Author singlelife Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Oh thank GOD that singlelife (wonder WHY he's single, a catch like that?!?! ) has come along to enlighten us women-folk as to the err of our ways. Today is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I will stop being selfish. Let's all say it together now, sisters.........."I will stop being selfish so that I can get a GOOD MAN!" Can I hear an AMEN? Single by choice. Loving how you're proving my point by taking it serious and not even listening to the information. That's why I love posting. So guys read all these posts and realize what's out there. Thanks lady in limbo. One day I will find my lady out of limbo.
ladyinlimbo Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Single by choice. Loving how you're proving my point by taking it serious and not even listening to the information. That's why I love posting. So guys read all these posts and realize what's out there. Thanks lady in limbo. One day I will find my lady out of limbo. Ahhhhh, a self-proclaimed relationship 'expert' who is single by choice. And not the least bitter toward women as a whole. *snicker* Here's a tip for ya, fella....just because you or anyone here posts something, that doesn't mean that any or all of us are going to consider it the gospel truth. There's this neato concept that we all have the right and freedom to decide for ourselves what we feel has value...and what we feel is just the misguided, angry ramblings of a dude who clearly has a bone to pick with all women in general. Have a nice day though. Thanks for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Author singlelife Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Ahhhhh, a self-proclaimed relationship 'expert' who is single by choice. And not the least bitter toward women as a whole. *snicker* Here's a tip for ya, fella....just because you or anyone here posts something, that doesn't mean that any or all of us are going to consider it the gospel truth. There's this neato concept that we all have the right and freedom to decide for ourselves what we feel has value...and what we feel is just the misguided, angry ramblings of a dude who clearly has a bone to pick with all women in general. Have a nice day though. Thanks for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts for you. Wrong again. That's why I ask EVERYONES opinion. Not just someone named ladyinlimbo. People can read every post and determine for themselves. I am sure your posts along with everyone else's will open people's eyes to what ever conclusion they come to. Thanks for wishing me a nice day. Thanks for your opinion.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 How in the world is someone "stalking" someone when they've gone on several dates, and are dating the person? Whenever I think of a stalker, I think of a crazy man or woman hiding in the bushes outside your house, with binoculars. Can someone enlighten me here?
Delilah5 Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Guys dojn'y you hate it when women just won't leave you alone? Whether you sleep with her or not, sometimes women just don't take no for an anwser. To me when a woman keeps calling after you have been up front she is stalking. To my female friends they say that the women are just going through a process. Also they shared that when a woman finds a good man they compare him to the other guys she has dated or is dating and realizes she needs to be around him. So maybe if she was being an ass up front once you take that good guy away from her a women will get desperate without even realizing it and then try to impress the guy ( in her mind that is ). At this point you just cannot get her to realize she is stalking. What do you women out there got to say for yourselves? I say that it is a kind of stalking, but only in a pathetic, wishful thinking way. She'll get the message when she gets tired of the rejection. Just ignore her sad self and she'll go away.:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:
ladyinlimbo Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 #15. Going to post it again here as I think it's worth repeating: With all due respect, I think that nowadays people are rude and cowardly when it comes to ending things with someone. Back in the old day, they'd at least have that conversation in person, or by phone. Now you can't throw a stone without missing a post from someone who tells a sad tale about having been in a long term relationship and being told "it's over" by text or email or even Facebook fercrissakes! (the ol' trick of changing relationship status from in a relationship to 'single') Collectively, as a society in this technological age, I think we treat people like crap and and many are cowards and choose the 'easy way out' for them. How many of us have had that happen to us? Most of us. Many times without any real explanation. For many of us, it truly came out of the blue. Now I'm not promoting stalking.........but it's human nature when you've been given the royal kiss off electronically, to be hurt and in need of some answers. Oh but now suddenly requesting those answers makes one a stalker. How convenient. How great for the cowardly dumper. Now he (or she) can go around getting pats of sympathy because awww, poor person, they're being stalked, their ex is just sooooooooooooooooo sick and unstable and deranged and it's NO WONDER they ended things!!?!?!?! We really should treat people with a lot more respect. If you're in a relationship and you're finding that it's not working for you, have the decency and courtesy and respect for that person you were once head over heels in love with, to communicate your desire to leave the relationship in a decent way...........not by email, by text or on FB...........and cry "stalker!" when that poor person is merely trying to understand what they did so wrong. -----------------
