vballtay Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 A long time guy friend and I recently hung out a few times at his place, watching movies , laughing , and having a good time. He kissed me each night and he told me in person that he liked me a lot. One night things were getting heated and I told him I really liked him too and that I felt comfortable going further. He told me, "not tonight, I dont think you understand how much I like you". The next day we were talking and he told me that he was telling his sister that I would be his new girlfriend and that she was so excited for him. He then told me that he wanted to ask me out after things died down with my very recent breakup with my ex (just before said guy friend and I started hanging out). The last night we were together, we ended up sleeping together. Before we did, he made sure that I really wanted to and that I didnt have to if I didnt. Afterwards, he asked me to stay but I asked him to take me home shortly after. I talked to him the next day and told him I didnt want to move too fast but that I didnt regret anything. He appologized and said he shouldnt have let it go as far as it did. I told him that it was ok and I really enjoyed it and he said he hoped it wouldnt make things awkward between us. A few weeks later (he had kept in contact) I mentioned in a lighthearted and joking way that I should be invited over soon so we could watch this awesome movie together. He was playing along at first but then told me this "But I know Im just gonna try sexing you again, and you dont want that :/", and I said "but you did good that one night.. (when he said not tonight) and he told me that it got harder and harder to not sleep with me each time. He still stays in contact weekly, but I havent seen him recently. Did his interest go away? When he told me he would just try to have sex with me so it wasnt a good idea, was that his way of turning me down? I dont understand..
ladyinlimbo Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 A long time guy friend and I recently hung out a few times at his place, watching movies , laughing , and having a good time. He kissed me each night and he told me in person that he liked me a lot. One night things were getting heated and I told him I really liked him too and that I felt comfortable going further. He told me, "not tonight, I dont think you understand how much I like you". The next day we were talking and he told me that he was telling his sister that I would be his new girlfriend and that she was so excited for him. He then told me that he wanted to ask me out after things died down with my very recent breakup with my ex (just before said guy friend and I started hanging out). The last night we were together, we ended up sleeping together. Before we did, he made sure that I really wanted to and that I didnt have to if I didnt. Afterwards, he asked me to stay but I asked him to take me home shortly after. I talked to him the next day and told him I didnt want to move too fast but that I didnt regret anything. He appologized and said he shouldnt have let it go as far as it did. I told him that it was ok and I really enjoyed it and he said he hoped it wouldnt make things awkward between us. A few weeks later (he had kept in contact) I mentioned in a lighthearted and joking way that I should be invited over soon so we could watch this awesome movie together. He was playing along at first but then told me this "But I know Im just gonna try sexing you again, and you dont want that :/", and I said "but you did good that one night.. (when he said not tonight) and he told me that it got harder and harder to not sleep with me each time. He still stays in contact weekly, but I havent seen him recently. Did his interest go away? When he told me he would just try to have sex with me so it wasnt a good idea, was that his way of turning me down? I dont understand.. Just curious but what ages are the both of you? I cringed a little when I read this bit...."But I know I'm just gonna try sexing you again." WTF? That's a really creepy and bizarre way of putting it. Sounds like what 2 animals might do. About as weird, to me, as saying "but I'm just gonna try copulating with you." Ugh. Maybe that's the new lingo these days but I still think it's weird? He almost seems like a player to me. Starts off resisting your advances to have sex claiming that he can't because he likes you so much.........tells his sister that you're now his GF (huh? were you aware of your status or was she the first to know??).....claims he can't get together because he'll just try humping ya......less contact..........one week your his GF the next you haven't seen him in a week. All very strange. Hot and cold. Weird and weirder.
Author vballtay Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 oh man it is strange, thats why im asking for opinions ! I'm 19, he's 20.. and his sister was "aware" before i was haha.. hmm. :l
O'Malley Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 He appologized and said he shouldnt have let it go as far as it did. I told him that it was ok and I really enjoyed it and he said he hoped it wouldnt make things awkward between us. What he is saying is, "I hope that you don't become emotionally attached because we've had sex, because I'm not looking for a relationship." He's backing away from contact because he senses that you do want more to develop, and he doesn't. The dynamic of your friendship has changed, and it would be difficult to get back to your previous relationship with him. Unless you're completely comfortable with having casual sex, if you want to stay in contact, set some boundaries -- no flirting, intimacy, or spending time alone.
thatone Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 strange, but considering your ages, maybe not so much. if i had to bet, he's intimidated by you in some way. maybe that was his first time and he's convinced himself you weren't satisfied with him? mabye he's never had a relationship and is intimidated by the fact that you have? either way, the only sure way to find out is to tell him what you told us. lay all the cards on the table, see what he says and what he does. NOT BY PHONE OR TEXT, in person.
utterer of lies Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 He's an idiot. Indeed. It's funny and also kind of sad.
ludachris Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 maybe he is afraid that you are trying to rush into a relationship right after your break up. How long has it been since you broke up with your ex? He probably is scared of being the rebound guy. That or like the other people said he is a player. But i doubt that especially if he told his sister that he liked you. Why would he lie to his sister?
betterdeal Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Gosh, that confuses me. I'm not sure I'd be too happy with someone else deciding what I wanted ( "and you dont want that" ) but that might be a clumsy way of saying "and I'm not sure you enjoyed it last time or whether you want to do it again". Hmm. How about some straight, open, honest talking with each other? I like you, Pete, and I'd like to take our relationship further. I'm a bit confused by the things you say. Would you like to develop this relationship, be my boyfriend? And it might be he's a bit nervous about his sexual performance, so ask: I liked making love with you, it was lush! Is there anything about that that worries you? To be honest, I'm a bit nervous about sex too! But we can play and grow together, and learn how to be great lovers if we are honest and open with each other, like I am trying to be with you now. It may make you feel vulnerable to be so open, but it may be a risk worth taking. Good luck! Edited May 16, 2011 by betterdeal
Jazzari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I think he's afraid of falling in love with you when you aren't over your previous relationship. You told him you didn't want to move too fast - so he's waiting and trying to maintain some distance and protect his own heart. I think it's going to be up to you to let him know when you are ready for something serious. If you aren't, I don't think you should push this guy. You're just going to hurt him.
