Kamille Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Re: what about when you're 45 and he's 60? What if he gets sick? First, every 60 year old I know is still very active, so I think the question is likely more, what about when you're 55 and he's 70? BF has asked me those questions because it was an area of concern for him. Yes, there is a probability that he will slow down before I do or face the possibility of degenerative diseases before I do. Again, both those scenarios are probabilities: I might get sick before he does, he might stay an active man, much like both his parents. Life is to full of unknowns for me to count on anything but what I feel in the present, and what I know now is that this man has, from the start, made me the happiest I've ever been. By now, that man is my family. I love him, which means I'm not thinking in terms of "what's in my best interest". What I'm thinking is: "What's in our best interest?". If he gets sick, I will be there for him, because I care and because that's what love is. Similarly, if I get sick, I imagine he will be there for me. If he slows down, I'll do activities with my own friends. I will adapt to the situation. I won't suddenly regret the years of happiness we've already had because life happened, with its glory and its challenges! I'm a bit outraged at just how self-interested people's representation of love can be. As if the only reason anyone falls in love is to have a companion in health and in happiness, and not one for the hard times! Put another way: what if you're in a relationship with someone your age and they get sick? Are you going to feel jipped? Are you going to bail on them?
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I'm a bit outraged at just how self-interested people's representation of love can be. Well, I think it is the older men who only want a younger woman who are most self-interested I think...
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Very few men want a woman who isn't younger. Yes, and if they do it is for selfish reasons: the ego stroke, to have more control in the relationship, to have a nurse when they are old and sick, etc... There is a big difference between wanting a woman who is a couple of years younger and absolutly wanting a woman who is at least 10 years younger.
Eeyore79 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 They only do it for the sake of fertility. On the contrary, I think there are quite a few older men who have no intention of having (more) children but still want a younger woman. A man of 55 who dates a woman of 45 probably isn't thinking about her fertility, he merely wants a younger woman to fuel his ego. Also very few women will accept a relationship with a younger male. I think very few women will accept a relationship with a lesser male, but younger doesn't always equate to lesser! My "younger male" has a better job and a higher salary than me, and is more talented, more sociable, and better than me in a number of ways. There are also the cougars who consider a man's youth and good looks to be a great asset, and he therefore has a high value for them despite his youth and relative lack of money.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Well, carhill was right. As he so often is. He called today and asked me out again for anytime on Sunday, and we made a plan. He said he has been too busy lately, and is clearing out his schedule a little now. So, we shall see what the weekend brings. This is my first date in over a year. It's about friggin time I got out there again!
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Well, I just got home from our date, and it was great! We totally clicked, and I think it's going to be very cool getting to know him. The coolest part is that I'm not attached to any particular outcome. We could be good friends, or something more. I think it's going to be fun no matter what. We made plans to see each other again and ended it on a great note. I'm dating again. Wheeee!
carhill Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Congratulations! With certain people, age becomes irrelevant. It's there as a number but, emotionally, it's a non-entity. Glad things have worked out so far. Each day is a new opportunity.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Congratulations! With certain people, age becomes irrelevant. It's there as a number but, emotionally, it's a non-entity. Glad things have worked out so far. Each day is a new opportunity. Well, it becomes an issue again when you are 65 and want to enjoy your retirment but you can't because you have to watch all the time over your 82-year old husband who has Alzheimer...
carhill Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 In the thread I linked prior, the significantly older man (19 years older) is already comfortably retired in his mid 50's and, at least from the standpoint of health and stamina, was a great match for his much younger wife, who would have otherwise shared in his retirement into their old age. Each situation is different. In my parent's case, my dad was only six years older than my mom and she out-lived him by 27 years. There's no real rhyme or reason to these things. A great example is Clint Eastwood, 80, and his wife, Dina Ruiz, 45. Admittedly an 'old man', he's still getting around, working and apparently pretty healthy. They've been married 15 years, so married when he was 65 and she was 30.
alexlakeman Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Glad it worked out... Dam>n I didn't think clint eastwood was that old...
KR10N Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Glad it worked out... Dam>n I didn't think clint eastwood was that old... I lol'd @ your sig.
carhill Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Glad it worked out... Dam>n I didn't think clint eastwood was that old... To put it into perspective, Dina was five years old when Clint made in 1971 at the age of 40.
Kamille Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 Glad you had a great time RS! Well, it becomes an issue again when you are 65 and want to enjoy your retirment but you can't because you have to watch all the time over your 82-year old husband who has Alzheimer... To be honest, in my R, I'm more concerned about the time when he'll retire, have plenty of free time to pick up new hobbies and travel, while I'll be stuck working 50 hours a week at my job. I'm worried I'll slow him down. I've already started stashing extra money away in my retirement plan, thinking I'll likely want to retire early, or, at least, take a year off at one point.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 In the thread I linked prior, the significantly older man (19 years older) is already comfortably retired in his mid 50's and, at least from the standpoint of health and stamina, was a great match for his much younger wife, who would have otherwise shared in his retirement into their old age. Each situation is different. In my parent's case, my dad was only six years older than my mom and she out-lived him by 27 years. There's no real rhyme or reason to these things. A great example is Clint Eastwood, 80, and his wife, Dina Ruiz, 45. Admittedly an 'old man', he's still getting around, working and apparently pretty healthy. They've been married 15 years, so married when he was 65 and she was 30. Listen, I have great respect for the work of Clint Eastwood as an actor and a moviemaker. And I have the impression that he is still pretty active for an 80-year old. But I am 1 year older than his W and there is no way I could be sexually attracted to guy who is as shrivelled as he is. In my eyes, an 80 year old guy is a grandfather figure, not even a father figure. I do admit that this whole "older guys go after younger women" thing bugs me because I am the victim of this agism! I find it shocking how guys on dating sites who are 4, 5 years older than myself clearly state that they don't want to date a women my age. Mind you, it's not even that they don't want a woman their own, they want a woman at least 7/8 years younger. And these are guys who state that they don't want kids (anymore). I find it quite amazing that they find younger women who want them because when I was 34, I never would have dated a man who was older than 40. And I don't regret it. I keep looking for a guy who does not differ more than a couple of years with me in age. If I have to choose between staying single for the rest of my life and dating a guy who is 10 years older than me or more, I'd rather stay single.
carhill Posted May 30, 2011 Posted May 30, 2011 In my case, most of the women I've dated are contemporaries, or older. My exW was older, though not much. Like I said, every situation is different. All of my male friends are married to ladies their age, or just a couple years younger. While there may be some men (and women) who set out to purposely date or marry partners of a significantly different age, IMO most of the time the age difference is incidental to the dynamic. IME, that has been the case.
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