2sunny Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to act the way I feel is appropriate. I've started this thread for advice and opinions, which I have received much of. I am absolutely grateful for everything that was said in this thread. At this point, i'm going to act according to the way I have previously acknowledged. Maybe i'm an idiot, maybe i'm being level headed. No one is perfect. People do have other lives. On the other hand, i'm not too dumb to see when someone is jerking me around. That's what I believe is being done at this point, and I will handle it appropriately. I don't just give up when a few things go wrong. I allow the situation to better itself, by talking to the other person. If the other person still refuses to help fix the situation, at that time (and that time only) will I fully disengage myself from the situation. I appreciate everyones advice and opinions on this matter!! you came here for advice, right? you aren't listening. you are so dead set on MAKING this guy see you more - that now he doesn't want to see you at all. you have repeatedly ignored all this good advice here - 100 posts - then you just still say - i intend to force him to want me. you have now taken all the fun out of it for him. i bet he never sees you again. no one wants to date a downer that's also demanding. it doesn't work that way. he doesn't want to see you. you are acting stalkerish. 4 weeks? that's nothing. he owes you nothing - not even an explanation. but obviously he wants to spend time and energy on FB instead of calling or seeing you. that should tell you everything. stop forcing him - he's DOING things the way he wants to - whether you can accept that or not - will determine your happiness level. and stop having sex so soon - you obviously get too attached- in an unhealthy manner.
Author EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) you came here for advice, right? you aren't listening. you are so dead set on MAKING this guy see you more - that now he doesn't want to see you at all. you have repeatedly ignored all this good advice here - 100 posts - then you just still say - i intend to force him to want me. you have now taken all the fun out of it for him. i bet he never sees you again. no one wants to date a downer that's also demanding. it doesn't work that way. he doesn't want to see you. you are acting stalkerish. 4 weeks? that's nothing. he owes you nothing - not even an explanation. but obviously he wants to spend time and energy on FB instead of calling or seeing you. that should tell you everything. stop forcing him - he's DOING things the way he wants to - whether you can accept that or not - will determine your happiness level. and stop having sex so soon - you obviously get too attached- in an unhealthy manner. Really? I'm loving the assumptions at this point. Did I not make it clear enough that I was going to act the way I had previously said I would? Do you remember what I said before? Last I remember, I said I would call it off if this conversation didn't happen (or he didn't acknowledge it). I don't feel the need to explain myself at all at this point, but for the sake of people who want to be so negative, i'd like to say that I broke it off. Are we all happy now? I'm going to act the way I feel is best. In the beginning of this thread, I was planning on acting a certain way. After a bunch of great posters, advice, and opinions I decided to act in a different way. And with acting in that way, means that i've just done exactly what I wanted to do. While some of you may say I should have broken it off awhile ago, there are still a few of you who would tell me I should have waited. I'm not going to choose a certain poster and decide to listen only to them. I've listened to every single post! Which is why i'm so incredibly grateful for everyone who has posted! After listening and understanding all of it, i've made my own decision. Again, I appreciate everyones opinions and advice! Edited May 19, 2011 by EricaH329
snug.bunny Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to act the way I feel is appropriate. I've started this thread for advice and opinions, which I have received much of. I am absolutely grateful for everything that was said in this thread. At this point, i'm going to act according to the way I have previously acknowledged. Maybe i'm an idiot, maybe i'm being level headed. No one is perfect. People do have other lives. On the other hand, i'm not too dumb to see when someone is jerking me around. That's what I believe is being done at this point, and I will handle it appropriately. I don't just give up when a few things go wrong. I allow the situation to better itself, by talking to the other person. If the other person still refuses to help fix the situation, at that time (and that time only) will I fully disengage myself from the situation. I appreciate everyones advice and opinions on this matter!! If the bolded is what you truly believe, then do you see any point in continuing to date him? A question you have to decide for yourself. I think a good thing would be to curb one's emotional investment when starting to date someone, for at least 3 months. That's the new rule. Cheers!!
2sunny Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Really? I'm loving the assumptions at this point. sarcasm is never appreciated - or useful... to state exactly how you feel is more direct. here's a description: Sarcasm is anger. Sarcasm is hurtful. Sarcasm is used when people can't somehow be honest in their expression of anger. ... for people that have been trying to be helpful - for you to see your part in it all - which is your truth - sarcasm certainly seems inappropriate right now.