Author vballtay Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 is he telling me this because he no longer has "those" feelings for me but doesnt want to use me as just a hookup ? :l
Feelin Frisky Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 is he telling me this because he no longer has "those" feelings for me but doesnt want to use me as just a hookup ? :l There's only one thing to do. Approach him and have a talk. I think you got both extremes of what this could be--one, what O'malley said and two, what Jazzari said. No one can tell you for sure what's in his mind. To others he sounds like an idiot by what you've said. I think Jazzari has said the most hopeful thing for you if you're really interested in this guy. Good luck.
MistaDynamic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 A long time guy friend and I recently hung out a few times at his place, watching movies , laughing , and having a good time. He kissed me each night and he told me in person that he liked me a lot. One night things were getting heated and I told him I really liked him too and that I felt comfortable going further. He told me, "not tonight, I dont think you understand how much I like you". Translation: He doesn't want be your rebound guy. Your post proves that: The next day we were talking and he told me that he was telling his sister that I would be his new girlfriend and that she was so excited for him. The last night we were together, we ended up sleeping together. I talked to him the next day and told him I didnt want to move too fast but that I didnt regret anything. So basically the next day you implied by your action you didn't enjoy the sex. If you enjoyed it you would have wanted more by backing off you sent a clear signal you not too interested in him. Or at least not as much as he is/was in you. It doesn't matter if you told him "I didnt regret anything". Actions speak louder than words. if you enjoy something you want to do it again and if you don't you back away from it. You back away from him...a clear signal you don't want him. Every man knows any woman who doesn't want to have sex with you doesn't want you. She is only using you for her needs. He was playing along at first but then told me this "But I know Im just gonna try sexing you again, and you dont want that :/", and I said "but you did good that one night.. (when he said not tonight) and he told me that it got harder and harder to not sleep with me each time. Wow so he totally told you if you two hang out together he going have sex with you and your response? Bring up a incident in past where he couldn't have sex with you. Basically impling sex is not going to happen if you two hang out again. He still stays in contact weekly, but I havent seen him recently. Did his interest go away? When he told me he would just try to have sex with me so it wasnt a good idea, was that his way of turning me down? I don't understand.. His interest is still there but he's moving on since he has given you straight forward signals he wants a sexual relationship and you keep implying by actions you don't. Since you're young I give you some advice when a man mentions sex you have two options based upon what you want: If you want sex 1) You encourage this behavior but flirting back and making arrangements for a hook up or If you don't 2) You change the subject thereby letting man know sex with you is not a possibility.
Jynxx Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Is it possible the guy is a virgin and is mentally preparing for sex by going just a babystep further every time?
spiderowl Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I think if he was interested in you, he wouldn't be able to keep away and would interpret what you said in a positive light. He's backing off for some reason, possibly because he's no longer curious about you or possibly because he was only casually interested and he detects you want more. Best thing to do is to back off yourself completely. Let him come to you and then don't allow yourself to get into a tempting situation with him. He won't value you if he thinks he's in control of when you both have sex. He sounds like he wants to be in control and is playing with you somewhat. Personally, I would lose interest in someone who was saying how much he liked me and yet his behaviour was saying he was avoiding me. I don't like people who mess around with my emotions.
Author vballtay Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 If he was the one that told me he wanted more from the relationship in the first place, why would he be "backing off bc he thinks i want more than just sex" now ?
phineas Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 So you slept with him, didn't stay the night & THEN told him you wanted to take things slow? "taking things slow" has always translated into "I don't want to have sex with you, but I love the fact you want to have sex with me & willing to give me all kinds of no-strings attached attention" Women who want to sleep with me find a way to make it happen. Women that want to sleep with me again. Find a way to make it happen. Again. No matter what you say, your actions are coming across as an attention whore. He probably thinks the sex was bad & you don't want to have sex with him again or he did in fact become your rebound.
betterdeal Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 If he was the one that told me he wanted more from the relationship in the first place, why would he be "backing off bc he thinks i want more than just sex" now ? He's changed his mind? Things have happened between you that we're not aware of? He was lying? He's being held at gunpoint by fanatical Christians who disapprove of sex after marriage nevermind before marriage? He finds you irritating? He's suffering a physical ailment and his subconscious coping mechanism is to detach from intimate emotional bonds? He finds you amazing and is afraid he can't match your emotional, sexual, intellectual abilities? Someone stole his phone and is pranking you? The list is endless. You will not guess what is in his mind, never mind what is in his mind now. The best way to find out what someone is thinking is to ask them. And you can start by asking yourself, how do I feel right now? How does this relationship with this man make me feel right now? Be self-aware.
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