I Miss Him (OM) Right Now

[newoman]

We would visit on the phone and tell each other about our day. I miss that.I can tell this is going to be hard. Getting things right are definitely worth it! I'm hanging in there! Not giving into habit and temptation.

[TMCM]

Feel free to come here anytime and we'll be more than happy to whack you over the head with a virtual 2x4 to beat some sense into that head of yours.

[Seeker Sam]

Yep, it sucks - there's no two ways about it. The great hole of loneliness that a MM once filled (if only in spurts) is now gaping, and along with the longing, the fear, and a future that feels now empty and uncertain; its damn hard to see yourself getting through it. But you will. You'll learn to comfort yourself through your own loneliness which will make you less inclined to seek hole-stuffing from the unavailable/inappropriate again. A better you may emerge in other words, if you stick with it. Good luck.

[2.50 a gallon]

I am retired and over the many years have seen many divorces and have noticed what it does to the children, especially when an affair is the cause of the break up.

 

In almost every case that I know of, when ever the children reach the age of adulthood, they look back at the break up of their marriage and point their fingers at the spouse who cheated. All too often they totally cut ties with them

 

Case in point my former brother in law. In high school he was my best friend and for years afterwards, until he got caught cheating and my sister divorced him. His two daughters want nothing to do with him.

 

I had not seen him for almost 20 years when the youngest daughter at the instance of her husband invited him to their wedding.

 

Catching up on the missing years, the only time that he had seen his two grandchildren were at their christening. He had no idea that his grandson was going to be a 3 year starter on his high school football team, or that his grandaughter was close to having a 4.0 grade point average thru the eighth grade. He saw them once as new borns and the next time the grandson was already working and driving his own car.

 

Sadder still - In my old apartment complex there lived a older lady who adored children and the children had nicknamed her "Grandma". Daily she would sit out on her porch and talk to them as they came home from school.

 

As I was to learn later, she was mother of one of my high school friends, who had broke up the family. His brothers and sister totaly cut her out of their lives. To them she was known as the "Wh#re".

 

She passed away a couple of years ago, she never got to see in person much less hold her own grand children, great grand children and never knew that her first great great grand daughter had been born less than two miles away from where she lived her last 40 lonely years.

[2long]

newoman:

 

Remember what I said on one of your other threads? IF you confess 2 your H, you will have an ally in helping you get over the OM sooner than quicker.

 

Yes, it will be probably the hardest conscious choice you ever make, but the sooner you do it the greater the likelihood your H will want 2 recover your marriage, rather than divorce you.

 

If you cave in2 temptation and relapse in2 the affair, your chances of a happy fu2re with your family will be greatly diminished.

 

Best,

-ol' 2long

[TMCM]

How anyone takes the people on here with 800, 1,000, 5,000 posts seriously is beyond me. They are stuck up in their bedroom, typing away, pretending to be Dr. Phil, giving horrible advice, based on their own mistakes, rage, and insecurities.

 

Go to the person you want to be with. Live for yourself for once. Or, make yourself lonely, depressed, and angry, so you can get pats on the back from some middle aged woman on this board, who is filled with rage towards men, who really knows nothing about your situation or life, but pretends to. That describes the majority of "experts" here on LS.

 

So what are your credentials that qualify you to give advise?

[jnj express]

Hey New----You are a SAHM---is that right???

 

Is there nothing you can do to occupy your time fully---so that you don't think of your XAP

 

Exercise---Hobbies---girl Friends---Get involved at school if the kids are at school---Go to the races if you have a racetrack near you---play golf---

 

DO THINGS--get your mind on things, and thoughts of the OM---will stay in the backround

 

You must keep him out of mind, out of site---or you are in for a bad future---and you do need to "out" yourself to your H, and let the chips fall where they will---as you once stated "for better of for worse"

[newoman]

Thanks for everyone's support. I'm hanging in there. I work graveyard, opposite my H. I do have an active life, but there are still the lonely moments. I'm glad I can vent here instead of let it fester in me and grow into something bad.

[JaneyAmazed]

We would visit on the phone and tell each other about our day. I miss that.I can tell this is going to be hard. Getting things right are definitely worth it! I'm hanging in there! Not giving into habit and temptation.

 

This probably sounds obvious or someone may have already suggested this, but try talking to your husband more on the phone. Share with him the things you shared with OM about your day. The more you treat your husband like a new boyfriend, the better things will get. I don't know about you, but I put all my eggs in one basket with xOM. I totally distanced myself from my husband. All of my emotional support came from xOM. With time, I started letting my husband take back that role (that was rightfully his to begin with) and now I need to talk to him and WANT to talk to him as much as I used to need to talk to xOM. You are doing good to break old habits. Now go form some new healthy habits!

[dale_gribble]

At least you're not bitching and moaning like some of the other cheaters who don't like what is said about them. That's the best I can muster for this cheater.