Desensitized Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 It seems like i'm never truly happy anymore... I exercise regularly, perform well academically (made Dean's List in university majoring in Biochemistry), I have girls that want to sleep with me, girls think I'm nice, I have a loving family that I would do just about anything for, I have so many best friends that I can rely on (they're like family to me), and yet I'm unhappy? What's going on with me? Am I becoming codependent? All I ever think about lately is how boring and lame life is without having someone to share my life with... all I want to do is tell someone who i truly love stories about my day, play games with her, show affection towards her, cuddle with her, fall asleep with her - I honestly don't care about the sex (even though I love sex, I would do anything to experience something like what me and my ex-fiancee had). I know I am young, and I've heard the cliches "you'll meet the right girl for you soon", "she wasn't the right girl", etc. What if I don't meet her? I just want my best friend back, but apparently that wasn't my ex-fiancee if she was deceitful towards me... edit: she just called me not too long ago, but I didn't answer... I hate this. I give other people advice, but I can't give myself the right advice. I have friends that tell me I made the right decision by walking away, but why does it feel like the wrong decision?
Kari Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Right now you just need to focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends and family, make some unforgettable memories. You can't love someone until you love yourself. Part of loving yourself is being happy with what you have and what surrounds you. I won't give you the typical cliché, but I will tell you that the more positive you put into the world, the more positive comes back to you. Great things come along when you least expect it. Till then, don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like a good guy, a girl will be lucky to have you.
bslchump Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I think we're feeling pretty similar things. For the past week or so all I've been able to think about is how much I loved her and how great it would be to spend time with her. Like you, I love sex, but that's not even what I want. I just want to be able to lay down with her and sleep in on Saturday mornings with her. It's incredibly difficult not having that now and forcing myself not to call her. I'm going to say "continue your NC" because people assure me it's the right thing. Neither you nor I are thinking clearly, so I guess we just have to believe people. I've had fantasies about calling her and telling her I love her and I'll do whatever it takes to be with her, but nobody thinks its a good idea. Keep trying to move on, one day at a time. I wish I could give better, more objective advice, but this is the best I can do right now.
Lilmisus Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I haven't read other threads that you've made or anything like that, so I don't know when it was you and your ex split up? How long were you together? You're lonely. It comes, it goes, but before you know it, you'll learn to be happy without her in your life again. It might take a few weeks, months, or maybe even years, but you'll realize that you're able to move on and put someone who cheated on you, behind you. Sometimes, when I feel down and lonely, I just picture the future. The future that I want, with the person I want and the type of family that I hope to have someday. I just remind myself that some things in life are worth waiting for; true love with someone who truly loves me and wont cheat on me, being one of the biggest things. I just tell myself that he's out there still, hopefully waiting for me too, and till then, why not try to make my life the best that it can be? Focus on the good things in life and the good people that you have in your life as much as you can, and try to enjoy everyday you have with those good things and people in your life. Especially since you made the deans list, congrats! I wish I could say that.. Thinking that way actually really works for me more than you'd believe. I've been so happy for the most part these past few weeks just thinking "I can't wait for it! I'm so excited for the future to get here!", so much so that I even posted "I have such a bright future, and I'm excited for it :D" on my Facebook today . It really helps take my mind off of my no-good ex and keep my eyes set on the prize: true happiness and true love. Especially when I feel like you do, do I try to remember what my goal is in life, and I try to shake off the loneliness. If you want, try to focus on that. You're doing the absolute right thing by not talking to your ex. She wasn't good for you if she was deceitful, and her love for you, though it may have been true, wasn't as strong as what you deserve. Just be strong..companionship when you're feeling lonely is not worth cheating yourself of finding a true, real love who wont hurt you like I'm sure she did.
