How do I un-screw myself?

[EricaH329]

I know you guys are right. I really should just probably bow out of this, and I was fully planning on doing so today. Last night, I texted him asking him what he wants. I just now got a response back. This is what he said.

 

"I'm sorry you couldn't sleep babe, and what do I want? I want to date you, I told you this week is just busy :/ Also I think I kinda got a little reserved because of what happened the other night. I know it's your friend but I don't wanna feel jealous. I trust you I just wasn't expecting it and the feeling I had was awful Miss ya"

 

My response was, "I can understand that, I mean we really should have talked about what you feel is acceptable and what isn't, so I could avoid situations that make you feel uncomfortable. But we rarely get the chance to talk, and this should be the time we spend most with eachother since we are still trying to get to know one another. I'm thinking maybe you jusst don't have the time right now? And that's ok if that's the case, but don't you think this situation is a bit unfair to us both?"

 

Yes, all of that was said through text. Which just furthers my point. That conversation should have been done in person, at the very least, over the phone. It seems like he's just too busy to date right now, which is fine but I don't want to be strung along. I'm not seeing anyone else, and I hate to put it this way, but I could be looking for other people who do have the time to put into dating.

 

Edit: UGH! This is the response he just sent me, "It is the distance and schedules have to do with it. I just don't wanna give up because you are so sweet and I enjoy talking and being around you."

 

What do I do? Should I stick it out, even though I feel this way? I care about him a lot, it's just really tough and we aren't even in an actual relationship yet

Edited May 18, 2011 by EricaH329

[betterdeal]

Saying things but not talking to one another is a big hurdle. Not being able to have these conversations in person means you're going to have these written conversations every time some difficult period occurs in the relationship. That in turn means needing to be apart to have a written conversation... yada, yada, yada. Too complicated.

 

We all like the idea of a good, mutually beneficial relationship and we can all write it down, sincerely. But when it comes down to it, we need to express ourself to each in person, or, as I said before, how is this a relationship (in the actual world) rather than at our fingertips?

 

You're undecided, so is he, and you guys don't meet up. You realise you could look elsewhere and, seeing as you haven't agreed to make your relationship (yes, you have one - you have one with me, your neighbour, everyone, just this one with this guy is close to one-to-one pairing) an exclusive one, you're not even close to having broken your word. And your word is important to you, clearly.

 

Phone him. Speak to each other. Clear, precise and positive messages make for the easiest for us to receive. Things like:

 

- I'd like us to talk directly when we have things to discuss, especially feelings. I'll do my best to be calm and listen to you, and I'd like you to do the same. This way, we get to hear each other's voices and discuss our relationship.

 

or

 

- I agree with the text conversation we had the other night. We both have work commitments and aren't seeing each other. I feel uneasy about being in this sort of relationship. I want to actually be with someone, more frequently than I am with you. I like you, you're a lovely guy, and that's why I am letting you know that I am going to start looking for someone nearer to me,

so

that you don't waste your opportunities to do the same.

You see what I mean? Clear, precise, positive, honest. And bear in mind every decision we make is a 50/50 chance, so agonising over *what* decision to make for fear of getting it wrong is wasted energy. So long as you live up to your own standards, there's nothing more you need to do.

[EricaH329]

Saying things but not talking to one another is a big hurdle. Not being able to have these conversations in person means you're going to have these written conversations every time some difficult period occurs in the relationship. That in turn means needing to be apart to have a written conversation... yada, yada, yada. Too complicated.

 

We all like the idea of a good, mutually beneficial relationship and we can all write it down, sincerely. But when it comes down to it, we need to express ourself to each in person, or, as I said before, how is this a relationship (in the actual world) rather than at our fingertips?

 

You're undecided, so is he, and you guys don't meet up. You realise you could look elsewhere and, seeing as you haven't agreed to make your relationship (yes, you have one - you have one with me, your neighbour, everyone, just this one with this guy is close to one-to-one pairing) an exclusive one, you're not even close to having broken your word. And your word is important to you, clearly.

