I wished him a b-day it really wouldn't be worth my time to get involved with him again after I found out what a cheating,lying, scumbag he really is. Sometimes we all have to move on even though we do not want to!
Recommended Posts