Author Desensitized Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I think we're feeling pretty similar things. For the past week or so all I've been able to think about is how much I loved her and how great it would be to spend time with her. Like you, I love sex, but that's not even what I want. I just want to be able to lay down with her and sleep in on Saturday mornings with her. It's incredibly difficult not having that now and forcing myself not to call her. I'm going to say "continue your NC" because people assure me it's the right thing. Neither you nor I are thinking clearly, so I guess we just have to believe people. I've had fantasies about calling her and telling her I love her and I'll do whatever it takes to be with her, but nobody thinks its a good idea. Keep trying to move on, one day at a time. I wish I could give better, more objective advice, but this is the best I can do right now. Thanks for your response, bslchump - and yes, we are feeling very similar things; I can feel your pain. You sound like a very good guy, and I wish you the best. I honestly feel for you because I know how those type of dreams can get - it's a utopia-like-dream where everything is perfect between you and her, right? Also, you're right, we're not thinking clearly, and thank God for this wonderful forum that is filled with many caring people that are willing to help us out in our time of need And don't feel bad for not giving me a more objective response, it's not your fault - at least you tried, which is all I ask.
Author Desensitized Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) I haven't read other threads that you've made or anything like that, so I don't know when it was you and your ex split up? How long were you together? You're lonely. It comes, it goes, but before you know it, you'll learn to be happy without her in your life again. It might take a few weeks, months, or maybe even years, but you'll realize that you're able to move on and put someone who cheated on you, behind you. Sometimes, when I feel down and lonely, I just picture the future. The future that I want, with the person I want and the type of family that I hope to have someday. I just remind myself that some things in life are worth waiting for; true love with someone who truly loves me and wont cheat on me, being one of the biggest things. I just tell myself that he's out there still, hopefully waiting for me too, and till then, why not try to make my life the best that it can be? Focus on the good things in life and the good people that you have in your life as much as you can, and try to enjoy everyday you have with those good things and people in your life. Especially since you made the deans list, congrats! I wish I could say that.. Thinking that way actually really works for me more than you'd believe. I've been so happy for the most part these past few weeks just thinking "I can't wait for it! I'm so excited for the future to get here!", so much so that I even posted "I have such a bright future, and I'm excited for it :D" on my Facebook today . It really helps take my mind off of my no-good ex and keep my eyes set on the prize: true happiness and true love. Especially when I feel like you do, do I try to remember what my goal is in life, and I try to shake off the loneliness. If you want, try to focus on that. You're doing the absolute right thing by not talking to your ex. She wasn't good for you if she was deceitful, and her love for you, though it may have been true, wasn't as strong as what you deserve. Just be strong..companionship when you're feeling lonely is not worth cheating yourself of finding a true, real love who wont hurt you like I'm sure she did. Hey there, Lilmisus, thank you for taking your time to post back. My ex-fiancee and I were engaged approx. 6 months and were together for roughly 2 years. She did not cheat on me, however (as far as my knowledge goes, I don't think she did. But she has cheated on 3 other boyfriends in the past, so who knows. I have to go with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying). She was deceitful in the way that she didn't want me to know about her sexual history because she thought that I wouldn't feel the same way about her if I knew the amount of guys she's slept with in the past, so she would keep me from hanging out with friends that knew her in that respect. She would always become enraged whenever I said that I wanted to go hangout with my friends, so I never did because I enjoyed her company anyway - I loved spending every second with her, and she loved spending every second with me, so it really wasn't a problem. The problem is, is that she slept with 20+ people and lied to me about it. She kept me isolated from close friends that she knew would tell me things about her in that respect. I later had to find out the truth the hard way... from other people. This was not the way I wanted to find out the truth about her sexual endeavors, I wish it would have came out of her mouth, and not her previous sexual lovers... for some, having sex with 20+ men may not be a problem, but this goes against my values; therefore, it always ate away at my mind - never allowing peace of mind. I wouldn't fret over this break up if nothing was lost, but she shattered my heart into so many pieces that I am not sure if I will be able to forgive her for that, but perhaps in time, I will be able to. I feel like the heartbreak we both endured could've been prevented if she was just honest in the beginning, because if she told me the truth to begin with, I probably would've never have gotten serious with her, or I would've respected her enough for telling me the truth to forgive her for what she did (not like she killed anyone or anything, but I would be able to alter my values a bit for her). Then again, the saying "be true to thyself" comes to mind, so perhaps altering my values wouldn't be a good thing? I tried long and hard to get over her past, but she wasn't willing to let go of it too. I even tried to make it work with her even after I found out she lied to me (was being foolish at the time)... changing the topic now, thanks for your optimism and enthusiasm - it's greatly appreciated. And thanks, making the Dean's List wasn't easy! I'll type more later, sleep is catching up to me and I need my rest. I have work in a couple of hours . Thank you again, and take care. Edited May 15, 2011 by Desensitized