Fondue Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Sounds like your approach is exactly why guys break up in the first place. If we break up we no longer are bound to have to think of your feelings. That's the job of your friends or next bf. Glad you posted this and please reread it. Nowhere in the post are you concerned for the guys feelings or thought process. Maybe he is hurt and cares but is jutst done with it or wants no contact. He is human and has that right. AGAIN, FOR THE SECOND TIME ON THIS THREAD- women; probably the main reason for him wanting no contact is because you are being selfish prior to the break up and he already knows you will want to shre YOUR one sided opinion again during the break up process. If you weren't already selfish ( and we realize that YOU don't realize it at the time which is why I am trying to help you out with this thread ) he wouldn't do it this way. Why stay with a selfish woman then deal with her selfishness after the relationship is over because of her selfishness. And women get off this did we communicate properly to her. If she is selfish we can tell her 400 different ways and she won't hear it. Again, no need to tell her again once it's over. Also I used stalking on purpose because you need to understand that even though you are not breaking into someones home, you need to stop saying it's okay if you just annoy someone to get through your process. Get a life. Then you will get a good man. And quit taking it personal. Growup. Despite the wall of text, this is actually a well written post. I'm not sure why it's getting ignored so much. It's true people have different grieving processes. Some might be need "closure" and others prefer to do no contact and just leave at that. One side should not cater to the other. If someone prefers to not talk to you anymore, then accept it and move on. Go talk to someone else if you want to cry on their shoulders. Your ex is no longer obligated to listen to you or satisfy your need for a conversation. I see what Singlelife is saying and I wholeheartedly agree. I'm more or less the same way. If things didn't work out, then they didn't work out. Leave it at that and move on. No need to discuss what had happened. Just leave each other alone . Hell, to some people, talking about a breakup or whatever can be like adding salt to a wound. How can some of you not understand this?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I'd say she's being more of a creeper, than a stalker. Stalking is not contacting someone you previously dated, stalking is contacting someone with who you have an imaginary relationship. stalk 2 [stawk] –verb (used without object) 1.to pursue or approach prey, quarry, etc., stealthily. 2.to walk with measured, stiff, or haughty strides: He was so angry he stalked away without saying goodbye. 3.to proceed in a steady, deliberate, or sinister manner: Famine stalked through the nation. Hmm, OP do you feel like prey? Is she intruding on your manliness? I just don't see how this can be misconstrued as stalking? She's just an annoying twat.
thatone Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 #15. Going to post it again here as I think it's worth repeating: With all due respect, I think that nowadays people are rude and cowardly when it comes to ending things with someone. Back in the old day, they'd at least have that conversation in person, or by phone. Now you can't throw a stone without missing a post from someone who tells a sad tale about having been in a long term relationship and being told "it's over" by text or email or even Facebook fercrissakes! (the ol' trick of changing relationship status from in a relationship to 'single') Collectively, as a society in this technological age, I think we treat people like crap and and many are cowards and choose the 'easy way out' for them. How many of us have had that happen to us? Most of us. Many times without any real explanation. For many of us, it truly came out of the blue. Now I'm not promoting stalking.........but it's human nature when you've been given the royal kiss off electronically, to be hurt and in need of some answers. Oh but now suddenly requesting those answers makes one a stalker. How convenient. How great for the cowardly dumper. Now he (or she) can go around getting pats of sympathy because awww, poor person, they're being stalked, their ex is just sooooooooooooooooo sick and unstable and deranged and it's NO WONDER they ended things!!?!?!?! We really should treat people with a lot more respect. If you're in a relationship and you're finding that it's not working for you, have the decency and courtesy and respect for that person you were once head over heels in love with, to communicate your desire to leave the relationship in a decent way...........not by email, by text or on FB...........and cry "stalker!" when that poor person is merely trying to understand what they did so wrong. ----------------- ^ winner /thread
TheLoneSock Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I've found that the majority of the time I feel stalked-ish by a girl it is because I rejected her. Girls have a far more difficult time with rejection than guys do, it's just the way it is. Some will stalk you or not let you go until you show some semblance of interest in them so that they can feel validated, at which point they jump ship asap before you can show disinterest again - that way they will feel like they are the ones that did the rejection. For instance, I sh*t you not, a few months ago this is exactly how a conversation went with a girl I met at school over text messaging (we were only talking/flirting at the time): Me: Yeah.. so hey listen Sarah I really don't think it's going to go anywhere between us. I'm just not attracted to you in that way and your job will interfere with us a lot (she was in the nat'l guard). I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there who would love to date you, good luck with everything. Her: Hey wait, don't go anywhere Me: What? Her: So how was your day? Me: It was good... 3 hours pass with random texts from her, I don't respond to them... Her: Lol so there was this guy at the grocery store wearing a hat that said 'Truckers do it in 6 gears' I almost puked! And then he was all checking me out... ugh. Me: That's pretty funny Her: I've been thinking and I can tell you aren't the right guy for me. It's just a gut feeling. Sorry! Me: (no response) 1 hour passes... Her: Cya! This example wasn't really stalking as much as being really weird, but you get the idea. It's amazing what some people will do to save face.
