cwmerk Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 OK so heres my story. My Girlfriend of 7 years broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago. She has been going through some stuff and "needed space" We are both 25 and been together since 18. Im trying my best at NC as hard as it is. In the 2.5 weeks she has never contacted me. I have contacted her twice. Once because her mom called me and said she was crying about something. (not gonna get into it) I know i wasnt suppose to call her but i did anyway. She answered the phone with no hesitation. We talked and i calmed her down. I also talked a bit about the break up cause after 7 years i felt i deserved a few answers because her call to break up was pretty brief. After a 26 min convo she let me go. A couple days later i texted her that if she ever needed to talk again im here for her. She responded with a thank you. Also a week before she broke up with me i bought her an expensive necklace. When she called me to break up she said she would return it but hasnt. What can i take from all this? She is responding to me and she has yet to return the necklace. On the other hand she isnt initiating contact. I love her so much and want her back and i dont want to mess this up. Where do you think shes at and is it alright for me to text her friendly things from time to time or should i stay NC? I really want to text her every now and then to see if she keeps responding and to sound like im ok with the breakup but dont want her out of my life. And as for the necklace goes, she is a wonderful person and wouldnt keep the necklace out of spite or because she is materialistic. Theres got to be something behind it. Especially when she told me she was gonna return it when she broke up with me.
SoCal_Guy Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I really feel for you right now, man. I am no expert in this by any stretch - I'm going through the same thing (a break). As tough as it is to do, the advice I have been given is to give her space and let her initiate the contact. Maybe if you don't hear from her in a 4-5 day span, send her a text or call, but keep it light and don't bring up the relationship. I don't think NC fits your situation just yet, so just be there in the background for now while she works through her issues. I can't tell much from what you wrote on just what is bothering her other than when they ask for space, it truly is best to give that to them. I've been through this twice in the last seven months and made MANY mistakes that I wish I could go back and correct. Live and learn. The only question I have is why do you want the necklace back?
Author cwmerk Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 I dont want the necklace back. Just wondering if it had any meaning that she would keep it when she clearly said she would return it to me. I just want her back lol. But as for whats bothering her. Most of whats making her unhappy right now is things going on outside the relationship. A little of it was within. But I know her personal life is what caused her to want space. She just isnt happy right now. And like you said Id love to text her from time to time and keep it really friendly. 7 years of best friends is just way to long to say goodbye.
SoCal_Guy Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I see. I think her keeping the necklace is a good sign. I'd not bring that up again if I were you. I'm sure it has a special meaning to her. Seven years is a long time, so this can't be easy for you. It sounds like she really does have personal issues to work through, as opposed to another guy or grass is greener syndrome, so I'd just try to be as patient and understanding as you can. If it fits the budget or her insurance covers it, I think therapy would be a huge help for her to work through these things that are making her unhappy in her life. My guess is it's a phase she's going through at that age (25), which just happens to be the age of my ex (I'm older). Professional help is best for her and I really think she'll be back for you once she gets through this. At least I hope. As hard as it is, you probably don't want to be too pushy at this point by constantly contacting her. But I definitely would not disappear from her life. Just lay low for a few weeks. Other experts on here may disagree.
Xyrodon Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 (edited) Why did she break up with you? Your story is similar to mine, my ex was with me for over 6 year, we were engaged. She asked if I wanted the engagement ring back so I can give it to someone else (which is ****ED up) and I said of course not, that ring is yours, you chose it. Of course a lot of ppl will hate me for writing this post but this is truth: It's been over 3 weeks for me now, I texted my ex on mother's days to tell her to wish her mom for me. She said thanks but doesn't want to talk to me and said not to text her again. I wrote her a letter, apologizing to her for the fact that I'm a prick and have been for a while now and I want nothing but the best for her. Letter is still in the mail, she hasn't even bothered to collect it from the post office (I shipped it by courier, so I'm tracking it). Jewelery is something most women love. Expensive jewelery. Personally, she's not keeping it for sentimental reasons. The ring I gave to my ex won't remind her of me at all, that's for sure. No contact doesn't work, nor does any other "program" out there, I've tried them all. $400 later I have nothing but lousy books/videos. As far as disappearing from her life, that's what I did, not by choice. My ex is going through a hard time in life too, and no matter what I did to be there for her, efforts mean nothing. Don't waste your energy my friend.. All the best to you in the future Edited May 14, 2011 by Xyrodon
ramathorne Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Don't text her. Show her what life is like without you. Either she will realize that she made a mistake or she will move on. Either way you will be in a better position if you make yourself scarce.
Author cwmerk Posted May 14, 2011 Author Posted May 14, 2011 Well she has yet to tell me not to text her. Though i havnt really been bugging her either. And like you im gonna do what i can even if it doesnt work. I love her to death and until she tells me to piss off I gotta atleast try. For now though i am giving her space and havnt really contacted her besides the 2 times mentioned above.
ramathorne Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 Looking out for yourself and trying to better yourself is the best thing you can do right now. It's the hardest thing, but the best. You were together far too long for her to just forget about you, so don't worry about that. In my situation I was doing what you were doing (texting her a few times here and there, just small talk). It was getting to be hard because like you, I still loved her. I always felt worthless and powerless while talking to her. I decided that I would not initiate any contact with her. At first she started sending pointless messages, asking questions. She was just trying to see if I was avoiding her. I didn't respond to any of this and within a week she was messaging me, telling me she missed me and wanted to see me. Her best friend also contacted me saying that she was having a rough time with it all and that she had been really upset that I wasn't talking to her. I don't know where this puts me in her books, because she hasn't said. As far as I know she has no intentions of getting back together. I feel much happier focusing on myself though. I still think about her a lot, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Try it man. At this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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