captured_butterfly Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Me and the ex broke up 4 weeks ago now, i know there is no going back for us now and im slowly starting to accept this :-( Today ive had a big clear out and put all the ex's things that i had out in my room in his memory box which ive had for ages and anything from stuff from days out and old letters we used to send, birthday and christmas cards are in this box, stupidly i looked through all these and it made me sad, made me think what the hell happened to us??? Seems like a lifetime ago that we were like that :-( God damn it i miss them days sooooooo badly :-( I miss him badly today :-( Anyway back to my point.... I suffer from anxiety and have a habit of using avoidance behaviour :-( E.g After the ex cheated on me i refused to go in any of the pubs where i might see the girl he cheated on me with and her friend (my now ex friend) might go to, ive not been in these places now for over 2 yrs!! I wouldnt even go into my branch of Boots for fear that i would see this girl because i know she worked there! Even though i had done absolutely nothing wrong!!!!!! Guess im worried shes soooo much prettier than me (not hard to do tbh) and that it will make my self esteem plummet even more! Im worrying that i will start avoiding places where i might see the ex now,for fear that i'll regret not trying to get back with him and making a go of the relationship again, i just dont want to have to be reminded of our time together :-( Thing is i know that there will be a time where we bump into each other, it just makes me really panicky thinking about it :-( Any advice would be truely appreciated, anyone out there had this sort of experience??? I would love to hear from you please xxxx
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 P.S Sorry i should probably add that he was my first love, my first everything for 7yrs and ive never had to do this before xx
Pens55 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Hi Butterfly - I too suffer from anxiety (though I am pretty good at controlling it now). So maybe I might be able to help... 1. First, is your avoidant behavior only related to relationship-based things, or do you avoid other things? (Mine was tunnels lol...long story...) 2. Have/are you receiving any treatment (meds/therapy, etc)? My anxiety lessened when I started learning more about it and seeking help. I know anxiety can tend to run rampant after a breakup, so you really need to take care of yourself. Plenty of rest, relaxation and exercise. If you need someone to talk to, Im here for ya - hopefully it at least helps to know theres someone out there with the same problems
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Hey Pens55 Nice to know im not alone in this! :-) Erm.. I tend to just avoid people from my past who i dont want to see anymore because of memories :-( I have currently just started to see a counsellor just had my first session, mainly to do with my bad childhood rather than the relationship but i do talk about that aswell. Im reallly trying to not let it run away with me, but its incredibly hard, doesnt help that he was the guy that helped me with this sort of stuff really well :-( Think (and hope!) im just having a bad day, lots of memories keep coming back, goin to take a while to get over this :-(
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Aw, sounds like you're having quite a melancholy moment. I can relate, having had stressful encounters with people and feeling vulnerable to further hurt myself. One thing I have learnt recently is ways to improve my breathing and that helps to bring a sense of calm, and it's useful to know generally - not just to deal with people I have conflict with. Learning to breath well can help your general anxiety, as well as be a good tool to use in stressful situations. Yoga teaches one way to relax through breathing. Here's an example: Pilates teaches a slightly different way: Maybe there's classes in your town you might like to think about.
Pens55 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) Agreed betterdeal. I think starting to go to a councellor will really help - be patient, it does take time. But mine has helped me tremendously. Thanks for clarifying your specific thoughts. My problem was slightly different, but a lot of getting over anxiety is confronting the fears - no matter what they are. My advice is to be honest with your thoughts and feelings to your councellor. They can only help with complete and accurate information. It might be hard to do at first, but eventually you'll feel confident enough to openly discuss anything thats bothering you and it will feel like a 100 lb. weight off of your shoulders! Oh, and p.s. - Dont worry about starting to go to the councellor for a different reason, a good councellor will allow you to explore in all different directions. Edited May 15, 2011 by Pens55
betterdeal Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Yep, facing certain fears has helped me to dispel them too. And like you say, a counsellor is there for you. The better they know you the better they can help you, just like a doctor, dentist, lawyer - anyone you employ to assist you.
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