Ex boyfriend said he wants to work on our relationship but also see other people?

[LovelyMiss]

We've been together for one year, and we've broke it off about a month and half ago, first he said it's better that we part ways because we apparently don't get along. Then he started getting in touch with me, after a while, then more and more often. He asked me if I had gone out with someone else and I said a guy friend of mine invited me to a club with his work collegues. He got crazy jealous and said how could I ever date someone a week after our break-up, and also crazy angry, because I first denied going out with anyone. It wasn't a date for me just a friendly outing.

However, after that he mentioned his intention of getting back together with me and invited me a few days ago to his house. I didn't like he was moody, as if I should be kissing his feet for contacting me and him wanting to work on this. He said we would sleep in eachother's arms, that he invites me like a friend and we will speak about this. I refused to go, especially since it was late evening.

 

The next day we started speaking at night and he was really trying to turn me on and wanted to come over. I said ok, but that nothing will happen. He was very happy when he arrived, and seemed crazy about me. He wanted to sleep with me but I didn't want to. He kept insisting and told me that if we do this, it does not mean a step forward or back between us, we will just feel good.

I didn't want to sleep with him, and especially not after hearing this. Then he reproched me that if he weren't honest, he could have slept with me, you know, as if I should be so grateful for his honesty, that I should sleep with him, cos that is how it sounded like.

I told him we should take it slowly if we want to work on this and I'd be better emotionally not to sleep with him. He agreed to this, and I was happy, but after I got sad because even if he said this, he kept trying to sleep with me.

We spent one more day and night together where he kept pressuring me into sex, and we made oral sex on eachother, but not to orgasm. I kinda felt pressured into it. Because I didn't really want to do it.

Wehn he left the next day, we started speaking about out relationship and he said he wants to go out with other girls as well, as friends. And in the meantime we will be friends too and see how things work out. I didn't like this, as I thought we would want to start over but date exclusively. He said I should go out with other men as well.

After he left he stopped being nice and started being mean to me angry, accusing like he was doing for a long time when we were together. And disrespectful. He told me later when we were chatting what sometimes people just have sex, what is wrong with that? I considered it a confirmation of only wanting to sleep with me. He said he still has feelings for me, but that he doesn't feel the same as he did.

I said to him I'd not rather have anything to do with him than having sex. I want to make love to a man that loves me and I love him.

He then told me that while we were separated, he met with 4 other girls. One ex school mate, two girls from college and that he went to their dorm room and nothing happened. And some chick from the internet. The last one he met the day after he invited me to his house. He said they're just friends.

He refuses to invite me anywhere except his place.

I cannot believe he went out with so many girls and drove me nuts with jealousy for chatting once on the internet with an ex and having a friendly outing.

He used to be madly in love with me and said I was the only one for him.

How does he plan to be with me or fix the relationship in this manner?

And if he is crazy jealous, why did he say I can date other men too?

 

What should I do? He was crazy about me. What should understand? I am thinking to either date other men or cut it completely with him.

 

In the end of our convo he seemed to change his mind and say that maybe he will not go out with others from now on.

 

I should also say that a few years ago he was diagnosed with schizophrenia but he refused to take his meds. He said he is healed and was supposed to go a psychiatrist again but didn't.

[Kari]

He doesn't respect you. He knew how you felt about intimacy and yet he kept pressing.

 

He made you feel bad for seeing other people, while he was seeing numerous women.

 

Sorry to say, but it seems as if he is keeping you around for backup. If not as backup then a future FWB.

 

He is attempting to manipulate your feelings.

 

It would be your best interest to go NC and cut ties with him. You deserve a man who has eyes for you. Not a man who wants to have his cake and to eat it too.

[LovelyMiss]

He doesn't respect you. He knew how you felt about intimacy and yet he kept pressing.

 

He made you feel bad for seeing other people, while he was seeing numerous women.

 

Sorry to say, but it seems as if he is keeping you around for backup. If not as backup then a future FWB.

 

He is attempting to manipulate your feelings.

 

It would be your best interest to go NC and cut ties with him. You deserve a man who has eyes for you. Not a man who wants to have his cake and to eat it too.

 

May I know what is future FWB? I am new to this site.

[Kari]

May I know what is future FWB? I am new to this site.

 

Friends with benefits, no strings attached intimacy.

 

I do hope that your situation has a better outcome!

[LovelyMiss]

Friends with benefits, no strings attached intimacy.

 

I do hope that your situation has a better outcome!

 

I don't know what to do. I am in shock. When he said he wasnt to work on our relationship... Well I never saw this outcome coming. I don't know how should I react. Give him a taste of his own medicine and date other men and find someone worthwhile in the process or simply dump him. And cut all ties.

 

Does he take me for a fool or what? To tell me he want to work on the relationship and the give me this crap.

