crayolachalk Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Hey guys, So, over the past couple of weeks I've been talking to this girl I met online. It all started when she mentioned she broke up with her bf a few days before we started talking and I was like "I broke up with my gf of 5 years recently, I know how you feel. Be strong!" Long story short, she messaged me, we started talking through AIM instant messenger and having video chats. That led to exchange of phone #s. We've been texting eachother pretty much non stop and having phone convos that always end up being around 45 minutes long. I've got a great vibe from her! I absolutely think she's interested in me... she sends lots of compliments my way and stuff. A few days ago we decided we'd meet up in person and hang out and then she was like "oh man.. would that mean its a date?!" And I was like "It could be!" so I don't know lol... I don't think it's a date but it could be. She said she's not looking for a relationship right now but would consider dating if things just pointed in that direction with anyone she meets. So now that I've brought you guys up to speed a bit... here's my thing. It just hit me tonight. It's just a few days 'til we meet in person for the first time but since we've been talking so much I feel like I'm running out of things to say. During our phone convo earlier today, I couldn't help but think she sounded incredibly BORED with the convo. It's possible she was tired but oh man, this sucks! I've always been told that long phone convos during and before a dating relation is a bad idea because it makes people run out of new ideas for convo's in person and I'm worried that may happen to me. I've noticed she loves to ask questions about me. And I try to ask them in return usually but never come up with anything fun lol. I'd kinda prefer to save them for in person anyway. Since we've been talking so much over the phone how do I start to slow down the phone convos without her thinking I flat-out don't wanna talk to her?! I wanna make sure she has a good time when we hang out for the first time! To make matters slightly worse, we're going to NYC which I know almost nothing about so I can't be like "hey, I know this cool place! Lets check it out!" and she knows her way around really well. ughhhh... Any and all tips or advice will be GREATLY appreciated! I've got such a great feeling about her so far and I'd hate to have a bad first date!
guy777 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) This is Exhibit A why you don't blow your load on the phone before meeting in person. After getting initial interest you should only use the phone to set up the date, and keep the contact as short as possible. I'm not doing online dating now, but I shoot for getting a phone number within three messages. Talk on the phone briefly 5-10 min, and then ask her on a date. Usually like a appetizer drink thing. Have a plan to tell her someplace to meet that everybody knows, or somewhere easy to get to. . . . . anyway. Don't say "It could be!" . . . dude, you say "Yes it is" or best if you can pull off, "Yes it is, but don't get any ideas bout first date sex" And don't worry about running out of things to talk about in NYC. There are always news stories, people to make fun of, stores to check out. You really need to start deflecting some of the pesonal questions and not telling her everything about you. Make some jokes when she asks you the personal stuff. You don't sound like you are being mysterious at all. If you need to know some cool places to go, check Yelp. I going to be very surprised if you can right the ship on this one. But don't worry, I did the same thing with someone from facebook I hadn't seen since High School. Just wan't as hot in person after we were blazing on the messaging. Then I again, I had someone else I knew from High School who I messaged for a couple weeks and it was hot when we got together. So anything can happen because people are different, so go for it. Edited May 15, 2011 by guy777
Author crayolachalk Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 You really need to start deflecting some of the pesonal questions and not telling her everything about you. Make some jokes when she asks you the personal stuff. You don't sound like you are being mysterious at all. Crap! The worst part is that I know that I shouldn't be talking with her so much before the date too! But I feel as if it'd be the wrong idea if I start slowing down the occurance of convos since they've become a daily thing pretty much. I guess I've made myself too available... shes always the one asking me to talk over video chat or the phone and I keep saying yes lol. dammit! Good call on the NYC part... you just opened my eyes up to the fact that it's NYC and theres always something going on haha. I haven't been mysterious with the questions at all But that's mostly because I've never done online dating and I never even planned to haha. This was so out of the blue. But I feel like theres a whole stigma of online dating where the girl will automatically assume that the guy is probably some sort of creep so I guess I was trying to avoid that by answering questions readily. I'm a bit nervous but really excited about seeing how the date goes... I just gotta stop acting like a wussy somehow lmao Thank you for the help so far
Author crayolachalk Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Oh wait! Two more things... 1) This is the first time I'm EVER taking a girl out on a date. I've been in a serious relationship before but there was no real dating process for that... it just kind of happened haha. So this is gonna be a total learning experience for me! Coincidentally, it's the same situation for her. It's the first time both of us are going out on dates. My main goal is to keep the day/night fun but I almost feel as if I'm focusing too much on the potential for more dates/any sort of relationship beyond friends. I need to stop that and slow down... 2) We were talking about how we hope it won't rain since it seems it's going to be raining during our day out in the city and she said "ugh... I almost feel like just inviting you to come over my house but that could be kind of weird since we haven't met in person yet" I kinda wanted to be like "no, it won't be weird! We'll watch a movie and just hang out" but being that it's her house, not mine, I just said something like "it's alright, we'll figure something out" I felt for a split second like celebrating until I heard the second half of her sentence but we'll see what happens. No doubt I'll be keeping you guys updated.