Author EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 sarcasm is never appreciated - or useful... to state exactly how you feel is more direct. here's a description: Sarcasm is anger. Sarcasm is hurtful. Sarcasm is used when people can't somehow be honest in their expression of anger. ... for people that have been trying to be helpful - for you to see your part in it all - which is your truth - sarcasm certainly seems inappropriate right now. That wasn't sarcasm, that was how I felt. I'm sorry i'm not a rude, or spiteful person. I'm not arguing with you about this. I've said what I needed to say. Just leave it alone.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Erica, you sound like a sweet person. You deserve better. I don't feel like you are being too demanding at all. It looks like you are putting all the effort into this "relationship" and he is putting none. It's just too much drama after only 4 dates.
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Week 1: 3x Week 2: 1x Week 3: 0x Anyone see a trend, here? Yes, I see it now. you have now taken all the fun out of it for him. I believe this is true. One shouldn't be complaining about seeing someone enough so early on in the game, as though there's a relationship that's deteriorating/deteriorated, especially when there's no relationship to begin with. It takes all the fun and mystery out of it. "You better make time for me!" (stomping feet) Who's going to respond positively to that?
Author EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Erica, you sound like a sweet person. You deserve better. I don't feel like you are being too demanding at all. It looks like you are putting all the effort into this "relationship" and he is putting none. It's just too much drama after only 4 dates. Thank you for understanding! Yes, I see it now. I believe this is true. One shouldn't be complaining about seeing someone enough so early on in the game, as though there's a relationship that's deteriorating/deteriorated, especially when there's no relationship to begin with. It takes all the fun and mystery out of it. "You better make time for me!" (stomping feet) Who's going to respond positively to that? I'm half tempted to not give you the argument you are seeking. However, after having a few drinks and being already upset about this situation, I feel the need to I'm not sure how many times I need to repeat the same thing over again, but i'll do this one more time (just for you). You are hearing my side of everything. How I say that I want to be with him, and am putting in this effort. Did you not also read about how he was doing the same? In case you didn't, i'd suggest going back and re-reading everything. I know it's a lot of pages, but before you start posting something you apparently can't back up, i'd suggest re-reading. Now, i'm going to 'stomp my feet'. (And 2sunny, this was sarcasm).
welikeincrowds Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Erica, you sound like a sweet person. You deserve better. You think it's his bad. "You better make time for me!" (stomping feet) Who's going to respond positively to that? You think it's her bad. It is possible that he will be unable or unwilling to meet your needs, but finding that is progress, and it doesn't mean either of you are bad or wrong, just that you have different ideas of what you want in a relationship. I think it's neither person's bad. LS, what a helpful forum
Author EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 (edited) You think it's his bad. You think it's her bad. I think it's neither person's bad. LS, what a helpful forum :laugh: WLIC, this is why I you!! Edit: I think I need to have a heart in my avatar, then maybe there won't be so much confusion. Edited May 19, 2011 by EricaH329
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 welike, I your avatar. p.s. mine is better though
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 welike, I your avatar. Wow, you guys are major copycats. I'm flattered.
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Thank you for understanding! Well, you have one GREAT role model there! I'm half tempted to not give you the argument you are seeking. However, after having a few drinks and being already upset about this situation, I feel the need to I'm not sure how many times I need to repeat the same thing over again, but i'll do this one more time (just for you). You are hearing my side of everything. How I say that I want to be with him, and am putting in this effort. Did you not also read about how he was doing the same? In case you didn't, i'd suggest going back and re-reading everything. I know it's a lot of pages, but before you start posting something you apparently can't back up, i'd suggest re-reading. Now, i'm going to 'stomp my feet'. (And 2sunny, this was sarcasm). You're pretty sarcastic, angry, and defensive tonight. Sorry, I didn't read where he repeatedly told you that if you didn't make more time for him more than twice a week that it would be a problem for him, and that he'd experienced this same situation in the past more than once, and that he didn't want to go through it again. I thought that was all YOU talking. Musta missed that. My bad.
Author EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 welike, I your avatar. p.s. mine is better though Wow, you guys are major copycats. I'm flattered. HEY!!! I feel left out!
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 You think it's her bad. Not really. What I do think is that she and her "understanding" partner ES have grossly unrealistic expectations for how an interested dude who's not her BF should be behaving in the first month of dating.
