Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Thank you to you all SO much right now. I don't have a lot of people to talk to and you all are helping me cope with this. I can't thank you enough.
thatone Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 thatone wrote: I agree with this. A lot of us, when we've been out of the dating loop for a lengthy time, when we DO feel that we've connected with someone, it's so much more profound and intense and we're more apt to perhaps make more out of it than if we were someone who dated a fair bit. So that being said, do your best to date a bit more with less lengthy gaps in between dates. Expand your dating horizon a little. Don't lock yourself into strict parameters of "I will only date someone who is this age and this height and who likes this and doesn't like that and so on......." Maybe try dating, or getting to know, someone who isn't typically your type (within reason)...and you might just be totally surprised that you'll find you connect with someone who you normally would have never guessed you would have. ladyinlimbo could be your mother goatsie (and no i'm not calling you old, don't e-slap me! ), she's giving you sound advice here. it's pretty simple if you're doing the online dating thing. search through everyone that matches you on your deal breakers. any one of them that typed something even slightly interesting, message them about what you found interesting about them. short and sweet, no expectations. if you ask women, you'll find that despite the 2 to 1 male to female ratio on these dating sites, most of the crap women get from those other guys online is one of either "hey sxy txt me a betr pic thx" or a huge life story from some guy who's obviously desperate for attention. if you have something interesting to say in few words and seem well spoken and confident, you'll get responses. keep up that same gameplan when you go from emails to phone conversations. you have to start the conversation but when she starts to talk, let her talk, ask questions related to what she says to show that you're interested. if she talks for 30 seconds, you talk for 30 seconds about something similar. keep the score even, but keep the conversation light. figure out if she's a night person or a morning person, figure out if she goes out with her friends every friday and saturday but stays home on sundays. figure out if she has to travel for her job or anything like that. all of those things can be found out from completely meaningless conversation. this all leads too... once you've talked on the phone don't let her hang up until you've asked her what she's doing in a likely time that she's not doing anything. if she says "nothing" then your response is "then you have no excuse not to go to dinner with me". if she gives you something specific, then offer to meet in person somewhere and sometime that fits with her schedule, which you have already figured out by the conversation before that point. when you hang up you don't know jack about her. and she doesn't know jack about you either. that's a good thing at that point, don't go too fast.
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 What are the chances another perfect girl comes along? EDIT: I'm sorry, I'm realizing how stupid and naive this question is. I just can't explain it. Thatone: thank you
lovingADove Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Love is a two way street. You might feel her, if she doesn't feel you ... keep riding. I'm sure , there has been women in your life that fell you, but you didn't feel them ... Keep fishing. Plenty of fishes in the water ...tons ...
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 ladyinlimbo could be your mother goatsie (and no i'm not calling you old, don't e-slap me! ), she's giving you sound advice here. I'm not afraid to reveal my age, I'm 26. I guess I'm in a sort of quarter life crisis at the moment. I'm getting old and I want to have accomplished a major feat in my lifetime. e.g. getting married.
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Love is a two way street. You might feel her, if she doesn't feel you ... keep riding. I'm sure , there has been women in your life that fell you, but you didn't feel them ... Keep fishing. Plenty of fishes in the water ...tons ... Thank you....
ladyinlimbo Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I know that whatever reason she names, it won't change the way she feels; I guess I want to know so that next time I won't make the same mistake or something. And, yea, I know...I just...how do I make it stop hurting, right now? How have you all dealt with it? Well, for me, I really do just try to get back out there and see who I can meet. If one person doesn't pan out, the way I look at it is........(and sometimes I have to remind myself of this, even when it's hard and it hurts)...they were obviously not the person I'm meant to be with.......so at least we got that out of the way and I'm one step closer to finding the person I AM meant to be with, does that make sense? Go back to the dating site. Review your profile if you think it might need it. Ensure you have fairly clear, recent pics of yourself. Pics are important...not that everyone has to be a "10" but I see some dudes with grainy webcam pics or lame ones of them with their shirt off.....or looking rather angry and psychotic (lol)......or pics where the background looks like a scene from the show Hoarders. If you don't have great pics and can't take your own (most people do....the ol' extend the arm as far as you can and take a pic though trying to make it look like someone else took it lol), find a friend who can take a few.......or get a tripod :-) Start perusing the profiles again, tonight.........keep an open mind. And remember, this girl didn't pan out but the right one for you is out there somewhere...........you just have to find her.
