Miss Him When He's Gone, But...

[gris]

can't freaking stand him when he's around?

 

Childish?

 

Anyone else feel like this ever?

 

Never been in this head-space before inside of a relationship. Hit 21 recently and started doing these things for which I'd normally call folks weak. Maybe it's all the alcohol. Maybe it's that I finish undergrad next month and everything is BIG and SCREAMING lonelinessscaryaloneandloansandjobsandgradschool andyouhavenoone at me. Maybe it's that I'm just as typically detached as always I am, but this time I actually like this guy whom I just met a few months ago. Oops.

 

Moving 300 miles away from him in July and I'd live in his understanding arms if he'd keep his mouth shut sometimes. But he is always around and I can't stand it and then when he's gone it feels like a knot in the pit of my stomach and it feels like stinging eyes and I can't stand it.

 

I can't stand it, but I will anyway because I'm a trooper and what I do is stand. I just need to know I'm not insane for feeling like this. May be cruel for feeling like this and probably wrong for feeling like this, but not insane, right?

 

Oh goodness.

 

...right?

[Kari]

Do you see each other 24/7? If you see each other too often I understand the want to have some breathing space.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for years, and sometimes I feel suffocated and Id like some time on my own.

 

When I feel that way, I just go and do something for myself. Focus on me, go out with friends, even just read a book outside.

 

It's good to get some time on our own. It's not healthy to be around your partner all the time, because then we lose who we are.

[gris]

Hi! Good point, actually.

 

He stays over for days in a row (mainly because he lives on the other side of town) but, realistically, I max out after a couple days per week. I'd mind his presence much less if we could watch a movie or something and then part ways, if I could see him several times per week but not for dozens of hours at a time. When he comes around he comes around and stays for a day or two. Or three. Sometimes four.

 

And then, you know, I tell him that I need my space. And he's pretty understanding, so I usually get my space. I get my space for days, so that I miss him a bit much (probably because I've grown used to spending all these nights together -- I've never in my life felt so needy) and feel off-balance by the time I see him again. And then he's back again for four days in a row and I get weird after the second.

 

Maybe I should just explain this to him in the gentlest way I know how. I've been very honest with him for the most part, so much so that I feel like I've hurt his feelings a few times and he, being so patient, just kind of takes it and understands and adjusts things accordingly. So I was trying to cut back on all the candor. You're right, though. Maybe it's a space thing.

 

Maybe when I figure out a way to express this subtly or gently I'll try to let him know what I think one of the roots of the issues might be....

 

Thanks for responding.

[Kari]

No problem, I'm sure he will understand. He will appreciate the honesty too. He may even feel the same way, everyone need's some time on there own.

 

Do you two stay indoors often too? This could also be factoring in. When your indoors and never leave the house your more prone to feel suffocated.

 

I feel much better when my boyfriend & I leave the house to see a movie or go to the park. Perhaps even bring some friends along with you?

[gris]

I've thought about that. Our schedules are somewhat clashing, though, so that we are generally only around each other at night and into early morning. In fact, the lack of sleep that results could be contributing to my crankiness when I think about it. But there are days where our schedules aren't like that, and I guess we're just so used to staying in that that's what we wind up doing anyway.

 

Next time he's around, if it's nice out, I'll propose that we leave the apartment and at least go for a walk or something. Maybe we'll go sit at the beach, because you're right, too much time together inside four walls will drive the two of us crazy.

 

thank youuu