wonderwhy1 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I met my girlfriend a year ago. It progressed super quickly. It was love at first sight type of thing. At the time we lived in a apartment complex right across from each other. We both had a lot of mutual friends there and had the time of our lives. All of our friend were so supportive and a little envious of our relationship because of how perfect we were for each other. It was amazing!!!! Background on her though was when we met her boyfriend of 3 years had just broken up with her due to the fact that she had become a party girl sort of. He couldnt/wouldnt hang out with her crowd. She is 22 and he I think was/is 33. When she and I got together like a week after they broke up he found out about it and was pissed, but then let it go and disappeared. After about 4 months we began to fight. Last November we actually moved into a new place together. Shortly after that excitment of getting our new place together, it sort of renewed our relationship for a period of time, we really began to fight a few months later. I mean all out fighting!!!! From time to time she would reach out to her ex asking him how they went wrong????? I started to feel like she began to mature somehow and wanted back what she had with him??? Question is did we move in together too fast??? Were we not right for each other from the very start? We were so amazing together. Her friends even hated her ex. He has his own house and doesnt rent. I felt like over time he was the measuring stick for our relationship and by comaparison I didnt compare. In the begining I was the coolest guy she had ever met and she never felt so strongly about another guy before. She thought that she would marry him when they were together. Are whirlwind relationships too good to be true???? Please dont say she rebounded. In a way she did, but there was so much love and trust
Sabali Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I met my girlfriend a year ago. It progressed super quickly. It was love at first sight type of thing. At the time we lived in a apartment complex right across from each other. We both had a lot of mutual friends there and had the time of our lives. All of our friend were so supportive and a little envious of our relationship because of how perfect we were for each other. It was amazing!!!! Background on her though was when we met her boyfriend of 3 years had just broken up with her due to the fact that she had become a party girl sort of. He couldnt/wouldnt hang out with her crowd. She is 22 and he I think was/is 33. When she and I got together like a week after they broke up he found out about it and was pissed, but then let it go and disappeared. After about 4 months we began to fight. Last November we actually moved into a new place together. Shortly after that excitment of getting our new place together, it sort of renewed our relationship for a period of time, we really began to fight a few months later. I mean all out fighting!!!! From time to time she would reach out to her ex asking him how they went wrong????? I started to feel like she began to mature somehow and wanted back what she had with him??? Question is did we move in together too fast??? Were we not right for each other from the very start? We were so amazing together. Her friends even hated her ex. He has his own house and doesnt rent. I felt like over time he was the measuring stick for our relationship and by comaparison I didnt compare. In the begining I was the coolest guy she had ever met and she never felt so strongly about another guy before. She thought that she would marry him when they were together. Are whirlwind relationships too good to be true???? Please dont say she rebounded. In a way she did, but there was so much love and trust Whirlwind relationships can be very exciting and fun in the beginning...in the beginning. The problem is that they can burn out fast. Yes, this relationship moved too fast on many levels. Generally, moving in with someone after less than one year of being together is fast. You should force yourself to make it longer in the future if you feel the urge to do it sooner. Resist the temptation. Also, asking someone to make a long distance travel with you within of 3 months is too fast too and can set off creepy meters (This is just an example). Someone around will always give you a personal anecdote how they defied the rules but you always must keep the general rule in mind. A fall from the top level of 4-story building should fracture at least one bone in your body but I actually know someone who defied this. Don't go jumping off of 4 story buildings and expect to not break some bones. Now, you said within a week and a half of your girlfriend's breakup from her ex, she hooked up with you. That's rebound. How can there be any other way can you look at this? She had been with someone for 3 whole years, broke up with him and got with you in less than 2 weeks. This is rebound! Two weeks is not nearly enough time to process your experience from a recently ended relationship, heal and begin to grow from it. You came right along to kick up that soil before things could be properly planted. Love and trust is great for a relationship. What else did you guys have? Really. Once the sex begin to wear off its "newness" and it will, you have to have a lot of other things going on. Those other things going on have to be great enough to keep you floating or sky-rocketing along. This was a party girl, right? Could the problems you two had have been similar to what her ex had with her? Now, she is calling her ex because she needs comfort and he is the last guy before you that was providing her comfort. She had not had time to process their breakup less than one year ago because you kicked up the soil and now you and her are fighting. Is she maturing? Maturing is a gradual process. It occurs in a subtle way and you notice someone's progression over the years, not months. She simply needs to replace the negative feelings she is getting from her current relationship and it is easy to miss him now. If she got back with her ex today, it would end tomorrow. When the friends and family hate the ex, almost anyone that comes along will seem better. You came at the right place at the right time. You probably could not have gotten where you are without strong support from her friends who were constantly encouraging her to "Take him! For God's sake take him! Take anyone except for that other loser!" She is young... her friends opinions mean a lot...the other relationship was fragile... You are in. Now, you are out. Make no mistake about that. One of the most challenging and rewarding things to do in a relationship is learning not to "fight." It simply is not very helpful or worth it at all.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Her family didnt hate him at all. They thought he was good for her. Her friends, I now realize have/had a huge influence on her decisions. I was the cool party guy that would part with all of them and he was all grown up doing his own thing. Its just weird how something that started off so amazing can fall off so hard. I guess I had a whirlwind romance a long time ago, but it only lasted for 4 months...Someone told me the faster they burn the quicker they burn out
guy777 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 She was on the rebound. You were fun. Most of the time I put the blame on guys who post asking what went wrong, but in this situation you have a girl who wants the freedom of being with you (if you're not super controlling) and the security of being with her ex who is more stable. She's just so immature that she doesn't realize she can't have it both ways. The advice is always the same in this situation. You have to set her free, and even tell her to get lost, to see if she comes running back to you. It's the only way to see if she cares. However, I would be weary of this one trying to go back and forth and use you both, so look out. At least you have some help from the ex's end because I don't think he'll allow it.