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Well, for me, I really do just try to get back out there and see who I can meet. If one person doesn't pan out, the way I look at it is........(and sometimes I have to remind myself of this, even when it's hard and it hurts)...they were obviously not the person I'm meant to be with.......so at least we got that out of the way and I'm one step closer to finding the person I AM meant to be with, does that make sense? Go back to the dating site. Review your profile if you think it might need it. Ensure you have fairly clear, recent pics of yourself. Pics are important...not that everyone has to be a "10" but I see some dudes with grainy webcam pics or lame ones of them with their shirt off.....or looking rather angry and psychotic (lol)......or pics where the background looks like a scene from the show Hoarders. If you don't have great pics and can't take your own (most people do....the ol' extend the arm as far as you can and take a pic though trying to make it look like someone else took it lol), find a friend who can take a few.......or get a tripod :-) Start perusing the profiles again, tonight.........keep an open mind. And remember, this girl didn't pan out but the right one for you is out there somewhere...........you just have to find her. Thank you so much for talking with me tonight. Though the hurt is still very much raw, it has subsided just that ever much. I am exhausted emotionally today. I know that tomorrow the pain will start anew, but will fade quicker until it goes away. I will take your advice, but like I said, the thought that a girl seemingly so perfect, I don't think, will come again for a while. There no amount of talk or desire that will make her come into my life sooner. Alas the only way to find out is to do what you have suggsted.
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I think I am starting to see some light. As a person, I'm really cautious about everything. I hate to fail as I see it as terminal, for some reason; however not too long ago I started to feel a sort of euphoria. That is, this girl that rejected me affirmed to me what I always knew, but being out of the game for so long, I started to feel unattractive and stale. I am a great guy, I just need to get my groove back. being in science and focusing soley on that for the parst few yearshass made me forget that I had, at one time, a fun personality. I have been thinking of everything in my life in terms of science. So, then it was such a relief and refreshing to feel a hurt that brought back these feelings. I still feel like me and this girl could have been, so that sucks that I thought she was was fine. If I could I would thank her even though I'm still hurting. Just wanted to share with you all my progress, I owe at least thakt much.
orion1010 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Your feelings for her are out of proportion. Two weeks of emailing doesn't mean anything no matter how good or bad it is. You need to date and date and date until that kind of thing is routine, and so are the rejections. Until you get better at it and get your feet on the ground. I agree. His feelings for her are way out of proportion. I think that this pain you are feeling will pass as quickly as you think your feelings grew for her. I promise. When I meet someone new, if feel these same feelings because it's exciting. But you two only had one date so you really don't know her at all. Once you have a date planned with someone else, you will be excited and have something new to think about. until then, don't let this get you down.
VicJay79 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Goatsie, I understand what your going through. Rejection happens to the best of us, and the sad reality is the majority of people don't understand how good things are until way later in the game. Its a sad reality of being a great guy.... Anyway, just to give you a bit to think about. Recently I went on a date with a girl that I had spoken with for quite some time. Conversation over the phone was amazing, and we finally decided to meet up for Coffee and a movie. We were perfect both on paper and over the phone! The date went very well, no silent spots and I was chatting away about the job, life and etc. The next day I get a message stating we are looking for two different things and etc. I didn't get it! Could I not read any of signals, am I that bad at dating. Here is what I realized. Most girls arent' ready for guys like me. Lets face it how many guys will try hard to make a girl smile, be a hopeless romantic, and is actually interested in getting to know them. This stuff can scare weaker women or men... Being a great person is hard and things don't always work for us, but at the end of the day having reat character is something you should be proud of. Hi LS, I am in pain right now from a rejection I received today and I don't know how to handle it. I am really depressed. The story is this: I met a woman on a dating website. She was the one who initiated (because she was not presented to me as an option) and for two weeks we talked on a regular basis through email. Less than a week into our conversation I asked her for her number and promptly received it. We began to message through the ubiquitous text messaging system. A date was set up for that first weekend, however, on the day before we were to meet she tells me that there is something going to the following day; at first she doesn't reschedule the date, but at my suggestion, she did. I was courteous. The following week goes by with regular correspondence and another date was set up for Friday. Now, I should say that I am not one to get worked up easily, so it goes without saying that I viewed her as a very possible mate for me. She was perfect for me; two years my junior, beautiful, super-intelligent, has a great sense of humor and is very nice. When the time came for the date, we met a little early for a drink to get to know each other first. The date then proceeds to us watching a movie; of course, during the movie there is no talking so that was reserved for dinner afterwards. The main part of the night, aka the real getting-to-know each other came during dinner, for obvious reasons. I had had a hellacious week at work and on top of that my day had been extraneous -- I was so tired for the date. Anyway, I considered both of us good conversationalist because, though there were moments of silence, one of us would be able to break with a valuable comment or question that would engage us again. I have to say that because I was dog tired, I didn't quite feel like talking so much and so I felt like there were some missed connection points that I could have made. At the end of the night I walk her to her car and give her a hug good nite and depart. The next morning I text her to tell her that I very much enjoyed her accompany and that I would love to do it again. For a whole day, she did not respond. The next day, I received the "didn't click" text (which is today). I like her so much, from what I know and really feel like she could be the one. I don't want to come back one day and say, "she's the one that got away". I want to end this by saying that dates don't come easily for me; that is, one that is as perfect as this. I am really picky about who I date. Please offer some suggestions for me to deal with this.