Kristi can't sleep Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Hi Erica, I know you've had more than enough advice at this point (I don't blame you!!), but I can't help sticking my nose in because of this: Edit: I also want to mention, and this is tough for me to actually admit, but I sometimes feel like i'm not good enough for him. He comes from a family who is still together and cares about him, he went to college and got a degree that landed him an *awesome* job, and I just feel like i'm the total opposite from him. What he deserves is a girl in the same position (if not better) than he is. What a horrible way to think, I know. ^Please don't think this way^! - a lot of times, what we find hardest to admit is that which we *truly* believe - and then set about making it reality without realizing what we're doing. In other words, if this is how you feel deep down, it's very possible that minor things - things that you may not have even noticed with another guy - appear larger than they are, and you assume that they are "proof" of your feelings... he drank too much the night before becomes "he doesn't care whether or not he even sees me. I was stupid to think he'd fall for me", whereas if your guy friend did the same thing, the same thought may never have crossed your mind. In fact, you probably would've spent the day with him anyway, at most teasing him for being hungover. But with this guy, what he does is magnified through the lens of "he doesn't really want me". Which you are hurt by and react to. Meanwhile, this guy - who genuinely likes you - doesn't know any of this. He only sees and hears you feeling hurt or dismissed and doesn't know what the hell is going on. So, by thinking you aren't in his league, you end up pushing him away without realizing it, and your belief becomes true in as far as you stop seeing eachother. He likes you. You like him. You're both young and have busy, chaotic lives full of work and friends. I know you have a million different opinions here, but mine is to take a deep breath, remember that you are good enough for anybody, then take it easy - on him AND yourself! I don't know if you're still seeing him, texting or whatever, but I wouldn't put a period at the end of this yet. If you think he's worth it, take a few weeks and treat him as you would a friend. 'hey what's up', 'how are you', 'what's going on' - but no pressure either way. Don't ask to see him right off, just be friendly and see where things go - it doesn't work out, so be it; the worst that can happen is that you stay friends Good luck to you - for some reason, I think you're going to end up seeing this guy even if it doesn't look that way now. Oops - you also had a specific issue about lack of time together with your last relationship - you might be carrying a little hurt from that onto him as well. Just try to see things in a fresh light. Try to see HIM in a fresh light - Take care!
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 HEY!!! I feel left out! Don't. I find it creepy. I've had this avatar for years, ES copies mine, and then WLIC changes his to mock [her].
Author EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Well, you have one GREAT role model there! You're pretty sarcastic, angry, and defensive tonight. Sorry, I didn't read where he repeatedly told you that if you didn't make more time for him more than twice a week that it would be a problem for him, and that he'd experienced this same situation in the past more than once, and that he didn't want to go through it again. I thought that was all YOU talking. Musta missed that. My bad. It's ok!! Maybe next time you won't be so judgmental, or misunderstanding :D
welikeincrowds Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Not really. What I do think is that she and her "understanding" partner ES have grossly unrealistic expectations for how an interested dude who's not her BF should be behaving in the first month of dating. I agree that they're not what I would want, but that's also just my natural inclination. I'm willing to believe that this is within the boundaries of "different style," provided she doesn't get accusatory if it doesn't go her away. Keep in mind that they didn't just meet a month ago, they're old friends from high school. That sort of transition needs clarity in order to work.
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 It's ok!! Maybe next time you won't be so judgmental, or misunderstanding :D Um, I think you misunderstood me. I was being sarcastic, because again, I don't see where he's spent a whole lotta time complaining at you...
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Don't. I find it creepy. I've had this avatar for years, ES copies mine, and then WLIC changes his to mock [her]. I didn't copy yours. I can barely even see that the clouds are a heart. In fact, until this thread I haven't even noticed it. Why would I copy it anyway? :rolleyes:
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I agree that they're not what I would want, but that's also just my natural inclination. I'm willing to believe that this is within the boundaries of "different style," provided she doesn't get accusatory if it doesn't go her away. The way I read this thread is a whole lotta accusation... Keep in mind that they didn't just meet a month ago, they're old friends from high school. That sort of transition needs clarity in order to work. People are a lot different when they spent 10 years apart not speaking. Wouldn't you agree?
Star Gazer Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I can barely even see that the clouds are a heart. Okkkkay. Whatever you say.
Author EricaH329 Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 I agree that they're not what I would want, but that's also just my natural inclination. I'm willing to believe that this is within the boundaries of "different style," provided she doesn't get accusatory if it doesn't go her away. Keep in mind that they didn't just meet a month ago, they're old friends from high school. That sort of transition needs clarity in order to work. Thank you. We didn't just meet a few weeks ago, we've known eachother for many, many years. Granted, we didn't actually hang out with eachother, but we've known of eachother. And we just started hanging out a few weeks ago, we've been talking through e-mail for the last 2 months though. Um, I think you misunderstood me. I was being sarcastic, because again, I don't see where he's spent a whole lotta time complaining at you... First, do you really think that's an appropriate time to be sarcastic? Second, he may not have been complaining at me, but his actions more than show his unwillingness to comply with being in any form of relationship. I think that proves more than words, don't you?
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 I agree that they're not what I would want, but that's also just my natural inclination. I'm willing to believe that this is within the boundaries of "different style," provided she doesn't get accusatory if it doesn't go her away. Keep in mind that they didn't just meet a month ago, they're old friends from high school. That sort of transition needs clarity in order to work. What? I am not what you would want? Heartbroken
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