carhill Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Having plans lined up in an organized manner, including those event tickets, sounds about right for a single engineer in their 40's and 50's, which are their top earning years. Personally I wouldn't characterize it as weird. If he's sufficiently interested, indeed he will keep in touch and I would opine the onus is upon him. Entertain other options in the meantime and see how it goes. Your OP indicated you found this man compelling. If true, compelling shouldn't turn to 'weird' in one phone call where a firm date didn't materialize. Though a bit OT, I will add that my father was 42 back in the 50's when he and my mother (36) got pregnant with tricycle boy and, even with all the toxins he faced in the war and being a long-time smoker, I turned out perfectly healthy and have been so my entire life. I guess his sperm weren't broken. One datapoint. Edited May 16, 2011 by carhill
Scottdmw Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Yeah, I agree. I'm not going to contact him. If he invites me to something I really want to go to, I might, but that's it. Here are a few excerpts from just one article on the subject: For the specific case of autism, what you say looks to be true for younger women, but the evidence indicates it probably doesn't apply in your particular situation. Take a look at this article: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/02/100208102411.htm "This study challenges a current theory in autism epidemiology that identifies the father's age as a key factor in increasing the risk of having a child with autism," said Janie Shelton, the study's lead author and a doctoral student in the UC Davis Department of Public Health Sciences. "It shows that while maternal age consistently increases the risk of autism, the father's age only contributes an increased risk when the father is older and the mother is under 30 years old. Among mothers over 30, increases in the father's age do not appear to further increase the risk of autism." I'm not saying there isn't an issue here, but I'm not sure how much weight it's appropriate to give it. All other things being equal of course you'd prefer a man your own age, the real question is how important that is to you compared to other things. I would just suggest reading the science carefully past just the surface articles in the news which can sometimes get blown out of proportion. At least, do that before you make major changes in behavior or choices. Of course, it looks like the particular guy you are thinking about is probably no longer a consideration anyway. Scott
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Having plans lined up in an organized manner, including those event tickets, sounds about right for a single engineer in their 40's and 50's, which are their top earning years. Personally I wouldn't characterize it as weird. If he's sufficiently interested, indeed he will keep in touch and I would opine the onus is upon him. I see your point. It struck me weird because he sounded quite excited about getting together in the message, and even said, "Call me anytime, even during the work day." Then he just gave up after one invite on a night when people tend to be have plans lined up already. If I'm trying to make plans with someone and we have conflicts for a week out, I will suggest the following week. Then we set a time and keep it. I have gotten really busy lately, so sometimes need to plan things 2 or 3 weeks out and am used to this. But maybe he didn't want to seem overeager. Not sure. Like I said, if he calls again and it works out, cool. But I'm not holding my breath.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I think that you have the right approach. A woman in her mid-30s should probably shoot for men at least five years older if they do want to get married. Men in their mid-30s usually prefer younger women if they realistically think they can get them, so as a woman, you as a woman almost have to go for older men, although a 10-15 year age gap seems kind of old to me. That guy is going to be pushing 60 when you are 45. I get approached by men from 21 to 50, and though some of the 20-something guys seem like players, at least half of them seem to want something more meaningful. The men I find myself most drawn to are 30 and up, because I prefer a meaningful connection, and they usually seem much more together, intelligent, and communicative.
Eve Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I think the age gap thing can work out for some but depends on the attitude of each person. Even with younger couples it can be the same. I see some young ones who are prematurely aging themselves with their attitudes! Biggest issue I have with my Hubby is that he can be quite moody and I am a pretty happy person. I think it may be age related with him being 11 years older than me. Pisses me off sometimes. .. but I see all sorts of dynamics going down between couples .. so, I don't know. See what happens but I think he may be too old for you, especially if you want kids. Just being honest. Even if I did not already have children I would not have kids with someone that was my Hubbys age. Take care, Eve x
Feelin Frisky Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Sounds just right. An unattached woman with entrepreneurial ambitions at 34 is the middle age man's dream ETA: especially one who quotes Joseph Campbell). Take it from me--I'm him. I don't have much more to add. This is your time to experience all of what life has to offer. And some of the best will come from the mature male if you let it. All the best. Edited May 16, 2011 by Feelin Frisky
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Sounds just right. An unattached woman with entrepreneurial ambitions at 34 is the middle age man's dream ETA: especially one who quotes Joseph Campbell). Take it from me--I'm him. I don't have much more to add. This is your time to experience all of what life has to offer. And some of the best will come from the mature male if you let it. All the best. That's the thing, Frisky. I feel that men over 40 really appreciate women like no other men. They've seen the best and the worst, so they know right away what they want, and they know exactly how to light a woman up like a Christmas tree. Too bad you don't live closer.