Author Desensitized Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Right now you just need to focus on yourself. Spend time with your friends and family, make some unforgettable memories. You can't love someone until you love yourself. Part of loving yourself is being happy with what you have and what surrounds you. I won't give you the typical cliché, but I will tell you that the more positive you put into the world, the more positive comes back to you. Great things come along when you least expect it. Till then, don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like a good guy, a girl will be lucky to have you. Thanks for the kind words, Kari
allie_lgh Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I was with my ex 4 yrs engaged for the last 6 months of it. We dragged out the break up over the past 5 or 6 months, but it's been almost a month of NC now. I think about him everyday. I miss him everyday, and like you nothing seems to hold the true value it once did. I think for me it's that I was able and blessed to experience all the joys in my life with the one person who made my life come full circle. It seems like my circle is missing a chunk now. I've been told it gets easier, so that's what I'll tell you. I feel for you with your situation because my values would prevent me from being with somone who had a sexual history like that too. But in the same sense you have to ask yourself, is that who she is now or who she was? If she is truly shady then walk away and don't look back. If she has flaws and skeletons like everyone else and you just can't look past it, there's nothing wrong with walking away but realize that you're breaking up with her past, not her.
Lilmisus Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Hey there, Lilmisus, thank you for taking your time to post back. My ex-fiancee and I were engaged approx. 6 months and were together for roughly 2 years. She did not cheat on me, however (as far as my knowledge goes, I don't think she did. But she has cheated on 3 other boyfriends in the past, so who knows. I have to go with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying). She was deceitful in the way that she didn't want me to know about her sexual history because she thought that I wouldn't feel the same way about her if I knew the amount of guys she's slept with in the past, so she would keep me from hanging out with friends that knew her in that respect. She would always become enraged whenever I said that I wanted to go hangout with my friends, so I never did because I enjoyed her company anyway - I loved spending every second with her, and she loved spending every second with me, so it really wasn't a problem. The problem is, is that she slept with 20+ people and lied to me about it. She kept me isolated from close friends that she knew would tell me things about her in that respect. I later had to find out the truth the hard way... from other people. This was not the way I wanted to find out the truth about her sexual endeavors, I wish it would have came out of her mouth, and not her previous sexual lovers... for some, having sex with 20+ men may not be a problem, but this goes against my values; therefore, it always ate away at my mind - never allowing peace of mind. I wouldn't fret over this break up if nothing was lost, but she shattered my heart into so many pieces that I am not sure if I will be able to forgive her for that, but perhaps in time, I will be able to. I feel like the heartbreak we both endured could've been prevented if she was just honest in the beginning, because if she told me the truth to begin with, I probably would've never have gotten serious with her, or I would've respected her enough for telling me the truth to forgive her for what she did (not like she killed anyone or anything, but I would be able to alter my values a bit for her). Then again, the saying "be true to thyself" comes to mind, so perhaps altering my values wouldn't be a good thing? I tried long and hard to get over her past, but she wasn't willing to let go of it too. I even tried to make it work with her even after I found out she lied to me (was being foolish at the time)... changing the topic now, thanks for your optimism and enthusiasm - it's greatly appreciated. And thanks, making the Dean's List wasn't easy! I'll type more later, sleep is catching up to me and I need my rest. I have work in a couple of hours . Thank you again, and take care. Ahhh, that explains a lot! Regardless, you're better off without someone who will lie to you about anything at all, especially their past. I know how it feels to find out something major from someone else about your SO, and it hurts a lot. For me, it made me doubt what else he told me and if I could trust him again..and the answer was no. Without trust, you don't have a nice, healthy relationship. Without a healthy relationship, there really is no future. But, I know someone who slept with over 130 women in only the few years time that he'd been sexually active (he's 20). But the difference with him, was that he would openly tell anyone who asked, it wasn't a secret. Imagine finding that out about your ex.. But there is a reason why people say that it's better to just not know your SO's sexual history. When I found out my ex had slept with 9 girls (he always told me that he only had three girlfriends, so it took me by surprise) it was a small blow to me and it made me feel iffy about myself and the relationship. Sometimes, things are better off kept in the past. She was probably afraid that you'd judge her for it, and wanted to keep it as much on the DL as possible. I'm sure she's kicking herself right now wishing that she would have just been honest with you instead of letting the fear of your judgment keep her mouth shut. Regardless though, if you don't think you can look at her the same way, or trust her, then there's no point to having a relationship with her, no matter how strong you felt towards her or how much you want to be with her. It would just be a waste of time in the end. Wait for someone who you can trust and who will be 100% honest with you, trust me..it'll be worth the wait.