thatone Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) I'm not afraid to reveal my age, I'm 26. of course you're not, i was talking about her, not you. Gosh, I just don't know how you call can take this so casually. Dating is a big thing for me; it's just like I would never date multiple women at the same time, you know? you have to take it casually. once you get used to it you will. hell, give it another month or two and you probably will be dating two at the same time. i'm dating two, even told the second one when i'm going out with the first this week in the process of figuring out a day for her next weekend. why not? women do that all the time (does make for more text messages than you wanna answer, though, admittedly, #2 is gonna make sure you don't forget about her...) dating isn't a relationship. there's a clear boundary between the two. you crossed that boundary expecting her to follow you, she didn't, that's how you wound up in this mess. Edited May 16, 2011 by thatone
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Goatsie, I understand what your going through. Rejection happens to the best of us, and the sad reality is the majority of people don't understand how good things are until way later in the game. Its a sad reality of being a great guy.... Anyway, just to give you a bit to think about. Recently I went on a date with a girl that I had spoken with for quite some time. Conversation over the phone was amazing, and we finally decided to meet up for Coffee and a movie. We were perfect both on paper and over the phone! The date went very well, no silent spots and I was chatting away about the job, life and etc. The next day I get a message stating we are looking for two different things and etc. I didn't get it! Could I not read any of signals, am I that bad at dating. Here is what I realized. Most girls aren't' ready for guys like me. Lets face it how many guys will try hard to make a girl smile, be a hopeless romantic, and is actually interested in getting to know them. This stuff can scare weaker women or men... Being a great person is hard and things don't always work for us, but at the end of the day having reat character is something you should be proud of. Firstly, thank you for your encouraging reply. As a person still hurting, it helps even if it is just a little. Secondly, I agree with you to an extent. This girl was smart and mature; I dont' think that she "wasn't ready for me", it was just that though we have the same goals, the means of how we were getting there was different and I think that is what turned her off. But, I also think that given enough time, if she had given us more chances that eventually we'd "sync up" and it would build from there. Unfortuantely, I also think that comments here must be true: she must be dating multiple people at once. LIke I've said before, I wouldn't doubt her ability to do so. Plus, as mentioned before, she's probably more experienced at this than I am; I am certain of it. She seemed almost nonchalant about brushing me off. Also, sadly, her other dates must've been better. She did give me a Friday night date, which says a lot about how much she hoped it would work out (as opposed to a regular weeknight date, which is, from what I've read, a blow off-non serious date.) In retrospect perhaps I should have done this first. I am proud that I can be chivalrous, but I feel like it's pick and choose ordeal nowadays. I don't think ladies want to be pampered all the time, but what do I know, I just got dumped. Edited May 16, 2011 by Goatsie
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 of course you're not, i was talking about her, not you. you have to take it casually. once you get used to it you will. hell, give it another month or two and you probably will be dating two at the same time. i'm dating two, even told the second one when i'm going out with the first this week in the process of figuring out a day for her next weekend. why not? women do that all the time (does make for more text messages than you wanna answer, though, admittedly, #2 is gonna make sure you don't forget about her...) dating isn't a relationship. there's a clear boundary between the two. you crossed that boundary expecting her to follow you, she didn't, that's how you wound up in this mess. I've just never done this before (dating multiple people at once, obviously) because I usually don't give the time of day to those that don't have "the essentials" of what I'm looking for--either it be they're not attractive in their pictures, or they said something that put me off on their profile. I think I have good reason to do so, don't you? I guess I just have to get used to dating those that seem imperfect at first.