 

Phone him. Speak to each other. Clear, precise and positive messages make for the easiest for us to receive. Things like:

- I'd like us to talk directly when we have things to discuss, especially feelings. I'll do my best to be calm and listen to you, and I'd like you to do the same. This way, we get to hear each other's voices and discuss our relationship.

or

- I agree with the text conversation we had the other night. We both have work commitments and aren't seeing each other. I feel uneasy about being in this sort of relationship. I want to actually be with someone, more frequently than I am with you. I like you, you're a lovely guy, and that's why I am letting you know that I am going to start looking for someone nearer to me,

so

that you don't waste your opportunities to do the same.

You see what I mean? Clear, precise, positive, honest. And bear in mind every decision we make is a 50/50 chance, so agonising over *what* decision to make for fear of getting it wrong is wasted energy. So long as you live up to your own standards, there's nothing more you need to do.

 

You are absolutely right. I told him to give me a call whenever he gets the chance. I'm going to let him know, clearly, that if he doesn't want to give this up just yet there are going to have to be a few things that need to be done.

 

First, he's going to have to make more of an effort at contact. I'd like a phone call at least every other day. It doesn't have to be a long conversation, but one that allows us to talk (since we don't get to see eachother). You can't try to get to know a person, without communication and/or physically seeing eachother. One or the other will have to happen more often.

 

Second, we have to set at least *one* day a week where we don't make any other plans. I'm leaning more towards Sunday, since that's the only day we can spend all day together.

 

Third, we need to admit to one another when the other does something we don't agree with. We need to talk about it immediately. He began pushing me away because of something I did that he didn't talk to me about. I can't have that.

 

I'm really hoping he will agree to all of this. Those are now my 'requirements'. If he doesn't agree with them, or cannot live up to them, then my decision will be made. I'm feeling better about this, now that i'm at least able to give him the chance to make the decision for himself.

[betterdeal]

I'm feeling better about this, now that i'm at least able to give him the chance to make the decision for himself.

 

And also because you have made a decision yourself as to what you want, and to discuss this relationship with him and set clear, precise, easy to understand points out to him.

 

You might also want to consider giving him a book to read. Something like "The Dummies Guide to Relationships". Reading it yourself first, and judging if you agree with it is something you may wish to do too.

 

Honestly, most of us men (especially) just need some guidance. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink: the trick is to make it thirsty.

 

I'm glad to hear you're glad!

Edited May 18, 2011 by betterdeal

[EricaH329]

And also because you have made a decision yourself as to what you want, and to discuss this relationship with him and set clear, precise, easy to understand points out to him.

 

You might also want to consider giving him a book to read. Something like "The Dummies Guide to Relationships". Reading it yourself first, and judging if you agree with it is something you may wish to do too.

 

Honestly, most of us men (especially) just need some guidance. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink: the trick is to make it thirsty.

 

I'm glad to hear you're glad!

 

Thank you, and everyone else, *so* much for your support and advice!! I really hope this conversation goes well. If not, then at least I was able to stay true to myself.

[betterdeal]

You're welcome! And it will go well because you have decided it will go well. The outcome might be different from what you thought you wanted it to be, but the important thing is, as you say, being true to yourself.

[sagetalk]

I'm really hoping he will agree to all of this. Those are now my 'requirements'. If he doesn't agree with them, or cannot live up to them, then my decision will be made. I'm feeling better about this, now that i'm at least able to give him the chance to make the decision for himself.

 

Wow, that's going to be a lot for him to handle. I like the honesty though, I wish girls would be that upfront in the beginning and tell me what they expect. That way there is no wasted time if we disagree.

[EricaH329]

You're welcome! And it will go well because you have decided it will go well. The outcome might be different from what you thought you wanted it to be, but the important thing is, as you say, being true to yourself.

 

Absolutely! Either way, i'll be happy with the decision i've made, because i've given it a fair shot.

 

Wow, that's going to be a lot for him to handle. I like the honesty though, I wish girls would be that upfront in the beginning and tell me what they expect. That way there is no wasted time if we disagree.

 

To be honest, I don't think that's much to ask. But then again, I guess this is why i'm in the position i'm in, because he doesn't see things the same way I do.

