SoccrAngl7 Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 I have been dating this guy for a year and I love him a lot. There are things about his personality, that I dont know would work for the future, but that remains to be seen and we arent getting married tomorrow. We arent dating just to date, we've decided that. So, here is my dilema.... Before I starting dating this guy, there was someone else who I had an interest in, but neither of us made a move on that feeling (for many reasons)...to make a long story short, this other guys fam is awesome, and they love me like a daughter. The guy still is interested, but has backed off, to respect the relationship I have with this guy now. The guy im dating right now, his family doesnt like me (for no reason). While I see great things in both guys, its hard b/c i dont want to make rash decisions for fear my emotions might get the best of me. What should I do? Break up? Be Single? Date someone else? HELP???
mintjulep Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 Well, on one hand, you aren't dating the family, so who cares? But if you like one guy more than the other, and the family likes you more...well, your life will be easier in the long run. Are you willing to throw away a year for the *chance* that things will work out with guy no.2? If you are, then I think your answer is to dump the first guy and see what happens with the other guy with no guarantees.
MustBeGoingCrazy Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 Agreed, you aren't dating the family, they're just the baggage that comes along for the ride. If you think you'd be happier in the longrun with the other guy, then go there. He sounds like a very nice guy if he is respecting your wishes. I am sure he would treat you very well, from the sheer fact that even after a year, he is still around, still remaining friends with you. Obviously the guy you are dating right now is also treating you well though, or else you wouldn't be dating. Both seem like great guys, so just go wherever your heart is on this one
SportyChick7 Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 The thing is both offer great things about themselevs. I am not in the position to make a choice as of right now, but as time goes on in my relationship it becomes harder for both individuals. Yes, I am not dating his fam, but at the same time that is a huge part to me, b/c my family is so great and accepting of him, while his is not of me. It hurts, its been discussed, I guess it just wasnt what I expected when I stepped into my first serious relationship. I am a very easy person to get along with, yet that doesnt even seem to be an option at his house. I would be the one to blame for taking him away from mommy and his dreams of becoming what he wants to be. Such a hard decision, b/c love is involved here, but then i guess sometimes you gotta let that person go to show them you love them...for the best in both peoples lives. Whoa, never felt like I would have a breaking heart in a decision such as this.
MustBeGoingCrazy Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 Honestly, it doesn't matter if he is "better off" without you-- it's the same thing he is doing for you (aparently giving up something to be with you) that you seem to be having a problem giving back.. If it really is like this, then you aren't willing to make a sacrifice as well (putting up with his family). IMO this isn't really love, if you can't look past quirks and look at the individual, and almost look past the negatives. Family plays a huge role, but at the same time, you ultimately will be living with the person, not the family, for the next 30-60 years (assuming everything goes well!). You should value the family, but not rely on them for direction, or input. Just look at them as part of the overall package, but not the part you should focus on. I think you personally are wanting to date this old flame, else you wouldn't have had the thought cross your mind. IMO you are either looking for justification to make the change, or something else is missing that just isn't making the relationship work.... however, I sincerely would not recommend "guy hopping", if you are to break up with your current for whatever reason, just chill for a while, make sure you aren't simply dating this other guy because you feel you're missing something without a guy around. No matter what you do though, best of wishes
SportyChick7 Posted April 12, 2004 Posted April 12, 2004 The thing is, it is love....which is what makes the decision so hard. I am willing to make sacrfices, yet with the family situation, family should not be a sacrifice. It creates conflict whene kids enter the picture. I am willing to sacrifice a lot, with knowing certain things about muself I would sacrifice so we can have a good relationship. I guess the thing it comes down to is the fact of, "am i able to give him the things HE NEEDS (with his personality)" I havent arrived at a true decision yet. As for guy hoping, i would definetly not do this. It would take my heart and mind and soul a lot of time to get over this guy. I just am looking to both of our futures and where that road is leading. Is it going in a similar direction? I feel like I am at a fork in the road to make a decision sometime in the near future for both our sakes and our feelings involved. Love I have learned gets you through almost anything, yet just because you have faith in that love doesnt mean things are going to be how you necessarily want them to be. *sigh*
sassygal Posted April 13, 2004 Posted April 13, 2004 Hi SoccrAngl7!!! The situation sounds soooooooooooooo familar to me. WHY you ask? It's funny but i'm having the same problem right now. I know how you feel. If you love your current bf and everything is good between the two of you there is no reason to break up just because his parents don't like you. If you two end up together it is important to realize that your not marrying his parents. If he loves you & is happy his parents should be happy to. You mentioned that there are things about his personality that your not sure about. All I can say is, found out if you can live with this things before you say I do. This other person you had an interest in, you must still have some interest in him or you wouldn't be questioning your current relationship. The best advice I can give is go with your heart........................Don't mess a good thing up because your curious. It is nice that the other boys fam makes you feel comfortable it sounds. It is to be commmended that he has backed off due to your current relationship, this tells me he just wants you to be happy and doesn't want to interfere. Think about everything long and hard. Don't make any spur of the moment decisions!!
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