thatone Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Firstly, thank you for your encouraging reply. As a person still hurting, it helps even if it is just a little. Secondly, I agree with you to an extent. This girl was smart and mature; I dont' think that she "wasn't ready for me", it was just that though we have the same goals, the means of how we were getting there was different and I think that is what turned her off. But, I also think that given enough time, if she had given us more chances that eventually we'd "sync up" and it would build from there. Unfortuantely, I also think that comments here must be true: she must be dating multiple people at once. LIke I've said before, I wouldn't doubt her ability to do so. Plus, as mentioned before, she's probably more experienced at this than I am; I am certain of it. She seemed almost nonchalant about brushing me off. Also, sadly, her other dates must've been better. She did give me a Friday night date, which says a lot about how much she hoped it would work out (as opposed to a regular weeknight date, which is, from what I've read, a blow off-non serious date.) In retrospect perhaps I should have done this first. I am proud that I can be chivalrous, but I feel like it's pick and choose ordeal nowadays. I don't think ladies want to be pampered all the time, but what do I know, I just got dumped. this is the stuff that bothers me about the stuff you keep posting. doesn't sound like it's registering. no you didn't get dumped. you went on one date, she wasn't attracted to you, that's the end of it. no one got dumped. you can't read too much into days of the week either. you don't know what she does or doesn't do, you just met her. it's very possible that she had another date lined up for sunday due to his or her schedule and that's how you got friday. you aren't gonna get more time if you blow it on the first date in the vast majority of circumstances. that's why you need to be more casual about it and date more, you'll get better at it. not to say it's impossible, you can pull it off every now and then if there is a combination of some common interest that she doesn't have anyone else to share with and dissatisfaction with the others she has dated recently. but that's pretty rare, involves circumstances beyond your control, and you have to play that game well to get back into the 'try again' column (starting with letting some time pass, having those other circumstances fall in your favor, and having a really good pitch for a second date). even then, the deck will be stacked against you so it's a long shot. Edited May 16, 2011 by thatone
dispatch3d Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 care less. move on to something else. that's all I got.
OliveOyl Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 My opinion... I see this repeatedly throughout many threads posted on here. Get off the computer, get off the phone, and meet in person as soon as possible. Sure, use the computer & phone for a QUICK screening process. But don't allow a faux "relationship" to build up through emails, phone, and texts if you haven't even met. That relationship, while it may have some reality, is usually based more on fantasy than reality. Even if it is not based just on fantasy, there is so much more about a person in the flesh. I would say at best you can get 30% of who a person is from email, phone, and text. The other 70% comes only in person. I know you did meet this gal in person but by the time you had met her, a whole relationship had built up in your mind, otherwise you wouldn't have felt so rejected. So next time, do a quick screening process, limit the online convo, meet as soon as possible, and don't start to build up any hopes until after the 1st date.