 

I always try to be honest at the very beginning. This was a bit different, only because I let some things go, and when they continued I was at a loss for words. I'm glad i've figured out what exactly I want from this, and how to go about getting it (or not, either way).

[january2011]

Thank you, and everyone else, *so* much for your support and advice!! I really hope this conversation goes well. If not, then at least I was able to stay true to myself.

 

Good luck! You know what you want and hopefully what he wants will fit in with that. I think that if he is not willing to even meet you half way then you'll have your answer. And he needs to back up what he says through action so that you know he's taking this seriously.

[EricaH329]

Good luck! You know what you want and hopefully what he wants will fit in with that. I think that if he is not willing to even meet you half way then you'll have your answer. And he needs to back up what he says through action so that you know he's taking this seriously.

 

Definitely! If he does agree to everything, then i'm most certainly going to be paying attention to whether he pulls through with it or not. No matter how busy you are, you can spare 10 minutes. There won't be any excuses.

 

I'll be honest, i'm a bit nervous to have this conversation with him. I'm almost positive he's going to agree, he seems eager to continue this. I'm just scared he won't follow through with it. But that's neither here nor there. I'm not going to hold something against him that hasn't even happened yet, that's ridiculous.

 

BTW, i've missed you so much Jan!!! I hope things are going well with you!

[DufenSchmertz]

You are absolutely right. I told him to give me a call whenever he gets the chance.

 

The above statement is NOT the same as if you had said: "I would really like you to call me as frequently as you can. I can't wait to talk to you again, over the phone, not by texting." What you said to him can be interpreted as not too much enthusiasm on your part. What if he doesn't "get the chance" to call you?

 

 

I'm going to let him know, clearly, that if he doesn't want to give this up just yet there are going to have to be a few things that need to be done.

 

Making demands is not a good way to start a relationship.

 

 

First, he's going to have to make more of an effort at contact. I'd like a phone call at least every other day.

 

Ya gotta love women. You've got a phone, too, right?

 

Why don't YOU initiate calls with HIM if you want to talk with him on the phone? If you do, and he never returns your calls, or always cuts you off after a very brief convo, then he's probably not very interested.

 

If you want to talk on the phone, CALL HIM. Don't make "demands" that he call you. That's just trying to create hoops for him to jump through to "prove his love" or something. Also, you don't say what it is you want to talk to him about during these phone calls. It seems kind of arbitrary actually. Guys tend to use the telephone when they have something specific they want to talk about.

 

It doesn't have to be a long conversation, but one that allows us to talk (since we don't get to see eachother). You can't try to get to know a person, without communication and/or physically seeing eachother. One or the other will have to happen more often.

 

If you want to call him, then call him and talk to him. It's unfair for you to demand that he has to call you.

 

Second, we have to set at least *one* day a week where we don't make any other plans. I'm leaning more towards Sunday, since that's the only day we can spend all day together.

 

You seem to make dating way more complicated then it is supposed to be. If you want to spend time with him, and Sunday is the best day for you to do it, then call him and schedule a specific date for a specific day. If he's unavailable, then find something else to do that day, including making yourself available to other men who might want to date you.

 

Third, we need to admit to one another when the other does something we don't agree with. We need to talk about it immediately. He began pushing me away because of something I did that he didn't talk to me about. I can't have that.

 

He told you something about some other guy(?) you were with and he said that bothered him, obviously he said he got "jealous." I'm not sure how this guy would know that you were with someone else, but it sounds like you need to keep your various men friends separate from each other.

 

I'm really hoping he will agree to all of this. Those are now my 'requirements'. If he doesn't agree with them, or cannot live up to them, then my decision will be made. I'm feeling better about this, now that i'm at least able to give him the chance to make the decision for himself.

 

Dating you doesn't sound like too much fun, it sounds like a bunch of rules/work/expectations. Dates are supposed to be a chance to have some fun with each other. Sounds like you may have forgotten that, a little bit. Maybe if you were more laid back and more fun to be with, he would find a way to spend more time with you.

[2sunny]

Wow, just wow. I don't mean to disregard the posts I have yet to respond to, but I have to get what just happened off my chest.

