felicians Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Just looking for a bit of advice. I know I'm going to write a fair bit, but I'd really appreciate some advice from at least one other person because I'm not too sure I'm coping right now. My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me just short of a month ago. I think the break-up has only just begun to hit me and I am really, really missing him. There have been a few things he has been doing that I am really confused about. These things have hit me hard and I don't know what to make of his actions even though they may seem minor. - The first thing is that he has made contact with my mother and sister over Facebook (status comments, photo comments, etc) and has made no contact with me. I know he hasn't got my page hidden because he will 'like' comments on my status' - usually ones where my sister disagrees with me, or when my mum does the embarrassing parent thing, but has made absolutely no contact with me at all. He got along really well with my family, as I did with his, but I don't know why he is making so much contact with my family. Is he trying to upset me, or is he trying to look like the 'good guy' in the eyes of my family? He's the one who ended the relationship so I don't know why he would care what my family think of him? The only time he did contact me was two days after we broke up to let me know he was in the local paper. Other than that, nothing at all! - The second thing that has really upset me was on the day that would have been out one year anniversary (a few days ago), he went inter-state for a conference with about 30 other people (I was meant to go also, but withdrew due to the break-up). He posted photos online from the trip and changed his profile photo on Facebook to a shot of him with four other girls, none of which I had met during the year we were together. I was very upset that day, given the significance that date held, and seeing that really, really upset me - we broke up less than a month ago! The feeling is still so raw! I'm almost 20 and he is 21. For both of us, this was our first 'real' relationship. We have quite a bit in common and got along really well. Things were going great until he got another job and couldn't make time to see me. His reason for breaking up with me was because he said he didn't feel the same as what he did when we first got together, and that he felt guilty for not being able to reciprocate the feelings I have for him. He said that he had never felt the same way about any other girl the way he felt for me, cared about me and had a lot of respect for me and wanted to remain friends. During the last month or so of our relationship, it felt as though he was almost trying to get me to break up with him! For example, I was in hospital with appendicitis and I wanted to see him (obviously), but he said he was "too busy". It took my Mum and my best friend to call him and convince him that he should come and see me. It wasn't until I got out of surgery that I knew whether or not he was actually coming in. When he did come in, he was there for about an hour and played on his ipad for the most part. The break up was a week later. My friends never really liked him and always thought he was a bit of a jerk. They want me to move on, but that is the last thing I want to do! I don't know what he's trying to do, whether he's trying to upset me (to forcibly detach me from him emotionally) or whether I'm being overly paranoid. I just miss him so much, especially after what would have been our anniversary. I really want to try and be friends, because being friends is better than nothing. Of course I want nothing more than to be with him and fix our relationship, but I know the chances of that are slim. So given the circumstances, when would be the best time to contact him? I just need a little help, I am really upset by what has happened. Any advice is good advice. Thanks.
Arikel Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 First thing to do is to block him on Facebook. If you keep seeing his posts, you will continue to be upset (whether or not that is his intention). Once done, then only can you heal at your own rate. I hope that helps... all the best to you
Author felicians Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I've thought about doing that, but I'm just afraid my curiosity will get the better of me and I'm going to keep checking anyway. And that's not going to stop him contacting my family. A few more photos have emerged, not on his page, but on the page of one of our mutual friends... I'm really not coping. I know this all sounds so petty and immature, but it's really hurting and getting me down. Thanks for your advice.
Arikel Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I understand that its tough, but the first step is always the hardest right? Maybe you will give in and keep checking, but at least the photos and comments wont keep popping up in your face when you least expect it. One step at a time, breaking up is really hard, but you can move on.. just be strong
I have no title Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 From what you wrote, I dont think its possible to get him back, no matter what you would do about it..I know its hard to open your eyes and think clear, but, I judge only from what you wrote, so I see this all from another perspective - and what I see is that he is clearly over you. No matter what he does and what he writes on his wall or to your family...The fact stays the same - has he had feelings for you, he would have contacted you in the first place, and beleive me he wouldnt hesitate to visit you in the hospital. You dont lay in the hospital every week, therefore I think its quite normal for a caring and loving boyfriend to drop all his "problems" and run and see you in the first place...If he doesnt do that, he doesnt care pretty much..I know it sounds tough, but I dont want you to make any hopes and doubt or blame yourself.. The fact that he is talking to your family members while completely ignoring you, well I just think that makes him an ass and he wants to seem as a friend and a good guy which he isnt! If he broke up with you, he should refrain himself from commenting anything which is related to you or your family, unless he wants to get you back... The biggest mistake all of us dumpees do when we get dumped, is sitting and wondering how could we make things better and eventually get our love back..Unfortunately, if they dumped us, no matter for what reason, it means that its over, and it will be a waste of time, emotions and nerves thinking about how to make it work again! If it would have been possible to get him back, it wouldnt have been your job to do it! He broke up with you, and its over..I know, Im sorry to be so hard with words, but its true..Admit it, stop thinking about how, when, where to get him back - because if he broke up with you, he doesnt want you back. Stop checking his profile and wondering whether his new status, picture or whatever was posted to hurt you - maybe it was, maybe it wasnt..It doesnt really matter anymore. Better think of it in that way: do you rlly need a man who isnt there for you when you are having hard times? Yes he TOLD you, you were his frist real love and so on..its in the past...you know if he felt so until this moment, he wouldnt have dumped you...thats what you have to think about....dont contact him, dont try to think of how to get him back - it wont work, and you will end up being more hurt....Just think of his bad sides, and convince yourself that you deserve better...I know its hard, but you will eventually get over it - I know it! Just be strong and go on living your life without wanting someone who doesnt want you..If he will want you back, he will let you know, beleive me! Sorry for being too direct...Its for the best! Peace
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