AmericanHoney Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I have an odd way of coping. Is it normal to want maybe a little revenge?? My ex really hurt my feelings when I found out he was dating another person while he was dating me and never broke up with me and just stopped contacting me all together in hopes I would get the hint. I keep wanting to find him and kick his *** ( not that I would) is this normal?? Is this apart of the healing process??
Desensitized Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Yes, it's normal. Been there, done that - you feel like **** afterwards, don't do it. Just be the bigger person and move on.
Kari Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 It's normal, those who are hurt want those who've hurt them to suffer the consequences. With that being said, the best revenge is to move on and live happily.
wistful Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Yeah, it's totally normal but don't seek revenge it's not worth it in the long run. I wanted to get revenge on an ex who really hurt me but I realized that the effort it would require would show her I still thought something of her to go through with it, what better way to show someone they aren't worth your time than by ignoring them? The best thing is to move on and live a happy life.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I got revenge on my ex, even if it was unintentional. I posted her full name, and all the crap she did to me online. Do I regret it? Yes I do, but only because it basically means there will never be a second chance now. Did I regret because its the right thing to do to regret? Nope.
Author AmericanHoney Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I keep blaming myself. I keep thinking maybe if I slept with him maybe we wouldn't of left me for another woman and we would still be together.
Kari Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I keep blaming myself. I keep thinking maybe if I slept with him maybe we wouldn't of left me for another woman and we would still be together. No, it wouldn't have been any different. He was dating two women at once. Don't think that way. You did nothing wrong, all you did was care for someone who was cold. Consider it a blessing that you didn't sleep with him. You deserve much better. Don't let this eat up at you.
The Great Gazoo Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I think revenge fantasies are healthy. I think they can help heal and help you direct your anger into positive "move on energy" & help you get over the bitch/******* that hurt you -- The trick is not obsessing about the fantasy but how to use the energy it creates.
Author AmericanHoney Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Thanks everyone for the advice! I would feel really crummy if I had slept with him and then felt used and betrayed. I keep looking at my old text messages and thinking back on the good times we had and then I look towards the future and realize it is obvious he wasn't that great of a catch anyways if he was dating another person at the same time and wasn't man enough to tell me it wasn't working out. I am over getting revenge as my friends say Karma will bite him in the butt anyways it always does:D
melenkurion Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 It's pretty natural to want revenge, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. As long as you don't actually do anything. Ultimately you really want to be able to get past that desire for vengeance, however --- in the end you need to focus on yourself and the future. By its nature, vengeance keeps you focused on others and the past. As people keep saying, "The best revenge is life well lived".
collegeguy_24 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Revenge is a natural tendency of humans. I got my revenge on my ex, and I regret it, all of it. I didn't even mean to get revenge on her, it was an accident, and I feel like crap about it. I feel horrible for accidental revenge, if I had done it on purpose, I would feel even worse. Revenge is a tempting concept, but can you live with yourself afterwards? Thats the question you need to ask yourself. You need to think long and hard and decide if your conscious will let you live with this choice.
Ajax Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 The best revenge is that which they inflict upon themselves. When they realize that the consequences of their actions have led them down a path they don't want to be on and that the only one to blame is themself. Guilt is the best revenge. Actively seeking it though, or inflicting revenge on another, will only lead to a cycle of pain and hatred. When people exact revenge the other party doesn't become remourseful and change their ways, they become colder and want to seek revenge in return. It becomes a game where both parties try to one up each other. I get what you're saying though. It's natural for us to want those who hurt us to share in our pain, even if only a little bit.
giuliano-3 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I'd say I've probably had over a hundred different revenge fantasies regarding my ex and her new guy. Just felt like I had to make her see what she did was terrible. In the end, she knew. And she felt more horrible because I never did anything to get revenge. After all this time, I'm the one smelling like roses - even though I went through hell to get here. What did it for me was wondering aloud with a friend "what is some way to get non-vindictive revenge?" We laughed, realized this was impossible and it helped me move on. There is no way to not be vindictive while actively seeking revenge.
Recommended Posts