 

I called him 2 days ago to apologize for the way I have been acting. He was very understanding and said that everything is still great between us. I had asked him when we were going to see eachother again and he said that his parents are leaving in a week to go out of town so he wanted to spend time with them today. We both agreed that tomorrow (Wednesday) would be a good day.

 

Today, I texted him asking him what he wanted to do tomorrow, because I wanted to cook dinner for him. He never responded. About 7 hours have passed and I caught him on FB so I asked him if he got the chance to read my text and he said he was sooo busy today that he didn't get a chance to look at his phone.

 

THEN he told me that this week isn't a good week. His parents are leaving and he wanted to spend time with them, and tomorrow is a guys night out (which he missed last week) and doesn't want to miss that.

 

This is what i'm talking about!!!!!!! I'm so pissed right now because I gave myself such a hard time about worrying about this, and come to find out, it's really not my fault!!

 

I don't know what to do at this point. I think I might have to break it off. The lack of communication, along with the inability to see eachother, is really making this too hard.

 

looks like you aren't his priority.

 

i hope you're not having sex with him...

[DufenSchmertz]

looks like you aren't his priority.

 

i hope you're not having sex with him...

 

The obvious explanation is that he does like her but he is seeing another woman or women. Which is completely fair play since they are just casually dating now and then and are not in a relationship. He's allowed to date other people, so is she, which is exactly what she should do, although that doesn't mean she should completely drop this guy.

 

If she's already having sex with him (I didn't see that), then if she's like most women she's probably already falling in love with him.

[EricaH329]

The above statement is NOT the same as if you had said: "I would really like you to call me as frequently as you can. I can't wait to talk to you again, over the phone, not by texting." What you said to him can be interpreted as not too much enthusiasm on your part. What if he doesn't "get the chance" to call you?

 

I'm sorry you've misinterpreted all of my posts. I'll try to clear things up. I told him I need him to give me a call today whenever he gets a chance (because I know he is busy today) so that him and I can talk about all of the things I listed previously.

 

Making demands is not a good way to start a relationship.

 

And neither is blowing off the person you are dating. I guess it's a choice between being distant, and being honest by telling the other person what you want out of a relationship.

 

Ya gotta love women. You've got a phone, too, right?

 

Why don't YOU initiate calls with HIM if you want to talk with him on the phone? If you do, and he never returns your calls, or always cuts you off after a very brief convo, then he's probably not very interested.

 

If you want to talk on the phone, CALL HIM. Don't make "demands" that he call you. That's just trying to create hoops for him to jump through to "prove his love" or something. Also, you don't say what it is you want to talk to him about during these phone calls. It seems kind of arbitrary actually. Guys tend to use the telephone when they have something specific they want to talk about.

 

 

 

If you want to call him, then call him and talk to him. It's unfair for you to demand that he has to call you.

 

Which is why I have been the one calling and texting him lately. He rarely responds because of how busy he is. I am letting him know that yes, it will be a two way street, but he needs to answer his phone (or call me during the day when he is available) so that we can talk. I'm not going to be a child about it by crying about who calls first. As long as we talk, I don't care.

 

And I did specify what I wanted to talk to him about. We need to get to know eachother somehow, right? And since we can't see eachother, how else is that going to happen?

 

You seem to make dating way more complicated then it is supposed to be. If you want to spend time with him, and Sunday is the best day for you to do it, then call him and schedule a specific date for a specific day. If he's unavailable, then find something else to do that day, including making yourself available to other men who might want to date you.

 

He has told me (and has made it painfully obvious by the jealousy he had), that he doesn't want me seeing anyone else. Ok, that's fine. But if that's the case, then he needs to prove to me that he is going to do his best to try and make this work.

 

You seriously can't tell me that you'd be ok with not seeing anyone else, and only seeing the one person you are dating every couple of weeks.

 

He told you something about some other guy(?) you were with and he said that bothered him, obviously he said he got "jealous." I'm not sure how this guy would know that you were with someone else, but it sounds like you need to keep your various men friends separate from each other.