sanskrit Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 For men over 40, there’s almost a six-fold increase in autism disorders in their children compared with men under 25. Anybody else smell fish here? Why does the stat compare 40+ men to 25 y.o. as opposed to simply <40? THAT'S A 15 YEAR DIFFERENCE!! For the stat to be at all valid, there would need to be a comparison of >40 men impregnating young mothers v >40 impregnating mothers 40+, but no mention. And too lazy to google, but if the "sixfold increase" is from .15% to .9% or somesuch, erm ROFL?? And what's so bad about autism anyway, you might end up with a real moneymaker Dustin Hoffman type!! Not defensive for my own account, as I don't intend to have children so don't care, but from anecdotal experience, just don't see this kind of thing in numerous older man/younger woman couples who have no issues whatsoever. Men produce -quadrillions- of sperm, it is my understanding most of those are defective in some way or other for life. Hell half of em die from heatstroke before liftoff even. Women produce much fewer eggs the quality of which measurably deteriorates. In other words, "hmm that egg is bad, as have been your last 15," as opposed to "hey see that sperm over there? yeah that one, number 1,398,932,209 ... that's your culprit... "No Mrs. Menopause, it's not your crappy old eggs, it's those brokeback, curly tailed sorry excuses for sperm Gramps has been pumping into you!" Or rather, all the world's ills are the fault of men. Maybe Tami can come enlighten us... wherever she is
Art_Critic Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 "No Mrs. Menopause, it's not your crappy old eggs, it's those brokeback, curly tailed sorry excuses for sperm Gramps has been pumping into you!" .........
sanskrit Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Oh and another thing. If he's in good enough shape for you to find him physically attractive, doubtful he has a physical ED problem, who knows about psychologically, but any age man could have that. And you know what they say about engineers anyway, they're good at erecting.
Chicago_Guy Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 That's the thing, Frisky. I feel that men over 40 really appreciate women like no other men. They've seen the best and the worst, so they know right away what they want, and they know exactly how to light a woman up like a Christmas tree. Too bad you don't live closer. Come on, you are just rationalizing your decision. There are a lot of men in their mid-30s who also appreciate women, but those guys are probably going for younger women, much like the way that guy in his 40s is going after you, a younger woman. From your perspective, a man in his mid-40s probably is more likely to view you as a prize than would a man in his mid-30s who likely has more dating options than older men.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 .... Too bad you don't live closer. Don't think that hasn't crossed my mind. The fact that you have a business is such a value to a man who knows "what time it is". You know why? It's because such a woman doesn't NEED him--it's always a case of "want". And "want" is what romance IS. It's more than a healthy thing for a mature guy to have someone who doesn't need him. It makes him feel the need to work on staying "wantable" himself. This is all where it's at for adults--admiration, independence and healthy proportions of fulfillment. Lucky fella.
Eve Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Come on, you are just rationalizing your decision. There are a lot of men in their mid-30s who also appreciate women, but those guys are probably going for younger women, much like the way that guy in his 40s is going after you, a younger woman. From your perspective, a man in his mid-40s probably is more likely to view you as a prize than would a man in his mid-30s who likely has more dating options than older men. A prize? Just thinking of my own situation here. No, I don't see myself as a prize but would say that I am very confident that he would not cheat because he has the male dream of the full love and attention of a vibrant younger woman. I think aging at the same rate may eventually present problems. .. But I have always gone for older men because of their maturity and poise. Wouldn't find one who has not had children as attractive though because of my own life experiences so I can't really fully relate to the OP in that regard. Who knows? I think you just have try different experiences. Aside from the moodiness issue, I am happy. He does listen to me and snaps out of it quickly now. Does anyone else have this issue with their older man? Just wondering as it could be a personality thing. Take care, Eve x
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 And some of the best will come from the mature male if you let it. Maturity has nothing to do with age but with one's mentality. A guy who is not mature at 35 won't be mature at 50.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I feel that men over 40 really appreciate women like no other men. Yeah right. They appreciate women like no other men unless that woman is their own age. Sorry but that is my experience with dating sites and men my age (for the record, not all of them because my last 2 partners were born in the same year as myself...).
