MarlyStar Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Okay, so I told you my story about my semi-dating a guy I liked a lot and was attracted to--and he turned out to be a "feeder" (interested in taking normal sized women and making SSBBWs out of them). Then I told you about the general I got along with well, who I then found out had a girlfriend, and who turned on me and tried to ruin my career because I found out, or something. Don't know what exactly set him off. But he was psycho, and after lots of drama he went away. So recently I came across someone else. He was married and I knew it from the first, he made no bones about it. Over the course of a project I probably spent a total of an hour with him to include meetings, phone calls, emails, etc... Not a lot of time, but enough for me to decide I liked him. Had he been single, I know he would have asked me out, and I would have gone. But he's married, and I don't do that sort of thing and I assume he doesn't either, so he didn't ask me out of course, and our project ended and he works in another building and I never see him anymore, but I have nice memories of him. Until Friday. I found out from my boss that he's considered a 'problem'. That he caused so much trouble in one location that they promoted him and sent him to Minneapolis to get rid of him, and then he caused so much trouble there, they sent him to Mexico City, and he cause so much trouble there (people still talk about it) that they sent him to Singapore, and after a year, Singapore sent him back and he went to San Juan, and the Chief Security officer there had so much trouble with him that stress put her in the hospital, and now he's in our office since Jan and my boss is seeing the glimmers of him revving up to start trouble and told me to document EVERYTHING in detail. Fine. But sigh... I LIKED him, I would have dated him had the situation been different--and I would have then been caught and made miserable and had trouble extricating myself and would have been in the same situation as the people in Minneapolis, Mexico City, Singapore and San Juan. I wouldn't have had a clue until it was too late. I didn't dodge a bullet because I would never have been interested in a married man, but it concerns me that the last 3 men who have piqued my interest have all been wackos in some way. What's wrong with me? Why am I attracked to problems/attracking problems? Or is this just the nature of single middle aged men--if they were halfway decent they'd be married and have stayed married. Or is it me? I'm pretty low key, stable and play by the rules, introverted and a bit boring. What's going on? Any ideas? I'm very discouraged with myself. I saw NO red flags with this last one.
fishtaco Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 You did. Red flags that came from information through ANY channels is considered as you found out about red flags. This is another reason why an extensive social network (or in your case, work related network) helps -- you can get inside information. Getting privileged inside information is very much a useful and valid strategy for red flags checking. So good job. Anyway, this should convince you this guy is a bad idea. That's dating. So far, women I'm interested in aren't interested in me. Ones that are interested in me I'm not interested in. The only number I have is a girl with red flags as well. Met a new girl Wednesday, before I could even find out her real motive for giving me attention, her friend stepped in cock-blocked me. Oh well, what can you do? Just keep cranking.
Author MarlyStar Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 You may be right. Someone told me something about him and I believed them and recognized them as being the red flags (and more) that they were. And I guess in re to the feeder, I did sense something off when he kept inviting me out but never set a date--and stopped having lunches with him, so I did pick up on that red flag. I never became the feedee. Have no idea the general was going to blow tho; I still have questions about what went wrong there. Altho as soon as I found out he had a girlfriend (whom I understand is not just a weekend one anymore), I did mention it to him, I didn't brush it off or excuse it or believe whatever story he gave. So I never got sucked into that melodrama triangle (altho he did create a different drama). So you think that's just the way dating is? It's more common to come across red flag type people and not necessarily me. I always assume problems are me.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Maybe it would be helpful for you to talk to a relationship therapist/counselor? Not because there's ANYTHING wrong with you.....but sometimes it helps to talk with someone who's trained and objective and can help you learn if maybe there's a certain common quality that you're attracted to (quality that dysfunctional men have, a common quality amongst them)......or perhaps you give off a particular vibe that these types migrate to/are attracted to. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. And let's be honest, the older we get, the more difficult I think it is to find someone decent because really, like the saying goes, a lot of the good ones are taken.....which means a lot of the undesirables, nutjobs, wackos, dingdongs, fruitcakes, a$$hats, players, rejects are out there. And I think perhaps as one gets older, maybe the are of the belief that the opposite gender in their age bracket is a lot more 'together' than is true...and maybe are more trusting as a result? Don't blame yourself. Just try to learn from it all. Try to find the common denominator or common trait............consider talking to someone?
orion1010 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 And let's be honest, the older we get, the more difficult I think it is to find someone decent because really, like the saying goes, a lot of the good ones are taken.....which means a lot of the undesirables, nutjobs, wackos, dingdongs, fruitcakes, a$$hats, players, rejects are out there. And I think perhaps as one gets older, maybe the are of the belief that the opposite gender in their age bracket is a lot more 'together' than is true...and maybe are more trusting as a result? As you get old, it's not harder to find someone else. just date younger! They have zest for life, have more energy and are less jaded. Then you can create your own wackos, dingdongs, and fruitcakes! Totally kidding! (about the wackos, dingdongs, and fruitcakes part) but dating younger is fun and sometimes does workout.
rayne05us Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Hmmm! Interesting!! Well have you sat down and figured out exactly what you're looking for in a guy? Not physical stuff but qualities and personality traits. Like for me, I need someone who is relaxed and layed back, mostly because I tend to be kind of hyperactive etc...and if Im with someone who's like me I tend to be off the walls!! So I need someone to compliment me and balance me. So I would take these guys you've come across and figure out what you don't / do like about them and go after only that. Also to avoid crazy...check the medicine cabinets!! HAHAAHAHA!!
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