 

How did he know I was with 'someone else' (my best guy friend)? Because i'm honest. I told him. These aren't guys that i'm dating. I'm only seeing one guy, he knows that, but it still doesn't stop him from becoming jealous. Can you imagine if I *was* actually seeing someone else, like you suggested I do?

 

Dating you doesn't sound like too much fun, it sounds like a bunch of rules/work/expectations. Dates are supposed to be a chance to have some fun with each other. Sounds like you may have forgotten that, a little bit. Maybe if you were more laid back and more fun to be with, he would find a way to spend more time with you.

 

Sorry you don't think that dating me would be much fun, i've come to accept that not everyone would want to date me However, I did notice that you jumped to many assumptions, and didn't thoroughly read my posts. I'm hoping now that i've cleared some of that up, you'll understand a bit better where i'm coming from.

 

If not, I appreciate your opinion!

[sagetalk]

then if she's like most women she's probably already falling in love with him.

 

Figured out that little trick didn't you. Sex makes dating a whole heck of a lot less complicated for men. I think it's a bad idea early in a relationship, but boy is it a potent relationship creator in the eyes of women.

[2sunny]

step away for a while - then see how much effort he makes.

 

i think he's a player - but not willing to tell you otherwise... even players say they don't want you seeing someone else.

 

you keep making YOUR demands on him - yet he's showing you that he's not willing to DO it your way... so stop telling him to do it your way.

 

by stepping away - you should gain a lot more clarity. either he'll step up his efforts - or he won't...

 

and no sex - that convolutes everything that's your sense of reality.

[EricaH329]

step away for a while - then see how much effort he makes.

 

i think he's a player - but not willing to tell you otherwise... even players say they don't want you seeing someone else.

 

you keep making YOUR demands on him - yet he's showing you that he's not willing to DO it your way... so stop telling him to do it your way.

 

by stepping away - you should gain a lot more clarity. either he'll step up his efforts - or he won't...

 

and no sex - that convolutes everything that's your sense of reality.

 

I feel like I have two options at this point. The first option, is to wait and wait and wait, then listen to his excuse about why he wasn't able to contact me. Which will most likely turn out badly. If his excuse has something to do with this his parents, and I tell him we can't talk anymore, then it'll look like i'm not allowing him to spend time with them.

 

The second option, is that I give it to him straight. Tell him exactly what I need, and if he doesn't allow me that, then no matter what his excuse is I can at least say that he knows what I expected and what he didn't deliver.

[EricaH329]

I really don't feel like i'm asking too much. He spends every single day with his family (when they are in town), and at least 3 days a week with his friends. I feel like if I was important enough to him, he would cut back a couple of those hours from each, and give them to me.

 

I have friends too. I've been re-arranging my schedule for him. Today, for example, I could have spent with some friends but chose not to because I was waiting for him. Last Friday, also, I could have spent with my friends but chose not to because I wanted to spend them with him. Both of those days he blew me off to spend with his friends (granted, he did actually end up coming over last Friday, but only after I told him I was upset).

 

There was one day last week that him and I planned to spend time together, that I couldn't (after telling him I could). It was a valid reason, not for a girls night out, but because a long time friend had just come home from college after being away for about 8 years. He complained about it the entire time, even though we re-scheduled for the next day. He's not even re-scheduling with me.

 

The more I think about this, the more upset it makes me.

[betterdeal]

Try and find some calm. Getting upset is not going to make it better. I tend to go for breathing exercises when I get upset about something in my head. You'll find your own internal deadline will become apparent. After that point, you take affirmative action. Until that point, do some stuff you like doing, like having a hot bath or going for a swim.

 

You may have noticed you started feeling upset when something happened, such as reading those Doubting Thomas' posts that have just appeared here. There's posts there arguing with you, as though they're about the poster who posted them and not about you or the guy you're talking about. Have that conversation with him, not me or anyone else here.

 

Life's too short to be worrying about silly things.

Edited May 18, 2011 by betterdeal

[EricaH329]

Try and find some calm. Getting upset is not going to make it better. I tend to go for breathing exercises when I get upset about something in my head. You'll find your own internal deadline will become apparent. After that point, you take affirmative action. Until that point, do some stuff you like doing, like having a hot bath or going for a swim.