Author Desensitized Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I was with my ex 4 yrs engaged for the last 6 months of it. We dragged out the break up over the past 5 or 6 months, but it's been almost a month of NC now. I think about him everyday. I miss him everyday, and like you nothing seems to hold the true value it once did. I think for me it's that I was able and blessed to experience all the joys in my life with the one person who made my life come full circle. It seems like my circle is missing a chunk now. I've been told it gets easier, so that's what I'll tell you. I feel for you with your situation because my values would prevent me from being with somone who had a sexual history like that too. But in the same sense you have to ask yourself, is that who she is now or who she was? If she is truly shady then walk away and don't look back. If she has flaws and skeletons like everyone else and you just can't look past it, there's nothing wrong with walking away but realize that you're breaking up with her past, not her. Hey allie, I am sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time as well, but I hope things get better for you! i have asked myself whether she has changed from the way she was, and not to judge her based off who she is now, but I always get mixed signals when it comes to her character. She says that she's changed from the way she used to be, but her actions dictate otherwise. The last time I saw her, she was playing songs literally all singing about sex... *sigh* she knows how much it used to bug me just listening to music like that with her because I would get mental images that I did not want to visualize (her doing things with other guys). She kept pictures, trinkets, and other reminders around, so it's not like she made an effort to help me get over her past... that's why whenever she said that she really loved me, I just couldn't believe her because her actions proved otherwise. And no, I'm not breaking up with her past, her past is a part of her, and it shouldn't be treated like some sort of different entity that doesn't belong to her - her past is what makes her, her - the past after all is the prologue to the future, right? Sorry, I don't mean to rant now, but it just irritates me when someone tells me that the past isn't a part of her or isn't her anymore.