Sabali Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Her family didnt hate him at all. They thought he was good for her. I was talking more in general in regards to family. In any event, you were rebound. When it comes to fast burning relationships, the quicker you skyrocket, the steeper the fall is. Any fall from grace during the ascension will be amplified. It is always, and I do mean always, a good idea to take things slow in a relationship. You will hear about many great relationships in the beginning and things happening so fast and feeling so good but the persons "not caring" if things seem to be moving so fast because it feels so good. If you run into those persons several weeks or months later, you will likely see that the relationship is in the junkyard. When things move fast, judgment is clouded and there is a lot of smoke. Once the smoke clears, a lot of things are noticed and that fall is still going to be hard. Some people are great at hiding "crazy" too and shadiness for a long time. You have to give time for that to materialize and you see it coming so your escape route can be planned accordingly with less injury to you. Fast burning relationship can be fun but you have to be ready to deal with the consequences if you want the rush just for the fun of it.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 She was on the rebound. You were fun. Most of the time I put the blame on guys who post asking what went wrong, but in this situation you have a girl who wants the freedom of being with you (if you're not super controlling) and the security of being with her ex who is more stable. She's just so immature that she doesn't realize she can't have it both ways. The advice is always the same in this situation. You have to set her free, and even tell her to get lost, to see if she comes running back to you. It's the only way to see if she cares. However, I would be weary of this one trying to go back and forth and use you both, so look out. At least you have some help from the ex's end because I don't think he'll allow it. We are broken up. Im just trying to learn how and why these things happen. All ive read on Loveshack is how girls never want anything to do with an ex once they move on and fall in love with someone else
Sabali Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 We are broken up. Im just trying to learn how and why these things happen. All ive read on Loveshack is how girls never want anything to do with an ex once they move on and fall in love with someone else Like I have said, she is in rebound mode and the last person to offer her comfort was her ex who she did not take proper time to heal from in the first place. One thing to keep in mind when you are rebound is this: If you want to play with the fire of a rebound, learn to be good at not arguing. When you are argue a lot in a rebound relationship, you will entice your partner to go and screw the most previous ex.
Author wonderwhy1 Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Like I have said, she is in rebound mode and the last person to offer her comfort was her ex who she did not take proper time to heal from in the first place. One thing to keep in mind when you are rebound is this: If you want to play with the fire of a rebound, learn to be good at not arguing. When you are argue a lot in a rebound relationship, you will entice your partner to go and screw the most previous ex. Oh....my god thats a good point!!!! Come to think of it Ive done that very thing before lol. You know whats weird, is when we got together she made such a huge deal about it. Hundreds of pics plastered on FB, introduced me to her family who she is super close with etc. the whole world knew about us....She would look so stupid to go back to him...especially after making him look so bad publicy and she made him look terrible because she was pissed. I believe he just sort of shrugged it off and went on his way because she later admitted that she wished she hadnt done that
Sabali Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 .She would look so stupid to go back to him...especially after making him look so bad publicy and she made him look terrible because she was pissed. I believe he just sort of shrugged it off and went on his way because she later admitted that she wished she hadnt done that Did you miss your first and second red flag? She tried to make her ex look bad publicly - that is very immature. He just shrugged it off - He just shrugged off a 3 year relationship despite being a guy who seems to have it together? Maybe he was just so tired of her immature ways. Who cares how bad she is going to look now by going back to him? You are still caring too much. I know, you can't help it but like Guy said above, just be ready for when it is your turn again.
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