 

You may have noticed you started feeling upset when something happened, such as reading those Doubting Thomas' posts that have just appeared here. There's posts there arguing with you, as though they're about the poster who posted them and not about you or the guy you're talking about. Have that conversation with him, not me or anyone else here.

 

Life's too short to be worrying about silly things.

 

Oh, I know. I can't help it. It reminds me a lot of my past serious relationships, where i'd be d*cked around for so long and so often. The frustration and resentment continued to build until I absolutely couldn't take it anymore. This situation is beginning to closely resemble the others. That's definitely something I don't want.

 

I'm so focused on getting things accomplished right here and now, as opposed to waiting for the change. If I know something has to be changed, I like to just rip off the band-aid. Do it and get it over with. The longer I wait, the longer it builds aggrevation.

 

I need a couple of drinks

[snug.bunny]

I don't know, if you both have busy schedules and work different hours, is seeing each other twice a week that unreasonable? He did say he wants it to work and you've both had instances where you've had to reschedule. There hasn't appeared to be long gaps in seeing each other where that would be an area of concern or him saying he's not open to a relationship ---so no need to make presumptions at this point. If he's backed off in terms of spending quality time together post sex (I don't know if you've crossed that bridge yet) then that would obviously validate your concerns, but it's hard to say at this point. Which is where the trust comes in, you'll either trust it or you won't.

[Lil1]

Gosh Erica, this is a tricky situation you're in. On the one hand you don't want to put too much pressure on him because you are still in the dating stage. However on the other, you want to pursue something serious with him because you genuinely like him and you want to set some ground rules so that you two can have a fighting chance to evolve into a relationship. He is pulling away after some minor discrepancies on your part which you have genuinely apologized for.

 

I have been here before too and I know how frustrated you must feel at times!

 

The best thing to do in a situation like this is to take things one day at a time. Give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that he truly is busy. At the same time, don't put your life on hold because of him. Whatever you do, be true to yourself and don't fall into the games trap (i.e. I won't call him until he calls me, or I won't send sweet texts unless he sends me some, etc...). Just be real when you talk to him, if you feel like saying I miss you then do it. He wants to know that you think of him often and that you really dig him (and ONLY him - hence the sweet texts throughout the day). I know it feels terrible when it isnt reciprocated, but give it time. After a while you will know by his actions whether he's serious about you or not. My suggestion is to not give up on him just yet because it sounds like there is a strong potential for the two of you to share a beautiful relationship, you just gotta get past the initial stage of getting to know each other's quirks and dislikes.

[2sunny]

I really don't feel like i'm asking too much. He spends every single day with his family (when they are in town), and at least 3 days a week with his friends. I feel like if I was important enough to him, he would cut back a couple of those hours from each, and give them to me.

 

I have friends too. I've been re-arranging my schedule for him. Today, for example, I could have spent with some friends but chose not to because I was waiting for him. Last Friday, also, I could have spent with my friends but chose not to because I wanted to spend them with him. Both of those days he blew me off to spend with his friends (granted, he did actually end up coming over last Friday, but only after I told him I was upset).

 

There was one day last week that him and I planned to spend time together, that I couldn't (after telling him I could). It was a valid reason, not for a girls night out, but because a long time friend had just come home from college after being away for about 8 years. He complained about it the entire time, even though we re-scheduled for the next day. He's not even re-scheduling with me.

 

The more I think about this, the more upset it makes me.

 

stop repeating the same thing over and over. you probably do this to him too... it's annoying.

 

look, if you don't like his effort - then leave.

 

stop trying to force him to make an effort - to do it YOUR way.

 

here's a news break:

 

he IS doing it his way... you just don't like it. men don't like women who *itch and complain but still stick around while complaining.

 

either: a) get over it and stop the complaining or b) leave

 

those are YOUR choices.

 

one or the other - but not both.

[welikeincrowds]

Oh ****, this thread is got aggressive. Don't get distracted! I felt like things were really going positively until the Gettin' Mad Internet Crew rolled up.