fishtaco Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 care less. move on to something else. that's all I got. Yup. Goatsie - You made the newbie mistake - you mentally over invested. Most people do that. When I see someone that clicks with me, I have a tendency to imagine how awesome it is to be with her. Imagining going on vacation with her is a common theme for my premature over investment fantasy. But you either have to cut that out, or regard it as just a nice thought. I'm sure you're intelligent enough to realize the difference between reality and fantasy. All those images that played in your head, that's watching a movie. Skynet didn't go live, and we don't have Arnold running around looking for Sarah Connor. And, dating for a man is about handling rejections. If you could hit 10-20%, you are doing average. So for each date you get, be prepared to get rejected 4 - 9 times. The percentage is even lower if you do online dating. Because when you "meet" people online, you are cut off from a lot of non verbal communication that goes on during normal social interactions. So both sides, you and the woman, make the wrong choices more often, only to "correct it" by bailing out soon after meeting in person. And another important concept. Just because you feel something, doesn't mean she feels the same. Another newbie mistake is "if I feel chemistry, she must also". Wrong. Part of being socially capable is to make the other person feel welcomed and comfortable. In fact, I'm at my strongest "socially capable" performance when I'm with a woman that I'm not interested to mildly interested in. Because I literally don't care. I can make her laugh, I can make her enjoy my company. But when it comes down to decision time, I'm still not interested (or mildly interested), doesn't matter if somehow she fell in love with me due to the excellent show I put on. I believe this is true for women as well. So for a veteran dater, male or female, who is not a jerk/bitch, they tend to finish the date pleasantly anyway, even if they lost interest half way, riding on their social capability, as opposed to actual genuine attraction. Shrug and move on. Like dispatch3d said. Extremely important skill to learn for a man if you want to survive the dating scene -- don't give a crap.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 As a fellow online dater, I'll add to the excellent advice you've already been given and that is to really not take the rejection so personally. Just because she didn't see a relationship with you, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Or that there's anything wrong with her. People decide every day who they feel and do not feel compatible with and it's essential to not internalize the rejection as though there's something unlovable about you. And yes, the rejection is more frequent with online dating but, in a way, it becomes a more shallow cut eventually because it's set up the way it is; it's easy to reject and move on. Don't beat yourself up for, yes, what we've all done. Just go and enjoy the next date without assigning so many hopes to it, and her. And if you don't think you can manage rejection without taking it so personally (though, it's seriously a valuable life skill), then I'd reconsider online dating. Good luck!
AstroZombie138 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Just to add to what others are saying, I tried one of the popular online dating sites a few years ago and I thought it was a wasteland. Too many holes to jump through to get to start chatting with someone. I'm in touch with 2 of the girls I met on there as friends but I didn't come close to making a romantic connection with anyone. I don't know if it was just the one I chose but it turned me off onlne dating. I don't know where you live but I think getting out there and being active and social is a much better way. Get out of your comfort zone. Join one of those kickball or dodgeball leagues that people in their 20's are always doing. (I'm thinking about doing kickball this summer.) I suck at dating but I get a much more realistic perspective on if a girl is interested if I meet them face to face than behind a computer screen. I totally went through what you did. I'd get matched with a girl and think "this could be the one". It would then take a week for us to even get in to direct communication and all the idealized romance would be sucked dry by the time we met. That, and most of the time we just didn't click. Even if I didn't particularly feel a connection either I'd always wonder why she closed me out or stopped responding to text messages. (It didn't help that on one of the matches I got hooked up with the older sister of a girl I had once hooked up with.)
thatone Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 i think it depends on who you are and who you're after. in rural areas, yeah, i can see how online dating would be a complete waste of time. for city people, i think it's actually preferable, at least it is for me. professionals in their 30s typically have very busy work schedules, and there are a lot more people in larger metro areas using the internet due to lack of time, etc.
Author Goatsie Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) thatone: I chose the wrong wording; I know I didn't get dumped. I just wanted to express that it was she that made the call for no chemistry. I know this is a moot point but the way you (and others) have described this tactic of brief-and-unintimate (BAU) encounters is wrong don't you think? Again, (I know these are moot points but good for rhetoric) what kind of society are we breeding with this type of BAU behavior? Don't you think this is what leads to the idea of 'if it isn't instant gratification, I don't want it"? Sorry, this has nothing to do with the original, and just a tangent I wanted to get off my chest. How could anyone possibly know you well enough on one date to determine you're their match? I guess I'm wondering, after two whole weeks of regular correspondence, how could she just be like 'meh'? Alas, moot point again that has been address. I'm not thick-headed, just stubborn and I want to know why people toy with each other (moot point). Everything takes effort, nothing that doesn't is usually not worthwhile, as they say. Oliveoyl: I get what you are saying, but isn't 70/30 just a guestimate? I