guy777 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Your date in NYC seems like kind of a long date for a first date. If it's going to rain, maybe you can use that as an excuse to change plans to something local. Tell her, "I don't want to go to NYC because it's raining (you already know she's thinking this, so don't ask her) we can go to NYC some other time. Let's go (have your place picked) instead" Just tell her what you guys are going to do, don't ask. If she tries to change your mind once, ignore it and say, "no, lets go still go where I said.". If she tries to change your mind 2-3 times, then you're going to have to go with what she says. And no, don't go to her house. You should have said, "No I want to get outside and do something fun" If you don't take her out and have some fun, you won't be spending much timer with her. So loosen up and quit worrying about everything.
Author crayolachalk Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 So loosen up and quit worrying about everything. That's exactly what I need to start doing! haha I guess I'm overly excited since this is so new to me but I'm gonna have to listen to your advice if I wanna have a good time haha. So thanks again for your advice. You're very helpful! I'm gonna talk to her and say that we should go bowling and save NYC for another time. We were gonna do NYC because it's kinda half way between where the two of us live... she about 20 miles north of NYC and I live in Long Island. So I'll tell her I'll drive there and pick her up and we'll go bowling and maybe get some coffee. She did mention she loves coffee!
liferocks Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Oh man it's a common love story, be cool don't try to be over smart. Just try to divert your mind and think about something creative try to take other girls on dating you'll feel good and recover. "Free local Chats"
guy777 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 So I'll tell her I'll drive there and pick her up and we'll go bowling and maybe get some coffee. She did mention she loves coffee! Yes, I agree you should get coffee and go bowling.
Author crayolachalk Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Yes, I agree you should get coffee and go bowling. Phase 1: Complete! The plans have been changed. I'm gonna be driving up to her area and we're gonna get tea and go bowling. Should be good! She still keeps texting me a lot today haha.
Sabali Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 You can take her out for some cream of sumyungi. That's what I would do.
Author crayolachalk Posted May 20, 2011 Author Posted May 20, 2011 Alright guys... I'm not sure how successful the date was but I think I'm hanging in there more towards the good side than the bad side. It was pretty unconventional for a first date... if it could even be called a date! Maybe I was under the wrong impression but whatever lol. We wound up just hanging out at her house because the weather was INSANE. Kept my cool, was polite. Met her parents and everything haha. I had a great time but was left with a feeling like "crap, it's official. I've fallen into the friend zone and I'll never get myself out of this one" Today, I send her a text saying I had a great time and thanks for having me and stuff. I asked what she's up to tonight (just to ask... I couldn't make the drive over to her area anyway lol) and she asked me too and she then said "I wish we lived a little bit closer. I wanna hang out with you! hehe" so I said "yea, it was great yesterday! Lets do something next week" And, the part that made me think that maybe, just maybe theres still a shot for more than friendship (though I'd be okay with friendship of course lol) is that she replied by saying "haha okay!" I think you're so sweet, funny, CUTE, and awesome... jussssst sayin!" I gotta take her out somewhere next week regardless of how bad the weather may be!
ladyinlimbo Posted May 20, 2011 Posted May 20, 2011 ^^^^^ .............."she replied by saying "haha okay!" I think you're so sweet, funny, CUTE, and awesome... jussssst sayin!" Seems pretty darn clear to me, she's VERY interested. A gal doesn't write that kind of stuff if she thinks of you as 'just friend material' -- seriously. Good luck !!
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