[Kari]

I don't know what to do. I am in shock. When he said he wasnt to work on our relationship... Well I never saw this outcome coming. I don't know how should I react. Give him a taste of his own medicine and date other men and find someone worthwhile in the process or simply dump him. And cut all ties.

 

Does he take me for a fool or what? To tell me he want to work on the relationship and the give me this crap.

 

You are reacting perfectly normal, I would be just as upset and appalled. If he wanted to work on the relationship then there would be no need for other people in the mix.

 

The best thing to do right now is to focus on yourself. If your heart is filled with revenge, it will only end badly. A rebound relationship will not help you right now, it will hurt you, and the other man who is apart of it.

 

Going NC would be your best bet. As soon as you move on from him, you will be emotionally free and able to find a man who is deserving of your affections. If anything, your ex will be looking back at what he lost.

[LovelyMiss]

I feel so angry as if he's doing everything he can just to contradict himself and drive me crazy!

[Fufu]

LovelyMiss: Ignore him to the fullest. He wants to be crazy, let him be.

[rebeccajones]

Try to focus on yourself and your goals. It's seems impossible to understand how our boyfriends think. I think you should let him go and not talk to him for a while. If you are the best girl for him he will come back. But in the meantime make sure you learn and grow and move forward to. It's hard I know but you will feel better.

 

Also schizophrenia? That's very serious and I'm sure alot to handle.

 

Best wishes.

[LovelyMiss]

I spoke to him that I want us to be just me and him working on our relationship and that seeing other people is not for me and since we obviously want different things we should end it.

 

He then agreed to see me only and not other women and see how things go.

 

We met that day and went out. He saw some long legged chick in summer shorts and sighed loudly. When we went to my place, he looked at the messenger avatar of a hot classmate of his and did the same thing.

 

Later on, he went on a site for seducing women and downloaded about six hollywood movies involving this topic. I asked who does he was to seduce and he just smiled. I told him I heard him sighing when it came to other girls and I am not sure he is sure of his choice. I was upsed and he started to smile and kiss and cuddle me.

 

But I don't feel ok about this. I want to feel his only one. And that he chose me with all his heart, not because I didn't want us to see other people while we tried to rescue our relationship, and if the situation called I would leave. Iwant to feel I am the only woman he wants and not keep thinking or asking myself if he wants to date others, or if he'll cheat, or he'll tell me he'll go out with a friend but go on a date.

 

He wasn't like this, caring about seduction, or do theese king of things in front of me. I would always feel his special one in the presence of other women. I am not crazy or ridiculous, we used to watch girls together and decide who is the prettiest. I didn't ming him looking at others, I think it's natural to look at beautiful people. But I don't want him to give me the attitude ''I am here with you, but gosh look at her, look at what I am missing!''

 

We had a mutual friend who is an NLP practitioner and knows some psychology. Now I don't talk to him anymore, cos I think he's just awful, we wanted him to help us, and sometimes he would but other times he'd make us insecure about eachother, or distort things we said to him and tell it to the other partner. On the first chance I broke up with my guy, he made advances on me and didn't give a damn about their friendship. My guy stopped talking to him but now they're on a project together and again, he talks to him about us, wich is quite stupid, frankly, considering what he did the last time.

The NLP guy is married but he and his wife are seeing other people and he is ok with this and kept pressuring me to agree for the same thing in my realtionship, and let my bf go out with other girls and even kiss them. This happened when our relationship was good and when my bf didn't even think of seeing other girls. I think he might be putting theese ideas into my guy's head. Or who knows.

 

Maybe he really feels seeing other girls or maybe he manipulates me in an attempt to make me insecure.

 

When we walk on the street, he never holds my hand anymore, he just walks ahead of me a lot of times. He used to kiss me like crazy before don't know how many times per day, now it's reduced to a mininum and rarely tongue action. Kissing was his favourite thing. He loves to kiss.

 

I understand theese kind of things diminish in time, it's been only one year and a little since we stated being together.

 

When we are in bed, talking or just laying, he takes me in his arms, or when we sleep he does the same thing, and other affectionate gestures, like taking my hand in his from time to time etc. He does have his affectionate moments. Maybe there will be more of them if things improve. We had a lot of quarreling and maybe this distroyed the closeness, at least from his side.

[LovelyMiss]

Maybe things will improve. I do know for sure I want a fulfilling relationship where I am the only one for my man and he is the only one for me. So I will evaluate things and see how they go. I cetainly don't want to be with someone sighing over other girls.

I somehow don't see this coming from him, but more of an advice from his NLP friend. But it is only an assumption.

 

Am I too negative? Should I just be ok that he chose seeing me over seeing other women? Or am I right that it should have come natural to him? The thoughts are there.