Desire to View Porn does NOT Mean No Desire/Love for a Partner

[moimeme]

It drives me absolutely up a wall that so many people are stressing themselves to death because their spouses want to look at other women. Why?

 

BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ABOUT APPEARANCE!!!!!

 

This is RIDICULOUS!!!!!

 

Do you people mean to tell me or this board that the only reasons you married were to do with appearance and sex? You worry that your men will want the other women because why? You have no good qualities? You were not married because you like each other's personalities? The only thing that matters is appearance? That your husbands looking at others means that all your personal qualities mean absolutely nothing as long as there's a hot female around? Have you all married idiots?

 

If everybody's relationship is so fragile that you fear that your spouses will abandon you or love you less because of the looks of other women, then there is a fortune to be made in psychology. People in their right minds understand that they are loved for much more than their bodies and that their men will not ditch them for perfect-looking women because men are better than that.

 

Yeesh

 

[dyermaker]

To be fair, the porn-actresses also hold a lucrative steady job, which could also be emotionally alluring.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

There are not just looking at a woman. They are watching a women they feel to be sexually attractive, having sex. Come on, how many men do you know watch porn and don't get sexually aroused?

 

That's what hurts the woman. To watch her man become sexually aroused from watching another woman, because obviously at that moment, he's not thinking about her.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD

because obviously at that moment, he's not thinking about her.

Which moments are appropriate for thoughts not about you?

[ThisGirlNameKD]

If you're getting sexually aroused by watching a woman have sex that's not your mate, you're getting sexually aroused from that woman and not your woman. So that woman is making you sexually aroused.

[moimeme]

So that woman is making you sexually aroused

 

So? Men get sexually aroused when breezes blow. Sexual arousal is not love!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD

So that woman is making you sexually aroused.

Yes, happens all of the time. Most healthy men will get aroused from the sight of a tail-wagging dog, if it's been long enough, and it's acting sexy enough.

 

Moi's question was, why do you base whom he gets his arousal from as a litmus test of love? or commitment?

[UCFKevin]

My old car tended to vibrate quite steadily when in motion. It would often give my best friend a boner.

 

His girlfriend told him he wasn't allowed to ride in my car anymore.

[Darkangelism]

Originally posted by ThisGirlNameKD

To watch her man become sexually aroused from watching another woman, because obviously at that moment, he's not thinking about her.

 

 

He isnt gonna sit around and think about the girl 24/7, so sometimes he isnt thinking about the girl. He isnt going to run of with some porn star.

[moimeme]

My old car tended to vibrate quite steadily when in motion. It would often give my best friend a boner.

 

His girlfriend told him he wasn't allowed to ride in my car anymore.

 

ROTFL! I'll have to stop taking buses to work, I guess

[ThisGirlNameKD]

moimeme:

 

What you don't feel is important another woman may find important, regardless of how stupid or crazy we think it is. Everyone has a right to their opinions. Was this post started to understand why women have issues with men watching porn, or to berate those who do have issues with men having porn? Understanding where a person's coming from doesn't mean you agree with them. It means you acknowledge their feelings and understand that they have a right to those feelings regardless of how yours feel.

[moimeme]

KD some feelings are irrational. I don't believe one should just allow oneself to have feelings without exploring them and combatting them if they are unreasonable. That is the whole premise behind cognitive therapy!!!!

 

I am trying to make the case that people should look at the reasons that things bother them and figure out whether those reasons are reasonable, because maybe they aren't and maybe they are changeworthy.

 

For instance, if you distrust someone who is honest, that's your 'feeling'. However, it is an unfair feeling to have because it is based on an impression rather than the truth. So you can continue justifying feeling the distrust despite the lack of cause, or you can straighten your brain out, realize that your 'feeling' is based on zero evidence, and stop being distrustful.

 

To say that all feelings are valid is to say that, no matter how honest someone is, it's ok for you to continue to distrust that person and to accuse him of being dishonest. Clearly, this is your issue and not his.

 

Do you see the analogy?