 

As long as you respectfully, non-judgmentally, and non-confrontationally present your needs (which of course are your needs, not his failings), then you won't have a problem. It is possible that he will be unable or unwilling to meet your needs, but finding that is progress, and it doesn't mean either of you are bad or wrong, just that you have different ideas of what you want in a relationship.

 

All the other **** outside of that process, including judgments of your conduct, is not relevant! I don't see any evidence that you aim to be unfair.

 

By the way, yes, it is true that players will not want their wifies to be ****ing with other men, and that doesn't mean they themselves aren't ****ing with other women at the same time. But I see no reason to consider that line of thought, because at this point, it's not strictly a part of the problem, nor was it ever, nor is it relevant to the solution. Not to mention you haven't even discussed exclusivity, so technically it's not applicable.

 

One wonders why people even got to bring that jealousy-doubt-heart-mangling **** up, but I guess if it's happened to you, you don't want it to happen to anyone else. At least, I hope that's the reason.

[EricaH329]

I don't know, if you both have busy schedules and work different hours, is seeing each other twice a week that unreasonable? He did say he wants it to work and you've both had instances where you've had to reschedule. There hasn't appeared to be long gaps in seeing each other where that would be an area of concern or him saying he's not open to a relationship ---so no need to make presumptions at this point. If he's backed off in terms of spending quality time together post sex (I don't know if you've crossed that bridge yet) then that would obviously validate your concerns, but it's hard to say at this point. Which is where the trust comes in, you'll either trust it or you won't.

 

I don't want to wonder though, ya know? I want to lay everything down, and have him decide at that point what he wants to do. His actions will speak louder than his words.

 

Gosh Erica, this is a tricky situation you're in. On the one hand you don't want to put too much pressure on him because you are still in the dating stage. However on the other, you want to pursue something serious with him because you genuinely like him and you want to set some ground rules so that you two can have a fighting chance to evolve into a relationship. He is pulling away after some minor discrepancies on your part which you have genuinely apologized for.

 

I have been here before too and I know how frustrated you must feel at times!

 

The best thing to do in a situation like this is to take things one day at a time. Give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that he truly is busy. At the same time, don't put your life on hold because of him. Whatever you do, be true to yourself and don't fall into the games trap (i.e. I won't call him until he calls me, or I won't send sweet texts unless he sends me some, etc...). Just be real when you talk to him, if you feel like saying I miss you then do it. He wants to know that you think of him often and that you really dig him (and ONLY him - hence the sweet texts throughout the day). I know it feels terrible when it isnt reciprocated, but give it time. After a while you will know by his actions whether he's serious about you or not. My suggestion is to not give up on him just yet because it sounds like there is a strong potential for the two of you to share a beautiful relationship, you just gotta get past the initial stage of getting to know each other's quirks and dislikes.

 

That's exactly how I feel. Which is why i'm going to talk to him tonight about the way I feel about this. If I really didn't care, I wouldn't bother trying to make this right. I know this could be a really great thing if we both worked at it. I'm hoping everything will work out.

 

stop repeating the same thing over and over. you probably do this to him too... it's annoying.

 

look, if you don't like his effort - then leave.

 

stop trying to force him to make an effort - to do it YOUR way.

 

here's a news break:

 

he IS doing it his way... you just don't like it. men don't like women who *itch and complain but still stick around while complaining.

 

either: a) get over it and stop the complaining or b) leave

 

those are YOUR choices.

 

one or the other - but not both.

 

I repeat the same thing, because the answer is the same. Not directing this at you, but if someone doesn't want me repeating myself then the same question (or problem) shouldn't continue arising.

 

I'm not forcing him to make an effort. I've given him plenty of chances to show me who he is, and i've told him multiple times I don't like the way he is doing things. After I say that, he continues to tell me that he doesn't want me to end it and that he really wants to try and make this work. YET, the same thing keeps happening (understand why I have to repeat myself?). I'm giving him an option at this point. Meet me half way, or don't meet me at all.

 

Plain and simple. I'm giving a solution to the problem now. I thought it may have been a mishap (sh*t happens) but i've noticed it becoming a trend. Now it's time to change this.