guess we just have different ideas about people; there are very idealistic persons out there -- meaning that sharing the same mentality, the same principles, the same (as I previously called it 'essential elements'), then I don't see how this girl had enough experience with me to call it a 'no chemistry'. If we are compatible idealistically, then she should know the person that I am inside simply because the words in our correspondence came from me and not someone else . You know what I mean? I know physical chemistry is important, too. But it should play less a role than these "essential elements" because when you are with someone, you want to just jibe with them. Physical attraction is a black and white thing; you either are attracted or you are not. dispatch3d: Of course, what you have said is the end-all be-all. it is the only practical resolution. fishtaco: that fantasy was built by two people; though there are many ways to perceive any one fantasy, the language we used was so narrow that I think it would be hard to be misconstrued. I guess what I'm saying is that she deliberately talked me up with the hope that there was going to work out--which is why I'm hurting. I'm a newbie but I'm not that gullible. I'm starting to agree with what you and many have said in this thread and that is don't get too invested mentally. It is just so hard to 'put on your best performance' when it is someone with whom you want it to work out. And she should have known that (moot point). I have to say that I agree with you on the non verbal communication. I was nervous...heck yea I was, because I imagined her to be perfect, but this reinforces my point that there should be more than one date to really know a person, if not several. When you talk about performance, just because we don't have it one night doesn't mean we don't have it at all. Heck, even actors are hit-and-miss in movies. I'm starting to think this one-date fits all is not for everyone and that though there are many people who are willing to accept being let down. I am not one of those persons, yet. Please don't take this the wrong way. You know, this is just getting too philosophical for me. I just feel sad. Crestfallen's post reinforces my point with the '(dating) becomes more shallow' statement. Crestfallen: Thank you for wishing me luck. I hope so, too. I'm already talking with another person but it is not the same feeling. You may be thinking that I'm not yet over this girl and hence the lack of attraction, but, really, this new girl doesn't attract me at all. Now, I feel like, I'm forced to talk to her due to statistical reasons and for reasons of 'it may surprise you'...which, I hope by now, I've conveyed that I don't like surprises. AstroZombie: I see your point. Thatone: I'm not in my 30s, but I am pretty busy. When I get home, I'm dog tired (which is not reason since if you want it, you'll get it, right?) Edited May 17, 2011 by Goatsie
Author Goatsie Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Again, I know that I'm being stubborn and but I appreciate all of your advices.
thatone Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 thatone: I chose the wrong wording; I know I didn't get dumped. I just wanted to express that it was she that made the call for no chemistry. I know this is a moot point but the way you (and others) have described this tactic of brief-and-unintimate (BAU) encounters is wrong don't you think? Again, (I know these are moot points but good for rhetoric) what kind of society are we breeding with this type of BAU behavior? Don't you think this is what leads to the idea of 'if it isn't instant gratification, I don't want it"? Sorry, this has nothing to do with the original, and just a tangent I wanted to get off my chest. How could anyone possibly know you well enough on one date to determine you're their match? I guess I'm wondering, after two whole weeks of regular correspondence, how could she just be like 'meh'? Alas, moot point again that has been address. I'm not thick-headed, just stubborn and I want to know why people toy with each other (moot point). Everything takes effort, nothing that doesn't is usually not worthwhile, as they say. it is what it is. this isn't the '50s anymore. women aren't waiting around their parents' house for a husband to show up. women do better with post secondary education than men do, actually, because they don't have trade work or their uncle getting them a job down at the plant to fall back on. as a result women become more independent, and more selective. not to say they don't like men. if they didn't we'd all be sitting around talking to ourselves. but you aren't gonna impress a modern woman with status or money alone. at least not until you're 35-40 and looking for the crumbs that fell off some other guy's table. i'm assuming you got a degree and got a decent job from what you've told us, so that's covered. but you need game too. and you get that by experience, there's no other way.
OliveOyl Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Oliveoyl: I get what you are saying, but isn't 70/30 just a guestimate? I guess we just have different ideas about people; there are very idealistic persons out there -- meaning that sharing the same mentality, the same principles, the same (as I previously called it 'essential elements'), then I don't see how this girl had enough experience with me to call it a 'no chemistry'. If we are compatible idealistically, then she should know the person that I am inside simply because the words in our correspondence came from me and not someone else . You know what I mean? I know physical chemistry is important, too. But it should play less a role than these "essential elements" because when you are with someone, you want to just jibe with them. Physical attraction is a black and white thing; you either are attracted or you are not. Yes the 70/30 is just an estimate, I actually think the ratio is even higher in terms of the communication that happens non-verbally. But you said it yourself, you either are attracted or are not, and she was not attracted I'm sorry about that, it sucks, but it happens. One date can definitely be enough to know if there is no chemistry. And I disagree physical chemistry should play less a role than other elements. It's all important.
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