Gentlegirl Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Today I DELETED! I had a secret email account where xMM used to write to me. Today I got rid of it. There were about 2,500 love letters, poems and photos there. That's over a period of almost 3 years. He was prolific writer. He had a lot of sweet words and messages. He was very good with language. He was a literate predator. He carefully considered everything he typed , so that it would touch my heart. It meant ZERO in the end. His wife found out and he was called to heel and he did. I haven't read any of it for 5 months and it was time for it to go to wherever email accounts go when they get deleted. Another milestone to recovery!
myname Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Wow, well done. I still have all the emails from xMM, right now can't bring myself to get rid of anything. Hope the time will come soon where I do want to purge myself of them too.
SunsetRed Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Wow, I'm so proud and envious of you. I still have all my xMM's emails and I can't bring myself to delete them. Like your xMM, everything he said ended up being total lies and BS but I still hang on to those emails because they remind me that I was once loved. I still feel sorry for myself sometimes. I wonder why I got BS and lies and other women get to have a man that wants to marry them and love them. I focus every day on the abundance that I do have and I know I have a lot to be grateful for but at the same time I am only human and I miss the love I thought I had. Well, good for you for deleting those emails. That takes a lot of strength and I'm sure you'll end up feeling blessed because you did.
thissecretgirl Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Wow, thats huge! Well done for having the courage to do that. Its a massive step forward in moving on and most definitely not an easy task. It took me ages to do a similar thing.
Seeker Sam Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 That's wonderful! Good on you I can't even think of letting mine go yet... but the day will come, I can feel it!
Seeker Sam Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Good for you. But, calling him a "predator" falsely places you in the role of "victim." Which you obviously were not. Rather, you were a willing, consensual participant. I disagree with this type of black/white thinking. Not all things are either/or. Both can be true - he can have behaved in a predatory nature and she still be a willing participant.
Seeker Sam Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Calling one's consensual affair partner a "predator" is a mischaracterization and a form of denial of personal responsibility. Unless both are to be considered, simultaneously the predators of each other. Yet she didn't call herself a predator, did she? I don't believe either of us have sufficient knowledge of the particulars of this case to make such bold pronouncements. Hence why I expressed my opinion, rather that state that opinion as irrefutable fact. Certainly if the MM is a serial cheater and this is A#5, there is much evidence of predatory behavior. And if this was a first time experience for the OW then there is an argument her actions are not predatory. Try not to be so totalizing.
jeweleestar Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 To turn this back around to the OP... Great job!!! What a big step and may you continue to keep taking those steps forward! Hugs!
fascinated Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Congrats! That's a huge accomplishment with a little click of a button!
Author Gentlegirl Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Nothing is black and white. I know what my particular cirumstances were... age apart. I have shared with a few people but I don't choose to tell just anybody. Some of us just don't handle personal tragedies as well as others. I disagree with this type of black/white thinking. Not all things are either/or. Both can be true - he can have behaved in a predatory nature and she still be a willing participant.
BB07 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 GG I think that was a huge thing you did and speaks very highly of what you want from your future life and it's a huge step in putting that past behind you. CONGRATULATIONS!!!
HappinessSeeker Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Congratulations! I hope I can get to that point. I still have his emails and text messages. Although I haven't looked at them in over a month I can't bring myself to delete them just yet, but I hope I'll be able to in the future. I deleted all pictures in my phone, next step is to delete the photos I have on my computer. Best of luck to you!
Breezy Trousers Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Gentle, just want to congratulate you on being so kind to yourself.
pureinheart Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Today I DELETED! I had a secret email account where xMM used to write to me. Today I got rid of it. There were about 2,500 love letters, poems and photos there. That's over a period of almost 3 years. He was prolific writer. He had a lot of sweet words and messages. He was very good with language. He was a literate predator. He carefully considered everything he typed , so that it would touch my heart. It meant ZERO in the end. His wife found out and he was called to heel and he did. I haven't read any of it for 5 months and it was time for it to go to wherever email accounts go when they get deleted. Another milestone to recovery! ((((((((((GG)))))))))), Sometimes in any R this is good if it is really over or will be soon. For me, it used to be tearing up pictures that contained me and the individual together. I would sit down and go through photo albums in a fit of anger just going for it...it really helped.
Carrot2000 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Go GG! Go GG! *I'm ova here doin' the cabbage patch in your honor*
SidLyon Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Today I DELETED! I had a secret email account where xMM used to write to me. Today I got rid of it. There were about 2,500 love letters, poems and photos there. That's over a period of almost 3 years. He was prolific writer. He had a lot of sweet words and messages. He was very good with language. He was a literate predator. He carefully considered everything he typed , so that it would touch my heart. It meant ZERO in the end. His wife found out and he was called to heel and he did. I haven't read any of it for 5 months and it was time for it to go to wherever email accounts go when they get deleted. Another milestone to recovery! You are very strong to have let them go. I know I'm a BW, but I struggle with a similar problem in reverse. My fWH was also a prolific writer, good with the written language and wrote many, many e-mails of sweet-words to his OW. I won't call him predatory because we are in reconciliation and the OW was carrying on with more than one MM at a time. Unfortunately I discovered many of them at d-day, and afterwards. The thing is he ceded then to me and behaves as if they are now gone forever. The problem is they're not gone. I wait for the day I'm strong enough myself to delete them. It's not helping that at one stage the OW taunted me with them. See http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2380153#post2380153 A part of me wants to let them go but another part says keep them "just in case". Just in case of what, I'm not exactly sure because I can't envisage a situation where they can be of any use to me. Anyway well done!
Author Gentlegirl Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Thank you for your wishes. Read your other thread from a couple of years back. Nothing like that ever happened. Until the A I had been married 33 years to a dear man who developed Alheimer's. It shook me to my foundations and left me quite unprepared for somebodywho saw an opening and pursued me in my loneliness. I had not anything to do with another man for 37 years.... silly little old me! Anyway, I could never bring myself to get into threats or revenge things. I do hope everything works out weel for you in the future. Go with your gut feeling and keep the emails until it tells you to let go. God, who am I to be giving out advice and who in their right mind would listen to me.....? Gentlegirl QUOTE=SidLyon;3402189]You are very strong to have let them go. I know I'm a BW, but I struggle with a similar problem in reverse. My fWH was also a prolific writer, good with the written language and wrote many, many e-mails of sweet-words to his OW. I won't call him predatory because we are in reconciliation and the OW was carrying on with more than one MM at a time. Unfortunately I discovered many of them at d-day, and afterwards. The thing is he ceded then to me and behaves as if they are now gone forever. The problem is they're not gone. I wait for the day I'm strong enough myself to delete them. It's not helping that at one stage the OW taunted me with them. See http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2380153#post2380153 A part of me wants to let them go but another part says keep them "just in case". Just in case of what, I'm not exactly sure because I can't envisage a situation where they can be of any use to me. Anyway well done!
Author Gentlegirl Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 GG I think that was a huge thing you did and speaks very highly of what you want from your future life and it's a huge step in putting that past behind you. CONGRATULATIONS!!! I have also gotten rid of all the gifts and cards. (rewards and incentives for staying with him!) There was a lot of it. I threw it over a cliff where we used to meet at times, as a farewell to the whole thing. Cheers, Carol
Emme Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Congrats! You are a strong woman! :bunny:High Five:bunny:
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