lolo1234 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I am trying to wrap my head around this and figure out some sort of plan of action... or maybe i just need to have things play out? Ok so I met this guy online. We're both in our 30s. Both of us have kids and are divorced. I had the feeling from the beginning that something was up... he was kind of hot and cold with me. I decided at the time that I wasn't up to dating him so I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship. And he said it was ok... he was in a similar place. We are both just coming out of our 1st relationship after divorce...where we were both dumped. So anyhow, I think out of a need for companionship we have hung out a few times. As I get to know him more I'm starting to like him. I know he likes me too but I don't get that "i'm crazy about you" feeling. Which honestly is what I want! We have been intimate the last couple times we met up. The thing is that I am talking to a couple other guys and they are just showing so much more interest ... through words and actions (no intimacy with anyone else). I know I did/said things that kinda got me to this point with him. I told him in the beginning I wasn't interested in a relationship. I've since changed my mind... I was feeling discouraged at that point about my love life in general and just wanted to give up. But things are looking better for me these days. I have recently met quite a few guys that are interested in me and I feel like I'm in a position to find something real and good. I've also made the conscious decision to not be so damn picky and overly critical at first glance. My relationship with him has changed a bit.. when we were first becoming friends I feel like he was more open with me about some things... specifically about his ex-girlfriend. Since we started getting intimate he's kind of closed off about that. I know he was really heartbroken after she left him.
orion1010 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I would just be honest with him and tell him that you're feelings for him have evolved into a relationship type feeling. Tell him you don't want to preasure him but you felt he should know. If he still says that he does not want a relationship, tell him you respect how he feels and that you must move on. If you have other options to possibly be happy with someone else, it's really worth a shot to explore it if this guy is not on the same page as you. I wouldn't wait around for him if you have other options that can truely make you happy! Good luck!
Author lolo1234 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I probably should... and risk being let down and rejected. But at least I'll know for sure and it'll be easier to move on once I get past it.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 He was likely more open with you in the beginning because you'd made it clear that you weren't ready for or interested in a relationship, so he felt more freedom to share because there were no romantic expectations. Now perhaps he senses that you have stronger feelings for him and it's changed the whole dynamic for him, perhaps he now feels somewhat awkward though bully for him, what a trooper, he apparently doesn't feel too awkward to play penis in vagina. lol He was hot and cold and likely will remain so for some time because he's still very much dealing with the demise of his last relationship, one that ended with him being left/abandoned. Likely a huge mix of emotions. He's not ready for anything serious and likely won't be for quite a while. The more you continue to spend time with and especially be intimate with him, the more you're going to feel a stronger emotional bond...but then feel miserable and empty because you're feeling more and he's not reciprocating. I would put a screeching halt to the FWB situation. Tell him that although you realize the need to go slowly, you feel that might be ready to dip your toes back into the relationship pool and you really want more than FWB and it's obvious he's got a lot to sort through.....and it would be unfair to any guy you date or potentially become serious with, to be screwing him while looking to potentially develop something more meaningful with someone else. That's really the long and short of it. It's also not really for of you to be spending time with other guys, them investing their time and effort in getting to know you while you're being intimate with someone else because you KNOW if they knew that, they wouldn't give you the time of day.
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