TheLoneSock Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) What would it hurt to just talk to a girl after you break up with her or end things? Not try to work things out, but just answer a question or two that she has and lay the boundaries down? If you lay the boundaries down and tell her "it didn't work out, I don't want to be friends, or talk to you, so please let me move on, I'm sorry" and answer any questions she may have as to why you feel that way Never have I ever heard of a woman doing this for a guy. The bolded parts floored me. If a guy expected these things he'd be labeled an emotional liability; also known as a needy p*ssy. Have you ever heard of the saying, if you give a mouse a cookie they're going to want a glass of milk? It says it all. Edited May 15, 2011 by TheLoneSock
Author singlelife Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 I've found that the majority of the time I feel stalked-ish by a girl it is because I rejected her. Girls have a far more difficult time with rejection than guys do, it's just the way it is. Some will stalk you or not let you go until you show some semblance of interest in them so that they can feel validated, at which point they jump ship asap before you can show disinterest again - that way they will feel like they are the ones that did the rejection. For instance, I sh*t you not, a few months ago this is exactly how a conversation went with a girl I met at school over text messaging (we were only talking/flirting at the time): Me: Yeah.. so hey listen Sarah I really don't think it's going to go anywhere between us. I'm just not attracted to you in that way and your job will interfere with us a lot (she was in the nat'l guard). I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there who would love to date you, good luck with everything. Her: Hey wait, don't go anywhere Me: What? Her: So how was your day? Me: It was good... 3 hours pass with random texts from her, I don't respond to them... Her: Lol so there was this guy at the grocery store wearing a hat that said 'Truckers do it in 6 gears' I almost puked! And then he was all checking me out... ugh. Me: That's pretty funny Her: I've been thinking and I can tell you aren't the right guy for me. It's just a gut feeling. Sorry! Me: (no response) 1 hour passes... Her: Cya! This example wasn't really stalking as much as being really weird, but you get the idea. It's amazing what some people will do to save face. Yeah that's normally how it's been with me too. Or they call a few times and go nuts on you. Or they wait a few weeks then call like nothing happened. Or just keep acting like you had any argument and didn't actually break up. I also agree with the fact that women aren't used to getting rejected so they freak and lose the ability to act rational at that point in time. And no, nobody owes it to them to pamper their emotions at that time. It's a very interesting dynamic.
Author singlelife Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Never have I ever heard of a woman doing this for a guy. The bolded parts floored me. If a guy expected these things he'd be labeled an emotional liability; also known as a needy p*ssy. Have you ever heard of the saying, if you give a mouse a cookie they're going to want a glass of milk? It says it all. Exactly what I thought as well TheLoneSock. And what's so unfair about them wanting that is now whether you meant to or not they are hurt and scorned. That only means revenge of some sort. So why even let yourself be put through that and be nice just so she can turn it around. In love there are no such thing as winners and losers. People get together to try and make it work out. If it doesn't time to move on so we both can win with the right person.
Author singlelife Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Despite the wall of text, this is actually a well written post. I'm not sure why it's getting ignored so much. It's true people have different grieving processes. Some might be need "closure" and others prefer to do no contact and just leave at that. One side should not cater to the other. If someone prefers to not talk to you anymore, then accept it and move on. Go talk to someone else if you want to cry on their shoulders. Your ex is no longer obligated to listen to you or satisfy your need for a conversation. I see what Singlelife is saying and I wholeheartedly agree. I'm more or less the same way. If things didn't work out, then they didn't work out. Leave it at that and move on. No need to discuss what had happened. Just leave each other alone . Hell, to some people, talking about a breakup or whatever can be like adding salt to a wound. How can some of you not understand this? Thank you. I just try to share my opinion and share things that open peoples mind to another way of looking at things. Relationships shouldn't be onesided whether it's towards the man or woman.
Author singlelife Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Women love gymnastics. That's why they are so flexible. Don't anticipate a love for male gymnasts. Interesting.