Author Ruby Slippers Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Yeah right. They appreciate women like no other men unless that woman is their own age. Sorry but that is my experience with dating sites and men my age (for the record, not all of them because my last 2 partners were born in the same year as myself...). Man, this site really has a way of bursting one's rose-colored bubble. But you may be right. And I should have learned by now not to talk about declining male fertility here. Some of the men just go ballistic. Now you know how women feel.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Man, this site really has a way of bursting one's rose-colored bubble. But you may be right. And I should have learned by now not to talk about declining male fertility here. Some of the men just go ballistic. Now you know how women feel. Ruby Slippers, I did not want to discourage you. All I want to say is that just because a man has a certain age, you should not presume that he is automatically wiser and treats women better. All this is a matter of character and personality. My experience with age is that people either become better or worse. Those who have a natural tendency to engage in introspection and to learn from their mistakes, will acquire true wisdom. Those who can't do that will not learn anything more than better hide their flaws and make some changes at the surface. Being in my forties myself and seeing the way guys in their forties, fifties and sixties act, I find a considerable part of them have no manners. Or what to think of this example. I have a male colleague - early fifties - who just made a female colleague - late thirties - pregnant. No unimportant detail: he is still married, as a matter of fact I met him with his wife one Sunday, hand in hand, all lovey-dovey, talking to me about their upcoming holiday. All while having this affair. Both colleagues are not shy at all about the pregnancy but I wonder all the time if his wife knows, and if the children (one only 9) he has with her know a halfsibling is on the way... Well, one positive you can draw from this story that some men in their fifties do not have fertility problems...
Eeyore79 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 My sister and I are both in our early thirties - I'm dating a man four years younger, and she's engaged to a man seven years younger. Both men are perfectly mature, stable, and sure of what they want in life; by contrast we have both dated older men who jerked us around, so maturity is definitely not something which older men possess and younger men don't. You should date a man because you like him, not because of untrue generalizations like "older men are more mature". Personally I'd find a 15 year age gap to be too much, especially if I wanted kids, but if you like this man and the age gap doesn't bother you then go for it! I would echo what other people have said about making sure he wants kids though, because at his age he might not. FWIW, since I turned 30 I only date younger men, and it's worked out pretty well for me so far
sumdude Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Yeah right. They appreciate women like no other men unless that woman is their own age. Sorry but that is my experience with dating sites and men my age (for the record, not all of them because my last 2 partners were born in the same year as myself...). Well, it works both ways. My ex GF who is about my age at 43, has dated buff guys in their late 20's since she ended things with me. The current one is a bartender at the club where we play a couple times a month. She and I play in a band together so having to watch this has been a challenge. Her best friend is the same age and dating a 20 something year old too. So reading some of the posts on here making it sound like men over 40 can't get it going and should be put out to pasture or something kinda annoys me. So considering the not so great experiences dating (and being married to) women my own age I'm looking towards someone a little younger. Not much but mid 30's seems about right. I have a lot of life left in me. Look young for my age. No kids, solid job, a house and I know how to treat people. And yeah, the equipment is working just fine thank you.
carhill Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 OP, if you're not familiar with them, perhaps reading some of the posts from a LS 'oldster' who married a significantly older man (~19 years IIRC) could be enlightening. Here's a thread she started when she found herself pregnant. I've met her now exH and feel he personifies a lot of what is being discussed about older men in this thread, both good and bad. Good luck.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 So considering the not so great experiences dating (and being married to) women my own age I'm looking towards someone a little younger. Not much but mid 30's seems about right. I have a lot of life left in me. Look young for my age. No kids, solid job, a house and I know how to treat people. And yeah, the equipment is working just fine thank you. What was not so great about your experiences with women your own age. Did these experiences have something to do with their age, or with their personality? I am mid-forties and no way would I date a guy in his twenties. BTW, also looking young for my age and having a lot of life left in me, also solid job and own house. And my equipment is also working fine ! Unless you want kids at all cost, I don't see what a woman of mid 30's has more to offer than a woman your age. I know quite a few of such women who look older than myself. It all depends on the woman in question and her personality and lifestyle...
Eclypse Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I dislike people discriminating others based on age. A friend of mine who is 20 only wanted to date guys more than 10 years older than her. She said I was too young for her (I'm 3 months older). She hasn't had much luck in finding a man who likes her for she is rather than a piece of meat. Something to look out for too. My grandfather was a womanizer his whole life. My grandmother is 18 years younger and they met while je was giving a speech at her school. Needless to say they divorced after a few years. His next wife was 17 years younger. At first they were equals exploring theceorld together having a great time. Then he slowed down and became retired while she still had heaps of life left in her. And then finally in the last decade or so she became his primary caregiver while he succumbed to alzheimers and could even go to the bathroom anymore. I am eternally grateful to her for looking after him, but I can't help but wonder is she ever regretted being so completely different to him in terms of life stages. She
stillafool Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 No age doesn't really matter at this point. However when you're 45 and he is 60 it may make a huge difference.
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