VicJay79 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 So LS, There is a common psychological theory that every person has a 'guy or girl' that got away. This could be something related to not being able to talk to them, or having bad environmental timing. I would love to hear about the girls or guys you had that got away? 1. What was so Amazing about the person that got away? 2. What did you do to push them away, OR how did they get away? 3. Do you still wish your partner you have now had some of those characteristics? Interested
NoMagicBullet Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Maybe I'm not the right person to respond, because I don't have a "one" that got away. Some got away, some never bit, and others were catch and release. Some tried to jump into the boat, but weren't what I was angling for! Sorry. That doesn't exactly answer your question. I can fall very hard for a person and the feeling may last a long time, even outside a relationship. But once I stop pining over someone I can't be with, that's where it ends. I don't want that person anymore. So I don't buy into the theory that everyone has someone they pine over for all eternity. Sounds like the fluffy stuff that romance movies are made of, rather than legit psychological theory, although I'm sure it really happens for some people. Otherwise they wouldn't bother putting it in romance movies & novels.
TheLoneSock Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 So LS, There is a common psychological theory that every person has a 'guy or girl' that got away. This could be something related to not being able to talk to them, or having bad environmental timing. I would love to hear about the girls or guys you had that got away? 1. What was so Amazing about the person that got away? 2. What did you do to push them away, OR how did they get away? 3. Do you still wish your partner you have now had some of those characteristics? Interested IMO there is no such thing as the 'one that got away'. There are people it didn't work out with and there is one person out there who it will work out with. That's all it comes down to. That is a defeatist attitude if you ask me. Translation: "This ONE person will always be too good for me. This ONE person I'll never be lucky enough to have in my life again. I messed up big time when I let this ONE person slip away. I will never be truly happy again because I won't be with this ONE person again." Terrible mindset to have. Here's a tip... If they got away, they weren't the one.
utterer of lies Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 So LS, There is a common psychological theory that every person has a 'guy or girl' that got away. This could be something related to not being able to talk to them, or having bad environmental timing. I would love to hear about the girls or guys you had that got away? 1. What was so Amazing about the person that got away? 2. What did you do to push them away, OR how did they get away? 3. Do you still wish your partner you have now had some of those characteristics? Interested I don't think that its the person or their attributes that matter. Its the circumstances. Its an infatuation that never blossomed into a fling or a relationship, but was also never crushed by rejection. I recently watched a pretty cool movie related to this topic: "Last Night (2010)". You should watch that if you're interested in the topic.
Nexus One Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) I have 2 such stories. One girl that looked like Natalie Imbruglia: http://bit.ly/mgW8qK That video depicts her personality quite well too. She was a very happy, positive and optimistic girl. After we indicated to each other that we liked each other my family moved out of town and I went to a different school. We lost touch after that. I didn't see her for years after that. I almost ended up studying in the same city that she did, but I found that out only after the fact. Years later I found her again and she told that she was in a non-serious relationship. That somewhat frustrates me still to this day, because if she wants a serious relationship, then in my opinion she's squandering it by being in this current one and I will not make a move on her as long she's with another guy, whether they're serious or not. Another instance is of a woman that looked like a crossover between Emma Stone and Mila Kunis, but blonde. Both in terms of looks and personality. She asked me out on a date. (I'm not making this sh*t up) I declined, because at that time of my life women weren't really on my mind, I was busy with university and busy with work and she asked me while I was at work in the midst of something. Looking back on it, I could punch myself in the face over it, but I just think it wasn't supposed to be or at least it was the wrong time in my life. Would she have asked again I would say yes and would have given it a serious chance. Next time I want to be more careful and mindful so that things like this don't happen again. Edited May 15, 2011 by Nexus One
denise_xo Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 1. Extreme attraction coupled with intense admiration. 2. A combination of I first didn't think he was interested/ later we never managed to meet again at a time when we were both single. 3. No. I don't like to compare partners in that way.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I wish I could have known then what I know now. I would never have let any of those prospects get away.
fishtaco Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 My ex from 3 years ago. We had absolutely amazing chemistry. I remember one morning, I woke up, and the first thing I saw was her, right next to me. That was THE ONLY TIME in my entire life, that I felt happiness the second that I woke up, and it was from the sight of her. Not that I'm depressed or anything, but normally waking up in the morning is just waking up in the morning. If I were going snowboarding or something, I could feel excited, but that's not the same as that happiness I felt. I lost her because of these things: 1) We had nothing in common on paper. We met in real life (as with all my relationships), and we clicked right away. Had we met online, we wouldn't even have gotten past all those "personality test" filters or whatever. 2) She was jealous of the fact that I have a lot of female friends. I don't have a family to speak of, so I have a lot of friends, they are my family. And half of them are women. Which was frustrating and annoying for me, to me it felt like I had to choose between her or my family. But now I realize, who wouldn't be that way? 3) I came from a dysfunctional family, so I don't know what a happy relationship is even if it fell from the sky and smacked me in the forehead. Well, now that it has, I have a better idea. But at the time, I had no idea. 4) I have abandonment issues stemming from childhood. I have to keep myself in check. Because how I deal with it is to walk away prematurely (I believe a common reaction). So I have to constantly question myself. Am I walking away because it's the right thing to do or is it just my inner demon playing its ventriloquist act with my brain again. So sometimes I make the right choice, this time, it was the wrong choice. So I broke up with her, I saw only the negatives, I didn't consider the positives. But what relationships don't have negatives? Wrong decision. What she has, what made her the one, is her commitment to the relationship, her openness with communication, and her willingness to seek compromise -- she wants to make it work. This is an extremely rare quality that, sure I can complain 99.999% of the women in Southern California don't have. They bail when things don't look to be in their favor. Everyone is disposable. But then I'm the exact same way. I am very much a Southern California dater myself. But I've come to learn the value of this virtue. And I'm trying to change that part of me - for when I do get in to an LTR. There's a reason everyone is disposable. During the "courting phase" in Southern California, you HAVE to play this game, or you'll be the sucker that everyone stomps on. But once someone has earned LTR, I have to change gears. Lesson learned. I've apologized to her. She accepted. I tried to get back together with her, she declined. I don't blame her, I screwed up. Second chances are luxuries. But I still can't get over her.
lonely79 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 i was literally JUST thinking about this topic. It makes me so sad. I feel like there's one, right now and the reason it didnt work was timing...the most terrible timing...to the point of being almost comical. the bad timing led to geographical issues, namely 350 miles. ugh. just awful. I am not that far out from it right now but hopefully I will come to feel like it worked out how it should. Right now Im worried that I'll never feel that way.
lovingADove Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I met a fantastic girl many years ago and we dated shortly. Unfortunately, I only looked at negatives and broke up with her. She was devastated and moved thousands of miles away from me. After she left, I reflected on it and asked myself how I could have ever brought myself to even use excuses I did to dump her. I hated myself for a while, simply for the lame excuses I gave her. I tried getting her back, she shut me down completely. I have now moved on, and so has she ... but, there is always this "what could have been ... if ..." question that lingers ...
Sabali Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I don't think that its the person or their attributes that matter. Its the circumstances. Its an infatuation that never blossomed into a fling or a relationship, but was also never crushed by rejection. I recently watched a pretty cool movie related to this topic: "Last Night (2010)". You should watch that if you're interested in the topic. Thanks for the movie recommendation. This movie is good. I like the tone of the movie and it was well-acted with some good things explored in an engaging way. I had a couple of relatives over last night who enjoyed the film as well.
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