wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Im doing lessons. What should I do? Go no contact now? Help needed please. I think she's within her rights to dump me as her previous boyfriends have had cars. I need some advice
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 She said she did not want to be a taxi
cdeyoung Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 If she loved you then she wouldn't mind taking you places and doing things for you like that. Unless you were using it to your advantage like "Hey babe, take me up to the super market?" "hey babe, take me to the video store" "take me to the liquor store", "take me here... take me there". Then I can see it being a bit of an issue.
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 No she was just driving to see me and then bringing me home. I get where she is coming from but I dont know what to think!
cdeyoung Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Think this - if she loved you, she wouldn't mind driving to see you, and it wouldn't matter to her if you had a car. That's what you think.
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Well, she's made it pretty clear why she's split up with you. So I guess you can choose to accept that and move on. You will meet other women, and you'll have a better chance of being happy if you don't fight this, rather you accept it.
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I've told her I hate her and I genuinely do. She's ripped my heart out. We have been broken up for 3 weeks now and I have broken no contact on a number of occasions. I just need advice on what to do now. I want her back but I don't if you know what I mean.
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Just so stuck on what to do. Doesnt feel good.
Graceful Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 wrecked, Yes, we know what you mean -- you've been hurt very badly, and your ego has taken a beating because of her --- so if she wanted to get back with you, it would help ease the pain. Right? Well, let me tell you something from experience. The love of my life didn't have a car when we first met. He lived in the city and used the subway for transportation, and otherwise, since I had a car, I drove. It made life easier for one of us to have a car, but he didn't need a car, could not afford a car, and didn't even WANT a car at the time. So if your exGF is hung up on the fact you don't have a car, that just tells me she is superficial and does not have a generous spirit. If she cared for you, driving would not phase her at all. As for you: Leave her alone, stop contacting her and go SILENT. If you even want a shot at getting her back, that will only be achieved by leaving her alone and going NC and being solid. And if you genuinely hate her ... then cheesh, going NC should be easy as pie. Who wants to talk to someone they hate? Now get your license, focus on that, and you'll feel great about yourself. Don't let this girl bring you down. Once you get your distance, you'll be wondering what you ever saw in her. I guarantee it. I've told her I hate her and I genuinely do. She's ripped my heart out. We have been broken up for 3 weeks now and I have broken no contact on a number of occasions. I just need advice on what to do now. I want her back but I don't if you know what I mean.
Kari Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I wouldn't leave a man because he didn't own a car. There is other ways to get around, you don't always need your own ride. I don't want to drive myself, if someone say that as a deal breaker, then goodbye to them. Don't beat yourself too much over the situation. I understand that you are hurt, but many other women would be lucky to have you - and they wouldn't care so much about a license. Stick to your NC, you will feel much better once she is out of your life and can move on. Also - best of luck with getting your license, you deserve it!
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Thanks I have sent one last text saying we are done now. That's it NO more texts. I was just upset. My ego has taken a bad bruising and I don't think she will ever text me again. I only broke contact because I wanted to see what the deal was with her "offering it on a plate to someone" whilst we were still together.
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I also told her that I hoped she wasnt offering it on a plate. Its making me feel bad the fact she could have done that. This was a stranger telling me that who had no reason to just come out with it due to the fact that he didnt know anything about us being together. So thats another problem and issue I am going to have to deal with. Advice needed for this one please!
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Advice needed for this one please! What advice is needed at this point ? You said you won't being sending her anymore text messages and you are moving on.. next.......
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 She doesn't sound like a great catch to me. My advice is do stuff that makes you feel good. Go get a haircut, a wet shave with hot towels, buy some new clothes, have a massage, take a run around the park, list to some decent music. You're well shot of her. You're not a wrecked hero - you're a survivor.