Author Desensitized Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Ahhh, that explains a lot! Regardless, you're better off without someone who will lie to you about anything at all, especially their past. I know how it feels to find out something major from someone else about your SO, and it hurts a lot. For me, it made me doubt what else he told me and if I could trust him again..and the answer was no. Without trust, you don't have a nice, healthy relationship. Without a healthy relationship, there really is no future. But, I know someone who slept with over 130 women in only the few years time that he'd been sexually active (he's 20). But the difference with him, was that he would openly tell anyone who asked, it wasn't a secret. Imagine finding that out about your ex.. But there is a reason why people say that it's better to just not know your SO's sexual history. When I found out my ex had slept with 9 girls (he always told me that he only had three girlfriends, so it took me by surprise) it was a small blow to me and it made me feel iffy about myself and the relationship. Sometimes, things are better off kept in the past. She was probably afraid that you'd judge her for it, and wanted to keep it as much on the DL as possible. I'm sure she's kicking herself right now wishing that she would have just been honest with you instead of letting the fear of your judgment keep her mouth shut. Regardless though, if you don't think you can look at her the same way, or trust her, then there's no point to having a relationship with her, no matter how strong you felt towards her or how much you want to be with her. It would just be a waste of time in the end. Wait for someone who you can trust and who will be 100% honest with you, trust me..it'll be worth the wait. You're absolutely right, without trust, you have nothing. I still love her with all my heart, but the trust between us is completely broken. She said we could "fix" our trust to the way it used to be, but honestly, we can't. The fact that she could look me dead in the eye and tell me that she was never deceitful about anything completely horrifies me. And with that guy you mentioned, at least he was honest about his past. I also agree that some things are better kept in the past, but that would also mean living in ignorance (I don't believe in the saying "ignorance is bliss" I rather man up to reality than live in a world of delusion). And surely she was afraid of what I would think, but if she TRULY loved me, she would have taken the risk of losing me by confessing. Speaking of looking at her differently, when we were still together, I wouldn't want to touch her, kiss her, tell her I love her, or show any sympathy/emotion towards her, which looking back, was very cold of me. Now that we aren't together anymore, I can actually talk to her and laugh with her because her past isn't my problem anymore - it's funny how this weight that I was carrying around while we were together has been lifted, and I can finally smile again. I still miss her of course, but after I found out the truth about her, nothing she said or did would bring a smile to my face, it was awful. I would go to sleep crying wishing I could go back in time and meet her a lot sooner... Thanks for helping me out, Lilmisus, and hopefully the wait will be worth it. God bless.
sun_moon Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Sadness SUCKS I tell you! I totally agree, nothing seems to shake off this damn feeling, only TIME. Is it just me or does it feel like the day is soooooooooooo long, and the weekends are soooooooo much longer. OMG especially evenings where everyone is going out on dates. Yes the bitter loneliness sucks, but you know what is worse, not feeling accepted or not wanting to accept someone. Desensitized, I commend you for realizing that and walking away, and I TOTALLY understand. My situation is completely different, but the trust thing, it was just never fully there. The longer this goes the more clarity I get, but its because his character, or lack there of, is something I never really understood or trusted. ...how he treated people, loved ones, choices he made in life, comments he made.... Yes deceit and lies, they are so ugly, so so ugly. I hate the cliches as well, but we all know they are true. Really? What value do those statements have in making us feel better when we are utterly miserable, they dont make me feel better. lol The thoughts and feelings your having...its because it took time to build them, that intimacy, you built a life together, and now it will take time to unravel the togetherness of that life....ITS THE HARDEST THING, especially since everything reminds you of that other person. Have strength, I've had the very same thoughts driving home, totally feel your pain.
Hhhh Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I have felt exactly same for 8 months. It is getting better but I am beginning to believe I can't be 100% happy alone. I think I reply on a SO to be happy
Author Desensitized Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Sadness SUCKS I tell you! I totally agree, nothing seems to shake off this damn feeling, only TIME. Is it just me or does it feel like the day is soooooooooooo long, and the weekends are soooooooo much longer. OMG especially evenings where everyone is going out on dates. Yes the bitter loneliness sucks, but you know what is worse, not feeling accepted or not wanting to accept someone. Desensitized, I commend you for realizing that and walking away, and I TOTALLY understand. My situation is completely different, but the trust thing, it was just never fully there. The longer this goes the more clarity I get, but its because his character, or lack there of, is something I never really understood or trusted. ...how he treated people, loved ones, choices he made in life, comments he made.... Yes deceit and lies, they are so ugly, so so ugly. I hate the cliches as well, but we all know they are true. Really? What value do those statements have in making us feel better when we are utterly miserable, they dont make me feel better. lol The thoughts and feelings your having...its because it took time to build them, that intimacy, you built a life together, and now it will take time to unravel the togetherness of that life....ITS THE HARDEST THING, especially since everything reminds you of that other person. Have strength, I've had the very same thoughts driving home, totally feel your pain. It's not just you, time seems to go by sooooo slow. Awful, isn't it? And wow, I completely agree with you when you said that, not wanting to accept someone is worse than bitter loneliness - too true, my friend. And yes, I know where you're coming from when you say that you can't understand the decisions your ex made, or the way he treated people. I can't even understand 80% of the things my ex-fiancee did, but everyone is different. Thanks for posting, sun_moon, and I hope things look up for you. Keep your head up.