fwang Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 This sort of pisses me off. You have been stalked SEVERAL TIMES? By both exes and new women? Excuse me, but I think you need to get over yourself. What, do they call you once and you say "stalker!" One huge red flag I should have noticed about my ex was the fact that he claimed "crazy women" always seemed to fall for him. I admit that my own actions following my breakup were inappropriate and I regret them. And like you said, I wasn't thinking about what my ex wanted; I was only thinking about my own pain and search for resolution. But my ex is a bit of a pompous jerk and loves to tell people this victim story about how I am his "stalker." I'm attractive and he's not, so it makes him look good apparently. All our mutual friends and all of my girlfriends don't think I'm a stalker. The only ones who believe him are his cronies who are also pompous, arrogant men. Like Sanskrit says, the "stalker" word is overused. Men can't handle the fact that women are emotional, so they use their emotionality to belittle them by labeling them in this manner. It's screwed up. @Sanskrit - thanks for your kind words, but I've accepted that the respectful thing to do would have been to leave him alone - his silence should have been an obvious "do not contact me" I suppose. That said, my situation was quite different than what the OP is describing. I have been there. I had a hard time to move on after the break up. I did something even worse. In the first month after the break up, I would intentionally drive by his house to see if he was home at night. I talked to him on Gtalk 2 times a week but tried to keepit very short, like 20 lines. I would call him 1 time per week. 3 weeks later after the break up, i asked him to go swimming together and he made it. We talked and laughed like friends and agreed to swim again in a month. And then I didn't talk to him for 2 weeks. No more gtalk and no more call. To my surprise, he wrote me a email, asking how was everything going. 2 hours later, I replied on gtalk. However, he gave me a cold feet. WTF??!! And now I think the best and the most respectful way to deal with your ex is to LEAVE HIM ALONE. If he really cares about you like a friend, he will contact with you. Otherwise, he doesn't want to hear anything from you because he doesn't like you anymore.
Author singlelife Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 I have been there. I had a hard time to move on after the break up. I did something even worse. In the first month after the break up, I would intentionally drive by his house to see if he was home at night. I talked to him on Gtalk 2 times a week but tried to keepit very short, like 20 lines. I would call him 1 time per week. 3 weeks later after the break up, i asked him to go swimming together and he made it. We talked and laughed like friends and agreed to swim again in a month. And then I didn't talk to him for 2 weeks. No more gtalk and no more call. To my surprise, he wrote me a email, asking how was everything going. 2 hours later, I replied on gtalk. However, he gave me a cold feet. WTF??!! And now I think the best and the most respectful way to deal with your ex is to LEAVE HIM ALONE. If he really cares about you like a friend, he will contact with you. Otherwise, he doesn't want to hear anything from you because he doesn't like you anymore. Wow. Really like your post. You express your feelings for him but also backed off of him. None expects people to not be human and have NO emotions. Most guys would respect this very much.
irc333 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 This sort of pisses me off. You have been stalked SEVERAL TIMES? By both exes and new women? Excuse me, but I think you need to get over yourself. What, do they call you once and you say "stalker!" One huge red flag I should have noticed about my ex was the fact that he claimed "crazy women" always seemed to fall for him. Yeah, I'm thinking this is more or less a thread about a guy who really likes the attention he's getting, and posting about it on the internet in the guise of stalking. I'm actually suprised it's a man even posting such things, because , no offense, but I usually find that women are the ones that complain in such a manner about being stalked. Just unusual hearing about it from a man. This sort of pisses me off. You have been stalked SEVERAL TIMES? By both exes and new women? Excuse me, but I think you need to get over yourself. What, do they call you once and you say "stalker!" One huge red flag I should have noticed about my ex was the fact that he claimed "crazy women" always seemed to fall for him. I admit that my own actions following my breakup were inappropriate and I regret them. And like you said, I wasn't thinking about what my ex wanted; I was only thinking about my own pain and search for resolution. But my ex is a bit of a pompous jerk and loves to tell people this victim story about how I am his "stalker." I'm attractive and he's not, so it makes him look good apparently. All our mutual friends and all of my girlfriends don't think I'm a stalker. The only ones who believe him are his cronies who are also pompous, arrogant men. Like Sanskrit says, the "stalker" word is overused. Men can't handle the fact that women are emotional, so they use their emotionality to belittle them by labeling them in this manner. It's screwed up. @Sanskrit - thanks for your kind words, but I've accepted that the respectful thing to do would have been to leave him alone - his silence should have been an obvious "do not contact me" I suppose. That said, my situation was quite different than what the OP is describing.
irc333 Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 I think a lot of people these days are quick to label someone a 'stalker' (when that person isn't even close to being one) because they enjoy telling their friends they have a stalker Bingo...we have a winner, now it's considered to be the "in" thing to have a stalker. It's really a misnomer, and now people just consider it bragging rights.
Author singlelife Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Bingo...we have a winner, now it's considered to be the "in" thing to have a stalker. It's really a misnomer, and now people just consider it bragging rights. Interesting.
Author singlelife Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 Yeah, I'm thinking this is more or less a thread about a guy who really likes the attention he's getting, and posting about it on the internet in the guise of stalking. I'm actually suprised it's a man even posting such things, because , no offense, but I usually find that women are the ones that complain in such a manner about being stalked. Just unusual hearing about it from a man. Thanks for your imput on how men should behave.
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