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 She doesn't sound like a great catch to me. My advice is do stuff that makes you feel good. Go get a haircut, a wet shave with hot towels, buy some new clothes, have a massage, take a run around the park, list to some decent music. You're well shot of her. You're not a wrecked hero - you're a survivor. Good post....
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 You know what else? If you did have a car, she'd still be her. Imagine if you did get together and you had a decent car. But then one day you have a car crash, the car gets totalled, you lose your job, you need a leg amputating. What's she going to do? She'll bolt. Fairweather friends are worth nothing. You're well out of that one. Count yourself lucky you're not the poor mug that works hard to get a car to impress girls with and ends up with her, only to be living under a sword of Damocles for the entire duration.
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Thankyou for the advice. I obviously want unconditional love not something like that. Pride has been hurt though tonnes.
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I can imagine. But dented pride is better than long suffering. Make your pride like your body - strong yet flexible. Unconditional love is what you give your children. Choose a partner you'd be happy to raise your children with you. Even if you don't have children, even if it doesn't last, there's no point in driving up dead ends.
Author wreckedhero Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I've told her that it's over. I did genuinely like her though so it hurts to hear that she was offering it on a plate. That's made it even harder now. What do I think to that. She said to me I'm just "pissed due to her not offering it on a plate to me" and that she wasnt going to cheat and that she was just joking. I don't know what to think about this one!
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 That does sound confusing. If this was a suduko puzzle or a maths question in an exam and you found it too difficult to do, what would you do?
Author wreckedhero Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I would leave it but I might as well think the worst of her. Maybe it will spur me on not to text her. I think it could well be over for ever now. I want her to feel the hurt I am feeling and that I am getting on fine without her! How do I achieve this. It just hurts that she would even attempt to sleep with somebody else. The lad in question had no reason to lie as he did not know of our history.
Author wreckedhero Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 This is so hard for me but I went a week without texting her so I know I can do it. Yet she doesnt want me and it hurts. I only texted her to ask her about what I heard and now this is making the pain ten times worse. I have said a lot of things I regret to her but I have told her that we are done now and that I hope she wasnt trying to bed somebody else but it seems like she was and thats making me feel ten times worse. I feel like I hate her and that I have wasted so much time on her and that she has led me on. But I cant get over the fact that she was offering it on the plate to someone
betterdeal Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Let's say she was. Have a cry, let it out, and remember you're going to get through this. Eat well, sleep well, do exercise, stay in for a bit to tend to your wounds and remember you're a survivor. I feel for you. *manhug*
Author wreckedhero Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Thankyou. I know nothing went on this time but could she have been prepared to do it? She told me she loved to flirt with other men and that I shouldnt get jealous. But thats not right is it? She also works at the same place as me and I don't want to see her. All the gossip gets to me. How do I cope with seeing her even if its only for a few minutes?
betterdeal Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Thankyou. I know nothing went on this time but could she have been prepared to do it? I don't know. If you continue to agonise over something that might have happened in a different world you'll not be getting the most out of this one. Take a deep breath, deep down in your abdomen and let it out. Squeeze all the air out. Now hold it there until you need to breath in. Not when you want to breath in but need to breath in. Now breath in. Feel better? She told me she loved to flirt with other men and that I shouldnt get jealous. But thats not right is it? It's not realistic to expect someone to not feel in a certain way. Telling you how to feel is like telling fish to not like water. If you don't like her flirting then that's fine; it's how you feel. Don't ignore how you feel and you'll start to feel better overall. She also works at the same place as me and I don't want to see her. All the gossip gets to me. How do I cope with seeing her even if its only for a few minutes? Take that deep breath again. You don't like the way she flirts so much so you're well out of that situation. Don't try to change her, what happened, or what she's like or deny how you feel. You two have different likes and dislikes, and they conflict with each other. Have a wank, crank one out, shout and scream at your pillow if you like. Every time you think of her, drop and do 5 press ups, wherever you are. Turn that emotion into a positive. When you accept your feelings and that it's over you will feel better.
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