Author Desensitized Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I have felt exactly same for 8 months. It is getting better but I am beginning to believe I can't be 100% happy alone. I think I reply on a SO to be happy I don't think anyone can be 100% happy alone, and I think we should be grateful for that. Love is a fascinating thing, and having someone to share one's life with makes living all the better. Love doesn't suck, it's the people that tend to suck. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, though, keep up the good work!
Hhhh Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Well that's what scares me, I fear I will ever find someone who is willing to stick it out with me for the rest of their lives. I can't go through this again, my ego has taken an incredible blow and hasn't recovered yet. Like you, I miss sharing my life with someone, spendIng rainy days indoors watching a movie. I have nothing to look forward too, my life is beginning to seem empty and I'm spiraling into a deep depression. I have always had an introvert personally so I'm not the type to go clubbing and pick up some chick, therefore I'm shruggling to find some companionship in my life. Although it is getting easier to accept this lifestyle I constantly look to past which isn't helping. Sorry for the thread jack, just wanted to show you your not alone
MissMoni Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I don't think anyone can be 100% happy alone, and I think we should be grateful for that. Love is a fascinating thing, and having someone to share one's life with makes living all the better. Love doesn't suck, it's the people that tend to suck. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, though, keep up the good work! OP, we will all have our bad days and good days, and I think when we start separating those emotions from having to do with our exes is when we will start to feel better. You are so very right when you write about life feeling better when we have someone to share it with. I am still struggling with that myself. I don't think we can be 100% alone because we weren't MEANT to be alone - but that doesn't mean you can't fill your time up with friends and family who love you! I know that sounds lame, haha. But the sooner we stop trying to focus on them as the reason we feel down, the better we feel! Think of this as a season in your life that you had to go through. I know it is hard, and unbelievably so, but it does get better and one day we will look back at this and see how we have changed and grew as people. I will be praying for you!
Author Desensitized Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Well that's what scares me, I fear I will ever find someone who is willing to stick it out with me for the rest of their lives. I can't go through this again, my ego has taken an incredible blow and hasn't recovered yet. Like you, I miss sharing my life with someone, spendIng rainy days indoors watching a movie. I have nothing to look forward too, my life is beginning to seem empty and I'm spiraling into a deep depression. I have always had an introvert personally so I'm not the type to go clubbing and pick up some chick, therefore I'm shruggling to find some companionship in my life. Although it is getting easier to accept this lifestyle I constantly look to past which isn't helping. Sorry for the thread jack, just wanted to show you your not alone Like you, Hhhh, I also have an introverted personality. However, I have learned some good things from my ex-fiancee, and that is to just let loose once in a while. Try and do one thing that you normally wouldn't do each day, try leaving your comfort zone - it's hard, I know, but try making an effort to do things you normally wouldn't do. It doesn't have to be a drastic change in your personality. Start out small. Something you could start out doing is to just say hi to a random person each day. For example, whenever I go running I tend to see a lot of people on the street either running, or just hanging out - I end up saying hi to them, or even just waving at them. Before, I would have never done this. Like I said, I am an introvert, so this to me would seem weird. But, my ex-fiancee has affected me in a positive way too, by showing me that it's okay to leave your comfort zone once in awhile. Try it, you'll be surprised with yourself. Like you, I tend to look at the past, but try looking at your past in moderation. It's okay to glance back every once in awhile, but don't spend your entire day looking back at what was. I know what you're feeling, thinking you'll never find someone again, but you need to be confident and have faith that you will meet someone one day. I met my ex-fiancee in a library after school one day, and if I never would've went there that day, I would've never met her. We meet people in the strangest ways, so just remind yourself that the girl for you is out there somewhere. I truly believe that there's more than one true love out there for all of us, so try not to think of it as a cliche movie that only one true love exists. Who knows, you could meet the next love of your life in the supermarket tomorrow haha Do things to take your mind off her, such as: being active, working, schoolwork, reading, going to the movie theater, spending time with your family/friends, volunteering, or even helping other people with their problems - you'll be surprised how much this will take your mind off things. I also want to add that going to the clubs usually isn't really me either, but I have gone to the clubs frequently just to have a good time. If you have close friends who are women, ask them to go. You don't need to date them, just go there to let loose and dance. Take your mind off things hopefully this helps you a bit Edited May 16, 2011 by Desensitized
