StupidRed7 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 This is a long story so i hope ye can bare with me. Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 4 years. We had a really good relationship, rarely fought and made each other happy. About 8 months ago the relationship started to go a bit stale, we fell into a rut and neither of us done anything about it because we were still happy enough. Then on a night out on my own I got talking to another girl, she was very attractive and was showing an interest but nothing happened. A few days later she added me on facebook, i accepted her and we began chatting and sending each other messages. Some of the messages were provocative and extremely flirty but I had no intention of doing anything with this girl. It was just something different and exciting and I got carried away. My girlfriend was told by somebody that i was messaging this girl and went onto my facebook account and seen messages. She was devastated and we had it out. We eventually broke up and at the time I thought maybe it was for the best because as I said earlier our relationship seemed stale and in a rut. We remained friends though but i knew from mutual friends that my ex was devastated by the breakup. She kept a brave face though and we still went out together with our group of friends. I did miss her but was enjoying freedom. Then about 3 months ago, my best friend was leaving home to travel for a year. He was my main confidant and the one person who I trusted with anything. He knew everything about me and my ex. He was also a friend of her's. The day he was due to leave he told me that he and my ex had kissed the night before and that they had feeling for each other and were gonna persue them even though he was leaving. I was shocked and totally taken aback!! I couldn't believe what my best friend was telling me. I gave him serious abuse over the next few days when he left and we stopped talking, we havent spoken since. 3 weeks after he left he came home for an interview or some bull**** and has been home since. My best friend knew I wasnt over my ex and we had a conversation only days before he kissed her about me seeing us getting back together. I couldnt bring myself to say a cross word to my ex, after all i was the one who betrayed her trust by talking to another girl and had broken her heart but I have tried desperately to get her back these past 2 months. I've sent her flowers, lists of things I miss about our relationship and her, I made a picture book with over 80 photo's of us together and I wrote her a letter every single day for a month because I missed talking to her everyday. I gave her all this but yesterday she tells me that her and my best friend are seeing each other. She says that it took her this long to think she could be happy without me ever again and she's not strong enough to put herself back there. She says now is not the time for us. Now I am the one who is devastated. I lost the love of my life and have been betrayed by my best friend. Is there any hope for me and my ex? Is her getting with my best friend just a rebound? And what else can I do to show her how sorry I am and how much I really want her?
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 When a relationship is going through a hard time, you should work on it together. Talking to another girl wasn't a wise decision. It's one thing to flirt harmlessly, it's completely another to lead another woman on and send provocative messages whilst being taken. If your ex girlfriend were ever to consider taking you back you would have to prove that you are trust worthy. You would need to prove that you wouldn't run into the arms of another woman when things get rough. I'm sorry about your friend. I would be just as devastated if a close friend of mine went for an ex that I hadn't gotten over. Yesterday she tells me that her and my best friend are seeing each other. She says that it took her this long to think she could be happy without me ever again and she's not strong enough to put herself back there. She says now is not the time for us. Right now all you can do is go NC. Your ex has started moving on with her life, it's time for you to do the same. Go no contact and start to focus on yourself. To show her that your sorry, the best thing would be to leave her be, and to move on. You can choose to resume contact with your friend, or demolish the friendship. It would help you heal better if you would go NC with him as well for some time. Focus on you, work towards moving on. I know that it hard, it takes time but you can get through it.
fetish Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 well, i don't need to rub it in your face as you have acknowledged that it was a mistake on your part by talking to the other girl in the first place. That still doesn't excuse your ex for being a scandalous beootch by dating her ex's best friend and it also doesn't excuse your "backstabbing" best friend, I don't care if you 2 are broken up. Personally, i wouldn't have anything else to do with him and if you really want her back, you can try, but i would be weary of getting back with someone that could be so devious.
sun_moon Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Wow, I feel like I just watched a soap opera! Its good that you feel sorrow and regret but I believe the healthiest decision is to walk away and start fresh, while you started this whole mess, she complicated it with the end. Walk away, I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but I think its for the better. Also, end the relationship with your best friend, what happened to "bros before ho's?" Good luck
1437 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 what were you thinking when you talked flirty to another girl? do you like her? maybe you and her should hook up then since its not working with your ex?