Author Desensitized Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 OP, we will all have our bad days and good days, and I think when we start separating those emotions from having to do with our exes is when we will start to feel better. You are so very right when you write about life feeling better when we have someone to share it with. I am still struggling with that myself. I don't think we can be 100% alone because we weren't MEANT to be alone - but that doesn't mean you can't fill your time up with friends and family who love you! I know that sounds lame, haha. But the sooner we stop trying to focus on them as the reason we feel down, the better we feel! Think of this as a season in your life that you had to go through. I know it is hard, and unbelievably so, but it does get better and one day we will look back at this and see how we have changed and grew as people. I will be praying for you! No, that isn't lame at all. I am very family-oriented, and I love my family and friends. However, they can only fill the void in my heart so much and surely you know what I mean by this. My heart is still repairing itself, but that process isn't sped up by the people I surround myself with. This is a healing process that cannot be affected by anything, the only thing that really affects it is time. Until then, this is a battle all of us who are brokenhearted have to go through - alone. Friends and family can talk to us about it, but they can't speed up our healing process. I agree with you that this will make us grow stronger as individuals. It's not until we face the problems on our own that we truly learn things about who we really are. Thanks for praying for me, it's very much appreciated. God bless you too
Hhhh Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 It really has helped, thanks for the reply. For the last eight months I have been working on myself a lot, I have landed a great job and I lost 30 pounds. I don't have much friends because I basically shelided myself from the world as soon as my ex and I got together, and the ones I do have live pretty busy lives. But I will take your advice and reach out of my comfort zone once in a while and see what happens (I tried clubbing once in November, but I wasn't over my ex so I spent that night In misery). Thanks again, appreciate the time spent in that post. I will defiantly keep an eye on this thread Well I'm off got to get some sleep before work but ill check in tomorrow. Sometimes you come here to seek advice and end up giving it, funny huh.
sun_moon Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 You know I've been guilty to this expression a lot, my family, friends, and even coworkers have told me this..... stop living in your mind....jump out and do something to distract you from your worst enemy...YOURSELF! LOL over thinking, over analyzing, overemotional....GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY! Does any of this sound like you? It's me alright, look, I'm not much of a clubbber either, and I made a conscious decision a long time ago that I don't want to meet someone that way, but doing it once in a blue moon to decompress with friends, drink, laugh people watch is actually amusing, healthy, and distracting....if that is out of questions because your friends are busy like my friends..there are other things... We all do the workout thing, congrats on loosing 30 lbs, that is amazing! Leisure classes and hobbies are such a fun way to meet new friends and to socialize, to get outside your comfort zone! Many many years ago, I decided to take some dance lessons, I loved it so much, I ended up picking up another type of dance, met some friends, and even went on a few dates out of them. I also took craft lessons at a local community college, like for leisure education or whatnot...it was so much fun. This was years ago and it was a BIG help in getting over my depression of my first love. Now, that I am heart broken again from someone else, I'm doing the same thing. I picked up dancing again and now I'm taking swimming lessons! lol ALONE, no friends involved, just me with a bunch of strangers, getting along. When I'm not in so much pain, and if my friends are still busy, I'm considering walking into the book store and just spending time there flipping through magazines.....definitely outside my comfort zone. Anyway, you get the idea. If you feel that you have not gotten anywhere in the coping and its now turning to a serious depression, its ok to seek help, get your LIFE back, be proactive. You will love yourself so much more in the end and will gain a confidence no one can take away from you. Good luck.
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