Xyrodon Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Sending flirty messages to a girl is one thing, now your ex is DATING your ****ing best friend? Seriously what a slap in the face. Yes, you cheated emotionally. You fessed up and now this is what you get for doing that? Geeez... I would say that this guy is more than likely a rebound. She's in the wrong here and I personally think your ex will come back once your "best friend" screws up (unless of course he's rich and good looking, then he can mess up all he wants). Walk away, that's hard to say to you but walk away. She will probably come back I think, and she better come back with an apology. If not, move on I guess.. but that's a whole other ball game. Another thing, if you think your ex suddenly jumped into his arms after your break up, think again. I strongly suspect that they have been flirting with each other, and I don't mean the facebook message way. I bet you something happened between your "best" (can I say worst) and your ex exactly 8 months ago, when things apparently went "stale" Edited May 16, 2011 by Xyrodon
Hhhh Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 well, i don't need to rub it in your face as you have acknowledged that it was a mistake on your part by talking to the other girl in the first place. That still doesn't excuse your ex for being a scandalous beootch by dating her ex's best friend and it also doesn't excuse your "backstabbing" best friend, I don't care if you 2 are broken well you made my day a bit better fetish "scandalous beootch" lolll thanks
Author StupidRed7 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 what were you thinking when you talked flirty to another girl? do you like her? maybe you and her should hook up then since its not working with your ex? I wasn't thinking, that was the problem, it was just something that I let go too far. I would of never cheated on my girlfriend. I know many will say that this was nearly as bad as cheating but it was a situation that I didn't even realise was happening until it was too late. I have no interest in that other girl. I know what my ex has done is horrible but i can't help but feel he has used us breaking up to get to her. She even said to me that he was there for her when she was at her lowest. She isn't the most self confident person and hates the dating scene. My "friend" was the easy option, someone she already knew and was showing an interest. Am I being naive in these thoughts? As far as he goes he's dead to me, I will never have anything to do with him ever again.
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I know what my ex has done is horrible but i can't help but feel he has used us breaking up to get to her. She even said to me that he was there for her when she was at her lowest. She isn't the most self confident person and hates the dating scene. My "friend" was the easy option, someone she already knew and was showing an interest. Am I being naive in these thoughts? As far as he goes he's dead to me, I will never have anything to do with him ever again. It's a good thing that you realized where you went wrong. Sometimes when things get rough in our relationship, we look for distractions. Next time you will know what to do. Everybody makes mistakes, and we learn from them. Your friend really did cross friendship boundaries. I also would never forgive a friend who went behind my back. I sympathize with you on this, I have had numerous "friends" who ended up to be otherwise. You need to cut contact with them both and get started on moving on. Later down the line she may come back, and if she does it's your choice if you want to reconcile. If she doesn't want to, you will have started to move on. I wish you the best.
Author StupidRed7 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Has your best friend tried talking to you yet? No not at all. There was a group of 5 or 6 of us who were very close friends and he now has very little contact with any of them. He told one of them I was a hypocrite cause I was talking to my ex and not him. He has justified himself in his own mind so he can do what he likes. He's not the person I thought he was and a friendship that lasted over 8 years now mean nothing!
Mcnulty Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I'm afraid he has a point. They've both hurt you and shown disrespect in your eyes. Looking at the timescale, am I right in thinking you'd been broken up 4 months, when your ex best friend told you about them? It's not like he made a move straight away when you guys broke up. Yes, he should have asked you what you thought of it first, rather than tell you, he was out of line there, but at the end of all of this you've lost a best friend and partner...you're still speaking to your ex partner though???? Has the ex b friend tried to reconcile with you at all?
Chi townD Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I'm not sure I agree. If they were close friends as he says they were, then he would know that he wasn't over her yet. And if he didn't, the other 5 or 6 guys would have clued him in. And besides, you make it sound like only four month is a life time. It's only 120 days, some people it takes a year or more to fully get over someone.
Hhhh Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I don't agree either. A friend is suppose to be there when your down, not jab you in the heart. His friend is a jerk and everyone here know it. Instead of trying to ease the pain for his buddy of 8 years he took this break up as an opportunity to reach out to his ex. He knew she was on the rebound and he went for it. As mentioned in one of the OP posts he was "there" for his ex, why wasn't he there for the OP? Everyone goes through stages of temporary insanity after a break up, I took my anger out on my ex and the OP reached out with gifts. This douche bag friend of his is angry because he didn't speak to him but spoke to his ex of 4 years? Wow. This guy is really trying to squeeze himself into the picture. He has really made this situation tough on the OP and I hope you get through it smiling, best of luck.
Author StupidRed7 Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 I'm not sure I agree. If they were close friends as he says they were, then he would know that he wasn't over her yet. And if he didn't, the other 5 or 6 guys would have clued him in. And besides, you make it sound like only four month is a life time. It's only 120 days, some people it takes a year or more to fully get over someone. He knew exactly how i felt about everything because I told him everything. i considered him the most trustworthy and loyal friend i had. Thats what makes it so much worse! I'm done with him though, we havent spoken in 4 months and I dont plan on changing that. My ex is still keeping in contact with me though, we have been talking normally a few time's just having a laugh but its like we're both ignoring the elephant in the room.
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